The Snake Strikes

Afroman trained me mostly on the weekends. I wasn't that flexible so I was unable to kick over my head therefore Afroman focused more on teaching me basic hand to hand combat. At first I really did feel like The Karate Kid because most of the moves Afroman taught me seemed useless. I would always say " Mr Afroman when I am gonna learn how to break boards, bricks and various body parts" Afroman " Little man I thought you said you wanted to learn how to defend yourself " I respond while still doing my Kata exercises " I do " Afroman " What does board breaking have to do with self defense " I respond " Duuuh. If like another kid is going to hit me with a bat! All I have to do is raise my arm and block! That bat will split in two! Ya know! Like the kid with The Golden Arm ! Afroman chuckles " The only thing you'll break is your arm. Don't believe everything you see in the Movies" I give Afroman a disappointed look " But isn't that how you learned to fight? " Afroman's grin turns into a frown, his eyes get really intense like he was having a FLASHBACK ! "No little man" I stop my exercises " How then ?" Afroman comes out of his Kata stance, walks over , pats me on the head and says " Vietnam little man Vietnam"


Couple of days later in the lunchrom at school one of my classmates Sunboy decided he wanted to take a shot at playing the Dozens with me in front of my peers. Since I couldn't really fight my mouth became a lethal weapon. Long story short I ended up calling his mother a WRINKLED FRENCH FRY! Grantlove and Good & Plenty being the instigators that they were laughed real hard " YOU GONNA LET SLISH SAY THAT ABOUT YO OLD ASS MOMMA" Sunboy was HUGE for his age and had a reputation for laying kids OUT! He Stands up, points in my direction, eyebrows tight! " YOU WAIT UNTIL WE GET OUTSIDE! "

I take a deep breath, shake my head at Grantlove and Good & Plenty " Why ya'll have to go and make it worse by laughing so hard!" Good & Plenty " It was funny! " I suck my teeth, get up from the lunch room table and walk outside with caution! As soon as I hit the schoolyard Sunboy grabs me by my jacket and starts spinning me around. I somehow wiggled my way out of that jacket and TOOK OFF!! He chased me around that schoolyard with Vigor! Although I was faster. Sunboy had better Stamina. I was getting tired and couldn't keep it up for too much longer. As I'm running for my LIFE! Afroman's image appears out of nowhere sorta Like Obi Wan . " Slishy stop running, turn around and use that boys momentum against him." I stop dead in my tracks, turn around and face Sunboy. I plant both my feet firmly on the concrete. Sunboy starts picking up speed. I take a breath! Sunboy is about 1 foot away! I reach out, grab his jacket real tight, use his own strength against him and throw him to the concrete HEAD FIRST!

Sunboy is on the floor holding his head. I check to see if he's bleeding. No blood splatter. I move in a little a closer to make sure he's okay. Sunboy looks up at me " Im really gonna kick yo ass now!" DAMN DAMN DAMN!!! Where is a NUN when you need one! The school bell rings signaling the lunch period is over. Whew! Saved by the bell literally!


I get home from school really excited about what I had done. I couldn't wait to tell Afroman the news. Then I hear loud noises coming from Afroman's apt. I kneel down on the floor and place my ear to the carpet so I could listen. " Come here BITCH! What I tell you about talking back to me!" Slap! I hear Afroman's wife cry out in pain then the sound of furniture moving. Afroman's wife must have been trying to get way from him. My stomach was tied up in knots. I felt betrayed. It was like he was hitting my own mother. My father walks in on me while I was on the floor. "Slishy get YUH BACKSIDE OFF THE FLOOR NOW! " I quickly get up pointing towards the carpet " Dad listen. " Slish Sr " I already now. Now go upstairs to your room." I slowly walk up the stairs thinking to myself " What would make a man want to hurt someone he loved. I mean my dad got upset with my mother all the time, but he never hit her. Then I remember Afroman's last words to me

" Vietnam little man Vietnam"