Broken Wings
Shawnla said to me once " Why do you feel the need to rescue me. I have been doing fine without you all these years. I didn't need you then and I don't need you now " That statement felt like a slap. It stung so much that I had to really put some deep thought into what she said. Why did I feel the need to rescue her? Then Slasher says to me " Why you acting so surprised. Its not the first time a woman has said that to you. Slish wake up! These women are not the problem its You!
Bloggers can I tell you a little secret. I'm attracted to women whose wings have been broken to the point where they can no longer fly without wincing in pain. I rememeber when I was in preschool there was this little girl who cried all the time. I was so drawn to her. I would sit down , pull her close to me and caress her cornrow braids until she stopped. In elementary most of the girls I liked came from broken homes or were adopted. When I hit my late teens the first woman I truly fell in love with had a father who was abusive to his family, a fulltime drug dealer, and was murdered by his best friend over money! She had issues till THIS DAY I shrug my shoulders at the thought, but I loved that girl would have married her if she hadn't cheated on me.
Now i'm thinking could this be a learned behavior? I mean where could I have possibly picked up this bad habit that has caused me to be single, childless, and a serial monogamist for most of my adult life. I mean my mom married the only man she has ever loved, most of my aunts and uncles are happily married to stable individuals with no emotional baggage. Then why am I so attracted to these broken women!
Yesterday I'm having a conversation with my coworker Bright Eyes. She's 23, a single mother with a four year old daughter. " Bright Eyes whats your degree in? " She responds with attitude " Why you asking" I respond " Its obvious I find you very intelligent and that intelligence had to come from somewhere" Bright eyes facial expression softens " Well Mr Slish I almost didn't go to college. My mother told me I wasn't going to be nothing but a single mother with no future. It made me so angry! I registered for college that DAY! I was 2 months pregnant at the time. First I got my associates then I went on to get my Bachelors in healthcare administration. " I smile because i'm starting to have an epiphany " How did you manage to graduate on time and still raise your baby without the support from your mother. " Bright Eyes takes a deep breath and sits down in the chair in front of me " It was hard. I went to school from 9am to 3pm came home spent time with my daughter from 3:30 to 5:30 then went to work at Pathmark from 6:30pm till 1:30 am. I did that for 4 consecutive years"
THEN IT HITS ME!!!! Women like Shawnla, Bright Eyes, even my ex Barneys all broken in someway, shape or form, but share 3 specific character traits. Strength, perserverance, and a FUCK YOU ATTITUDE !!! Those are the reasons for my fatal attraction. I'm not afraid of a strong woman as a matter of fact I crave it. Its just that I haven't figured out how to keep that last character trait from biting me in the ASS!!!!!
Bloggers can I tell you a little secret. I'm attracted to women whose wings have been broken to the point where they can no longer fly without wincing in pain. I rememeber when I was in preschool there was this little girl who cried all the time. I was so drawn to her. I would sit down , pull her close to me and caress her cornrow braids until she stopped. In elementary most of the girls I liked came from broken homes or were adopted. When I hit my late teens the first woman I truly fell in love with had a father who was abusive to his family, a fulltime drug dealer, and was murdered by his best friend over money! She had issues till THIS DAY I shrug my shoulders at the thought, but I loved that girl would have married her if she hadn't cheated on me.
Now i'm thinking could this be a learned behavior? I mean where could I have possibly picked up this bad habit that has caused me to be single, childless, and a serial monogamist for most of my adult life. I mean my mom married the only man she has ever loved, most of my aunts and uncles are happily married to stable individuals with no emotional baggage. Then why am I so attracted to these broken women!
Yesterday I'm having a conversation with my coworker Bright Eyes. She's 23, a single mother with a four year old daughter. " Bright Eyes whats your degree in? " She responds with attitude " Why you asking" I respond " Its obvious I find you very intelligent and that intelligence had to come from somewhere" Bright eyes facial expression softens " Well Mr Slish I almost didn't go to college. My mother told me I wasn't going to be nothing but a single mother with no future. It made me so angry! I registered for college that DAY! I was 2 months pregnant at the time. First I got my associates then I went on to get my Bachelors in healthcare administration. " I smile because i'm starting to have an epiphany " How did you manage to graduate on time and still raise your baby without the support from your mother. " Bright Eyes takes a deep breath and sits down in the chair in front of me " It was hard. I went to school from 9am to 3pm came home spent time with my daughter from 3:30 to 5:30 then went to work at Pathmark from 6:30pm till 1:30 am. I did that for 4 consecutive years"
THEN IT HITS ME!!!! Women like Shawnla, Bright Eyes, even my ex Barneys all broken in someway, shape or form, but share 3 specific character traits. Strength, perserverance, and a FUCK YOU ATTITUDE !!! Those are the reasons for my fatal attraction. I'm not afraid of a strong woman as a matter of fact I crave it. Its just that I haven't figured out how to keep that last character trait from biting me in the ASS!!!!!
