Its 8:30 am Sunday morning. I've been running around since Thursday. Trying to get my world in a alignment. Don't ask me what that means I still don't know.
Thursday I had a meeting with my Financial counselor. It went well. She pretty much said "Slish if your going to buy a house you need to make more money " I respond " How much more" Counselor says " A looooot more, or you could just buy a multifamily which will generate some income helping you towards the mortgage." I say " Bet . Lets do that" Then I start thinking, Slish you have a short fuse and you can't fix shit " HOW ARE YOU GONNA BE A LANDLORD!!!!!! I start getting depressed all over again, take my paperwork, thank the counselor for her time & head uptown to my dungeon where I can formulate a new plan for my life.
Later that evening I call Barneys to see how she's doin. Barneys" Hey young man how are you today" I say " I'm alright just sitting here on the computer looking at prices for multifamily homes. How was your day" Barneys " My day was good sales are up at work hopefully I'll get a nice little bonus for all my efforts" then says excitedly "SLISH!!!!!, did I tell you what happened to me after you took me to see the Exorcism of Emily Rose " Yeah I took her to see that demon movie. I respond with my fake spanish accent " Wha happen Mami" Barneys" Well 6:15 am I was asleep on my couch and when I woke up the commercial for the movie was on the T.V. it scared the shit out of me so I ran into my sisters room screaming. "
Whats wrong with this woman!!!! Please don't tell me this is the first sign of her kind of insanity. I say kind of insanity because every woman has some form of it , just takes us men a little time to pin point and manage it. I decide to dig a little further and ask " Barneys why were you in the living room sleeping on the couch. Whats wrong with your bed?" She responds " Nothing, I haven't slept in my room since January of 05. I start counting on my fingers. 9 MONTHS!!!!!!! I ask " WHY!?!? " Barneys responds " I don't have cable in my bedroom . In order for me to sleep the television has to be on. I'm puzzled " Why?" Barneys in her baby voice" I can't sleep in the dark. I sleep with light and the television on. Been doing that since the 12th grade" I respond" so what do you do when you go to the bathroom and those areas are dark in the house " Barneys " Your not listening Slish!!!! Alllllll the lights in my apt stay on!!!! Con edison loves me Son!!!!" I'm laughing my ass of cause this shit is funny and say " When you have company you sleep with the lights on? Barneys" No, but if I need to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night I wake that ass up and they follow me to the bathroom and wait for me. OH HELL NAW!!!! Try waking me up for some shit like that she might end up stuck on that toilet in THE DARK!!!!!!!! My cell phone starts ringing thats my cue " Barneys I have to go I'll call yo crazy ass later " she laughs and hangs up.
I'm sitting on my couch and thinking Wow!!!... Barney's might be a little touched or she's pretending. Why does this always happen to me. I never meet normal women. They always have some shit to them. Here is a list of the women I've dated with abnormalities
Harlem Nites: Horrible with money. Two months behind in her rent. The rent is only 650.00 a month. She earns over 50,000 a year. No kids, No car , Just an expensive addiction to having new shit.
The Bugger: Extremley picky, Couldn't go to a restaurant unless they had grilled shrimp or ribs. We had a vip booth at Fridays. No need to tell you about her other problem since you guys have been reading my entries from the beginning.
Hot Mama: Two kids. That says it all....
Shawnla: In love with love. Once reality sets in she can't cope and runs for the hills. Oh and extremely self absorbed. I could ask her out and have the evening planned out. Soon as I pick her up. Program will be switched and I end up taking her to some spot she ordinarily couldn't take herself. Tried to get me with that shit this weekend as a matter of fact I should be on my way to her apt right now...lol
Soulmate: Afraid to leave her family and addicted to soap opera's. Refused to get rid of her outdated vcr because a recordable dvd player was too expensive. Slish fixed that problem and bought her a DVD/VCR best of both worlds. Dr Do little....... BEAT THAT!!!!
Brown Suga: Addicted to weed and cigarrettes. Can't bring her home to my parents with blood shot eyes. My father would have a field day with me.
Lady Di: Skinny like a toothpick and she doesn't exercise. If ya ask me that girl is hiding something. Hint Hint...
Barneys: Afraid of the dark and sleeps with the lights on throughout the house. Explains why she hasn't had a boyfriend the last 3 years...
I must be attracted to wounded birds. Because I never find women that have their shit together attractive. I didn't realize it until I typed that list.
WOW!!!!!!!! I'm depressed all over again.
Thursday I had a meeting with my Financial counselor. It went well. She pretty much said "Slish if your going to buy a house you need to make more money " I respond " How much more" Counselor says " A looooot more, or you could just buy a multifamily which will generate some income helping you towards the mortgage." I say " Bet . Lets do that" Then I start thinking, Slish you have a short fuse and you can't fix shit " HOW ARE YOU GONNA BE A LANDLORD!!!!!! I start getting depressed all over again, take my paperwork, thank the counselor for her time & head uptown to my dungeon where I can formulate a new plan for my life.
