Slish to Slasher in 1.2 seconds
I am a moody Son of a Bitch. I think my friends and family know but they have knoooow idea that my moods can change faster than a channel surfer on steroids. I remember one morning I got up in a good mood. Birds chirping, my clothes fit just right, skin was clear no razor bumps insight and if you took a quick glimpse at my car it might have looked like a Lexus I 350. WHY IS IT !!! While walking through the hospital on my way to the office humming Aint No Woman Like The One I Got. A colleague stops me in the Hallway to talk to me about BULLSHIT and she has a piece of Egg stuck between her teeth! JUSTLIKETHAT!!! I'm in a bad mood for the rest of the day..No WOOOOSAH!!! for this muthafucka !!!
Here are a few things that can turn Slish into Slasher in 1.2 seconds...
1. Never call me more than once for the day especially if you've left me a message. Call again!! You might not hear from me for the next 3 days. If you call 3 times. The Whole Week...
2. Radio stations that play the same fucking record 4 times in 1 hour. At the work place the only station that white bitch in my office listens to is z100. I can't stand that station. Any Black artiist I hear them play is a sure fire way for me not to buy their CD!!! WAIT A MINUTE!!! Who am I kidding. I meant download for free!!
3. Some chick wining about her no good husband/boyfriend who cheated, got some other chick pregnant, but she refuses to leave his tired ass because she's worked too hard to make him the man he is today. Bitch you should have put in overtime cause that nigga has poor dick control!
4. Brothas who complain about nagging, money grubbing, cheating girlfriends. Then marry them because they don't want any other brotha to stick their magic stick up in em. 1 year later. The only thing thats changed is she's using your car to pick that muthafucka up! So what happens next!! They start cheating as PAY BACK!! Recipe for disaster!!! DINGLEBERRY shouldn't have married that "I Ain't Saying She's A Golddigger ! "
5. When more than 2 Africans go out to dinner. The bill comes. One dumb ass says " I only had fries. Why should the bill be split evenly. Cause we all came here together!! If a muthfucka come up in here right now and rob this bitch he gone take AALLL our money he ain't gonna skip over you because you just had fries!!!! Put yo money in!!! Ya cheap bastard !!!
6. Niggas who leave doo doo stains on public toilets. YOU don't do that shit at home. Why all of a sudden you wild and free now!!!! WIPE YO ASS before you get off of the potty!!!
7. When the doorman at some trendy spot in the city tells me I can't come in with sneakers and some dirty, grungy looking white boy with bad hair,wearing sneakers walks out of the spot with two of the baddest Black Chicks!!!!
8. Grown as men(35-40) still wearing Braids. I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE that shit is not cool. Keep it real and Grow the fuck up!!!!
9. Women who say " I want a man with a little thug in him" Translation I want a nigga that has 3 baby mamas, Tells you he' s coming over at 10pm but he don't get there till 1 am, and hits on your homegirl as soon as you leave the room. Fuck that shit !!! You might as well slap yourself repeatedly its less painful.
10. Men who beat, shoot, and stab women/children they supposedly love. Funny when the mystery of why they did it begins to unfold you find out. They had another wifey waaaay on the other side of town with two kids that also belong to them. Deranged muthafuckas!! Probably saw himself in every one of the victims he shot.
I'm in funny mood today Africans I think The Slasher wants to tell his story. Wants people to know that Slish is not always the boss of him. Sometimes we need the get in touch with the slasher in all of us. To help fight against the bullshit we experience daily.
Here are a few things that can turn Slish into Slasher in 1.2 seconds...
1. Never call me more than once for the day especially if you've left me a message. Call again!! You might not hear from me for the next 3 days. If you call 3 times. The Whole Week...
2. Radio stations that play the same fucking record 4 times in 1 hour. At the work place the only station that white bitch in my office listens to is z100. I can't stand that station. Any Black artiist I hear them play is a sure fire way for me not to buy their CD!!! WAIT A MINUTE!!! Who am I kidding. I meant download for free!!
