The Grass Ain't Always Greener
Women fail to realize when a man gets into a relationship that he's decided to put in 110 % He wants to see the fruits of his labor immediately. Unfortunately women do not use the same score card so somewhere in the middle of it all Men become disgruntled and start to think his significant other is not putting in the same amount of work that he is. Naturally our immediate response would be " Fuck this shit. I can go find another chick that appreciates me." So we leave thinking the grass is greener. BUT and there is a BIIIG But!!! The next woman in line not only has the same issues as the previous one but a suitcase full of skeletons.
Last night on my way home. I call Corporate America to remind him the Season premiere of The Wire and Def Jam are on. Corporate " Yo on your way home stop by " I respond " Why? I'm not doing any manual labor and i'm not driving you anywhere" Corporate " Nah Bruh nothing like that. Just wanted to smoke a cigar with ya" Immediately I know something is wrong. African knows I don't smoke. I respond " I'll be there in 15 minutes."
20 minutes later we're on Corporates deck drinking Heineken lites. Corporate " So Slish hows the family " I respond " Uummm fiiine" Corporate " Your lady good? " I respond " Cut the bullshit man! This ain't about me! You been in a funk since the beginning of this month. Is your family okay!?? Is everything alright with your lady! CMON!!! " At that moment Corporate's cell phone rings he answers " Hey" pause "I'm on the deck chit chatting with Slish" pause " Slish Legal Eagle says hello" pause " I just wanted to see you. Spend some time " pause Corporates face gets reeeal tight " Call me when you're done " He hangs up. I say " That your lady." Corporate looks up at me with this tight grin sighs and says " Yeah. I just don't know Slish. I'm thinking about being single again " I say " Why!! I thought things were going well with you and Legal Eagle " He shakes his head from side to side and responds " They were! Then the bullshit starts .The demands, The nit picking , The constant having things her way Allll the time. When is it going to end Slish. I work haaaard bend over backwards for this woman and all she does is complain ! I can't take it! I feel like i'm doing all the work! I start laughing " You think the grass is greener on my side of town. Check again! Things ain't always peachy in Slish and Barney land. We fight! She nit picks and wants things to go her way too! Corporate says " So what do you do" I respond " Its not what I do. Its what we do. COMPROMISE. Sometimes I bite the bullet and take it on the chin and then they are days Barneys has to suck it up and just deal. "
Corporate " The game is all fucked up man. Look at us. Doing things we normally wouldn't do. The sacrifices." I say " What!!! You think this love thing is Like Great Adventures !!! FUN FUN FUN!! Nigga you got to put in the work. Six months ago. Barneys wouldn't ask for my approval in regards to any outfit she wore. Now she not only asks but if i don't like it she'll change. WHY!!! cause I put in the work. I've earned her trust. You've been dating this woman for about hmmm Six Months. C mon. Corporate you and I been running from this love thing for years. We get into a relationship first sign of trouble WE BOLT!!!! For once! Let the women tell us its not working. For Once ! Let them be the ones to walk away. I don't know about you but i'm tired of running. Time for us to be smarter and love harder "
Corporate looks up at me, smiles and says " Be smarter huh" I say " Yup" Corporate continues "Love harder Huh " I respond " Yup Yup" Corporate laughs and says " This game is soooo fucked up. "
Last night on my way home. I call Corporate America to remind him the Season premiere of The Wire and Def Jam are on. Corporate " Yo on your way home stop by " I respond " Why? I'm not doing any manual labor and i'm not driving you anywhere" Corporate " Nah Bruh nothing like that. Just wanted to smoke a cigar with ya" Immediately I know something is wrong. African knows I don't smoke. I respond " I'll be there in 15 minutes."
