I'm at the third hustle now. Listening to some smooth vibes courtesy of honeysoul.com. Check this site out . Its an alternative to the crap they play on the radio.
Now lets get down to business. Yesterday I get an email from my childhood friend. We'll call him The Banker. This is what the email says " Hey slacker. You still hosting your after work party". I respond " Yes Sir. But we don't allow losers in till midnite and I know thats past your bedtime". He doesn't respond. So I give him a call "eh rude bwoy" , Banker is Laughing and says " I'll call you right back" I hang up. Ten minutes goes by my office phone rings. I pick up. Voice says " Can I speak to Mr. Bean" thats what they called me when I was a kid. Don't ask why. I respond with a laugh cause nobody has called me that in a minute. We trade insults for a while(more of that so called male bonding.) and get on the topic of marriage & why the both of us can't seem to take that eternal plunge. Banker says he's waiting on me but was informed by my lil cuzin that I am a whore and will probably never sit still long enough to find a wife and that he better come up with a new plan. Lil cuz if your reading this. I'm going to make the Dj play salsa & reggaeton at your wedding.
So throughout the day I've been getting various phone calls and emails about my after work jump off. Mostly from women. I think to myself I better have some dudes there just in case. But my only single friend right about now is Mr.Venom and he's going out of town. I dig deep into my cell phone. Ahhh! A NAME!!!! I call. He picks up . I say " Yo Mongrilus what you doin tonight" He says" I was just about to call you about that very thing. But I'm broke ain't got no drink money. You gonna sponsor me". I say " I guess you can be my bitch for the night. I'll pick you up at six"
I leave work, get the batmobile washed, pick up water for my auntie and change into my costume for the evening. I pick up Mongrilus about 6:30 pm he happens to be hanging out with my cousin Black Kid. We bring him along for the comedy. On the way down I get a phone call from my boy Good&Plenty. He starts telling me how one of our boys(no longer mine) has detroyed another frienship over his philandering ways. I'm not surprised and I think to myself this finally validates me saving Churchmouse from him 3 years ago.
We get to the my afterwork jumpoff around 7:15 pm. Mongy, Black Kid, & myself walk in like the quasi celebrities that we are. I say whats up to the bouncer and we head upstairs to where the action is. " Bwoy Slish nuff gyal inna da place here tonight " Black Kid says. Mongrilus says " Nice spot Slish I can bring my ladies here on the low ". Ds3 greets all three of us. He gives Mongy the warmest greeting since he hasn't seen him in a while. Then this dude bumps me. I'm like "what the f$%$k. Niggas is drunk already". I look its the Banker. He already has two chocolate sista's engaged in converation. Introductions are made. They're not really my type so I ask the fellas what their drinking & head over to my friendly neighborhood bartender. " Let me get a Raspberry Stoli Kamikaze(me), Apple Martini( The Banker) & two Guiness Stouts on tap(Mongy & Black Kid).
I'm taking inventory now. Black Kid is right they are a lot of sistas here tonight. Then I spot a light skinned beauty by the bar sitting with her girlfriend. I walk over and say hello. " She says "High". I ask"How did you here about this place" she says " The internet " I say"Oh really what site". she says " Citysearch" . Turns out she's 22 just moved to nyc from Tennesee. Her boyfriend is a rookie for the Dallas Cowboys. I say to myself DAMMIT!!! I should have been more serious about sports back in high school. She leaves and I spot my next target coming out of the ladies room. I open with " Damn girl you get stuck on the toilet?. You were in there for a while " she laughs and says " You know I had to get my lipstick right" I say "Is that so. Let me inspect those lips .Pucker up " To my surprise she does just that. The game is a foot now. I bring Black Kid over so he can keep her girlfriend busy while I get my mac on. Convo starts. Half way through I discover she just got engaged. Man!!!!! I order another Rasberry Stoli Kamikaze eat my burger and decide let me quit while i'm behind.