posted by Mr.Slish at
4/13/2007 12:09:00 AM
31 Comments:
It takes a special man to deal with those types of women. And I don't mean special as in short bus either...or do I?
Kidding!
This is beautiful, man. I, usually with something to say, am left speechless. Why? [I feel a remark coming on;)] Because my wings are prosthetic. There. I said it. I am a product of a "Captain save a ho" spouse (Will that comment get me fired from Blogger?). I KNOW your post has touched me deeply and I thank you for sharing. You seem like an awesome man with some "specific character traits" that would beg the attention of a determined woman! You've got a fan in me.
It's all good until that "fuck you" attitude is misdirected at you!!!
Gotta love a strong woman.
KZ
@ Constistent I sometimes think I am on that Yellow bus..TO HELL!!!..lol
@ Proactiff What! Nothing slick to say! HOLD ON BLoggers did you feel that! The Earth just shifted....lol
You get pass for that HO comment since you're already handicapped..lol
All jokes aside I'm glad you connected with this post. Do me a favor if you haven't already just out the blue give your husband a hug and whisper in his ear Thank You...:)
@ Zed Ya know!!! But I can't tell a lie. When Shawnla is yelling at me Danger can't help but stir in his slacks...lol
awwww somebody pass me a tissue...tough to be in this position..most women that have broken wings often feel they don't deserve to be rescued so they will eventually bit the hand that puts that bandaid around their heart even only temporarily. It warms my heart that you stick it out, you will be rewarded..I'm sure soon after Shawnla fiercely says FUCK YOU she has a counter offer of FUCK ME baby....am I right?? (okay don't answer that would be TMI)
The Fuck you attitude comes from somewhere, but I do not think it means a woman does not need you. I think it means you have to learn when to step in. Great post.
you're a saver. i'm surrounded by savers. that statement WAS a slap. it was meant to be. you can't fix everything. its not just you. many men have this "i have to fix it" train of thought. sometimes we just want your support.
I'm afraid these kind of relationships are a little too advanced for my inexperience. I kinda felt like that remark was a slap too, but was it a warranted slap? I guess only you know the answer to that.
As far as dealing with the last character trait......ummmm, I'd say just give it right back with a "Well fuck you too!"
No? Not so much?? Ok, nevermind. Let me not get you kicked out the bed, lol.
Excellent post Slish! I agree with miz jj that you just have to learn when to step in.
i think it's interesting that you identify these women as those with broken wings. i used to be attracted to broken men until i realized that, well broken means broken and things that are broken don't work right, which included my relationships.
at this point in my life i don't want to be the broken one, nor do i want to love the broken one.
I can admit that i need help, i want a man who is strong, i don't need to do it all alone, i've done that most of my life.
my two cents!
Adversity makes some people strong. It made me crazy and violently angry. Like 1969 said, Ive bitten plenty of men. The more successful ones stayed calm themselves and circled back after I calmed down. This is the best method! Food, Sex and Henny also work.
I also used to have the BrokenMan-Itis, until I realized I was trying to fix my father. Now that Im ready for an unbroken man, I wouldnt recognize one if he came with a sign around his neck.
All of that to say, the rescuer is never fully appreciated. If you want more appreciation, you may have to look for another type of woman. Dont get me wrong! Us BrokenWingWomen need love too, but you personally dont have to be the one, if you need something else in your life.
