Buttons Not To Push
I've always believed that when you break up with someone. You break up! No phone calls the next day to see how the other person is doing, No leaving shit behind just to have an excuse to come back, No hanging out in places your significant other usually frequents just to catch a glimpse of them. When I break up with someone I'M DONE!!! I don't call, write, stalk, or beg for forgiveness. Come to think of it! Barneys is the only woman i've ever broken up with and called back. Any other woman who wanted to reconcile. Would have to call me. Don't get me wrong they don't have to grovel at my feet. I'm easy! Soon as they say " Slish i've missed you" I would respond " LETS GET BACK TOGETHER!!!"
Mid 90's my ex Butterscotch and I had a huge fight about absolutely NOTHING!!! Think I wanted to furnish our apt using credit and she wanted us to save for it. Looking back she was right. I could have been more patient but that woman knew how to push my buttons. So much that it might have caused me to have Slap a Bitch spasms. Without medication thats hard to control. Since I am allergic to steel bars and wearing the same shit everyday. I decided to break up with ButterScotch and move out.
For weeks I was in a funk. Everything I heard or saw reminded me of Butterscotch. To make matters worse Clipperman had intel about Butterscotch riding in her ex man's whip CHEESIN!!!! I was SICK when I heard that. But I never broke down and called her. My pride would not allow me to that. I'm Slish DAMMIT!!! ME RUN TINGS. TINGS NUH RUN ME!!!
About 4 months go by. I'm feeling like myself again. My swagger is back. Fondu, Phantom, Scavenger and myself plan a night of debauchery. First we would hit this hole in the wall spot where the most expensive drink was 3 dollars. Then we would head down to the Shadow nite club for some easy pickins. If a nucca couldn't pull a chick in that place! Mean't his mama breast fed his ass until he was 18!
We get to the Shadow and there is a long line Full of scantily clad women. I'm happier than a pedophile in a nursery school playground! As we're walking passed all the different flavors Fondu turns to me and says " Slish ! You see all this pussy out here. We need to get in pronto. I want first dibs on what ever comes through the door! If we wait out here on this line i'll miss out. Turn around and walk back to the front and do what you do." Unfortunately I happened to agree with him. So I turn around and head for the front of the line looking for a familiar face to cut in front of. Half way to the Club entrance I hear a female voice " Hey you" I turn to see who it is. SHIIIIT FUCK ! Butterscotch! I Look at her face. Then work my way down. She was dressed in a short tight black dress. Why is it when you break up with a woman and you see her again after a couple of months she looks 5 times better than when you left her. Slasher quickly grabs Butterscotch by the arms and pushes her off the line and into the corner of some dark store front. He caresses her sexy frame and slides his tongue between her lips. Butterscotch lets out a sigh when the Slasher finishes his assault. " Am I going to see you inside" Slasher responds " You'll more than just see me inside."
I walk back over to the crew. Slish has managed to get back into the drivers seat. I realize I can't go inside The Shadow if Butterscotch is going to be in there. I'll have a fit if I see some dude push up on her. I'll have a nervous break down if I see her give him a number. " Fellas I can't go in" Fondu responds "Why" I say " I just saw Butterscotch. It hasn't been enough time. If I see her talking to the next man I might act out. " Fondu " Fuck that!! You left her! Deal with it! I'm not passing up all this pussy just because you have FEELINGS." Phantom starts laughing and says " Slish don't worry. Its so big inside you probably won't see her. I respond " Probably right " Then I turn to Fondu " Think your girl is out doing the same thing you are right now ? His face gets tight, he turns around and doesn't respond
In front of the club now. Bouncer looks at us and says" You three guys can go in. Yo boy can't " he's pointing at me . I say " Why? What did I do ? Bouncer responds " Its not what you did its what you're wearing. This club has a strict no sleeveless shirts and sweater policy. I had on a sleeveless sweater. I say " Thats cool. I didn't want to go in anyway. Fondu gives me a screwfaced look. " Fuck you. You see all this ass!! I'm going in! Phantom says " Fondu didn't you just hear the man say Slish can't get it in." I say " Phantom its aiight. Fondu give me your car keys. I know a spot about 5 blocks from here that doesn't have a dress code. Some of my people are already there. " HELL NO! You are not driving Brandy! His semi brand new BMW. I respond " Okay. Then drop me off over there and the rest of you can come back. " Phantom says " Thats fair. Come on Fondu lets drop him off."
