The Guru Of Love

Sixth grade. It was a new school year and my attraction to girls was full blown. I remember walking into the classroom and noticing how well developed my female counterparts were and thinking to myself maybe some one will want to hold my hand this year. Then I notice most of the girls are staring at this light skinned curly haired boy sitting in the back. Me being an oppurtunist and no dummy sat down next to his ass. " Hey you look familiar where do I know you from" Curly haired boy responds " I don't know" and continues to chat up the girls. Then it hits me. This dude is not a new kid. He was in this very classroom the year before. None of the other kids seem to notice or care so I kept my mouth shut and befriended him. You know how that old saying goes if you can't beat em join em.

Couple of years go by . We're in the 8th grade now. Since being dark skinned wasn't in. Good n Plenty and myself stuck to Curly haired boy like glue . He was a chick magnet !!! Fat firls, skinny girls, older girls all wanted a piece of pretty ricky. What he didn't want Good n Plenty and myself were happy to pick up the scraps. It was a perfect marriage he made us popular with the girls we helped him with his home work. We didn't want his ass to get left back again!!! That would ruin our hustle!! So we made sure he kept a B average.

That year our class took a trip to Washington D.C. I had a crush on this girl named Chip Tooth. This trip was my chance to express my undying love for her. SIKE!!!! I just wanted to feel her up on the bus ride to D.C. Anyway when we get there I notice everyone gets off the bus except Chip Tooth and Curly haired boy. So my nosy ass goes back on . I LOOK !!! Curly Haired Boy and Chip Tooth are going at it. He's on top of her, her tongue is in his mouth. I'm fuming!!!!! I wanted to run over and pull his ass off her, but instead I leave quietly. Me being the hater that I am told my teacher they were still on the bus. THATS RIGHT !!! Thats what Curly Haired Boy gets for liking the same girl I liked.

We graduate. I end up going to some prestigous High School and getting myself kicked out, Good n Plenty becomes this big time High School Football and Basketball star , and Curly Haired Boy just fell through the cracks. His family didn't have the money to send him to a Catholic high school so he ended up going to public school. A few years later he drops out and moved to Atlanta with his family. Good n Plenty and myself never heard from him again.


1992 I'm at a house party in money earnin Mt Vernon. Good n Plenty and myself are chilling drinking cervezas. Door bell rings. Our host opens the door and greets these two dudes. One I know from high school the other OOOOOOH SHIIIIIT!!!! I slap Good N Plenty in the back of the head and say " Nigga look!!!!" Good N Plenty looks and says " Hell naw!!! is that Curly Haired Boy !!! I say " Sure looks like him" I walk over to Curly Hair and say " Ya Know. I still haven't forgiven you for sticking your tongue down Chip Tooth's throat" Curly haired looks and his eyes light up " SLIIIIIIISH!!!!! he looks over my shoulder and sees Good n Plenty " PLEEEEENTY!!! I haven't seen you guys since high school. What a small world." I say " So what you been up to man!!! Curly Haired Man " Yooo. I joined the airforce then got myself kicked out !!! I say " How" Curly haired Man " Got mad and shot a gun at some cat so they put me out" Me and Good N Plenty start laughing I say " Your pretty boy ass shot a gun at somebody. Thats classic " Curly Haired Man pulls his wallet out of his back pocket and says "Check this out" He shows us a picture of a baby female version of himself. I say " You have a son?" Good N Plenty starts laughing Curly haired Man responds " Asshole thats my new born daughter, but I do have a son " I respond " DAAAAYUUM nigga you ain't even 25 you got 2 kids already!!!! That must be the puerto rican in you. Curly haired Man responds " How many times I gotta tell you I'M NOT PUERTO RICAN I'M BLACK" I laugh and respond " So you say. Yo mama hiding something!!!! Truth be told Curly Haired Man never new his daddy.

So we're all reconnected now and became The 3 amigos again . Curly Haired Man still has his mojo but that shit came at a price. That nigga got bored with women quick. His second baby mama stayed calling my ass looking for that trifling negro. I rememeber one time Curly was bold enough to have the next chick pick him up from his baby mama's house while he was still living there. He was off the chain. Baby Mama eventually got tired of it and put him out. Yours truly had to help him move NOT ONCE but several times.

Good N Plenty and Myself started to notice when it came to women Curly Haired Man was extreeemly unstable. He'd meet a chick, wife her in less than two weeks even move in . Once he got bored all hell would break loose . He would leave these women broken and confused. Did he care ? NO!!!! did we talk to him about it? NO!!! Shiiiiit we thought it was comedy. Then we hit our thirties and that shit wasn't funny anymore.