PS. You changed your avatar! Where's your pimp Easter hat?!?! LOL
WOW. This is a really candid, introspective inquiry. Thanks foro sharing this. Please always remember, it is better to be wanted than needed. A lot of people feel the need to be the rescuer because they subconsciously believe that the rescuee will feel obligated to him/her, making the rescuee more likely to stick around or be accommodating to the rescuers own flaws. I'm not saying that's the case here. You sound like you come from a pretty solid background. But, I'd also suggest reading "How to love a black man" and "How to love a black woman" both by Ronn Elmore. Very insightful reads and not as cheesy as the titles imply.
Funny thing, Slish, is I constantly "give thanks" (read into that anyway your mind desires) to the hub'ster, but then I turn around and tell him, "Don't get it twisted, I don't need your white-horse-you-rode-in-on-ass acting like I owe you a em-eff-en thing -- 'cept stay Black 'til I die -- I had much to be desired considering 'birds of a feather flock together' the way you was flying try'na keep up wit' me..." This usually happens when I start to feel the words Shawnla expressed to you. Strong-willed and determined women usually go through periods of bucking the system because we have had to tow it alone periodically. It's hard to sit back and relax cause, "Baby I got this" is on the scene. What is in US is still there, trying to relax, but old inborn habits die hard. KWIM?
And, no, I didn't have the heart to get slick cause I told you I go there enough with the Mister. And like Ma'Dea would say, "You on know na'an!" BTW, your piece inspired me to 'dig in the crates' and my next writing was inspired by... I will let YOU figure that out.
Just because she doesn't need you to save her doesn't mean she doesn't need you. They really are two different things.
You write, "Women like Shawnla, Bright Eyes, even my ex Barneys all broken in someway, shape or form, but share 3 specific character traits. Strength, perseverance, and a FUCK YOU ATTITUDE !!!"
My question to you is; are you implying only "broken women" are strong?
Disclaimer: I think your right, from reading a couple of your old post the previously mentioned women do seem to possess the character traits you've listed. Its just I know plenty of strong women and "broken" wouldn't be the term I would use to describe them. If anything, broken seems to contradict the very essence of the strength which you claim they possess.
Sr. Slish
Well having not checked in like forever, I see that you are back up and running.
Not needed advice but wanting you to make things work with what's right!.
Don't over analyse. (which you do)
Don't suppose. (which you do)
Listening and being quiet.
Is a good thing. (which you don't)
Like other bloggers said,
being needed and wanted are two totally different things.
I know that you attempted with me, and as many exe's that you thro into the mix.... (broken women) LOL. Truly LMAO!
You got the later part right.
Strength, preserverence, and the fuck you attitude.
Take it in stride, the tidal wave will pass. And when it does, you'll both be clear and coherent on dealing with the topic at hand.
Slish, you do want to save everybody. You have a beatiful nature of spreading yourself thin.
In love, release and let go. You are not a savior! but a parnter for betterment. You are not here to undo, heal, make better.
In being yourself, you shine.
Let Shawnla be her and the mommy she is, and follow suit.
Remember women, have a way of telling you what they want and like even if,and when you don't know. Learn to read the signs, as much as you may have "mastered"
Strong willed women will always be determined to fix and do it themselves.
We don't need you to make it better, just reaffirm that it will be ok. (hope it makes sense.)
Sit back and listen.
Hope ya'll get to make shine finally!
BNY
@ Gemini You are right!!! lol
@ Miz JJ i've been learning to be quiet and just listen. Its HARD for a guy like me but I try...lol
@ Jameil1922 Go start a support group then...Women who don't need saving..lol
@ b.good Can't give the fuck you attitude back. Trying to get me CUT!!!
@ Paula D I'm learning I'm learning
@ Miss Ahmad I like your two cents...
@ Chez Lmoaf @ Violent and angry...Whew lucky you didn't stab anybody..lol
@ Bz You make some valid points...All this from that book...lol
@ Proactiff...Umm did you get go and whisper in his ear like I told you..lol
@ OnefromPhilly Are they really? PPleas explain it to me..and not being funny I really want to know..:)
@ Star Not implying that at all..Its just i'm drawn to their struggle and how they're able to embrace life despite the pain and hurt they've been through...
@ Barneys GOTCHA!!! You little shit! I knew you were still reading my blog...lol
Think I just put your name at the end of this post all willie nillie I was trying to draw you out...Knew you were lurking..lol
Well I guess I should be flattered...) NOT!!!
