I need a Jump start

Disclaimer Please READ!!!

This Story Happened waaay before I met my Sweetie Barneys

One Friday afternoon last year I got a phone call from Hot Mama. Brief history. I met Hot Mama about 2 weeks after I broke up with my girlfriend The Bugger sooooo that would be Feb of 2004 . Physical description age 33, 5'5, brown complexion, perky upper body and a whole lot of energy. I had been chasing that woman on and off for about a year. Why was it taking me so long? Well. Hot Mama had two kids!!! Making it very hard to plan any kind of romantic outing. But despite those obstacles we managed to maintain somewhat of a platonic relationship.


We made plans to get together on a Saturday. Hot Mama lives in Peekskill. Since that is quite a hike for me we usually meet at the Cross County Mall in Yonkers. She parks her car there and I drive to whatever spot I think might get me closer to my goal. Tonight I decide to go back to where it all began The G-bar. Our first date was there.


We walk in. The Slasher is in full effect and knows exactly where to sit. Lounge area couch by the door side by side. I think to myself "this will get me closer to my goal" Hot Mama's usual drink of choice is white wine, but white wine is not going to get me closer to my goal. I decide to take control because tonight DAMMIT is MY NIGHT!!!!!. I suggest the Mojito. Sweet but lethal. Two of those and everything coming out of my mouth will sound like poetry. I'm evil I know. But desperate times calls for desperate measures.

An hour goes by and my plan seems to be working. I'm flowin , my jokes are on point, and i'm gently caressing parts of her anatomy. Letting her know that tonight is MY NIGHT!!!! I go to the bartender to settle up my tab. Walk back over to Hot Mama and ask " What would you like to do next " not to be transparent I suggest we go to a comedy show. She says " No. We can go to your place" Oh shit!!! Did she say what I think she said! Mind you I have tried this formula on hot mama many many times before and she would just BRUSH HER SHOULDERS OFF !!!.

We leave. On the drive to my place. I remember that my place is not really my place. My aunt owns the house and I reside in her basement apt rent free. The conditions were that I could not have any overnight guests. My aunt thinks i'm a manwhore therefore this little rule was set into place to curtail my activities. But tonight was MY NIGHT!!! Fuck the rules.

We're in my humble space now. I keep the lights out cause I know its a messy world I live in. I go to the bathroom. Come back out. Her sandals are off and she is on my couch looking like okay nigga whatcha gonna do now!!! I think to myself " Its time to make the donuts! " The heavy petting and breathing begins. We tussle for a while . I do somethings to her she doesn't do anything to me. We get down to injection time and my needle decides to have a malfunction. Not once but twice. I think to myself " Why is this happening!!!!! This must be a sign, Can't get lucky two nights in a row Slish, remember Harlem Nites had her legs wrapped around your back the night before. Typical R kelly moment but in reverse. My Mind was tellling Yes!! but my Body was telling me NO!!!

Hot Mama gets dressed but she doesn't seem upset. I apologize for not rising to the occasion. She responds with that typical female response "Its okay sometimes those things happen" SOMEBODY JUST KNOCK ME THE FUCK OUT RIGHT NOW!!!! is what I was thinking.

I drive her back to her ride. We kiss each other good bye. As soon as she gets into her car I call my boy Corporate America. I tell him what happened. He says "Well look at the bright side" then he pauses and says " There is none!!! " and starts laughing.

What lesson did I learn people? Never call your boys for emotional support they'll let you down everytime.