Born Liar

I remember when I begged my mom to take me out of private school. " Ma I don't want to go back to that school. They don't like black people" Mom responds" Slishy don't be ridiculous you're just afraid of a little hard work. I say " No mom for real thats why I have such a hard time with my school work. White boys in that school plot against the black students. I hate that school. Please take me out. " The whole time I stood there holding a letter the school sent home stating they would not be accepting me back the following year due to my lackluster academic performance. Mom responds" Okay Slishy I will talk this over with your father" I calmly walked out of her bedroom and into the bathroom. Promptly flushing that letter down the toilet. My parents were not going to find out I got kicked out of High School. This would be one of the many lies I've told during my lifetime.

Lying has always come naturally to me. When ever I get into some shit you can be damned sure I've already formulated some kind of believable story to get me out of it. I probably tell one lie a day to either keep the peace or avoid the inevitable. Either way I know this is wrong, but my own arrogance and insensitivity can't seem to stop my nose from growing.

Yesterday I accidentally broke my lady's shower head right out of the wall. I called her immediately " Baby I broke the shower head" Shawnla responds " How??" I say" I was trying to adjust it so that it could be positioned right above my head and WHAM it came right out of the wall water just splashing everywhere. " Shawnla " Okay don't worry i'll call my landlord he'll come down and fix it. I respond " kewl " Shawnla " Slish MAKE sure my bathroom is clean! Don't want my landlord to come down there and see my dirty draws or tampons in the trash." I push the trash behind the toilet, look around in the shower and think to my self What the hell is she talking about. The shower is clean, but once again I forget that my version of clean and Shawnla's version are two different things. Then she says " You know what Slish. Tell my son to do it he knows how I like it done, because I can see you're expression right through this phone!" DAMN THAT WOMAN!!! Ofcourse The Slasher knocks Slish out, decides Shawnla is not the boss of him , and never tells Little D to clean the bathroom.

Later that evening we get back to Shawnla's place. I do my usual. Turn on the television and plant myself on the couch. Shawnla goes into the bedroom with Little D so that he can try on all the new clothes she bought for him. Then I hear the inevitable. Shawnla says " Little D thank you for cleaning out the shower" Little D responds " You didn't tell me to do that Mommy" Damn Damn Damn! Slasher starts twitching in the couch while his brain starts to spin a tale of deception." Shawnla looks out of the bedroom door and asks " Babe did you tell Little D to clean the bathroom? " Slasher responds" No baby I decided to do it myself since he was still getting dressed." Shawnla smiles and says " Oh okay Sweetie thank you for doing it " Slasher smiles to himself, places his hands behind his head and responds " Noooooo problem anytime" See!! Ain't nothing wrong with a little white lie!

Shawnla leaves the bedroom and goes into the bathroom to do her nightly routine. I look in and notice her inspecting what I have supposedly done. This is where the inevitable happens again " Slish where did you put the bathroom cleanser" Slish says to Slasher "You are sooooo busted FESS UP!!!" Slasher "I have already anticipated that question" and calmly responds " I put it where you always keep it. " Slish says " Daaaaamn negro you are good " Shawnla looks back, gives me this devilish grin and asks " What did you use to wipe the shower" Slish says to Slasher " BUSTED YOU ARE SOOO BUSTED NOW!!!! Slasher didn't think that far ahead he responds " Ummmmm I used that white rock you keep on the shower floor " Shawnla shouts " YOU MEAN THE ROCK I USE TO SCRUB THE BOTTOM OF MY FEET !!! " Awww Hell!! I 'm caught. Slish takes the wheel and starts with the damage control " Baby you know that I know that you know " Shawnla cuts me off " Ooooh SHUT UP!!! LIAR!!! I asked you to do something so simple, but instead I get LIES. " I resort to the ridiculus and say " But sweetheart I was just playing" SLAM! Shawnla shuts the bathroom door on me.

Little D hears the commotion and comes out of the bedroom eyebrows raised " She's mad " I smile at him and say " What else is new"

Lesson Learned: Don't lie for dumb shit. Especially to a woman. Telling the truth might get you cussed out, but at least the trust factor remains intact.