Curly Haired Man had met a much younger woman than himself. In less than a month she was pregnant with his third child. He did the usual and moved her into his crib. Now I give him credit he stuck it out for about 2 years. Then he got bored and when Curly Haired Man gets bored with women he can become dismissive, agressive, and just down right rude. He had ole girl in tears daily, calling her fat ( mind you she just had a baby) , he's not sexually attracted to her, she's stupid etc etc etc but Third baby mama loved Curly Haired Man and would not leave him so he moved out and came to live with me.

Every night Third baby mama is callng my apt looking for Curly haired Man, but he was never home. I started to get suspicious because the whole time I assumed he was with her. One night Curly haired Man decides to make an appearance. I say " Yo Curly where you been these past couple of days. Your baby mama been calling here looking for you" Curly haired Man responds " I been hanging out with a friend" I say " What friend and I hope she has titties ? " he starts laughing and responds " I met this chick at work. YO!!!! I'm really feeling her too" Here we go again I respond " Let me guess you've known her two weeks " Curly says" Yeah how you know that?" I respond " I didn't. I know you. Thats your M.O meet a chick, wife her in two weeks, get bored in two months, and bounce" Curly Haired Man " This is different. I'm really feeling this woman. I respond " You said that about Second Baby Mama and Third Baby mama. You haven't even broken up with Third Baby Mama already you talking about getting serious with this woman you just met. Curly you always do this man! You move too fast. Once that new feeling is gone YOU'RE GONE!!!! C mon !! Don't do this ! Curly Haired Man responds " Slish I respect what you're saying and I love you like a brother for keeping it real. BUT!!! I've never felt this strongly about a woman. You don't feel what I feel. Two weeks later Curly Haired Man broke up with Third Baby Mama and moved in with that woman.

Good N Plenty and I were counting the days. We were sure Curly would get bored with his new lady Fina . Months went by, then a year not once did he try and leave or cheat. I noticed a certain calm about Curly too. Don't get me wrong his ass was still moody, but somehow Fina was able to manage Curly's kind of insanity. She was able to do what most of his ex's could not. Fina took the time to study, nurture and helped my boy mature. After a while I embraced this new relationship and encouraged him in any way I could.

2003 The day Finally Came. Curly Proposed to Fina. It was a beautiful wedding. Fina was glowing. I never saw Curly so Happy. He had found the ying to his yang. 2 1/2 years later they added a baby boy to the mix. Curly Haired Man was finally getting the chance to become the kind of father he always wanted to be.

Now Bloggers have you figured out who Curly is. You read the profound comments he leaves on my Blog. Curly Haired Man is Grantlove!!!! His knowledge came from years of ups, downs and child support payments. He wasn't always the Guru of love. Just goes to show you how one woman can a change a man.

Now its my turn ...

I Want Half

Monday 8:30 pm I leave my parttime job. Get in my car and check my cell phone . I see a missed call from Philly Live. I call him Back " What up . Philly Live " Yoooooooo SON!!!!! What the fuck is going on with YO BLOG!!!!!! 41 comments in one day from some bullshit !!!! Son you need to shut this shit DOWN!!!!! Tell these muthafucka 's you gone fall back, focus on yo lady, and get back on track with whats important. Fade to BLACK!!!!! Like Jay Z!!!! Then!!! Take a 2 week break and come back with some NEW SHIT!! THEY'LL LOVE YO ASS !!!!! hahaha. I'm laughing I respond " You have waaay to much free time to come up with that shit !!! he starts laughing " Whatever "


I say " So whats poppin. Did you come to nyc this weekend? " Philly Live " Yeeeaah Son my presence was requested by you know who" I respond " You put it any work? " Philly Live " Naaaw. I was a gentlemen the whole weekend " I say " You telling me you came all the way to NYC to play footsy. What part of the game is that ? " Philly Live responds " The part you know nothing about . I play chess not checkers nigga " Thats code for he likes ole girl and doesn't want to ruin the honeymoon period with his wack love making skills. I say " Aiight loser"

Philly Live says " Slish. Let me ask you a question. Do you think Chivalry is dead? I start laughing " Why would you be asking me a question like that. You still eat with your hands" Philly Live " Fuck you. Listen. This weekend i'm walking with ole girl. I was on the right side of her then she crosses in front of me so that i'm on the left. I ask her why she did that. She says its proper etiquette to walk on the left side when walking with a lady. So I ask her what purpose does that serve other than if a car jumps the curb its gonna hit me before it hits her !!!! " I start laughing he continues " Slish. W omen be on some real bullshit when it comes to what a brotha should or shouldn't do when it comes to dating etiquette. Slish you open car doors for women? I respond "Only until I pull those panties to the side after that she's on her own . " Philly Live says " Shiiiiit I get into the car first, reach over to the other side, push that shit open and say GET IN!!!!! I laughed so hard I almost hit a truck .

