Brother Can't Get A Break
I've always wondered why black men shut one another out. Why don't we show each other love. Are we afraid to let other brothas into our circle. Is it considered gay to say whats up or even hold a decent conversation with another Brotha?
When I worked on Wall street my white counterparts always reached out to me before the Brothas did. Its Like they had to check out my cool meter. Its ridiculous. I've said whats up to a brotha I work with for an entire year even invited him to a few events i've hosted in the city. Dude just brushed me off. Probably thinks just because I wear slacks and a dress shirt to work that i'm bougie. SO WHAT!! If I am. I'm one of the coolest bougie mofo's in NYC.
Brothas judge one another on appearance and by what they do for a living. I'm not gonna lie. When one of my homegirls tells me they're dating someone new . I always ask them what the guy does for a living. If they tell me he works for the city I automatically assume he's a broke mofo like myself. If she says he is in law enforcement Automatically I assume Womanizer, Alcoholic and probably divorced. If they tell me lawyer, doctor or banker Automatically nigga gotta be stuck up and probably a control freak like my boy Corporate. I shouldn't do that. As a matter of fact no one should judge anyone by what they do or did for a living. Get to know the person first, ask the right questions. You might gain some insight into that Brothas world and learn something important.
I learned something new about my boy Corporate just the other day. I discovered he is not a self absorbed arrogant prick. I just assumed so because of his status in the community and position in life. In other words I was jealous of his success and had to find a way to compensate for it. I've always been proud of him. But jealousy and ignorance can cloud ones thinking. So I just got used to calling him names and forgetting about the time I came home from work one afternoon and saw that eviction notice on my front door. I called Corporate. He put the money in my acct to cover my rent that very day. Shiiiit he's done that for my dead beat ass more than once. Even though I paid him back in a timely manner he never once called to remind me about how much money I owed.
About a month ago Clipperman was about to lose his barbershop because of back rent. Corporate was willing to front me the cash to buy it from him. We both agreed that Clippermans employees needed that shop open. If it got shut down their livelihoods would be lost. It was a noble gesture. I'm ashamed to admit that I discrimate against Corporate because he has money. What makes it worse is that I know other Black folk do it to him also.
Corporate explained to me the only difference between he and I is our tax bracket. When we hang out people assume that he's pretentious because of his white collar career. They assume i'm down to earth because of my blue collar status. Truth be told i'm more pretentous than Corporate. I've never known him to judge a book by its cover. Shit the man never asked a woman he's dated what they did for a living. ME!!! I ask that shit before I get the number. Guess I discovered something new about myself the other day too. I'm a stuck up Blue Collar Prick!
Guys like Corporate are not the reason why Black men don't reach out to another. Its jealous assholes like myself.
When I worked on Wall street my white counterparts always reached out to me before the Brothas did. Its Like they had to check out my cool meter. Its ridiculous. I've said whats up to a brotha I work with for an entire year even invited him to a few events i've hosted in the city. Dude just brushed me off. Probably thinks just because I wear slacks and a dress shirt to work that i'm bougie. SO WHAT!! If I am. I'm one of the coolest bougie mofo's in NYC.
Brothas judge one another on appearance and by what they do for a living. I'm not gonna lie. When one of my homegirls tells me they're dating someone new . I always ask them what the guy does for a living. If they tell me he works for the city I automatically assume he's a broke mofo like myself. If she says he is in law enforcement Automatically I assume Womanizer, Alcoholic and probably divorced. If they tell me lawyer, doctor or banker Automatically nigga gotta be stuck up and probably a control freak like my boy Corporate. I shouldn't do that. As a matter of fact no one should judge anyone by what they do or did for a living. Get to know the person first, ask the right questions. You might gain some insight into that Brothas world and learn something important.
I learned something new about my boy Corporate just the other day. I discovered he is not a self absorbed arrogant prick. I just assumed so because of his status in the community and position in life. In other words I was jealous of his success and had to find a way to compensate for it. I've always been proud of him. But jealousy and ignorance can cloud ones thinking. So I just got used to calling him names and forgetting about the time I came home from work one afternoon and saw that eviction notice on my front door. I called Corporate. He put the money in my acct to cover my rent that very day. Shiiiit he's done that for my dead beat ass more than once. Even though I paid him back in a timely manner he never once called to remind me about how much money I owed.
About a month ago Clipperman was about to lose his barbershop because of back rent. Corporate was willing to front me the cash to buy it from him. We both agreed that Clippermans employees needed that shop open. If it got shut down their livelihoods would be lost. It was a noble gesture. I'm ashamed to admit that I discrimate against Corporate because he has money. What makes it worse is that I know other Black folk do it to him also.