Black Kid is still chatting up the engaged chick and her girlfriend. I ask them if they want a table since they've been standing up for a while. They say "yeah". I head over to the lounge section and spot an empty table next to 2 Sista's. I ask them " Is anyone sitting here " One of them says " yeah you are, by the way don't I know you" I'm like is she trying to use one of my own lines on me. Then she says " You went to high school in New rochelle , but your from the bronx " twilight zone moment " Your name is Slish " I AM NOT SAFE IN THIS CITY!!!!!!! " I say How you doing. What high school did you go to?" she says " Ursuline. We rode the bus to the bronx together. It comes back to me she used to where glasses and had really long hair. That explains why I didn't recognize her. I look over to my right to see who she's with. GODDAMN !!!! I don't recognize her but I notice that she's beautiful. Caramel complexion, stylish, perfect face. I say to myself "this gal has to be involved" I look down at her fingers . No ball & chain ornaments. I decide "Let me chill since my luck hasn't been that great with women that are my type"
I'm back at the bar now. I tell the Banker what I just saw. He decides he wants to see for himself and walks over to the lounge area. I follow. We start chatting up the ladies. The banker takes a liking to the sista who recognizes me and takes her to the dance floor to get his groove on. That leaves me with Phat.(Pretty Hot And Tempting) . I sit down and start with the interrogation. She's from the north east section of the bronx, owns a home in jersey and is looking to purchase another. "Cha ching" Is what i'm thinking. We get on the topic of my hobbies. I tell her about my blog and me possibly writing a book, " "So your a writer" she says I say " Uh Yeah. Would you like to read what i've written so far" " she says yes and I give her my blog web address.
The banker brings her friend back to the table. She tells me the Banker asked for her W2 and phone number. That is one silly negro. I say " Why? What the hell do you do for a living "? "I'm a doctor" she says. Correction that is one silly gold digging negro. So I ask the Doc if her friend Nurse Betty has a boyfriend. She says no. I look at Nurse Betty and ask " You ever been to a Tapas restaurant"
Stay tuned its not over....
Now lets get down to business. Yesterday I get an email from my childhood friend. We'll call him The Banker. This is what the email says " Hey slacker. You still hosting your after work party". I respond " Yes Sir. But we don't allow losers in till midnite and I know thats past your bedtime". He doesn't respond. So I give him a call "eh rude bwoy" , Banker is Laughing and says " I'll call you right back" I hang up. Ten minutes goes by my office phone rings. I pick up. Voice says " Can I speak to Mr. Bean" thats what they called me when I was a kid. Don't ask why. I respond with a laugh cause nobody has called me that in a minute. We trade insults for a while(more of that so called male bonding.) and get on the topic of marriage & why the both of us can't seem to take that eternal plunge. Banker says he's waiting on me but was informed by my lil cuzin that I am a whore and will probably never sit still long enough to find a wife and that he better come up with a new plan. Lil cuz if your reading this. I'm going to make the Dj play salsa & reggaeton at your wedding.
So throughout the day I've been getting various phone calls and emails about my after work jump off. Mostly from women. I think to myself I better have some dudes there just in case. But my only single friend right about now is Mr.Venom and he's going out of town. I dig deep into my cell phone. Ahhh! A NAME!!!! I call. He picks up . I say " Yo Mongrilus what you doin tonight" He says" I was just about to call you about that very thing. But I'm broke ain't got no drink money. You gonna sponsor me". I say " I guess you can be my bitch for the night. I'll pick you up at six"
I leave work, get the batmobile washed, pick up water for my auntie and change into my costume for the evening. I pick up Mongrilus about 6:30 pm he happens to be hanging out with my cousin Black Kid. We bring him along for the comedy. On the way down I get a phone call from my boy Good&Plenty. He starts telling me how one of our boys(no longer mine) has detroyed another frienship over his philandering ways. I'm not surprised and I think to myself this finally validates me saving Churchmouse from him 3 years ago.
We get to the my afterwork jumpoff around 7:15 pm. Mongy, Black Kid, & myself walk in like the quasi celebrities that we are. I say whats up to the bouncer and we head upstairs to where the action is. " Bwoy Slish nuff gyal inna da place here tonight " Black Kid says. Mongrilus says " Nice spot Slish I can bring my ladies here on the low ". Ds3 greets all three of us. He gives Mongy the warmest greeting since he hasn't seen him in a while. Then this dude bumps me. I'm like "what the f$%$k. Niggas is drunk already". I look its the Banker. He already has two chocolate sista's engaged in converation. Introductions are made. They're not really my type so I ask the fellas what their drinking & head over to my friendly neighborhood bartender. " Let me get a Raspberry Stoli Kamikaze(me), Apple Martini( The Banker) & two Guiness Stouts on tap(Mongy & Black Kid).
