Phantom Zone

It was my senior year in high school. My guidance counselor told me I had to take some kind of science class in order to graduate. I had been trying to avoid that. Since the last science class I was in turned me into a cheating back stabbing nutcase. Cause when yo boy Slish got caught! Errrrrboooody was going down with him! Thats what happens when your parents force you to go to school with Paranoid white boys. We all know when white folks get caught doing something unmentionable(Enron) everybody involved goes down.


Anyway I digress. I picked pyschology. How hard could that class be. My boys thought I was already waay to cerebral. Seemed like a perfect fit. Then I got the text book that almost broke my desk in half. "READ! YOU WANT ME TO READ!!!! Awww hell!" Guidance counselor " Mr Slish you need this class. You've already failed Mythlogy " I respond " How could I fail a class that a teacher stopped teaching! She QUIT in the middle of the semester! " Guidance counselor " Correct but you were supposed to pick up another english class which you never bothered to do. So now you have to take Pyschology and Advanced English Literature" I respond "DA HELL!!!! Are you mad MAN! Advanced literature! Wh Why would you give me that class !" Guidance Counselor " It was the only english class available" I say " And I'm supposed to graduate WHEN ! 1990!!!! " Slamming his door on the way out.

I go to my pyschology class and drop that heavy ass book on the floor next to my desk mumbling to myself " I can't believe this shit. I ain't never gonna graduate" Then she walks in! Mocha complexion, Jet black hair curled upward. Tight jeans that stopped at her ankles. She was poetry in motion. When I noticed her coming my way I immediately sat up! My frown turned into the smile Eddie Murphy had in Coming to America.

She sits down next to me. I try not to stare, but I couldn't help it. She was so pretty and poised. You know. Hands on the desk, legs tightly tucked underneath. She catches me! She smiles! Then looks me up and down and says " You think you're fly huh " I respond " "Excuse me?" She says " Your sneakers. Noooobody has a pair of Eliesse's in this entire high school. You must not be from around here" She was right on both counts. My sneakers were rare and I wasn't from around there. I lived in a different county altogether. Not only was she beautiful but perceptive too" I respond " Ummm i'm from around here" She asks " Where? " I wave my finger in the air and respond while nodding my head " Around Here! " She laughs and responds " Yeah right. I know where you're from " I start to get nervous because if it ever got out that I was from the Bronx and attending school courtesy of The New Rochelle residents tax dollar. Slish would not be part of the graduateing class of 1987. She continues " Your secret is safe with me" I respond " How did you know? " She " My boyfriend told me " I respond " Who's your boyfriend " She says " Matador he's in your history class " DAMN!!! There goes my love connection. I sigh and say " You must be Nessa "

That whole semester Nessa and I grew closer becoming really good friends. I was crushing on her something terrible. I even started studying and taking detailed notes in class just in case Nessa was out sick and needed to catch up. Although I hated that Matador was her boyfriend and he didn't appreciate her the way I did . He was still a good friend to me so I never told her how I really felt. Decided I would just admire her from a far.


8 years later Nessa and I rekindled our friendship and started hanging out since we were both living in the same county. Immediately those feelings I had in High School came rushing back. Before I knew it! I was in love with a woman I had never kissed or fondled. I mean back then I wasn't a playa but I did crush a lot, therefore this was new territory for me. So I decided once again to keep my feelings to myself.

Eventually me not telling Nessa how I really felt started to take its toll on me. We would go out to clubs and if I saw her talking to some other dude. Oh! and let it be someone I knew! I would instantly turn into that beeeatch The Slasher and cause all kinds of problems. It got so bad my boy Grantlove had to call me on it "Nigga if you don't stop acting like some punk bitch and tell that chick how you really feel. Its going to eat you alive! The only thing she could could say is no and NO ain't never killed nobody" I say " No will definitely kill me. I cant take that kind of rejection" Grantlove " How do you know! You haven't even tried. You just gonna stand there and let some other dude snatch her away from you! I say " Shut up" Grantlove laughs " Time waits for no man bruh " and hangs up


I pick up the phone to call Nessa and there is a female voice on the other end " Slish?" I respond" Nessa ? " Whoa! This must be a sign. I play it cool and respond " Hey. Whats up " Nessa responds " Oh nothing just calling just to call " She's calling me to say hi! Nessa continues " Figured I would check on you since you've been acting kinda weird lately " WEIRD! Just because I want you to turn me into your love slave doesn't make me WEIRD! I respond " Have I ? Nessa " Yeah that mood swing you had at the club the other night. What was that? " That was me wanting to take you home and say MINE MINE MINE!!! I say " I have something i've been wanting to tell you for quite some time now. Its the reason why i've been acting so strange " Nessa " What is it? Are you okay ? I respond " I'm fine. Its just that, Damn this is so hard to say " Nessa " Just say it Slish " I say " I like you Nessa. I think i'm in love with you. " Nessa" Awwwww Slish I love you too" SHE LOVES ME SHE LOVES ME " but as a friend." RECORD SCRATCHING " That is the only kind of love I could ever offer you" SEE! THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR LISTENING TO DR. GRANTLOVE !