3. Some chick wining about her no good husband/boyfriend who cheated, got some other chick pregnant, but she refuses to leave his tired ass because she's worked too hard to make him the man he is today. Bitch you should have put in overtime cause that nigga has poor dick control!
4. Brothas who complain about nagging, money grubbing, cheating girlfriends. Then marry them because they don't want any other brotha to stick their magic stick up in em. 1 year later. The only thing thats changed is she's using your car to pick that muthafucka up! So what happens next!! They start cheating as PAY BACK!! Recipe for disaster!!! DINGLEBERRY shouldn't have married that "I Ain't Saying She's A Golddigger ! "
5. When more than 2 Africans go out to dinner. The bill comes. One dumb ass says " I only had fries. Why should the bill be split evenly. Cause we all came here together!! If a muthfucka come up in here right now and rob this bitch he gone take AALLL our money he ain't gonna skip over you because you just had fries!!!! Put yo money in!!! Ya cheap bastard !!!
6. Niggas who leave doo doo stains on public toilets. YOU don't do that shit at home. Why all of a sudden you wild and free now!!!! WIPE YO ASS before you get off of the potty!!!
7. When the doorman at some trendy spot in the city tells me I can't come in with sneakers and some dirty, grungy looking white boy with bad hair,wearing sneakers walks out of the spot with two of the baddest Black Chicks!!!!
8. Grown as men(35-40) still wearing Braids. I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE that shit is not cool. Keep it real and Grow the fuck up!!!!
9. Women who say " I want a man with a little thug in him" Translation I want a nigga that has 3 baby mamas, Tells you he' s coming over at 10pm but he don't get there till 1 am, and hits on your homegirl as soon as you leave the room. Fuck that shit !!! You might as well slap yourself repeatedly its less painful.
10. Men who beat, shoot, and stab women/children they supposedly love. Funny when the mystery of why they did it begins to unfold you find out. They had another wifey waaaay on the other side of town with two kids that also belong to them. Deranged muthafuckas!! Probably saw himself in every one of the victims he shot.
I'm in funny mood today Africans I think The Slasher wants to tell his story. Wants people to know that Slish is not always the boss of him. Sometimes we need the get in touch with the slasher in all of us. To help fight against the bullshit we experience daily.
posted by Mr.Slish at
9/18/2006 12:20:00 AM
36 Comments:
I hear you...It can be quick...Slish, don't warn anyone on your swing. If they are in your crosshairs..get 'em....get 'em good.
*Rubbing my little hands togeta.. I am da debbil*
Vent my brotha, vent! lol.. And I feel you on that radio station stuff.. LA radio is the worse in the world, I think... Luckily I'm coming off of a cool weekend so give me a few days and I'll probably be venting and slashing too!
@ Divine Get off my shoulder!!! Gonna get me in all kinds of trouble..lol
@ Var Bruh..This is what happens when I have too much alone time. I start thinking then slashing!!!! lol
"Sometimes we need the get in touch with the slasher in all of us. To help fight against the bullshit we experience daily."
I'm with you! It's a good release. To capitalize on #4: Men who "ain't ready" for the best thing they could ever have. F*cking around, hurting her until she bounces. Then, when they're "ready" they go and marry the next b*tch that speaks to them, most likely leagues beneath the first brawd. Too many men are lazy: they let intimidation dissuade them from being a better man and will take on the sub-par chick because he fulfills her low expectations. *rolling eyes*
OK, I'm not bitter! LOL
PREACH Slasher PREACH!!!
Most of the things on your list of ten only mildly get on my nerves. But #10 will get somebody's azz CUT.
Now if somebody fukks with my family or friends and causes them harm, GAME OVER, I'm gonna need an alibi.
You too! I am a moody sistah and I know this. I never know how I am gonna feel when I wake up. Hell my best friend used to call me "Shady Lady". Here is my list of the things that gets changes my mood in a second(not that you asked).
1. People who are too damn cheery first thing in the morning. I need time to get myself together.
2. People who want to ask you about work before you can take your coat off just because they have been there since 6 a.m.!
