Guess who's Back!!!

I was telling my lady today " Babe you know why are started bloggin" she sighs and responds " No, but i'm sure you're going to tell me" I giggle and say" Keep that up and your coochie will become tighter than a virgin with nooo prospects. Anyway my lotus flower. I started blogging because I was frustrated with my life. I was single, sex deprived, and no way in HELL was I going to tell my boys my pussy supply had dried up. So I started writing shit down. "

"It was liberating! I had stories for days. What made it even better was that other people found my life interesting. I fed off the energy their comments gave me. I kinda miss it" My lady responds " So what ya gonna do about it Hammer!!! " I start rappin " DON'T CALL IT COME BACK! CAUSE I BEEN HERE FOR YEARS! She laughs and says " Baby I'm going to stop at the first Rite Aid I see and get you some medication for that " I respond " HATER!!! luv you! She responds " Luv you too. Call me later"

So lets get down to business people.


Through out the years I have taken on a few pupils and trained them in the art of R.I.T(Relationship Interaction Techniques) in other words how to get the chick and keep her. It mostly involved dating etiquette, 3 steps to great conversation and how to close the deal without using alcohol. Then one day I came across a young sista. Just out of college, eyes wiiiide open and ready for a good Brotha to come into her life and piece together her puzzle.

Well a few years went by. I noticed my nubian pup wasn't getting the respect she deserved. She was constantly asking me questions and wondering why I kept laughing at every story she told me " Pharmacist you didn't see that shit coming" Pharmacist responds" Naw I really thought he meant what he was saying. He sounded so sincere." I say " You are so green to the ways of The Jedi, but I sense The Force is strong in you. I will train you. Teach you how to counteract The Force, Ya know bend it to your will." Pharmacist eyes light up " Really Slish! You Would do that for me" I respond " Sure would. Balance is needed. Can't have you go into a game without acquiring certain skills. "

The Pharmacists training began. We started out slow. Her first lesson. How to read into what a brotha is saying without letting him know you're on to him.

1. "I'm dating" Really means " He's met someone he likes but he's not sure what his next move is going to be now that he's met someone he likes more.

2. "I'm seperated from my wife." Really means he still lives with her fulltime and has only been toying with the idea of leaving but too much of a coward to do the right thing.

3. "I don't believe in bank accts and credit cards. Real men carry cash" Really means he's broke, got bad credit, works off the books, and hasn't filed taxes in more than five years.

4. "I always keep it real" Really means he's too ignorant to research anything he may not understand. So when met with any obstacles he quickly gets defensive and indignant wanting to place blame instead of pointing the finger at his own ignorance. Hence the coin Phrase " I keep it real"

5. "I'm not really close to my mother" RUN RUN RUN....If a man doesn't respect his MOMMA means he probably won't respect you. I don't care I don't care !!! RUN I tell Ya!!!

I gave The Pharmacist those pearls of wisdom and off she went.

Present Day

The Pharmacist " Slish i've met someone" I respond" Bout damn time! Who, when and where" Pharmacist responds " Not ready to tell you just yet, Met him last June at a concert while hanging with some old fuddy duddy trying to impress me." I say " Hold on!!!! You been hiding this negro from me 1,2,3, 4, 8 MONTHS!!!!! Pharmacist " No Slish its not like that. I met him in June, gave him my business card, and he called me in January. I say " WHAT!!!! you met him June and he called you in January! What is he slow! He can't read? Took him 7 months to figure out you have a 914 area code. Thats a red flag Pharmacist ! If I meet a woman I'm feelin. I don't wait 7 months to call. I call her as soon she puts those numerical symbols in my cellie" Pharmacist laughs " Slish you're crazy" I respond " No I'm thorough" Pharmacist " Slish I want you to meet him" I respond " You gave him the draws already! " Pharmacist giggles again " Its been a while Slish ! " I say " Whatver he doesn't get a sit down until the 6 month mark. If he makes it that far i'll grant your request. "

A month later.....

Pharmacist's finds out her new booty ain't got no bank acct, no credit, and no future. To make matters worse he likes to dissapear. Whats a girl to do. Well I 'll tell ya. Call on the Jedi Training her big brotha Slish gave her and Fade Awaaaaaay. Which she promptly did.

Now whats the lesson here. ANYBODY!!! Okay I'll Tell Ya. The Pharmacist let the dark side of the force cloud her judgement. Ya know Lust, Loneliness and desperation. When those three components are in play. The other team is sure to score before you do.


DAMN I MISSED THIS SHIT!!!!!