Guy Rules 101
Rumor has it Philly Live is working on his next installment. It will be posted shortly. As for me i'm just trying to keep my head above water. Meaning THE HONEY MOOOOON IS OOOOOVER between Barneys and I. We almost broke up this weekend. I remember Monie Love whispering in my ear right after I introduced her to Barneys " That woman is going to give you a hard time beeee careful. " Monie got skillz cause I didn't see the train coming.
Apparently Barneys does not think I am 100 % invested in this relationship. HOLD UP!!!! before you guys start passing judgement I have done nothing to give her that impression. But we all know I can be a bit dense and insensitive. So more than likely I did one, two or maybe three things causing my cuddle muffin to have some reservations about our recent union.
1. Corporate and I had a minor dispute in front of Barneys. This made her uncomfortable since she believes I was in the wrong. I kindly reminded her that Corporate and I always have these cat fights it comes with our dysfunctional friendship.
2. That same night at Corporates Holiday Party . She claims I introduced her to all my Boys as my girlfriend. When she met my female friends I was told I did not use the word girlfriend. This I could not remember because I don't recall anything after that 3rd glass of Rum Punch.
3. Again on that same night Barneys notices I had disappeared for about 15 minutes . When she found me I was in Corporates office having a chat with my home girl Agent 99. She found this completely unacceptable. Explains why Barneys tried to take a cab to her girls house. Here I was thinking Corporates corny ass friends were too much for her to take.
Now I gave explanations for every one of those topics listed above. Barneys response" Slish it is too early in our relationship to be having these kinds of disputes. We should be in our honeymoon faze everything is supposed to be perfect. I respond " Barneys the last boyfriend you had did you guys go through a looong honeymoon period" Barneys says " Yes" The Slasher responds " Then why am I the one sucking on your lips regularly. That honeymoon period is bullshit. Couples disagree all the time doesn't mean they care about each other any less. Yeah we're having a bumpy train ride right now doesn't mean we won't get to our destination and if you keep looking for potholes yo ass might step in one, get stuck, and left behind
Now ladies my sweetie included here are a few rules to follow when dealing with the opposite sex.
Guy Rules 101
1. Men ARE not mind readers.
2 Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
3. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. ( This doesn't apply to me I hate watching sports)
4. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. ( Going into five different stores looking at the same shoe then going back to first store to purchase that shoe is F@#%KING IDIOTIC!!!!
5. Crying is blackmail. Witholding sex is suicidal.
6. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
7. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.
8. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
9. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
10. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
11. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
12. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one .
13. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
14. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
15. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
16. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
17. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.( Well not really )
18. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as sex, baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
Apparently Barneys does not think I am 100 % invested in this relationship. HOLD UP!!!! before you guys start passing judgement I have done nothing to give her that impression. But we all know I can be a bit dense and insensitive. So more than likely I did one, two or maybe three things causing my cuddle muffin to have some reservations about our recent union.
1. Corporate and I had a minor dispute in front of Barneys. This made her uncomfortable since she believes I was in the wrong. I kindly reminded her that Corporate and I always have these cat fights it comes with our dysfunctional friendship.
2. That same night at Corporates Holiday Party . She claims I introduced her to all my Boys as my girlfriend. When she met my female friends I was told I did not use the word girlfriend. This I could not remember because I don't recall anything after that 3rd glass of Rum Punch.
3. Again on that same night Barneys notices I had disappeared for about 15 minutes . When she found me I was in Corporates office having a chat with my home girl Agent 99. She found this completely unacceptable. Explains why Barneys tried to take a cab to her girls house. Here I was thinking Corporates corny ass friends were too much for her to take.
Now I gave explanations for every one of those topics listed above. Barneys response" Slish it is too early in our relationship to be having these kinds of disputes. We should be in our honeymoon faze everything is supposed to be perfect. I respond " Barneys the last boyfriend you had did you guys go through a looong honeymoon period" Barneys says " Yes" The Slasher responds " Then why am I the one sucking on your lips regularly. That honeymoon period is bullshit. Couples disagree all the time doesn't mean they care about each other any less. Yeah we're having a bumpy train ride right now doesn't mean we won't get to our destination and if you keep looking for potholes yo ass might step in one, get stuck, and left behind
Now ladies my sweetie included here are a few rules to follow when dealing with the opposite sex.
Guy Rules 101
1. Men ARE not mind readers.
2 Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
3. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. ( This doesn't apply to me I hate watching sports)
4. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. ( Going into five different stores looking at the same shoe then going back to first store to purchase that shoe is F@#%KING IDIOTIC!!!!
5. Crying is blackmail. Witholding sex is suicidal.
6. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
7. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.
8. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
9. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
10. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
11. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
12. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one .
13. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
14. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
15. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
16. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
17. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.( Well not really )
18. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as sex, baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
posted by Mr.Slish at
12/15/2005 07:30:00 PM
8 Comments:
What the HELL!!!
I was telling you I like the chick and that I thought you two were a cute little couple....and all along she's trippin' on me!?!
I think SHE is having her own personal reasons being upset OR she is so far gone off the Slishy-cicle that her nose is WIDE open.
Ok, well a couple people did ask me about you bringing me my food and drinks all night...then to have us sitting in C.A.'s office talking by ourselves..I COULD understand her "issue"...IF I WERE LOOKING FOR NEGATIVE shit to begin with!!!! I guess this all makes sense now...her coming in and not excusing herself while we are in the middle of our conversation to say she's taking a taxi someplace...(yea riiight, that chick knew you weren't gonna let her do some dumb shit like that!)...and you following after her with your tail wagging.
She's a cutie...but like MonieLove - watch do fuck out yo!
I was in dress down mode...comfort wear...wasn't no where near thinking about any parts of Slish!!
Your chick got issues....I told you about them Newport smokers...be vewy vewy care-fool!!!
Signed,
Agent 90-muthafuckin'-9
All I could do was giggle my ass off when I heard this. The reason why I laughed...I have had the same conversation with my ex The Bitch. I will tell now Slish you are definitely in for a rough ride.
Ok, I am confused. You were to introduce her to your boys as your girlfriend, but not to the women? Is it me or is that kind of backwards? Because if she is not your girl in front of Agent 99, how is your chilling with Agent in the office shooting the breeze unacceptable? It sounds like she needs to grow up.
Oh and your rules- give me a break man. LOL
I just wanna know which lips you were sucking on regularly ;-P
Both...Ain't no half steppin ova here....
Oh Word?!?!?!Now that's what Im talking about! I knew there was something else good about you Bronxmen that I forgot to remember...LOL
...make sure you read my post, "Home for the Holidays" 12/14 and take my Bronx Quiz...see you later.
I must concur, Slish-meister prepare for the long ride. This is only the beginning of the "dissagreements". Relationships are borderline labor tasks. In other words, there's gonna be a shit loada work involved. Be ready for it. ;o)
Damn family...Say it ain't so man! Yo dude DO NOT go down the same slippery road as me, LOL. Make dat shit happen and slide right back in there and start digging. You know you can do it, LOL.
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