3. Co-workers who yell to each other over the cubicles because thet are too damn lazy to get up and walk to the person. Call them damn it, better yet send an email!
4. People who chew loud with their mouth open. Like this -itch sitting in front of me is doing right now! Damn that one makes me wanna hurt somebody!
5. People who ask too many damn questions!
6. Like you Slish/Slash, people who call and leave a message and then call you back BEFORE you get a chance to call them back.
6a. People who call you a hundred times and never leave a message! If I don't know what you want, I am not gonna call you back.
7. People who ask for your advice and then stop talking to you because they didn't like it! What the hell???
8. People who want to talk to you about work when it is obvious that you are on your lunch break! So what you already ate, I know you see the food and the book in my face.
9. People who call you and just sit on the phone waiting for you to talk, you called me idiot!
WOOSAH, I better stop here because I was in a good mood when I got here but it is changing quickly as I type this!
Hey Slish, can you tell me how to post a picture on here?
I hear you on Number 5. I hate when the check comes and that one individual is like....I only had an appetizer. Stop playing and throw some money down.
I think I like the Slasher....
@ Ondrea
I can so relate to "talking to me about work when I am on lunch" ugh I hate that!
@ slish
ditto on 8, 9 and 10! wheeeeeeeeeew wooooooooooosah
Newy
That was some funny sh*t-Man you are wild!!
#5, #8 and #9 bug the heck outta me too. Stop being so cheap, get a hair cut and enough with the abuse fantasies!
@ Bz WHERE HE AT BZ!!!! WHERE HE AT!!! Let that shit out!!! Africans stay doing shit like that. They go and marry the next chick after shitting all over the previos one. Giving the ex a complex. Like she was never good enough..That is not good feeling.
@ One Thats right Baby!! I'm wiiiide AWAKE and ready to CUT A NUCCA!!! Slish has taken a mini vacation to spend time with his sweetie. The Slasher is in full effect this week!!!
@ Ondrea.. I've known that you were moody thats why we get along.....Love the list!!!..LET IT ALL OUT!!! Btw gotta become a blogger to post a pic...Join Drea you don't have too write just sign up its free.
Bloggers This your oppurtunity. What brings out the Slasher in you!!!!
@ 1969 Don't you hate that shit...Makes want to rip the table cloth off and say "Now we ain't gotto pay shit" Funny its always the people that earn more than you do that shit!
@ Newy 8.9.10 get on my DAMN NERVES!!!! Oh and that talking about work while eating lunch..Makes you wanna throw food at somebody !!!!
@ tjeanise...Slasher is a wild Boy!!! Takes no prisoners..
@ Chele Ya know what I'm saying...40 year old negro walking around with braids and a throwback jersey...Makes me wanna call the Police for indecent exposure...
@Slishy- I would have to add to that list, Brothers on the DL who claim to have high standards (weight, skin color, hair length requirements) for women when they really just want a stiff one in the booty...
...matter fact DL Brothers in general
@BZ- I have to co-sign on those russian roulette marriages when dudes hit 40 and their d*ck dont stay hard like is used to after theyve run through all the women they could, now theyre in luv! GAHBIGE!
@ Chezniki..Whats your obsession with Dl brothas today..I was just over on Zeds Blog..Does someone have a story to tell HMMMMM!!
I agree with the first one. I dated this dude a few times who'd call and call and call until he reached me. Finally I went off "I have call display if I don't answer the phone when you call it's because I do not want to talk to you. Don't try and trick me by calling me from a different number or by calling over and over again." Damn.
I hate when people try to talk about work with me before I have hit my office. Look, I'm in the elevator. I don't know anything about what you're asking me about so stop shut up. I still have my iPod plugged in because I do not consider myself to be working yet. Leave me alone.
Alright, I am an official blogger and I might actually write some stuff. Won't be nearly as good as the things I read here.
@ Miz JJ Let it OUT SISTA let it OOOOOUT!!!!
