The Other Woman

What was that! Something wet just brushed across my lips. I keep my eyes closed because i'm afraid if I open them and don't see Barneys pretty brown eyes. The reality might cause me to have a nervous twitch for the rest of my life. There it goes again! This time that shit felt soooo goooood. Thats got to be my sweetie! OooooooWeeeee! I'm about to get breakfast Early! Let me open my eyes. Aaaaaaaw Heeeellllll No!!! Fucking Poochie P ! Damn Dog!

I wipe my face with the back of my hand, turn away from the pooch, and whisper in Barney's ear " Baby baby your dog is awake and she wants to go outside. " Barneys half sleep " huuuuuh, whaaaat, who's awake? " She turns away from me and goes back to sleep. I see where this is going. Barneys dog is very time conscious. She wants to go outside because she needs to make her daily deposit onto NYC's fucked up sidewalks. I try to ignore the inevitable by attempting to caress my sweeties forbidden zone. Barneys quickly slaps my hand " Baaaaby quit it i'm sleeping." Huuuge Sigh I turn around and Poochie P is perched up at the edge of the bed looking at me with her tongue out and tail wagging " Okay Princess daddy is going to walk you since your mommy being stingy with the booty"

I Take Poochie P for her walk. 3 Blocks and 2 stop lights later. Poochie P has not taken a shit. DAMN DOG!!! Got me out of my bed for NOTHING! So I decide to stop at the neighborhood Taliban grocery/deli and get breakfast for me and Barneys. " Let me get a Bacon egg & cheese scrambled well. " Taliban smiles and responds " What you say?" Why do these muthafuckas always act like they don't understand you! Bet if I said I was the health inspector gimme some free shit or i'm shutting you down they would understand that! I repeat " Bacon egg & CHEEEEEESE on a roll and make sure my EGGS are Scrambled WEEEEELLLLL! Taliban smiles " Okay. Anything else sir " I respond " Yeah I also want a bagel with butter and Bacon" Taliban responds " What you say ? I thought you say Bacon egg and Cheese ?" Huuuuge Sigh I shake my head and look down at Poochie P hoping that she will take a shit right in there in the grocery store.

10 minutes later Poochie P and I are back in the house. Barneys is still asleep. I turn on the computer so I can check the movie time schedule for Casino Royale. Poochie P starts sniffing around the area behind me. When she does that. It only means one thing. She's about to release last nights dinner on the carpet! Which she does with flair. I give her the BAD DOG LOOK! Poochie P gives me the NIGGA YOU BETTER PICK IT UP LOOK! DAMN DOG!!!

Barneys gets up shortly after. " Baaaaby why you let me sleep so late" I stop typing on the computer, look up at her and turn my head right back around and go back to typing. Barneys " " Did she pooh?" I respond " Yep " Barneys" Where ? " I respond " Right behind me " Barneys" Where is it? I shake my head while i'm still typing " She ate it " Barneys Gasps " No she didn't! I laugh and respond " Nah I ate it" Barneys sucks her teeth " So stupid " I say " Hey you wanna see Casino Royale later " Barneys quickly responds " Nope " Ya see Barneys won't see a movie just for entertainment purposes. It has to contain substance, global meaning or some sort of human sacrifice( not in the literal sense ex Babel, Catch a fire) Me! Hand to hand combat and gadgets IM IN THERE!!! I respond " Fine" but under my breath I mumble " I'll just go with the next chick" Barneys says " What you say baby " I respond " Oh nothing. I'll go while you're at work. Catch a matinee"


Barneys goes into the bedroom to get dressed for work. I look over to see if her door is open. Its closed. Good ! I pull my phone from out of my pocket and start pressing digits . Next Chick picks up " Heeeey Baaaaby " I say " Hey there sexy. What you doin." Next Chick " Oh nothing about to hop into the shower." I say " Where your man at? " Next chick sucks her teeth " He probably reading the newspaper somewhere? I respond " You and him have anything planned for later? Next Chick giggles and responds " No. What do you have in mind." I say " Lets go and see that new James Bond movie Casino Royale" Next Chick " Mmmm. I read the reviews that movie got 4 stars. " I say " Weeeelll." Next chick " Its a date" I respond " Okay I'll pick you up at 3:00pm" Next Chick " Okay, Btw Slishy do you want to speak to your father " I respond " Hmmm No. I'll talk to him when I get there"

I arrive at my parents house at 3:00 pm. My mom is dressed and ready to go" Slishy how long is the movie? " I respond " 2 hours and 24 minutes " Mom " You know what Slishy you better give me another 8 minutes " She closes her room door. I laugh and say to my dad " Thats your wife. Btw you wanna come? Slish Sr sucks his teeth and responds in his jamaican accent " Mi. Pleeeease. I don't support such Propaganda and filth. I roll my eyes and respond " Never mind. When mom and I get back. I'm taking the both of you to dinner. Make sure you're ready. Slish Sr " Bwoooy you must have hit the lotto. I'll be ready. " I start laughing " Why you acting like i'm taking you to some 5 star restuarant. We're going to Applebees! My dad laughs then my mom comes out of her room and we both leave.


My mom and I arrive at the Movie theatre. " Slishy. You know I haven't been to a movie since the mid eighties" I respond " Really! 20 years! " Mom " Yes. Your father won't take me" I say" How come you don't ask me or Stughetto to take you?" Mom shrugs her shoulders " You kids have your own lives. "Using my right arm I give my mom a hug and say " From now on if you want to go to the movies and I mean ANY MOVIE just ask. I'll take you" Mom looks over at the Spider Man 3 poster then looks up at me " Really Slishy ! " I hug her tighter and say " Yeah " My mom looks over at the concession stand " Can I have Popcorn too. " I say " Yeah " Mom " I don' t have to pay for it myself " I laugh and respond " Noooooo"

My mom gets her popcorn. I 'm still at the concession stand waiting for my goodies. As I'm waiting I watch my mother and she's walking around the movie theatre like she's visiting from another Planet. Eyes wiiide open. Probably looking around and making a mental note of what she can get the next time she comes.

We're inside watching the movie previews. My mom whispers to me " Slishy do the lights come back on when the movie is over? " I laugh and ask " Why you asking? " Mom " I don't want to fall down these steps. We both start laughing" Mom continues " I could just pinch myself. I can't believe i'm actually at the movies " Right then I thought to myself i've been taking my mother for granted. Am I that caught up in my own life. That I didn't realize something this simple could make my favorite girl so Happy. I felt bad and I mean really bad. I Look over at my mom and smile. She looks back at me, puts some more popcorn in her mouth and smiles back.

Priceless