Philly Live " Check this out Slish. Women are selfish creatures and it says so in the bible" I respond . "Where !!!!! " Philly Live " The Adam and Eve story. God distinctly told the both of them not to eat any of the apples from the garden of eden. What does Eve do!!! She up and eats one of the apples. Now she knows her ass is in trouble but instead of taking the HEAT by her damn self!!! She gets Adam to take a bite of the same apple so she wouldn't burn in Hell alone !!!!! My car swerves again cause I can't stop laughing . I respond " Where do you come up with this shit ? Philly Live " Women do shit like that to us all the time. Get themselves into all kinds of bullshit and wait for us to either take the fall with them or shovel them out.

Now Philly Live has a point. Peep Game( Taken from The Roycester) Man makes six figure income. He meets a woman who makes good money but not as much as him. They get married and decide to start a family. Both of them agree the wife should stop working since his salary can provide for the entire household. Which she quickly does. Now wifey is home . Shouldn't she be managing and paying the bills on time? HELL NO!!!! Ms stay at home has been living the high life keeping up with the Jones. Credit cards are maxed, Bills are over a month LATE!!! and the whole time Mr six figure is clueless. Cause all he cares about is that his wife still looks good in her thong. What happens next. Wife is away visiting family thinking she's covered her tracks. Husband picks up the mail and discovers a FORCLOSURE NOTICE for his house. ALLLLLL HELLLL BREAKS LOOOSE and they end up on Oprah!!!!

This is how I feel . When a man and woman get together it shoudn't matter who makes more or less because someone is always going to make more. What does matter is how the couple approaches it. For example Brotha's if your lady makes waaaay more money than you do. No way in HELL!!!! should you be paying half of the bills WHY?? cause at the end of the day you will be left with no money for yourself. Split the bills in percentages if she makes more she pays the larger bills like the mortgage, rent, car note etc . Now this goes for the fella's too If your making waaay more money than your lady the same rules should apply.

Ofcourse I broke this scenario down to Philly Live and he disagreed. He said " FUCK THAT I WANT HALF EEDDDIIIEEE !!!!

So what do you guys think .

DUE TO TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES SUNDAY'S POST HAS BEEN REMOVED....Please check back later....Lmaof

How Could You!!!!!

Damn!!! I'm stuck in 1987 now ! Went through a whole lotta shit that year. I was struggling with the notion of not going to college and joining the Marines. But my girlfriend at the time Poochie Lee said she would miss me terribly if I joined and would have no choice but to replace me if I stayed away too long. So I nixed the Hoorah idea and decided to attend The School of Visual Arts in NYC . My sweetie was ecstatic. She would be at St. Johns and I would be in the city. Nothing would change. Together forever.

About a month after The Rumble with The Crew. Poochie Lee's and my prom had come and gone. Poochie Lee told me she didn't attend hers. Something about not wanting to be around a whole bunch of white people, the music would be wack, none of her friends were going etc etc etc . That was fine by me. So we went to my prom instead.

Poochie Lee looked beautiful on Prom Night. She wore a cream and gold dress. It fit her perfectly too . Poochie Lee's 36 Ds were screaming squeeze me in the limo Slish!!!! Sqeeeeeuuuze me !!!! I had a wonderful time . As a matter of fact the next day was when I tried to get rid of The Virgin Logo printed on my forehead. But Poochie Lee had that same logo. Making it hard for Danger to squeeze his way into her warm wet climate.

One summer evening Good & Plenty and myself drove over to Poochie Lee's house to chill for a little while before we headed downtown to 42nd street for our usually porn run. We're inside watching television and drinking Poochie Lee's Daddy's beer. Poochie Lee's phone rings. She gets up from the couch and goes into the kitchen to answer it. Poochie Lee is chit chatting away. I notice to the right of me some kodak envelopes. I look inside. Aaaaaw the pictures from my prom. I forgot all about those.

So I start running through the pics. Passing them to Good and Plenty as i'm done looking at each one. Shiiiiiiit. I looked sharp that night. Brown suit with gold Pinstripes, gold bow tie, and some black pointy pimp shoes. I was SLICK I TELL YA SLIIIICK!!!!! SLASHER !!!! can we get back to the story please. Oh Oh sorry. So as i'm going through the pics I notice a picture of Poochie Lee and another guy sitting in what looked like a limo and she's wearing the same exact PROM DRESS!!!!! I wipe my eyes and look at the picture again hoping the guy sitting next to her starts to look like me, but he doesn't. Since Good and Plenty also attended my prom figured he would have some insight. I whisper to Good and Plenty " Yo take a look at this. When did Poochie Lee have time to go and take this picture with this dude on prom night ? " Plenty looks at the picture. All of a sudden he has this OH SHIT!! look on his face and says " You sure thats not you ? " I snatch the picture from his hand and respond " DUMB ASS!!! You know thats not me. Dude is Light Skinned with a straight nose !!!! Good and Plenty " I dont know when she took that picture cause as far as I can remember Poochie Lee didn't leave your side the whole night. " I say " Thats what I'm thinking. When did she have time?" Then it HITS ME!!!!! BITCH WENT TO HER PROM!!!!!!

