Thank You Mama

I was failing advanced american literature. The teacher said the only way I would pass is if I got a B on my term paper. You wrote the whole thing for me. THANK YOU MAMA!!!!

Switching price tags in Macys so that Stughetto and I could stay laced in fly shit. THANK YOU MAMA!!!!

Told the guidance counselor at New Rochelle High you left Daddy and was getting a divorce causing me great emotional distress which was the reason I was kicked out of my last high school. When the truth really was I failed out purposely because I didn't like going to an all boy school. Guidance counselor bought the story and kept me in the 11 th grade when my ass should have been left back.. THANK YOU MAMA!!!!

Told the elementary school business office that you were the only person in the household working and that daddy was unemployed. BIG LIE!!! Got me and Stughetto free lunch every year until we graduated from that school. THANK YOU MAMA!!!!!

I wrote a story waaay before some of you guys starting reading this blog. Figured I would re post it since my pops has forbidden my mother to partake in any new schemes to get ahead. Making her life pretty dull right now.

One Saturday my family was invited to my cousins wedding. Stughetto calls me in the morning and asks if I could pick up her and my mom and drive them to the wedding. I agree to do so. Biiiiig mistake. My mom is notorious for being a back seat driver.

I get to the house at about 3 : 45 PM called Stughetto and let her know I was outside. They come out & get in the car . Mom says " Slishy I have the directions right here. Want me to tell you how to get to the church" I respond "Nope just give me the address we'll let the car find it " Mom responds " The car??? she starts looking around " You mean the car can tell us how to get there? I respond " Yep " Mom " Excuuuuuuse me" Stughetto says " Your just showing off you know the church is right off I95 you don't need navigation for that. " she's such a HATER!!!! I look back at her, smile, and pull off.

We're on I95. I'm cruising at about 65 -70 miles an hour. My mom is already telling me to slow down and asking why I haven't used my blinker I say " What happened the last time you told me to slow down" Mom responds " You went faster ? " I respond" Thats riiight so be quiet. This car can hit a hundred at anytime. Stughetto shakes her head and says " Thats why I didn't drive " This quiets my mother for all of six minutes then she says " Slishy why are you not using your blinker when you switch lanes " I respond "MOM!!!! I am using the blinkers. Cars today don't have that tic tic noise anymore. she responds " Ooooooh and looks at my side of the car to make sure I'm not lying .

So far my navigation system has us going in the right direction. My mother is very impressed. Mom " Slishy the car talks to you and tells you when to get off right? " I respond " Yes ma" She replies " Then why hasn't it told you to get in the right lane CAUSE WERE COMING UP TO OUR EXIT RIGHT NOW !!!!!" I look at my sister she's shaking her head side to side, then I look at my mother's shiny brown face and we both started to laugh. She knew what she said was stupid, but when you're with the people you love most in the world you can get away with it. Like the Ojays sang " I"LL ALWAYS LOVE MY MAMA SHE'S MY FAVORITE GIRL"....you only get one folks cherish the time you have with them.