Its Possible ?

I wake up groggy. Drool dripping down the right side of my mouth. I get up from my couch and walk into the bathroom to take a piss. Whats that noise! Sounds like water hitting plastic. Oh Shit. I look. The toilet seat cover is down. Damn! Pissed all my over myself !

What the hell was I drinking? Why am I so out of it? Wait a minute! I didn't drink last night as a matter of fact I stopped hanging out in clubs/lounges all together. So why don't I remember how I got home? I scratch my head in confusion and turn to look in the bathroom mirror. What the hell is that on my right shoulder! I look closer using my left hand to inspect it . Hmmm looks like a scratch or a bite, but why does this scratch look like its almost completley healed.

Hmph thats weird. The last memory I have was from the night before. I was driving home from Westchester county after dropping something off at my parents. I took an alternate route since on the way up there I noticed the southbound side was backed up with holiday traffic. While driving my left front tire blew out! At first I didn't want to pull over. Why! That parkway was dark! Slishy doesn't like the dark. I watch movies. You know what happens to Africans when their tires blow out in the middle of some straaaaange dimly lit parkway.

Slasher yells at me " Stop being such a pussy and pull this car over before you damage your rim! You know your broke ass can't afford a new one with christmas right around the corner" He got a point so I pull the Batmobile over, pop the trunk and get out.

Shit !! Its dark out here. I look around first. Ya know to make sure no crazy hill billy serial killers hiding in the bushes. I look to my left and then to my right. So far so good. I walk to the back of the car, open the trunk and start pulling out the jack. "Grrrrrrrr." What-The- Fuck- was- that! I shake my head from side to side and whisper to myself " You buggin son! Deers make that noise too. "Grrrrrrrrrrr a whooooooooooo." HOOOOOLD UP! Thats sounds like one hungry deer! The bushes behind me start to move. Slasher " Ummmm Slish I think this is the part where you start RUNNING! "

I'm running towards the front of the batmobile! I hear four legs running behind me " a whooooooo" FUCK FUCK FUCK ! This cannot be happening to me! What part of the game is this! I yell " Somebody! Anybody! Help me Please!" I get to the drivers side of my car. I attempt to open the door. FUUUUCK!!!! ITS LOCKED! Where are my keys!! "Grrrrrr. GRrrr. Grrrr!" That sounded real close! Like right behind me close! I decide not to turn around. Whatever it is behind me can kiss my ENTIRE ass! This ain't the movies! I'm not gonna turn around and act all brave and shit! Yelling " C'MOOON C MOOON " Hm Hm not me! I tightened up my ass cheeks , braced myself for impact, and yelled out "MOMMY!!!" That was the last thing I remember.

Okay so that explains where I got the bite mark from. It doesn't explain how it healed so fast or how I got home. Guess I should be grateful. State Troopers could have found my body parts on the side of the parkway. Anyway I don't have time for all this speculation. I Hop in the shower, get dressed and head out the door. Barneys and I have some christmas shopping to do.

I'm on the highway headed towards Barneys house. Wait a minute! I brush my hands across my face. I don't have on my glasses! My vision is waaay to blurry for that! I should have wrapped the Batmobile around a tree by now! All of a sudden I can see clearly? Like 20/20 vision clear! How can that be? I've been wearing glasses since the 6th grade! Hmph lets see how clear my vision really is. I'm about 1 mile from the toll area. Without my glasses I shoudn't be able to see SHIT, but for some uncanny reason Not only can I see the toll booth clerk but right before he took money from that last car. The driver picked his nose and shook the clerks hand. Thats just nasty. Glad I have ez pass.

I get to Barneys apt. "Sniff Sniff Sniff" Hmmmm someone smells good. WTF! but i'm still in the car with the doors and windows shut! I get out and follow the scent to Barneys door. I ring the bell. 20 seconds later she opens her window. Thats the smell! Its Barneys! But how? I look up at her " Baby why are you looking at me like that. " I respond " N Nothing its just that everytime I see you its like the first time all over again" Barneys " Awww baby" She throws me the house keys.

As i'm walking up the stairs Barneys opens the door so that Poochie P can give me her usual meet and greet. She comes running out, sniffs then makes that noise dogs make when they're either scared or injured. I walk into the front door Poochie P is hiding under the couch and won't come out! I say" Sweetie your dog is bipolar.Why she hiding under the couch? Barneys comes out of her bedroom and says " Hmph Thats strange she's usually all over you as soon as you step into the apt. I say " Fine by me. Didn't want doggy drool all over me anyway. You ready? " Barneys " Si "

1 hr later we're still on Steinway Ave shopping for goodies. We're walking out of Dr Jays. Barneys has her wallet in her right hand and is trying to stuff 100 dollars into her purse. I say " I hate it when you do that." Barneys looks at me and responds " Hate what baby?" I respond " I hate that you wait until you are outside of a store before you decide to put money back into your bag. Thats dangerous. Its not like we're in a mall with security." Barneys " Whatever who's gonna take WHAM!!!! Barneys drops to the floor! Dude wearing a black scully has my baby's handbag in his hand and has taken off top speed down the sidewalk! I push some of the Bystanders out of the way " Baby you okay! " Barneys " SLISH he has my bag! My apt keys and Nys Id with my address! Its all in there! I look around for an officer! None around! Figures. They only show up when a crime isn't happening. Fuck it! I take off running after Black Scully !

Black Scully is Fast! This muthfucka should have been in the olympics. On a normal day I would have given up but this wasn't a normal day. I felt different. After chasing this dude for more than 3 blocks my ass wasn't tired. Shiiit if this was yesterday I would have been clutching my chest after running one block! I yell " Just give me back the bag! I won't press charges! " Black Scully doesn't respond instead he cuts in front of a parked commercial van and out of my sight.

Slasher starts talking to me " Slish you know good and well something very extraordinary is going on with you right now. I think you can cut that dude off!" I respond " How?" Slasher" Jump over the van!" I respond " Excuse me! You been watching too much television. I can't jump over no damn van! " Slasher " Trust me Slish you can and you will. NOW JUMP!" My legs tighten as i'm running and up in the air I go. Ohmyohmyohmy Whooooo Hooooooooo! I look down as I see the van underneath my feet. This is incredible! I must be 10 feet in the air! I see Black Scully and yell " Don't you ruuuuun from me! " Black Scully turns, looks up and stops dead in his tracks in Shock! I land on top of him knocking both of us to the ground grabbing Barneys handbag in the process. I get up and wipe my jeans off. Black Scully looks at me mouth wide open as if he wants to say something. Before he does I say " I won't tell if you don't " Black Scully just nods in agreement.

5 minutes Later I come running back to Barneys " Here's your bag sweetheart." Barneys gives me this amazed look and responds " How? " I say " You wouldn't believe me if I told you " Barneys " Try me" I say " Okay. Last night I was bitten by an animal possibly a coyote or wolf. Today I wake up with all these extraordinary abilities " Barneys smiles and says " Cops caught up to him before you did huh" I laugh, hug my future, and respond " Yup thats exactly what happened"


The Adventure Continues

Save the Cheerleader Save The World