E.G.O

This week went by so quickly . I'm trying to finish up what little work I have left, but this one case is just an enigma to me. I need some info. I call my version of Huggy Bear. Her name. Monie Love. She got her ears to streets. When Clipperman had that problem with the Barber I called Monie told her what was up. A day later she had all this dude's info. Where he lived ,where his girl worked, how many kids he had, & even how long he was locked up. I Feel sorry for any man she decides to date. THEY'RE NOT GETTING AWAY WITH SHIT !!!!!! Nigga try to go out with the next chick Monie probably jump out the bushes yelling " I GOTCHA!!!!!!!

I call her up. " Whats up Hotness " Monie repsonds in a fake jamaican accent " What a gwon Slish" then breaks into song and continues " Its Friiiiday Niiiight ain't Gettin Paiid . I Caallled My Friend Up ." I jump in and say " AND YOU AIN'T GETTIN LAAIID" we both start laughing Monie says " Slish your crazy, but for real. Why is this dude trying to play me" I respond " What do you mean?" Monie " He went out of town, came back and he hasn't called at all. The question i'm asking myself now is HOW THE HELL!!! does she know he's back in town when he hasn't called her. DAMN SHE'S GOOD!!!! she continues " He must not know who I am. I'm not the one. Thats what I get for lowering my standards. Even Fat Men play games." SO WHEN YOU HOOKING ME UP WITH SOMEBODY!!!!! I respond " I'm still looking. Haven't found anyone you would like and vice versa, but i'm still looking" cause she knows i'm full of shit Monie responds " Yeah Riiiiight" gives me the info I need. I Hang up.

I get home, take off my work clothes, sit at my computer and start to contemplate how i'm going to make Barneys go Coo Coo for Slishy Puffs tonight. She invited me over for dinner and drinks. I suggested we go out, but she insisted " Know baby i'll cook" MY KINDA GAL!!!! My cell phone starts ringing. Its Good & Plenty " Sliiishyyyy " I respond " Whats poppin bruh " Good & Plenty " Awww nothing its Friday and i'm looking for some mischief to get into. Now thats F%&*KED up why cats always calling me !!! I respond " Bullshit negro you know your ass did NOT put in the proper paper work with Mrs Gooden Plenty" Last time we planned a night of debauchery without her knowledge got Good & Plenty placed in the CORNER!!!!!! Her exact words " Slish Good & Plenty can't go out tonight!!Good & Plenty looking up at me from the corner all stupid " He is not leaving me here with these kids without permission. Next time you want him to go somewhere you ask the both us NOT HIM!!!!!" Woooooow !! From that time on. Anytime I want Gooden & Plenty to hang out I call Mrs Good & Plenty 2 weeks in advance and set up a play date. I say " Good & Plenty you hear from Grant Love? Hows he doing down there in florida after the hurricane" Plenty responds " He's okay he couldn't go to work for couple of days , but my sister in law and my boy Knuckles say shit is really F&$KED up where they are. My sister in laws roof blew off so she's staying with friends, Knuckles telling me its a 3 hour wait just to get gas and YO!!!! CHECK THIS OUT SLISH!!!! Niggas is shooting people for cutting in front of them " I respond" Word !?! Plenty " Yeeeahhhh F.E.M.A done F@#%^KED up again only reason why we didn't hear about it is cause the Govt don't want us to" I respond " Tru dat Tru dat , but check this out I can't play with ya tonight I have a dinner date so go home and pretend to be a good husband and leave me alone. Plenty responds " Aiight with yo punk ass. Later "

Back to what I should wear tonight. Since i've lost a few pounds I decide on a wife beater, jeans and one of my soccer sweat suit tops. I take a look in the mirror check myself out minus the soccer top ofcourse DAMN I LOOK GOOD FOR MY AGE!!!!


I get to Barneys apt about 10:30 pm. I ring the bell. Door opens. This is one pretty woman . Skin like milk, innocent light brown eyes and lips that say KISS ME KISS ME KISS ME !!!!!! which I quickly do. Barneys says " I grilled some chicken and made you a salad . I know you don't like to eat heavy after 9 pm, your fruit punch is in the fridge " Well Well Well a woman that pays attention I respond " Thank you " and give her another kiss.

We're on the couch watching the tele . Barneys cell phone rings. She looks at it and decides not to pick it up. My Slish sense starts to tingle . Who could that be and why didn't she answer it. Then the phone voice mail tone signals that she has a new message. Barneys picks up the phone retrieves it, listens, then says " Slish. Excuse me while I return this phone call" I respond " kewl" go into the kitchen and fix myself another drink. I come back out into the Living room and hear Barneys saying in a very agitated voice " YOU CALLED ME FOR THAT !!!!! she looks at me and signals me not to say anything . WHAT!!!! WHO THE HELL IS SHE TALKING TOO!!!!!! Barneys continues " Listen I can't talk to you now . I have company." I realize then shes talking to a guy and not just any guy someone she used to date or currently dating ya never know. I'm about to start trippin now cause my male ego is kicking me in the ass yelling " YOU JUST GOT PLAYED YOU JUST GOT PLAYED!!!!! I decide to ignore it. After all i'm the guy with her now not the dude on the phone. Barneys hangs up and apologizes and says " Thats what you get for dating someone you work with. Slish I'll be honest. When I met you I was still seeing him, but things were not that serious. I told him I was going on a date with you. He's been trippin ever since" I can't be mad at that. Its not like i've been innocent my damn self. Harlem nites been filling my chocha quota weekly and Wednesday I hung out with sexy ass Agent 99 so who am I to judge. I say " Dayum he' s trippin like that" I move in a little a closer to her on the couch and say in a low tone like whisper " What you got thats so special" barney says in a baby voice " nothing" I whisper " Nothing huh. Must be those lips." I kiss her softly and say " If you were kissing him the way you've been kissing me. I could see why he would be trippin right now" I give her a deeper kiss Barneys lets out a sigh and whispers to me " I missed your lips"

Fellas reading this story. What have we learned here today.

E. G. O. = NO PUSSY