Welcome To The Doo Doo Zone

Scary Spice called out sick today. Not gooood. That is all the ammo my supervisor needs to get rid of her. You don't call out sick the first month of employment unless you have a death in the family. She's in trouble. Think I'm going to buy a bullet proof dress shirt. Someones about to go postal.


Now throughout the years i've seen, heard and even participated in a Doo Doo story. Everyone I know has one. Back in the day Grantlove & Good & Plenty noticed something very unusual about young Slishy. One morning me and the asshole twins were walking to school. Grantlove and Good & Plenty see a pile of dog shit before I do. They decide to take up most of the side walk so that the shit is directly in my path. Why I didn't notice ? Grantlove & Good & Plenty were very good at keeping me preoccupied. As we get closer. The asshole twins start bumping into me. I'm like what THE HELL!!!! is wrong with these two. We pass the target. Both Grantlove & Good & Plenty's mouths are wiiiide open now . Good & Plenty says " Yo Grant did you see that. Slish stepped right over that pile of shit without even looking down." Grantllove responds " That was luck bet he can't do it again" FOR TWO YEARS!!!! These so called best friends of mine tried to trick me into stepping into some shit. It became a part of their daily routine. But everyday they tried everyday I would step right over it. It was a GIFT!!! like a mutant ability. I was SHIT BOY!!!!!


Doo Doo stories part 2

My early twenties I took my first job working with Deranged , Crazy, Confused rejects. I was a unit clerk. I had no direct contact with patients. About a two weeks on the job one of the Mental Health workers befriends me. One day i'm talking shit and I tell him " Yo Wes you got the easiest job all you have to do is make sure your cousins don't escape out into the wilderness and inpregnate the wildlife" Wes responds in his Jamaican accent " Yuh tink this job easy" I respond " Hell yeah everytime I walk by your either sleep or reading people magazine oh correction looking at the pictures CAUSE YO ASS CAN"T READ!!!!! Wes responds " Yuh is ah Joka"

Couple of days goes by. I'm in the office filing some progress notes Wes comes to the door " Yo Slish come sit down with dis youth here while mi go tek one piss" I respond " Kewl I need a break from this paperwork anyway." I leave the office and go into the pt's room "Wes says just watch Zingaro I'll be right back ." I respond " Aiight!!!! go before yo coconut ass wets itself ." Wes responds " Bwoooooy yuh is a Joooka" and leaves . I sit down on the chair in front of Zingaro's bed and say " High my name is Slish whats your name" Zingaro responds in his rain man voice " My Name is Zingaro . I like you. Will you take me to the bathroom. I respond " Suuuure what do you have to do number one or number two ." Zingaro says " Nuuuumber Twoooo" Aww helll !!!! I get up look outside the door for Wes's return NO SITE OF HIM!!!! I say " Okay lets go " Zingaro responds " Thaaaank Yoooouuu!!!!!!" He goes into the bathroom takes off his pants and sits on the toilet I stand by the bathroom door my head turned in the opposite direction. Everything is fine so far ya know the typical doo doo smell and noises of whatever Zingaro had for lunch hitting water. Then all of a sudden The Doo Doo smell got reeeeeaaally strong like I was actually closer in proximity to Zingaro than
I really was. I turn my head to see what the F@$%K was going on HOOOOOLY SHIIIIT!!!!! Zingaro was not only standing up but had reached into the toilet bowl and smeared Feces alllll ooooveer His Boooody!!! I mean his face, arms, legs & the inside of his mouth was covered in shit!!! I try to run but my legs would not move must have been a combination of shock and disgust. I yell " ZINGARO WHAT ARE DOING!!!! WHY??? " Zingaro responds " I like my shit . I like it so much that I eat it " I get brave and yell " YOU PUT THAT NEXT PIECE OF SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH AND ITS ON!!!! Zingaro yells " ITS MINE!!!! I'll EAT MY SHIT IF I WANT TO. I"LL EAT IT I' LL EAT IT I'LL EAT IT !!!!! I'm clinging to the wall now. WHERE THE HELL IS WES!!!!!! Zingaro calms down about a minute or two later still covered in doo doo and says " Okay Slish I'll stop . I can't help myself sometimes. I just like eating shit. " He gets into to the shower and starts to rinse himself off. A few seconds later Wes comes strolling into the room with this Devilish grin and says " Eh Joka. Yuh still tink dis job easy. "


I never learn.....