We're in Brandy now. Music is blasting. I'm in the front seat. Phantom and Scavenger are in the back. I look over at Fondu to see if he's still pissed. His eyebrows look like they're about to connect with the bridge of his nose. Then we make eye contact. He turns his radio down " You know what Slish! Why does everything always have to be about you ! " I turn around and look back at Phantom and Scavenger. Phantom gives me a I don't what the fuck he's talking about look. I respond " Excuse me. How is this about me ?" Fondu " You alwaaays get your way" This nigga is drunk. Ignore him Slish before he awakens the beast. Fondu continues " Even as kids you always had to have your own way. Your fucking SELFISH and I'm tired of it ! I hear myself say " Well its not like me to break tradition so shut the fuck up and just drive me where I need to go" Fondu SEE THAT!!! SEE THAT PHANTOM !! THIS NIGGA IS SELFISH! The beast is awake and he's still a bit tipsy from the 3 dollar a drink bar !
Slasher " I'm selfish ! Back in the day when Casey's brothers jumped your obnoxious ass. Who ran to your rescue and got lumped up right along with you, When you graduated from college and couldn't find a job for almost six months. You came wining to me. I made a phone call GOT YO ASS THE JOB YOU CURRENTLY HAVE TILL THIS VERY DAY! Phantom interjects " Slish chill !! " I continue" NO!! I'm not done! When your fat fuck of an exgirlfriend was sucking the life force from your body. Who noticed it and introduced you to that beautiful, buxom firecracker of a girlfriend you have right now ! Therefore making it easy for you to break up with that monster! You know what Nigga! The question you should really be asking yourself is WHERE WOULD YOU BE WITHOUT ME!! I made you!!!! You're my creation FRANKENSTEIN!! This fly whip, your Job and your girl aallllll belong to me ! Don't - You - Ever - Forget - That BITCH! Fondu presses the car breaks in the middle of traffic and says " GET OUT!!! Slasher responds " Fuck you. I'm not getting out!! Fondu pulls the car over to the side walk " GET OOOOUT!!! Slish manages to regain control and realizes what he said was out of line. I get out of the car figuring the both of us just needed a little time to cool off. I was mistaken because as soon as my foot hit the sidewalk Fondu was out ! Left me right there on the West Side Highway.
4:oo am I'm alseep in bed after finding my way home. My phone rings. I pick up " Hello " Butterscotch softly says " I thought I was going to see you in the club? I was looking forward to it. I've missed you " I say " I've missed you too. Baby lets get back together! "
What can I say ya'll. I'm easy.
Mid 90's my ex Butterscotch and I had a huge fight about absolutely NOTHING!!! Think I wanted to furnish our apt using credit and she wanted us to save for it. Looking back she was right. I could have been more patient but that woman knew how to push my buttons. So much that it might have caused me to have Slap a Bitch spasms. Without medication thats hard to control. Since I am allergic to steel bars and wearing the same shit everyday. I decided to break up with ButterScotch and move out.
For weeks I was in a funk. Everything I heard or saw reminded me of Butterscotch. To make matters worse Clipperman had intel about Butterscotch riding in her ex man's whip CHEESIN!!!! I was SICK when I heard that. But I never broke down and called her. My pride would not allow me to that. I'm Slish DAMMIT!!! ME RUN TINGS. TINGS NUH RUN ME!!!
About 4 months go by. I'm feeling like myself again. My swagger is back. Fondu, Phantom, Scavenger and myself plan a night of debauchery. First we would hit this hole in the wall spot where the most expensive drink was 3 dollars. Then we would head down to the Shadow nite club for some easy pickins. If a nucca couldn't pull a chick in that place! Mean't his mama breast fed his ass until he was 18!
