Lawd Ah Mercy

Friday night Shawnla somehow ropes me into hanging out with her little brother" Its okay sweetheart go ahead." Aww Hell! I usually don't hang out with cats I don't know. Last time I did that drinks got thrown and fingers were pointed at me to GET OOOOOUT!!! I'm going to need back up! I start scrolling through my cell phone for protection. HA! SPANKINAZZ he's always ready to go out. Probably sitting by the phone waiting for a break from his reality. Wife, two kids and a mortgage payment. I press the send button. Spankinazz picks up on the first ring" YESSIIIR! " I say " The cow has landed" Spankinazz responds" What time do we pick it up?" I say " 9 pm" Spankinazz " Nooooo problem"

I arrive at Spankinazz's house promptly at 9:05. He's already outside waiting and dressed for whatever tonights mission calls for. I push the unlock button on The Batmobile. Spankinazz opens the door and gets in. " Whats up kid " I respond " Same O Same O. Work, love, life and PAIN" Spankinazz laughs " Thats why you're my twin" We both laugh at the same time and I pull off.

As i'm driving up 233rd street I turn to Spankinazz and ask" You still salty with me about helping your wife plan your surprise B-day party" Spankinazz looks at me with this devilish grin "Nah kid. Although I was kinda surprised that my own boy set me up. Do you know what kind of debauchery I had planned for that evening ! Couldn't you have told her to have that shit on Saturday! MAN! You know I hate surprises! I respond " Dog! What was I supposed to do! Tell your wife no! Spankinazz responds " Yeah! Don't you ever ever ever Dothatshitagain!" I laugh " Ooookay I SPY "

Spankinazz says " Since we're on the subject. You remember the owner of that bar where the party was right." I respond " Yeah reeeeal chatty and full of himself " Spankinazz nods in agreement " Dude was giving me free drinks all night and telling me how beautiful my wife was." I say " Okaaaay. That is a good thing right? Spankinazz " It would have been if my wife hadn't pulled me to the side and whispered in my ear baby why are you talking to him. He's such a loser" We're on the highway now and I still don't know where Spankinazz is going with this story I say " Where are you going with this" Spankinazz sucks his teeth " My man! How would she know he's a loser if she claims to have visited that bar only ONE TIME! " I look over at Spankinazz kinda puzzled " Maybe he made a pass at her" Spankinazz " Nah son its more than that" I start laughing " You think they had a moment?" Spankinazz nods his head once more in agreement. I chuckle " You want me to go in undercover and find out" Spankinazz looks straight ahead and says " You do that"

2 hours later Spankinazz, myself and Shawnla's brother D-Stunna are waiting on line to get into the hottest Old School nightspot in NYC called The Freedom Party. I turn around and notice D-Stunna still has on his shades" Umm why do you still have those on." D-Stunna nods his head showing me his pearly whites " Thats how I roll" I think to myself " This is going to be a looooong night" before we go inside the Bouncer stops me dead in my tracks! " That baseball cap has to go" D-Stunna says " Thats some bullshit I just saw two dudes walk in with hats!" Here we go! I have to diffuse this shit quick! I calmly say " No problem dude I'll just put it in my back pocket" Bouncer says " I don't think so. You need to take it to your car. No baseball caps in the club" Think SLISH! before The Slasher wakes up and tells this fool his mammy should have fed him veggies instead of WALRUS MEAT!!! I tell D-Stunna and Spankinazz to go in without me. I look around and see a gyro stand. I get off the line, walk over to the owner, and say " I'll give you 5 dollars if you hold my baseball cap for me" He takes my hat then puts his hand out. I say " Uh Uh you get the money when I come back out " Owner responds with an Indian accent" Okay my friend"

5 minutes later the promoters have given me my free pass into Dancemania! As i'm walking towards the Devil Juice distributer. I notice the club is packed with wall to wall Slasher Prey. Deep down I know an ounce of alchohol will cause a BLACK OUT! So I decided on a one drink minimum then D-Stunna yells out " I got the first round!" AWW HELL NO! He makes his way to the bar and orders 3 shots of Patron, Hennessy no ice for himself & I and a heineken for Spankinazz. We give each other a toast D-Stunna says " To my sister having such a cool ass boyfriend!" D-Stunna and Spankinazz guzzle those shots like they had been in the desert for months! I slowly sipped my shit. Last time I drank a shot that QUICK! I saw Tom chasing Jerry around my head.

A hour later Slasher has rubbed on two asses, battled one chick during Break For Love and drank 1 more shot of Patron and another glass of Henny. Then the Dj throws on some old school reggae " ITS GETTIN HOT IN HERE AH WHA DEM A GUH DO TO HOLD MI! LAWDAMERCY! ITS GETTIN WICKED IN HERE! THE PEOPLE WANT TO CONTROL ME ! ITS GETTIN HOT ITS GETTIN HOT ITS GETTIN HOT! The beat drops I point my head to the floor, raise my right hand in the air and start swaying from side to side. My Slasher sense starts to tingle " You're being watched " I turn to my right and see this 5 foot light complected sista with jingling baby hips! Looking directly at me. Mind you she rubbing her booty on the next cat! I say to Slasher " Don't you dare!" Slasher beckons Jinglin Baby with some head movement. She glides her Beyonce booty right in front of DANGER, reaches behind and grabs my waist pulling me closer to HELL!

Slasher says " You mackin me baby" Jinglin gives me a seductive smile and says " Yeah. " I turn her around so I could get a better look at the entire package. She pulls me in closer and starts her own inspection. " You have a niice body" HOLD UP!!!! Now I've been out the game for a minute. You telling me its still THIS EASY! I respond " Where you from sweetheart" Jinglin says " Manhattan" Turns back around and drops her ass to the floor taking DANGER down there with her. GOOD LAAAAAWD! She gyrates those hips back up, turns around and says" You married" I say" No" " Engaged" " No" " In a commited relationship" I smile " Das Riiiight" Jinglin stops Dancing. I'm thinking i'm about to get cussed out " She says " Thats beautiful then looks around the dance floor " Where is she?" Dumb ass she standing right behind me taking pictures for blackmail purposes! I respond " She's home baby" All of a sudden Jinglin starts to tell me her life story and how she hasn't been in a committed relationship since high school I say " Sweetheart if you don't mind me asking how old are you? " Jinglin responds " 31" GEEZUZ how do these women find me! Jinglin" I want to give you my busines card so we can stay in touch. Stay right here. I'll be right back" That was my que. Time for me to go home and get some Sleepy Buns from Shawnla.

I gather up The fellas. Spankinazz was kicking and screaming" What do you mean its time to go!" I give him the you about to get left look " AlrightAlright" We get outside. I hit the Gyro terrorist with a 5 spot and retrieve my hat. Spankinazz and D-Stunna give him their business. 5 minutes later I push the unlock button on the Batmobile alarm. As I'm getting into the car I notice Broken Glass Everywhere! Back passenger side window was SMASHED! I calmly walk over to that side of the car to get a better look. D-Stunna says " Slish how come you're not yelling obscenities right now! " I don't respond. I just think to myself


"Karma is a BITCH! Should have never squeezed Jinglin Baby's ASS!!!!!"