2 years later Nessa and I are still good friends despite the fact she ripped out my heart and shoved it up my ass. We're on the phone one afternoon I say " How the fellas treating you. Seeing anybody ? Nessa " Yeeeah Kinda " I ask " Who? " Nessa " Hmmm Lets just say he's a professional ballplayer" I respond " Oh really Football, Baseball or Basketball" Nessa " Basketball, thats all i'm gonna tell you" I say " Hmph Well he must play for a NY team because you're not into long distance relationships " Nessa " Stop digging Sliiiiish. I'm not going to tell you. " I say " Thats cool. He' s probably a bench warmer ANYWAY! " Nessa blurts " Chris isn't a bench warmer! " I yell " I gotcha!!! Chris Childs. You're dating Chris Childs from the Knicks! Nessa " I hate you! Always figuring shit out. You better not tell anyone!" I laugh and think to myself You better not tell anyone cause that dude is married with three kids, but since Nessa didn't follow sports she wouldn't know that now would she. I say " Your secret is safe with me"


3 Months later Nessa's Romance comes tumbling down. I say " You found out he was married didn't you " Nessa " Yeeah how did WAIT A MINUTE you let me date this man knowing he was married ! I respond " Ummm yup" Nessa " How could you Slish" I respond " You sounded so happy at the time besides if I had told. Would you have believed me or classified me as a hater because of the feelings I once had for you" Nessa " You got a point it wasn't your place to tell me it was his. I feel like shit Slish " I respond " Its alright everybody makes mistakes. The next guy you meet will worship the ground you walk on." Nessa " Yeah right. The well is dry right now" I scratch my head Maaaaaaan I know I shouldn't do this but this woman needs a pick me up. I say " Nessa I have this friend. I think you might like him. He' s intelligent, well mannered, and is attending Wharton Business School. Nessa " Wharton ! " she must have smelled the dollar signs. Ness continues " Whats his name? " I respond " Corporate Corporate America "


2 weeks later Corporate calls me " EEhhh Booooy. Thanks for the connect with Nessa " I respond " What are you talking about" Corporate " She came down here to Philly and blazed me lovely " There goes that fucking record scratching noise again! I respond " You fucked her. ALREADY! " Corporate responds " Thats what I do" I was pissed! But I wasn't going to let Corporate know that I say " She must really like you" Corporate " Yeah well I hope she knows I don't have time for a relationship right now" I wanted to throw my phone through a fucking window! I put this woman on pedestal and this nigga just tosses her like a wet rag. I HATE MY LIFE!!!!

I realised something that day. The reason Nessa didn't want to get with me wasn't because I was unattractive or vertically challenged( Corporate and I are the same height) which is what I had originally thought.

1. I should have told her how I felt before she put me in the friend zone and we all know the friend zone is like the phantom zone.

2. I didn't look good enough on paper. I had no college degree and a blue collar job. I wasn't even in her league.

Yeah it sounds like I was feeling sorry for myself but it was the truth. Why be bitter because Nessa had worked hard to get her degree and post graduate degree, Why be bitter because she wanted financial security, Why be bitter at all. She was Just a project chick that done good.

Close The Fridge

5 Days post my break up with Barneys. I should be lying in a corner somewhere hand outstretched begging for someone to make the pain go away, but your boy Slish has felt nothing. I started to feel guilty about it. Then I had a conversation with Slasher. " Slish you did the best you could. You made the appropriate changes by putting me in a closet and throwing away the key. Although I hated you for it. I understood and played my position, but then I noticed you doing things that made me want to throw up. All that compromising and shit. WHERE DID IT GET YOU!!! NOWHERE! So I picked the lock and let myself OUT."