We get to the Shadow and there is a long line Full of scantily clad women. I'm happier than a pedophile in a nursery school playground! As we're walking passed all the different flavors Fondu turns to me and says " Slish ! You see all this pussy out here. We need to get in pronto. I want first dibs on what ever comes through the door! If we wait out here on this line i'll miss out. Turn around and walk back to the front and do what you do." Unfortunately I happened to agree with him. So I turn around and head for the front of the line looking for a familiar face to cut in front of. Half way to the Club entrance I hear a female voice " Hey you" I turn to see who it is. SHIIIIT FUCK ! Butterscotch! I Look at her face. Then work my way down. She was dressed in a short tight black dress. Why is it when you break up with a woman and you see her again after a couple of months she looks 5 times better than when you left her. Slasher quickly grabs Butterscotch by the arms and pushes her off the line and into the corner of some dark store front. He caresses her sexy frame and slides his tongue between her lips. Butterscotch lets out a sigh when the Slasher finishes his assault. " Am I going to see you inside" Slasher responds " You'll more than just see me inside."
I walk back over to the crew. Slish has managed to get back into the drivers seat. I realize I can't go inside The Shadow if Butterscotch is going to be in there. I'll have a fit if I see some dude push up on her. I'll have a nervous break down if I see her give him a number. " Fellas I can't go in" Fondu responds "Why" I say " I just saw Butterscotch. It hasn't been enough time. If I see her talking to the next man I might act out. " Fondu " Fuck that!! You left her! Deal with it! I'm not passing up all this pussy just because you have FEELINGS." Phantom starts laughing and says " Slish don't worry. Its so big inside you probably won't see her. I respond " Probably right " Then I turn to Fondu " Think your girl is out doing the same thing you are right now ? His face gets tight, he turns around and doesn't respond
In front of the club now. Bouncer looks at us and says" You three guys can go in. Yo boy can't " he's pointing at me . I say " Why? What did I do ? Bouncer responds " Its not what you did its what you're wearing. This club has a strict no sleeveless shirts and sweater policy. I had on a sleeveless sweater. I say " Thats cool. I didn't want to go in anyway. Fondu gives me a screwfaced look. " Fuck you. You see all this ass!! I'm going in! Phantom says " Fondu didn't you just hear the man say Slish can't get it in." I say " Phantom its aiight. Fondu give me your car keys. I know a spot about 5 blocks from here that doesn't have a dress code. Some of my people are already there. " HELL NO! You are not driving Brandy! His semi brand new BMW. I respond " Okay. Then drop me off over there and the rest of you can come back. " Phantom says " Thats fair. Come on Fondu lets drop him off."
We're in Brandy now. Music is blasting. I'm in the front seat. Phantom and Scavenger are in the back. I look over at Fondu to see if he's still pissed. His eyebrows look like they're about to connect with the bridge of his nose. Then we make eye contact. He turns his radio down " You know what Slish! Why does everything always have to be about you ! " I turn around and look back at Phantom and Scavenger. Phantom gives me a I don't what the fuck he's talking about look. I respond " Excuse me. How is this about me ?" Fondu " You alwaaays get your way" This nigga is drunk. Ignore him Slish before he awakens the beast. Fondu continues " Even as kids you always had to have your own way. Your fucking SELFISH and I'm tired of it ! I hear myself say " Well its not like me to break tradition so shut the fuck up and just drive me where I need to go" Fondu SEE THAT!!! SEE THAT PHANTOM !! THIS NIGGA IS SELFISH! The beast is awake and he's still a bit tipsy from the 3 dollar a drink bar !
Slasher " I'm selfish ! Back in the day when Casey's brothers jumped your obnoxious ass. Who ran to your rescue and got lumped up right along with you, When you graduated from college and couldn't find a job for almost six months. You came wining to me. I made a phone call GOT YO ASS THE JOB YOU CURRENTLY HAVE TILL THIS VERY DAY! Phantom interjects " Slish chill !! " I continue" NO!! I'm not done! When your fat fuck of an exgirlfriend was sucking the life force from your body. Who noticed it and introduced you to that beautiful, buxom firecracker of a girlfriend you have right now ! Therefore making it easy for you to break up with that monster! You know what Nigga! The question you should really be asking yourself is WHERE WOULD YOU BE WITHOUT ME!! I made you!!!! You're my creation FRANKENSTEIN!! This fly whip, your Job and your girl aallllll belong to me ! Don't - You - Ever - Forget - That BITCH! Fondu presses the car breaks in the middle of traffic and says " GET OUT!!! Slasher responds " Fuck you. I'm not getting out!! Fondu pulls the car over to the side walk " GET OOOOUT!!! Slish manages to regain control and realizes what he said was out of line. I get out of the car figuring the both of us just needed a little time to cool off. I was mistaken because as soon as my foot hit the sidewalk Fondu was out ! Left me right there on the West Side Highway.
