Mission Impossible

As you all know my break up with T Bone caused a change in your boy Slish. My Alter ego Slasher was full blown in so many ways. Any oppurtunity to cause trouble or instigate some shit! Slasher was right there ready to press any button marked DON'T TOUCH! Anyone wanting to play the dozens with me was sure to walk away with low self esteem. I was a Slick talking, Booty Grabbing JUGGERNAUT! Hmmm now that I think about it. Iwaskindofajerk!

Anyway This jerk needed to make some money so I took a job working in a Psychiatric Hospital in Rye, NY. My title was unit clerk. About a year into that thankless position and after my successful run in with The Human Shit Eater Zingaro(Please refer to my Tales from the Doo Doo Zone post) my supervisor noticed I had a way with the Crazies. She said " Mr Slish I notice our clients seem like to you. Whats your secret and would you like to make some extra cash using it." My supervisor didn't know that The Slasher was slowly driving me crazy and my only outlet was communicating with someone who was crazier than I was. Therfore the Koo Koo for Coa Coa puff population became my Gang. I respond " You want me to wear one of those white outfits don't you" She smiles and responds " You got it" pats me on the back and walks away.

I quickly became The Gatekeeper of The twilight zone. One time a patient threatened to kill anyone who approached him about taking a shower. " Mr Slish don't you come near me! I will fuck YOU UP! I laugh " I'm not gonna force you to take a shower. I'm just here to make sure you don't hurt anyone" Pt looks me up and down. I look him up and down. I reach into my back pocket, pull out my nintendo game boy, sit down on the bed next to him and start playing Tetris.

Ten minutes go by. Pt starts to feel left out of the fun. He peeks over my shoulder and says " Can I play " I chuckle, shrug my shoulders and respond " Uh Uh my brotha you gots to get your OWN! " Pt " Aww cmon Slish lemme play" I look up at him " Play me. If you win you don't have to take a shower. If I win you have to wash yo ASS! " Pt gets excited and responds " BET!!!!" Two games later he's in the bathroom playing with his imaginary yellow ducky. I tell ya The Slasher was a natural. It was like he possesed a remote control button for the insane.

Couple of months later my supervisor hired this Indian know it all named Mr Singh. He had a gift for the Deranged as well and was trying to take over by making drastic changes in the way my crew and I ran things. Mr Singh decided it was time for Zingaro to stop eating his own shit. Now my fellow colleages and I knew that was damn near impossible! We had tried many times before and paid the PRICE! But Mr Singh was determined to prove us wrong.

The following day Zingaro took a shit in his pampers and went into his bathroom to feast. Mr Singh saw this as an oppurtunity to prove he could accomplish what others couldn't. He whispers to me " Slish hold my clipboard while I sneak into the bathroom and steal Zingaro's shitty pamper." As he's walking away I grab him by the arm and say " Ummm You don't want to do that." Mr Singh gives me a smug look, pulls away and says " The hell I won't. Its time for that man to stop behaving like a SPOILED LITTLE BOY! " Mr Singh dissapears around the corner. I chuckle to myself and awaken the Slasher " Oh we'll see about that "

I run over to my coworker Wes " Yo some shit about to go down." Wes responds in his Jamaican accent " Ah wah yuh a talk bout bwoy." I say " Here. Hold this clip board" I take out my staff keys and proceeded to lock every room door on that UNIT. 2 minutes later Wes and I hear Zingaro scream " NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" Mr.Singh comes running around the corner smiling " I GOT IT! I GOT IT ! and heads for one of the rooms to hide in.

He turns the first door knob " SHIT! " he tries another one" OH MY GOODNESS! " he tries another and another and another. Zingaro comes charging around the corner Naked with flip flops! " YOU COME BACK HERE WITH MY PAMPER LITTLE MAN!" Mr Singh exhausted from trying to open all the room doors looks over at his impending doom, kneels on the floor with the pamper in his right hand and says " ALLAAAAH please preserve ME!" Zingaro leaps passed Wes and I, jumps on top of Mr Singh and pummels him into submission. He calmly takes his pamper and walks away placing mounds of shit into his mouth.

Wes looks over at me and says " Dem ah go lock yuh up inna dis place"