Corporate explained to me the only difference between he and I is our tax bracket. When we hang out people assume that he's pretentious because of his white collar career. They assume i'm down to earth because of my blue collar status. Truth be told i'm more pretentous than Corporate. I've never known him to judge a book by its cover. Shit the man never asked a woman he's dated what they did for a living. ME!!! I ask that shit before I get the number. Guess I discovered something new about myself the other day too. I'm a stuck up Blue Collar Prick!
Guys like Corporate are not the reason why Black men don't reach out to another. Its jealous assholes like myself.
posted by Mr.Slish at
10/02/2006 03:00:00 AM
35 Comments:
I love coming here because you aren't afraid of living in the mirror at yourself. I think people judge me because of my appearance. They assume the worst....and lawrd knows if I tell them where I work and my level of education-its a wrap.
You know what, my skin color-dark, dark, chocolate skin tone keeps me grounded in this very beige and peach tone world. Get me?!? Got it!!
Damn Slish-you really called yourself out on that one Yeah-YOU are on that 'grown man' sh*t. Good for you:)
I knew that about you from jump! Gald you finally looked at the man in the mirror and asked him to change his ways...PSYCH!!!!
Just joking, yo It's mad ass hot down here in JA, sweating all the damn time. I feel like slave in a cotton field!
Mr. Music
Hey Slish..
I dont see you as being that judgemental but you're a winner because you recognize what's up underneath your own skin and you seem to make changes.. That's real cool..
I learned a long time ago not to judge because I've seen too many that judge me and still do on a regular basis. I'm constantly disappointed with how brothas treat one another and then I see others who embrace each other without even a thought. I work with a lot of filipinos and those dudes speak to each other immediately even if they never saw each other before in life! Whereas we look each other up and down and on those blessed occasions we actually speak...lol.. It's a trip but I do celebrate the moments when I can say hello to another brother and it's a positive experience.
This weekend I was approached by two security guards on separate occassions at the football game. Both were black. The first one asks for my ticket and was giving me serious attitude because I was actually sitting in the right seat. I took away his satisfaction for telling me to move. Then he said to me with his chest stuck out "can I get by?" That meant I had to stand up and let the brotha pass despite the fact that the row in front and in back of me were empty and he could've stepped over into either one like he did to come to me.
Later on the another security guard approached me to check my ticket. He was more professional and handled himself cool. He had no chip on his shoulder. He said "hey family, has your ticket been checked yet?" I said yes, and then he told me to enjoy the game. No problem. No reason to act like I'm a threat.
Anyway, excuse the long comment but this subject about how brothas treat each other is something I could speak on for days because its sad and others see it and wonder about us too! I was asked by one of my filipino friends "why are you guys like that to each other?" Why indeed...
I'm starting with the Man In The Mirror. I'm asking him to change his ways. And no message could have been any clearer. If you wanna make the world a better place take a look at your life and make that change.
You are not the only blue collar prick in New York City. Sadly, I know at least one more.
@ Divine I'm just curious what do you think people assume about you.
@ Tjeanise. I called myself out fo sho. If my boy Corporate hadn't schooled me on some shit the other day I would have never realized this about myself
@ Mr Music STOP WHINING! Go find yourself a nice fat booty Jamaican gyal and have some fun for a change.
@ Var Thats what I'm talking about. That security guard stuck his chest out at you because of jealosy..You have the hot seats and he doesn't. When in reality you may be looking at him and thinking dayum this mofo is lucky he gets to watch this show for free! Nigga got a cool ass gig! We hate on one another for no reason. We never embrace each others success. Its sad...
@ Organized Got you looking in the mirror this morning huh..Its all good we can change...
I enjoy this grown folks conversation. It's good to check yourself every now and then. It takes strength of character to recognize who you are, be comfortable with that and then not to judge others.
My parents raise me in the "right" neighborhood, sent me to the "right" schools, I went to the "right" college, and graduated with the "right" degree, and now have a very respectable career. But as for who I really am; I'm just a white collar hoodlum from Philly. I think initially people expect differently, but after a few hours with me I think they get it.
I ain't commenting on you... you'd only blast me because you are a prick...oooh, did I say that?
I like Corporate...always have. I think he's wonderful...and I can attest to his generosity...but come on, we both know he needs to be the spotlight.
Slish...it's hard to reflect on one's faults, so I applaud you for that.
I have these moments of clarity every so often and it does help to check yourself every now and again.
Now stop being a prick :)
Now that was some honest introspection. So ... what you gonna do about it?
For the record, guys have not cornered the market on alienating other guys. We women wrote the book on that mess.
Corporate sounds like a good friend and the best part is that you are recognizing that in him. We as black people need to stop being jealous of the success of our fellow black people. We of all people know how hard it is to be successful in this world. We need to support each other because damn sure no one else is going to be doing it. Great post.
Wow. Great post. And thanks for the honest introspection.
Wow Slish! You are a much better person than you think for calling yourself out on this post. And like Chele mentioned, women do this very same thing. You haven't been posting often but whenever you do, they have been on point.