4:oo am I'm alseep in bed after finding my way home. My phone rings. I pick up " Hello " Butterscotch softly says " I thought I was going to see you in the club? I was looking forward to it. I've missed you " I say " I've missed you too. Baby lets get back together! "
What can I say ya'll. I'm easy.
posted by Mr.Slish at
7/02/2006 07:00:00 PM
26 Comments:
Oh Slish...LMAO @ "happier than a pedophile in a nursery school playground!" That is heeeelarious!
I have a similar mentality when it comes to break ups. I NEVER call the guy afterwards. He has to do ALL the begging. I have too much pride.
So, bitch spasms huh...I'll have to look that up in my medical book. Is that a clinical term?
This Fondu clown sounds like a baffoon. Actually, you were not wrong in saying what you said. Well, maybe the part that went like:
"You're my creation FRANKENSTEIN!! This fly whip, your Job and your girl aallllll belong to me !"
That extra little bit could have been left out, but you should have slapped his ass for talking out of his face. Just my $0.02.
Mr. Music
Never ever use that analogy again...."I'm happier than a pedophile in a nursery school playground!"
I say Hey You...she musta said something like Hey Nucca...but not hey you.
and 3rd...
You ARE EeeeeeZzzzzzzzzz!!!! LMAO
*what's up Slish...how YOU be?
@ The mistress Slap a Bitch spasms can get a man locked up. There is no known cure..lol
@ Mr Music..Why you always acting like you don't know who Fondu is..You should. Everytime he saw your sister he would grab his nuts and drool..lol
@ Blah. Actually she said Hey Big Daddy Slish. Come over here and handle yo business...lol
Yo... If I was Fondu I would have knocked you the fuck out that night playboy... Your lucky he only left you on the westside highway... What the fuck was you think'n when you made that comment: " I made you"... You got some nerve.... That's a real cocky statement right there. Even if it were true, you should have not have went there... 4 Real...
Actually I'm not sure who he is, you gots to remind me or gimmie a clue of sumting.
^^^ -Mr. Music
@ Philly Thats the problem I wasn't thinking. My verbal lashing was fueled by alcohol.
@ Echo...Yeah I'm easy..Only for the ones that I love...
Until what? They call you for that midnite booty call. You go. He puts it on ya you start thinking to yourself. Why did I cut you off again..lol
Nice Bush Babies reset. True hip hop shit.
You know why they always look better with a little separation? Because they're our muthafuckin' TYPE! We picked 'em and we lose perspective when we're in close proximity to 'em. I think sometimes a little separation is good.
KZ
How would you know the happiness of a pedophile in nursery school.....FREAK.
Tight ass sleeveless sweater in the damn Shadow. Tell Chuck Chillout I said wassup.
The adventures never end with you! LOL
In answer to your question - "Why is it when you break up with a woman and you see her again after a couple of months she looks 5 times better than when you left her?" We do that on purpose - gotta make you see what you've been missing and make you regret giving all this up. This strategy is very intentional. Clearly it works.
"where the most expensive drink was 3 dollars."
Dayum...where have those days gone...take me back.....***clicking my heels***...take me back...great story...btw was it cold that night when u were escorted to the highway....lol...
It's been 2 years and I have yet to run into my ex (of 7 years) or any of his boys. But best believe if that muthafuker even thinks about grabin me by the arm and pushing me into some store front and puttin his dayum tongue anywhere near mine I'M FUKKIN HIM UP!! LOL!! But I will admit that just the idea of running into him out in the streetz makes me keep my game on point at all times.