20 minutes later we're on Corporates deck drinking Heineken lites. Corporate " So Slish hows the family " I respond " Uummm fiiine" Corporate " Your lady good? " I respond " Cut the bullshit man! This ain't about me! You been in a funk since the beginning of this month. Is your family okay!?? Is everything alright with your lady! CMON!!! " At that moment Corporate's cell phone rings he answers " Hey" pause "I'm on the deck chit chatting with Slish" pause " Slish Legal Eagle says hello" pause " I just wanted to see you. Spend some time " pause Corporates face gets reeeal tight " Call me when you're done " He hangs up. I say " That your lady." Corporate looks up at me with this tight grin sighs and says " Yeah. I just don't know Slish. I'm thinking about being single again " I say " Why!! I thought things were going well with you and Legal Eagle " He shakes his head from side to side and responds " They were! Then the bullshit starts .The demands, The nit picking , The constant having things her way Allll the time. When is it going to end Slish. I work haaaard bend over backwards for this woman and all she does is complain ! I can't take it! I feel like i'm doing all the work! I start laughing " You think the grass is greener on my side of town. Check again! Things ain't always peachy in Slish and Barney land. We fight! She nit picks and wants things to go her way too! Corporate says " So what do you do" I respond " Its not what I do. Its what we do. COMPROMISE. Sometimes I bite the bullet and take it on the chin and then they are days Barneys has to suck it up and just deal. "
Corporate " The game is all fucked up man. Look at us. Doing things we normally wouldn't do. The sacrifices." I say " What!!! You think this love thing is Like Great Adventures !!! FUN FUN FUN!! Nigga you got to put in the work. Six months ago. Barneys wouldn't ask for my approval in regards to any outfit she wore. Now she not only asks but if i don't like it she'll change. WHY!!! cause I put in the work. I've earned her trust. You've been dating this woman for about hmmm Six Months. C mon. Corporate you and I been running from this love thing for years. We get into a relationship first sign of trouble WE BOLT!!!! For once! Let the women tell us its not working. For Once ! Let them be the ones to walk away. I don't know about you but i'm tired of running. Time for us to be smarter and love harder "
Corporate looks up at me, smiles and says " Be smarter huh" I say " Yup" Corporate continues "Love harder Huh " I respond " Yup Yup" Corporate laughs and says " This game is soooo fucked up. "
posted by Mr.Slish at
9/12/2006 02:15:00 AM
32 Comments:
WWOOOOOOO HHOOOOO My Country Ass is First on Mr. Slish's Page!
*Dancing in my chair, throwing my panties in the air!*
Aiight, it is good to know that at least you give him some advice on making a relationship work. I think that was wise.
People know when enough of the nagging, fighting, and increased distance is enough. We all don't run at the first sign of trouble. Maybe your boy internal voice is wiser than your advice. Six months is six months of knowing what is good or even worth working on/out/through. We are all grown here.
Good Men deserve and require good women. I am sorry good women don't nagg and fuss. That is for a teenage/high school relationship and makes up good reality shows. A grown up relationship is about partnership. Nagging and fussing is an aggressive characteristic that is demeanding, period end. Don't fall in that trap of "that is just how women are"....the good ones aren't.
Men get tired of all that mess. Sometimes it takes six months, six years, or sixteen but when enough is enough....leave.
dats grown man talk right there...
good to know we're not all toys r us kids.
good job young man, good job!
@ Divine you might be right..But my boy has left at least 3 chicks in less than a year..He's habitual..
Truth be told All women nag Good Or bad..They just nag, complain bitch about absolutely nothing. Hell!!! Men do it too. Its a human condition.
Reality is relationships take work. Corporates Lady is not beating his ass or mentally abusing him. She's just spoiled...:)
Couples need to stop fighting about who should wear the pants and just find a pair that fits them both...
@ Ms Ahmad...Spoke to Corporate this morning..He thanked me for talking him down...He will try a little harder and maybe Legal Eagle will notice..Btw I recieved an email from her last week. She's having a surprise party for him...lol Imagine if he had cut her OFF not knowing...I had to keep him in the game a little longer so he could see the fruits of his labor...lol
So, Mr. Slish, when is the book coming out? I'm buying it the first day.
@ Organized...Book about what..lol..No body wants to read about my knucklhead friends...Only you guys..lol
Mr. Slish....
As the resident married lady, let me tell you....relationships only get harder when you add money, kids and families into the mix.
Love is not the ripping clothes off butt naked hot sweaty extravaganza everyone thinks it is.
Love is staying and working through the day to day bullshit. Recognizing each other's shortcomings and still loving the other person anyway. It is far from perfect. The bells and whistles don't always ring on a constant basis....but real love is about working together to keep it strong and make it work when the hype wears off.
Sounds like you are evolving Slishy.
@ 1969..Thats what I was trying to tell my boy..Obviously he saw something in Legal Eagle to pursue a future with her, Just because they're having growing pains doesn't mean what he saw has dissapeared..