I'm taking inventory now. Black Kid is right they are a lot of sistas here tonight. Then I spot a light skinned beauty by the bar sitting with her girlfriend. I walk over and say hello. " She says "High". I ask"How did you here about this place" she says " The internet " I say"Oh really what site". she says " Citysearch" . Turns out she's 22 just moved to nyc from Tennesee. Her boyfriend is a rookie for the Dallas Cowboys. I say to myself DAMMIT!!! I should have been more serious about sports back in high school. She leaves and I spot my next target coming out of the ladies room. I open with " Damn girl you get stuck on the toilet?. You were in there for a while " she laughs and says " You know I had to get my lipstick right" I say "Is that so. Let me inspect those lips .Pucker up " To my surprise she does just that. The game is a foot now. I bring Black Kid over so he can keep her girlfriend busy while I get my mac on. Convo starts. Half way through I discover she just got engaged. Man!!!!! I order another Rasberry Stoli Kamikaze eat my burger and decide let me quit while i'm behind.
Black Kid is still chatting up the engaged chick and her girlfriend. I ask them if they want a table since they've been standing up for a while. They say "yeah". I head over to the lounge section and spot an empty table next to 2 Sista's. I ask them " Is anyone sitting here " One of them says " yeah you are, by the way don't I know you" I'm like is she trying to use one of my own lines on me. Then she says " You went to high school in New rochelle , but your from the bronx " twilight zone moment " Your name is Slish " I AM NOT SAFE IN THIS CITY!!!!!!! " I say How you doing. What high school did you go to?" she says " Ursuline. We rode the bus to the bronx together. It comes back to me she used to where glasses and had really long hair. That explains why I didn't recognize her. I look over to my right to see who she's with. GODDAMN !!!! I don't recognize her but I notice that she's beautiful. Caramel complexion, stylish, perfect face. I say to myself "this gal has to be involved" I look down at her fingers . No ball & chain ornaments. I decide "Let me chill since my luck hasn't been that great with women that are my type"
I'm back at the bar now. I tell the Banker what I just saw. He decides he wants to see for himself and walks over to the lounge area. I follow. We start chatting up the ladies. The banker takes a liking to the sista who recognizes me and takes her to the dance floor to get his groove on. That leaves me with Phat.(Pretty Hot And Tempting) . I sit down and start with the interrogation. She's from the north east section of the bronx, owns a home in jersey and is looking to purchase another. "Cha ching" Is what i'm thinking. We get on the topic of my hobbies. I tell her about my blog and me possibly writing a book, " "So your a writer" she says I say " Uh Yeah. Would you like to read what i've written so far" " she says yes and I give her my blog web address.
The banker brings her friend back to the table. She tells me the Banker asked for her W2 and phone number. That is one silly negro. I say " Why? What the hell do you do for a living "? "I'm a doctor" she says. Correction that is one silly gold digging negro. So I ask the Doc if her friend Nurse Betty has a boyfriend. She says no. I look at Nurse Betty and ask " You ever been to a Tapas restaurant"
Stay tuned its not over....
posted by Mr.Slish at
7/16/2005 04:34:00 PM
1 Comments:
When I started reading your story, I thought "oh god, another black man's rendition of his escapades. As I continued to read, I realized that "hey" this is kind of funny. I did not have much hope for your blog, but the more I read, the more I laughed. The description of your encounter with me and my friend, was interesting b/c it allowed me some insight into the thought process of you,the "banker" and a portion of the male population.I have to say your "blog" is very amusing.It has a good flow and your wit is on point. You don't come off as a "dim wit".It's a jokey, joke-relax. Thank you for the nice complements. I thought being referred to as "nurse betty" was the best. Keep up the good work.I look forward to reading your next installment.
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