Oh and your boy Fondu is an azzhole FOR REAL!!! But I loved the line "I made you!!!! You're my creation FRANKENSTEIN!! This fly whip, your Job and your girl aallllll belong to me ! Don't - You - Ever - Forget - That BITCH!" That shyt is classic!!!
Great story!
I'm saying, You really should pen a book...lol
I know alcochol and the club made me and my best friend of ten years at that time, get into a fist fight...We still crack up about that shit...she sneakered me tho.
And you know I am the same way, I used to keep an old motto my Abuela used to tell me...she usta say "Never jump back in the fridge to see if the milk is still sour."
Basically if the relationship was sour, it probably will remain that way...hmmm.
Cept my man now...what can I say, I am addicted..lol
@ Zed ya know..Never thought of it that way before. Think you might be on to somthing..
@ Venom. How would I know!!! Forget who bailed you out of jail the last time the police spotted you at a nursery school. That glazed look you had was scary..
@ Sandy baby..That strategy sucks..Make a brotha go back to a woman he had no business being with in the first place..lol
@ Ms Degrate 1 That spot is still open.Drinks are 5 dollars now...lol It was summertime Hot too!!
@ Royce I hear You..All those kung fu masters you have around you. Butterscotch sent me that kind of vibe. Only reason why I was able to get away with it.
Oh and you're right about Fondu being an asshole. But that was no excuse for me to lay into his ass like that. I was wrong. I apologized for it too..Till this day he still brings that shit up...lol
@ Echo Understood
@ Greeny Lol...If I write a book..Then I would have to stop blogging..can't do both..lol
Your abuela sounds like a smart woman. Too bad We never listen to them.. as for your man what part of the relationship are you addicted too The Sour Or The Sweet...
i ran into an ex at a club once, and it just so happened it was like date number two with the man soon to be my the love of my life...
my ex proceeded to scream really loudly in agony and then start shouting to my date, Whatever You Do Don't Fall In Love With Her! She'll Just Break Your Friggin' Heart and Shit and On It Like She Did Mine!!!
(true story)
So my date and I went inside the club, I excused myself from my date to powder my nose and slapped the taste out of my ex's mouth.
We didn't get back together:-)
We look better when you see us again on purpose just to twist the knife...none of my BOS exes live near me, but best believe when I go anywhere where there is the slightest chance I will see one of them...the claws, heels and full regalia come out! I dont want to reconcile...I want PAIN!!!
...Sorry. Another flashback.
:-o
@ Miss Ahmad..Thats what i'm talking about straight gangsta..lol..Slap the liquor out of a nucca's system
@ Chez BUTCHER!!! Thats your new name..lol
okay - Fondu was hating big time but you were wrong for coming out your face that severe (not matter how true it may have been). As for being easy - well I know you was always a sucker. lol
I am the exact opposite. I put up with a lot while in a relationship, so if I cut someone off, they are cut off. There have only been two people who I have given a second chance (and one of those came back to bite me in the ass).
It's called a break up for a reason. I am only friends with one ex and that's because he went on and on about us having to remain friends. Now I'm glad that we are.
Wow, Fondu sounds like a punk. He wants to go to the club and hit on women when he has a good woman at home. That's sad. Also, dudes who start drama when they start to drink are punks.
@ organized...How hard did she bite you..lol Probably why you went back..lol
@ Phoenix Tried to tell him to be quiet..He wouldn't listen so he suffered for it..
@ Mz JJ That shit happened back in the day. Fondu ended up marrying his girl and hasn't changed at all.
@ Chocolatee Which part of the story ?
*lol* Slap a Bitch Spasm...*lol*
That Love game is the HARDEST game to play, Slish. Sorry to break the news, LOL...
I've learned that not every "Goodbye" is gone...
I'm mad at, "I'm happier than a pedophile in a nursery school playground!" You know you ain't right!
And, I've been guilty of drunk dialing ex's. (My men should answer the phone - at least I call them first.) But, never going back (sober) to an ex. Greeneyed's abuelita was right!
Damn u basically made FONdu then? SO he was really mad cuz you thru no fault ofy our own couldnt get into the club......
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