@ One we need to have this kind of dialogue on the regular. People spend to much time judging and not enough time observing...
@ Bloopty you can run but yah can't hide..Up in harlem ..lol Yeah I know I can be a prick. Btw Corporate doesn't really like the spot light he just can't hold his liquor..lol
@1969 I've been checking myself a lot lately. Must be the gray hairs..lol
@Chele. I'm going to be a better friend to Corporate as a matter of fact I'm going to be a better friend to all my boys. We need to support one another. Let each other know we're not alone in this chaos we call life.
@ Miz jj Your right. Support is the key to securing black folks a more positive future.
@ Bz I try to be as honest as I can. Sometimes we need to kick ourselves and wake the fuck up...
@ Anon Thank you for the comment. I will try and post more often. I don't like to post unless I have something important to say...This week off has given me lots to write about..lol
that was refreshing.
makes me think of two friends of mine who are getting married. both black doctors from east oakland both thought it imperative that they married someone who understood where their roots were.
my boy Dr Feel Good always says he doesn't care how folks look at him as a doctor because the truth is he's still THAT AFRICAN from East Oakland who will get ill on you, whose brother is still on drugs and whose daddy is still a deadbeat.
We all got that baggage, it's good of you to admit it! sounds like your friend is grounded, and i ain't hating on his tax bracket either:-)
What a nice way for you to pay tribute to your friend. You could just say you got love for him and call it a day. BTW i realized that corparate wasn't as stuck up as I thought a while back. He's acutally coo, just short like you. LOL
Wow, Slish. You amaze me everytime you write a post like this!
One of your readers did hit it on the nose, nobody hates more than black women on other black women. I see it on a daily basis and it is a hard thing to deal with. I got love for all of my sistahs and I am not hating on any one of them! I think we all have alot to offer. If a sistah is doing her thing, I applaud her. But I see many others who look at her and frown their face up, turn their noses up or find something negative to say about her. So sad...
@ Ms Ahmad..I'm sitting her giggling about Dr feelgood whuppin someone who crosses. Corporate is the same way. Back in the day.He would be the first mofo to start a fight...Just gangsta
@ Phoenix..Shut up before I pay tribute to your silly ass..lol
@ Ondrea I see that with women all the time. Especially at my job.Let a new chick start. If that woman alienates herself from them! Automatically " THAT STUCK UP BITCH!!!" is what they're chanting..lol..
I love reading your posts...sad that some people are like crabs in a barrel...
@ Honey More like crabs chewing at one another to get to the top...lol
LMFAO @ Stuck up blue collar prick! HAAAAA HAHAHA!!
Trust me, it's like this with black women as well so don't feel bad. Their judgement can be just as cruel. I experienced this gorwing up. I didn't live where the rest of black folks lived, my parents were married and successful as opposed to single and broke, and I went to private school. Regular black girls hated me ON SIGHT! Didn't shit have to come out of my mouth.
I'm proud of you for coming out of your judgmental phase and looking into the person instead of making assumptions based on the exterior!
You're very reflective today and this was an excellent post!
@ Stormy. I need a dose of that every now and again..lol
@ Mistress reflection introspection Hell I was just ashamed..lol
Another post that makes me extremely proud of you big brother Slishy!!!
The tragedy in this is that women are the exact same way...only 10 times worse LOL!!! And the sad thing about it is the ones who make less or who have less glamourous jobs are usually the ones who are so concerned about the status of others. It's been a challenge for me for quite some time...not becuase I'm rich or because I have some prestigious job (because neither is true) but because what I do and how I carry myself gives off that appearence. Making women reluctant to get to know me because before they do they have already judged and determined I'm some stuck up broad.
And I'll admit that as a result of those things I am not really open to new friendship experiences with women. It just is what it is. Funny though, after a woman (and even a lot of men) get to know me they always end up confessing that they didn't like me when we first met...I'm like HUNH?? You didn't know me when we first met...how in da hell?? But it almost always boils down to the car I drive, clothes I wear, house I live in, degrees I have, and/or the job I do for a living...all of which has nothing to do with the person I am. But all of which are things I have worked hard to get where I am and I won't deny my success for anyone...those who love and respect me will also love and respect where I am in life.
Unfortunately it is this kind of attitude that prohibits people from connecting with other extremely interesting and down to earth people. AND I'M ONE OF THEM...I think *shrug* LOL!!
@ Royce Black folk curse I tell ya.The higher you climb the more they want to see you fall on your face..so can they say " Thats what you get for being an uppity negro"
This was a great post. I expect racism and prejudice from the 'cousins', but it always hurts worse when another Black person sticks me, for what ever reason.