Later that evening I call Barneys to see how she's doin. Barneys" Hey young man how are you today" I say " I'm alright just sitting here on the computer looking at prices for multifamily homes. How was your day" Barneys " My day was good sales are up at work hopefully I'll get a nice little bonus for all my efforts" then says excitedly "SLISH!!!!!, did I tell you what happened to me after you took me to see the Exorcism of Emily Rose " Yeah I took her to see that demon movie. I respond with my fake spanish accent " Wha happen Mami" Barneys" Well 6:15 am I was asleep on my couch and when I woke up the commercial for the movie was on the T.V. it scared the shit out of me so I ran into my sisters room screaming. "
Whats wrong with this woman!!!! Please don't tell me this is the first sign of her kind of insanity. I say kind of insanity because every woman has some form of it , just takes us men a little time to pin point and manage it. I decide to dig a little further and ask " Barneys why were you in the living room sleeping on the couch. Whats wrong with your bed?" She responds " Nothing, I haven't slept in my room since January of 05. I start counting on my fingers. 9 MONTHS!!!!!!! I ask " WHY!?!? " Barneys responds " I don't have cable in my bedroom . In order for me to sleep the television has to be on. I'm puzzled " Why?" Barneys in her baby voice" I can't sleep in the dark. I sleep with light and the television on. Been doing that since the 12th grade" I respond" so what do you do when you go to the bathroom and those areas are dark in the house " Barneys " Your not listening Slish!!!! Alllllll the lights in my apt stay on!!!! Con edison loves me Son!!!!" I'm laughing my ass of cause this shit is funny and say " When you have company you sleep with the lights on? Barneys" No, but if I need to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night I wake that ass up and they follow me to the bathroom and wait for me. OH HELL NAW!!!! Try waking me up for some shit like that she might end up stuck on that toilet in THE DARK!!!!!!!! My cell phone starts ringing thats my cue " Barneys I have to go I'll call yo crazy ass later " she laughs and hangs up.
I'm sitting on my couch and thinking Wow!!!... Barney's might be a little touched or she's pretending. Why does this always happen to me. I never meet normal women. They always have some shit to them. Here is a list of the women I've dated with abnormalities
Harlem Nites: Horrible with money. Two months behind in her rent. The rent is only 650.00 a month. She earns over 50,000 a year. No kids, No car , Just an expensive addiction to having new shit.
The Bugger: Extremley picky, Couldn't go to a restaurant unless they had grilled shrimp or ribs. We had a vip booth at Fridays. No need to tell you about her other problem since you guys have been reading my entries from the beginning.
Hot Mama: Two kids. That says it all....
Shawnla: In love with love. Once reality sets in she can't cope and runs for the hills. Oh and extremely self absorbed. I could ask her out and have the evening planned out. Soon as I pick her up. Program will be switched and I end up taking her to some spot she ordinarily couldn't take herself. Tried to get me with that shit this weekend as a matter of fact I should be on my way to her apt right now...lol
Soulmate: Afraid to leave her family and addicted to soap opera's. Refused to get rid of her outdated vcr because a recordable dvd player was too expensive. Slish fixed that problem and bought her a DVD/VCR best of both worlds. Dr Do little....... BEAT THAT!!!!
Brown Suga: Addicted to weed and cigarrettes. Can't bring her home to my parents with blood shot eyes. My father would have a field day with me.
Lady Di: Skinny like a toothpick and she doesn't exercise. If ya ask me that girl is hiding something. Hint Hint...
Barneys: Afraid of the dark and sleeps with the lights on throughout the house. Explains why she hasn't had a boyfriend the last 3 years...
I must be attracted to wounded birds. Because I never find women that have their shit together attractive. I didn't realize it until I typed that list.
WOW!!!!!!!! I'm depressed all over again.
posted by Mr.Slish at
9/25/2005 04:30:00 PM
3 Comments:
Slish's problem is the way he goes SHOPPING. Like most black men he likes the taste of the Trans Satty Fats. You need to take a closer look at the ingredients man and see how it was made before you bag it and take it home with you. It's also WHERE you are doing your SHOPPING. YOU ARE NOT GOING TO FIND WHAT YOU WANT AT THE CORNER STORE. Go take your ass to Pathmark like the rest of us. The prices are better and you can pick up some QUALITY food.
I will say your life would make for a great TV show though.
Interesting mix of women in the stable pimp. Funny how you told me I was attracted to the wounded bird types and here you go with your "shopping" list. Barney's hasn't had a man in THREE YEARS?!?!?! Surprised that she hasn't started humping your leg yet. All these women so little time, whatcha gonna do Hammer?
Slishy get bent,lol. You can't handle a real woman. But you are still Big Daddy Slish.
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