@ drea...lemme go and check..Ok I'm back!!! now you need to link that pic onto your profile section...
I was gonna comment, but I'm on my way to marry a ugly chick and leave doo doo stains on a pubic toilet!
KZ
@ Zed...Sounds like a plan to me!!!! lol except for the doo doo stains...
So true for #8!!!! CUT THEM OFFF!
This was hilarious!
I'm a call you three time tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!! YOu promise you won't call? lol
AMEN to all of them especially grown men wearing braids not a good LOOK at ALL!
I got mad just reading those...those are just about the same things that irk me...those and people who eat while on the phone with me. Damn !! I hate that.
@Slish-I cant tell that story yet...I have flash backs...I sayin' though, how can someone so large sexy and brown also like it in the booty?!?!?!((shudder))
Anyway, I just feel like they are out there lurking, waiting for your self-esteem to slip, so they can come get you...so when I see a man who is overcompensating (like dude on KZ's post) or dudes who are excessively "picky," "selective" or "frugal," (like Ren N Stimpy on my post), my GayDar gets a little tingle...
:-[
@1 in-How about folk who pee on the phone (take the phone into the bathroom)? Although, I have to admit, most of my phone convos and text messages are conducted during bubblebaths...
TeeHeeHee
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
That's about all I can get out. Most of that shit drives me crazy too. Thank you for making it into a post
@ Sandybaby Thats right Cutr that shit off.I hate seing dudes in a nice suit with BRAIDS..Takes away from the whole outfit.
@ Go ahead and do that. See what doesn't happen.
@ Honey Libra.Thats right SISTA can I get an AMEN to the no braids for grwon ass negroes..lol
@ 1 in the same...OOOHHH DAMN you just reminded me of another pet peeve of mine.. I hate that shit too!!!!
@ Chezniki Tell it mama !!! Think I need to repost my pillow biters post?
@ Lauren Don't thank the Slasher he was full blown when I wrote this
I think I did it! I willlet you know when I start writing on my blog.
Everybody else feel free to peek in at that time, too! I do peek into your blogs from time to time.
Slish 2 Slasher in 1.2 seconds huh... Cuz'n on some real shit, I think you are more of an asshole then me. I don't know whether or not that's good or bad but I do know you got me beat.. And comment # 5 is sooo true... I can't stand cheap azz negros..
Anyway, I'm out.. Oh yeah, you need to download that J-Dilla joint called "The Shining". That shit is fire you bootlegger.. Oh, I got some other undergound music I need to put on.. I grabbed it when I was in South Beach this summer.. Son, these cats is hot..
@ Craz Mind Welcome to the blog universe..:)
@ Drea Aiiight...its on now..can't wait to see what you put down...
@ Philly Live...naw son you got me beat in the asshole dept..lol..Don't let me tell it...
FUN-NEE!!! But why are these all correct, especially the shyt about spliting the bill I can't stand when muthafukkas do that shyt. Oh and dudes with braids...come the fuk on...that shyt ain't played out yet???
@ Roycee...It ain't played out sis..Especially in NYC...AFRICANS!!!!!
Hilarious!!
This post better be in your book!!
@ R Mack 4 is true Rob I see it waay to often...
# 6 If I have to take a shit and the only thing available is a public restroom. Umm lets just I'll be farting all the way home.
@ Grantlove I think it might be time.
I feel you on grown ass men with braids. I've been saying that for I don'tknow how long. What in the hell is that all about. They can't possibly think it looks hot because it's NOT! Loc it or taper it.
I also can't stand when someone comes at you first thing in the morning at work before you've had your morning tea/coffee. Son, fall back!
Dont make me hafta do my own post for this.........Mines might be longer than yours.....But def that bill shit irks me...especially when MOFOs wanna order DRINKS and I aint had none...Sit me at a different table then cuz im only paying for what I ordered
@ babybear You know your boyfriend has braids..lol
@ Negropino...I wanna see that list..lol
Haaaa! Yes, when the check comes why is that usually the scenario?
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