" Slish I know you think my only purpose in life is to stick your dick in as many fat asses possible. But when you get right down to it. I love you man. I couldn't just standby and let you give up the best part of you. THAT! Will never happen again! I promise. We'll find a way to work together and find someone who will love, trust & respect the both of us. Feel me " I respond " I feel you" Slasher " Now get the fuck outta this bed! "


I get out of bed as instructed and head over to Corporates Plush pad. We both wanted to watch the Season finale of The Wire on demand. I swear that is the best show on television. I get there in about 10 minutes. Doorperson" "Ahhh you're here to see." I respond" Corporate . Corporate America" Doorperson " Wait a second I'll see if he's in" She dials his number but he doesn't pick up " Ummm he's not picking up. Is he expecting you? I pull my ear from my cell phone and respond " Yes " Doorperson" I can't let you up until he answers his phone" I respond " Okay I'll sit right here until you get through." Since my complexion is waaay to tan for a pass. I mean I did tell you the person I was looking for. Its not like I picked that name out of a hat! Fucking crackers!


5 minutes later Corporate comes out. Hand in hand with his lady Legal Eagle. " Hey Bruh " Corporate " How long you been down here? " I respond " About 10 minutes " Legal Eagle " Hey Slish " I give her a hug. She looks over at corporate and says " You kicking me out for Slish! " Corporates gives his lady a WTF are you taking about look. I say " Legal don't say that too loud. You know your boyfriend is Homophobic " We both start laughing . Legal Eagle " So Slish whats been going on?" Hmmm she knows something. Legal Eagle doesn't know me well enough to ask me that. Corporate see's the suprised look on my face and says " Oh yeah I told her about you and Barneys"

I quickly change the subject " Legal Eagle look at you! Looking all Hood Chic and shit. Got the matching boots to go along with that Parka coat. I must say Corporate is one lucky negro." Legal eagle smiles and responds " Sliiiish does that mean you're not going to tell me what happened? " I respond " Pretty much " She laughs and gets into her Benz. I start thinking to myself Why can't I bag a chick that drives a benz Shiiiit why can't I bag chick that drives period.

Corporate kissed his lady Goodbye. She honks the horn and pulls off. Corporate walks towards me tight lipped. I say" Whats the matter with you. Be happy. At least Legal Eagle is making the effort to come and visit you from Brooklyn and you know she hates doing that. Corporate " I know. Its just sometimes. " I cut him off " Legal Eagle is just spoiled. Thats the least of your worries. You just have to learn how to close the fridge after you open it. " Corporate looks at me puzzled I continue " Then she won't be so damn spoiled " He grins and nods his head in agreement.

Virus

Through out the years i've tried to be as honest as I can possible be without alienating my girlfriends, boys and family. I've been told my kind of honesty can sometimes be brutal and unwarranted. My boys accept this personality trait, my family members just ignore me, and the women in my life can't take it at all.

There was a time I thought I wouldn't be able to maintain a relationship because of it. So after my last failed attempt at obtaining the white picket fence I decided to go to a therapist. After a few sessions she pretty much told me " Slish there's really nothing wrong with you. You just need to listen before you make any assumptions about anyones situation." So I took that advice and started out on my new journey to find happiness.

1 yr 1/2 and two or three romantic mishaps later I meet Barneys. Great personality , extremely attentive, and beautiful. I say to myself " This is it Slish. Make this happen by becoming completely focused on the task at hand. So I dig deep and started to put the work in. It was hard at first. Barneys was and is very independant. My attempts to make her feel comfortable and safe went unnoticed, but I wouldn't give up. I pressed on and somehow broke through that impenetrable shield. Months later we're in romantic Bliss. I've fallen for her and she has finally fallen for me. I get comfortable and the honesty part of my personality decides to rear its ugly head. He comments on a few of Barneys personality traits and all of sudden her shield started to repair itself while at the same time pushing me out.

That didn't deter me from this new love I had. I would not let this obstacle keep me from having one house, two cars and one name. But the damage had already been done. Barneys shield had fully repaired itself and had made some modifications. I was only allowed in if I kept the Honesty virus out. So I went out and got me a vaccine for it. Only thing after taking it. I started to have side effects like irritability, hurtful thoughts, resentment and somtimes contempt .

I hid the side effects well. Barneys never picked up on it. So much that when I accidentally slipped it caught her totally by surprise. Adding tension to an already extremely tight rope.

Eventually we stopped communicating. Yeah. We said the occasional I love you and stuck to our usually routine, but after a year of being together I felt like I didn't know the person I was in love with and she didn't know the man that loved her so deeply. This kind of silence can be unbearable.What made matters worse. I became immune to The Honesty Vaccine. I eventually had a relapse and started to address the very things that threatened the existence of our relationship. Barneys broke down because of it. Crushing her spirit and changing both our lives forever.


I guess Love is unconditional, but relationships come with conditions.