You're right about money and kids..It doesn't get any easier. So if you can't deal with the bullshit early then your're just not ready..Plain and simple
"You think this love thing is Like Great Adventures !!! FUN FUN FUN!! Nigga you got to put in the work"
Luv it!
Compromise.
Be smarter
Love harder
Sounds like good advice to me: for men and women!!
I Love to hear a GROWN MAN speak on love and relationship. You have truly restored my faith in the opposite sex.. Thanks!
Ditto Miss Ahmad.
This love thing ain't easy but the strong will definitely survive.
I'm one of those that has been running for a while. I've finally decided to stay put and fight the good fight.
See this right here be the reason you my Big Brother Slishy!!! That was some great and honest advice. Not only because it was real, not just becuase Corporate needed to hear it, but because in saying it you probably had an epiphany yourself. You've known that what you said was true but saying the words reaffirms it...and all of us need that at some point in our relationships. Nothing is perfect, but it's the work you put in that makes it as close to perfect as possible.
I am so proud of you...and I didn't think I could become more proud. This was a good post and I hope more brothers read it and get something out of it...
I think part of the problem is that men and women have different definitions of "work". In the past I have put in a LOT of work, unreciprocated. When that happens for too long, I'll let a brotha know, so he can either change it up, or not. If not, then I'm out. I do believe women need to do better with picking & choosing their battles. But, I think a lot of brothas need to raise the bar a little with regard to what they define as "work". IMO
@ Philly..I hope so. Brothas need to start supporting one another the way women support their girls when they have relationship trouble. A while ago one of my boys came up with an idea of starting a support for brothas just so that we can feel like we're not alone in this struggle.
@ Tjeanise...Don't lose faith sista. Men get it.We may know show it all the time..But we do get it...lol..
@ Chele..Proud of ya girl...Stay and FIGHT for your happiness with another individual...Its the only way...:)
@ Royce DAMN!!! I swear we related!!! I did have an epiphany while having that conversation..Shit became real clear to me. Gotta put the work in.
Folks will work their asses off for their employer. YOU DON'T LOVE YOUR EMPLOYER..lol Ask them to put in some overtime in their relationship. They bug out!!! Time for that shit to stop.
@ Bz true true. So like you said.Make it clear what you expect and if the person cannot or will not take the pepsi challenge cut your losses and keep it moving..:)
@ R Mack..This is what you have to look forward to. Don't worry it will be worth it.When your first born calls you daddy for the 1st time or he/she brings home their 1st A from school.. Its worth it partner...:)
Such a real and honest post!
It’s comforting to know that men have the capability to be more than one dimensional (i.e. dog or cup cake). It’s way too easy to walk away from any problem rather than figure out a solution or compromise. Or even worst try to find a quick fix.
No relationship will ever be perfect because we are not. But the ones who see the 50th and 60th wedding anniversaries are the ones who understand it’s not only about ME but how can WE elevate to a higher and common ground.
That is the way grown men see the world. To get the good (scooby snacks) you negotiate the not so good. That was some sounds advice you gave your friend. It's time to grow up and work hard because I've found that is when the rewards are the greatest.
@ Woman on the move. My parents have been married 38 years..I've seen them fight not speak to one another NOT once have I ever heard them say I'm leaving..Never!!! My pops put in the work cause my mom ain't easy..lol
@Mz jj "To get the good (scooby snacks) you negotiate the not so good." Couln't have said that better my self...:)
This post has irritated my soul to no end. I can't begin to tell you in how many ways. I will not remain in a relationship where I cringe at the thought of hearing my ol' lady's voice. I won't be there to "fight" for a bullshit relationship with a nagging bitch. If that shit makes me immature, I'll ride with that.
KZ
Dang I haven't been by in a while and I see that I've missed some stuff....
Funny how when you're with someone that you really want to be with you learn to bit the bullet and pick your battles...life is too short to nag about everything..good post
@ Zed I understand.Now don't get me wrong. If your married/in a relationship with a woman Who doesn't have your best interest at heart and is with you for all the wrong reasons..By all means Bounce!!..leave that toxic relationship. If you've done all that you can and there is more bad times than good ones Yeah!!! get the hell outta dodge.
I wasn't telling my boy to be a punk and take his lady's shit.I just want him to explore the reason why she is behaving that way and counteract it. If he does that and there isn't a positive response..Time to re-evaluate and explore other options.