Anyway little mama Broken is just a term I used to describe the women I've adored. There is no reason for you to take what I've said personally which you clearly have....:)
"Take it in stride, the tidal wave will pass. And when it does, you'll both be clear and coherent on dealing with the topic at hand."
"YEAH WHATEVER!!!!"
"In love, release and let go. You are not a savior!"
TRULY LMAOF at this one. You really want to go there with me.
I would take your advice but Its kinda hard for me to do that when YOU and I both know if I hadn't mentioned your name you wouldn't have SHIT to say..wink
Good to hear from you
Sorry for intruding.
Stay blessed and wish you well.
D*mn Slish, that was HARSH!
Im not sayin', Im just sayin!
((ducking behind my computer chair))
thanks for dropping by and sharing your thoughts
interesting post
broken people need love too
@ Chez Was it? I wasn't the least bit annoyed when I typed it. Maybe a little tipsy but not annoyed
@ GC We all need love...:)
First of all...DAMN it's so good to see you are back.
Now, I'ma have to cosign what chezniki said and I ain't ducking nowhere! That's was extra harsh. My feelings were hurt for Barney, even if her's weren't. Clearly there's some underlying resentment somewhere in there. Try not to carry that over with Shawnla.
@ Beauty. No resentment here.I was tipsy when I wrote it and now that I have reread it a few times.It was kind of harsh. It was meant to be.
Truth be told I just didn't like what she had to say. This post wasn't about my behavior towards her or any other woman in my past/present. I was clearly stating what kind of women I've been attracted to through out the years. Beauty reread what Barneys wrote. Does what she said relate to any of the other comments posted by bloggers. She took it upon herself to point out my flaws when in no way shape or form have I ever pointed out any of hers post our break-up on this blog.
Barneys only commented because her name was mentioned and she possibly took it personal. For that I am truly sorry because it wasn't meant to be.
Sorry about posting late.
After I read your brief life story... :)
I think men like to feel needed, but women don't like to feel like they were rescued. We like to have your support. So put the cape away! Shawnla wants your support and the knoweledge that you will always be in her corner.
@ Minerva Lol.. you say that now. The day will come when you get into some shit and your significant other will not step up to the plate for whatever reason.. I bet all hell will break loose then.
Every woman needs to be rescued every now and again. Its the law of the Jungle..lol
I'm all after the fact but its nice to know that there is someone who can admit to being attracted to strength, perserverance and a fuck you attitude. Now when I hear someone comment on my attitude or occassional potty mouth I'll just smile at em and remember your post. I like how you put that. Although, I dont think our wings are broken...they might have a few scars on em, but not broken :-)
Well damn Slish.. I see you got the syndrome of one of my boys.. :)but its all good.. you just have to learn when to step in and when not too is all :)
Be good :) and damn if you ain't rip her a new arsehole.. although harsh your first response...it makes perfectly good sense :)
Ciao!
...you will never learn dude!! Nothing wrong with wanting to be a hero to your women...BUT NOT if it is to the detriment of self, NOT if it means you have to compromise who you are to put up with all of their shy cause they are so broken that they cant see the good in you. A fuk u attitude is sexy (I know...I got one) but I have learned over the years that there is a time and a place for it. And with the man I love...and the man who loves me there still needs to be a reasonable amount of respect between us. Cause a woman has to reinforce the fact that she respects her man...and that she sees him as just that (A MAN) and not a sucka she can talk shyt to.
Shawnla telling you she dont need you...well I aint sure I look at that the same way. If I love and respect my man I want him to know that I do need him. Maybe not to always save the day but i want him to know that having him in my life makes my life all the easier to live...I need him like I need to make it to heaven...he's that important.
Big Bro of course I dont know the details but you and I have had a similar convo before *ehem* and I just hope you got your best eye on the situation and aren't just going through the motions because it's better then having no motions to go through. I dont doubt that you care for shortie...but dont stop caring for yourself in the process...
Much Love :-) Z!!!
@ Royce True Truuuuue...NOW GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!! lol...
But you're right. I will take your wise words under advisement.
I was going to call you a "Captain Save-A-Ho" but youre own definition goes much deeper. And sounds better too!
:)
"Its just that I haven't figured out how to keep that last character trait from biting me in the ASS!!!!!"
Priceless...
send me your email man so you can come over to my place (blog)
divine.lavender@gmail.com
Smooches!
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