Ive always been forced to see both sides. I grew up in the South Bronx, but in a Co-Op. I attended one of the best private dayschools in NYC on scholarship, but back home we were on the Welfare. The first time I took the Bar Exam, I was homeless...believe me when I tell you, a$$holes come in all tax brackets.
I dont think you are a blue collar prick. I think you are selective in your friendships. As a result, your inner circle is tight. Nothing wrong with that.
True indeed. A man that faces up to his own flaws and faults truly makes a man.
Now I know why you "hated" on me all those years....LOL.
Seriously..I've known you for close to three decades and you have always been inquisitive of one's status, male or female. I remember you always asking me, "You dropped out of High School, how the hell did you get that job?" You didn't ask to be in my business, or to hate on me, you asked because you have always wanted to better yourself as well.
Nah! You were just hating!! LOL
I just put up some new listening music...Slish, you should know most of the tracks, but I'm sure I'll shock you with a few of them.
Check out Soulcrates people.
@ Chez You're right my inner circle is tight. My interview process is rigorous only the strong survive.
@ Grantlove hahahaha You remember that huh..funny how your weed fumed brain chose to remember that! I ask you about something we spoke about last month my response " What are you talking about? "
Wasn't hatin Just trying to get a feel for the kind of jobs I could apply for my damn self..lol
It's called selective amnesia. I remember what I want to remember.
Check out the songs I've got this week. OK That was my last free advertisment for the week.. LOL
Peace
GrantLove
Slishy,
Why would you look at yourself as blue collar? From the moment I met you (shout out to BP!!) you never struck me as blue collar. You are boughetto as all hell, but blue collar? Nahhhh. At the end of the day, that is a state of mind more so than a designation. I know enough sewage engineers making 6 figures and those suited and booted MAIL CLERKS (yeah I'm hating, lol) who ain't even a permanent employee.
WOW Slish! I love this post most out of everything I've read that you've written. It almost bought a tear to my eye. The first order of change is within one's self. We need to understand that the hardest thing to do is usually the right thing to do and I think you did that when you wrote this post. I'm sure Corporate would be touched by your words. I hope you tell him what you've told us.
Too often people tend to judge other people based on what they think that person should be like. If you're attractive then you must be stuck-up. If you're ugly then you must be down to earth. Bullshit. The only true way to know a person is to get to know the person.
Thanks for this post. I'm going to check myself, too.
Your pal Corporate and I are probably twins separated at birth. So, for all us over-achieving, successful negro dudes out there, I just want to say thank you. Appreciate the acknowledgement that there might be a lot more going on underneath the surface than we let on.
You see, at least in the inner city environ, we were the nerds that used to get teased and beat down back in grade school. Why? Cause we were different. We actually did our homework, got good grades, & stayed outta trouble. For that we were made to feel inferior - Africans in my hometown would actually go so far as to acuse us of acting white -cause that is not what black kids are supposed to be doing. Can we be our own worst enemy or what?
And then, in the white word, we're still basically niggas, however well paid we might be. So, in order to survive and thrive, we had to develop what you might call coping mechanisms - basically a very very very thick skin. And I readily admit that can sometimes read as aloofness, snobbery, or whatever preconceived notions people will expect.
Anyhow, I'm getting a little too deep here. I'm just glad someone recognizes that being a financially successful black man comes with a heavy dose of baggage. We're never quite sure exactly who is friend or foe. We get a lot of stares from all manner of folk - envious stares, hostile stares, curious stares, lots of stares, all the fuckin time. It's like being a celebrity - and I don't mean that in a good way.
The solidarity thing sounds nice and all, but reality is that we make a whole lot of people, black and white, very uncomfortable. To black men we represent the evidence that you coulda shoulda done better with yourself. To whites we are just a complete mindfuck in so many ways it would take a novel to explain.
To be me, you have navigate a very tricky, complicated emotional, racial maze. And on top of that heap a motherload of pressure - since you're constantly the first black to do this or the first black to do that. You're the fuckin ambassador to the white world. Whether you succeed or fail has implications for the tribe.
Look, I'm not saying anybody should feel for me. Just making a general request to the tribe to not go judging a man until you've walked a mile in his shoes (or at least thought about what might have shaped him into what he is).
I loved the honesty. Thank you! There's hope for the Black Man yet. You might be setting a trend here.
Good Post!!!!. Not only do brothers treat other brothers bad, but sista do the same thing. We as black women hate on a sista when she has all her ducks in a row. Instead of hating on her, congratulate her.
See what I'm saying!?!?
i've been reading a couple of your posts and can't remember how i got here.
your writing is insightful, introspective, and real. i swear this is the stuff that makes me a blog junkie.. it's better than reality tv! LOL
solidarity amongst blacks is something that will always be an issue. unfortunately, it's ingrained in our culture. Living in DC, I live it everyday and it's sad.
thanks for sharing this with us and we hope that members of our community will take notice of these issues and help to change them!
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