Btw when you gonna tell that story..lol
@ Honey Libra yeah been missing in action!!!! Your words are soooo true..But in the end its worth it..
Slish, the story is coming. I know I sound bitter. Do I sound bitter?
KZ
Slish my parents have been together for 30 years so i know what you mean about seeing examples of love at work.
i think Americans in general romanticize love and expect it to be a car that drives itself. our generation in particular seems to be especially segregated from the process of whole and committed love.
it's sad. we have more education, we make more money but so many of us opt to be alone because we're unwilling to love harder!
life it too long to spend it alone!
@ Slish: no doubt! I don't do the nagging or whining or tantrum stuff. Like Divine says, the good ones don't. I express expectations. I express dissatisfaction with something, but tactfully and to an extent. If the horse is dead, it doesn't need to be beaten. Stop talking and start walking. That's all. Women are often guilty of coming back time and time again, and end up saying the same thing over and over again, because they think a man will change (or they want him to change -- for her). That ain't happening and it's not fair to expect that it will. Everybody is different. And, "everything ain't for everybody." Take it as a lesson and keep it moving.
But yes, there needs to be an agreed level of expectation. And, it should be backed up with action. Deviations from that should be discussed and or evaluated. I think both men and women need to be reasonable in their expectations and evaluate what's really important in the relationship. Identify the fundamentals and use that as the foundation. Then pick & choose your battles carefully over the peripherals.
i concur. i have learned to fall back and he knows when to bite the bullet. isn't love and commitment wonderful when there is comparmise. like i said many times before i want an invite!
My grandma used to tell me all the time, "You can't have grown folk talk on the playground." The longer I live, the more I realize she's right. What you said about relationships is absolutely right; but he'll never understand it if he's still childish enough to think the problem is "all women" or "the game being fucked up." And maybe you are both doing things that you wouldn't usually do; but what has what you've usually done gotten you?
He may not be ready to learn what you gotta teach him. So you just gotta leave him on the playground and let him find his way through the sand.
Slish it makes me feel good to see that not all men are misguided, therefore misguiding their friends.
(Barney's I don't know what you put on this man, but I bet there is a market it for it on EBAY!)
Men have a bad habit of bitching, too...so, I feel Corp. pain. Sometimes relationships get so hard that all you want to do is end it for a week to get some peace and quiet. I know, I know...that's not how it works in marraige...
This was some good advice you gave...
I think I should take it too. I usually am the one who
bolts at the first sign of trouble. Sometimes I feel like such a... MAN! hahaha! This was a good look, from a different perspective. Thanx Slish!
I leave to go handle my grown folk business and I come back a second and Slish is writing peotry and giving advise like he is an old sage.
I guess you can't grow old and be a fool.
@Slish-Compromise is the key. But when I find myself giving too much to someone who gives me little in return, I dont nag or explain,
I bounce...aint that much d*ck in the world. And yes, I will also leave a job if I am not getting enough of what I need.
Contrary to popular belief, women of color bend over backwards for their men. Black women alter their whole lives to 'keep' a minimally decent man. Men, on the other hand, always hold back some of themselves for natural family, their careers, friends, mistresses, babymamas, sports leagues,etc.
...and the women who have full independent lives usually dont have husbands. Is there a happy medium? Can women have both? Have it all? Or is that just a myth?
@Venom-Im all set with you! Just because you getting some now, dont mean you have to abandon us. Hmph!
Now get to writing, Patna!
Like Miss Ahmad said that was grown man talk and Slish you's a grown ass man.
You told him right!
But six months is the determining factor....
Women nag...its a known fact
And men, make women nag, thats a known fact too...*lol*
Its only naggin when we have to constantly tell you what we don't like...and you constantly disregard it as something we will learn to get over...
We only nag to make you better....
We nag about the garbage...now the house stinks..
We nag about leaving your clothes all over the place, now we have to clean up behind you...and then wash the clothes to, when everything has a place...how hard is it to put dirty clothes in the hamper?
We nag about leaving the toilet seat up...cause if we go to the bathroom at night and don't cut on the light, we fallin in the toilet...
And we of course nag about our own set of pet peeves...but you knew that going into the relationship...
I'll just be happy when I find a loving, secure, wise man such as yourself...
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