I put all the pictures back except for the one with Poochie Lee and Mr Straight Nose. I placed it underneath my right leg. Poochie Lee is done with her phone call, comes walking back into the living room with a box of ritz crackers in her hand. She notices I had gone through the pics. Her eyes get reeeeally big. She rushes over to the couch, sits next to me, and starts to pick up the Kodak envelopes. Poochie Lee is going through them now. She can't find what she's looking for. I pull the picture from underneath my leg and say " You looking for this BITCH!!!!!! YOU LOOKING FOR THIS!!!!!!! Poochie Lee" Slishy I I can explain." I respond " EXPLAIN WHAT !!! That you went to your prom with this pretty boy muthfucka and WORE THE SAME DRESS!!! Your prom was 3 weeks before mine !!! Poochie Lee " I didn't want to go. My friends convinced me at the last minute. " I respond " Oh yeah!! So why didn't you ask me to go with you? Poochie " I was, but at the time we weren't getting along and you know how temperamental you are. I didn't want to risk you embarassing me in front of my girls " I say" FUCK YOU!!!!! I'm out!! Come on Good and Plenty!! Lets leave before I choke this chick!!

Good & Plenty and I leave Poochie Lee's house. Poochie Lee comes running out behind me and says " Slishy wait. Don't leave. I'm so sorry" I ignore her and keep walking to my car. Poochie Lee Catches up to me and jumps on my back. I shrug my shoulders, push her off and turn around to face her. With tears in her eyes Poochie Lee says " Slishy I love you. I didn't mean for this to happen. You weren't supposed to find out. I was miserable the whole time I was at my Prom. I didn't dance with straight nose boy at all. All I kept thinking about was how hurt you would be if you knew. I missed you sooo much that night." Then she shows me the picture of her and dude and says" Look at this picture !!! Does it look like I was happy I didn't even smile " Then she shows me a picture of me and her at my prom " Now look at this picture of us at your prom. We look happy and I was so proud to be with you that night. Please forgive me Slishy" Tears welling up in the corners of my eyes. I bend down, kiss Poochie Lee gently on her Forehead, give her the tightest hug and I say " Good Bye "


Good & Plenty and I are in the car . He turns to me and says " You alright Slish ? I respond " I will be. "

Thank You Mama

I was failing advanced american literature. The teacher said the only way I would pass is if I got a B on my term paper. You wrote the whole thing for me. THANK YOU MAMA!!!!

Switching price tags in Macys so that Stughetto and I could stay laced in fly shit. THANK YOU MAMA!!!!

Told the guidance counselor at New Rochelle High you left Daddy and was getting a divorce causing me great emotional distress which was the reason I was kicked out of my last high school. When the truth really was I failed out purposely because I didn't like going to an all boy school. Guidance counselor bought the story and kept me in the 11 th grade when my ass should have been left back.. THANK YOU MAMA!!!!

Told the elementary school business office that you were the only person in the household working and that daddy was unemployed. BIG LIE!!! Got me and Stughetto free lunch every year until we graduated from that school. THANK YOU MAMA!!!!!

I wrote a story waaay before some of you guys starting reading this blog. Figured I would re post it since my pops has forbidden my mother to partake in any new schemes to get ahead. Making her life pretty dull right now.

One Saturday my family was invited to my cousins wedding. Stughetto calls me in the morning and asks if I could pick up her and my mom and drive them to the wedding. I agree to do so. Biiiiig mistake. My mom is notorious for being a back seat driver.

I get to the house at about 3 : 45 PM called Stughetto and let her know I was outside. They come out & get in the car . Mom says " Slishy I have the directions right here. Want me to tell you how to get to the church" I respond "Nope just give me the address we'll let the car find it " Mom responds " The car??? she starts looking around " You mean the car can tell us how to get there? I respond " Yep " Mom " Excuuuuuuse me" Stughetto says " Your just showing off you know the church is right off I95 you don't need navigation for that. " she's such a HATER!!!! I look back at her, smile, and pull off.

We're on I95. I'm cruising at about 65 -70 miles an hour. My mom is already telling me to slow down and asking why I haven't used my blinker I say " What happened the last time you told me to slow down" Mom responds " You went faster ? " I respond" Thats riiight so be quiet. This car can hit a hundred at anytime. Stughetto shakes her head and says " Thats why I didn't drive " This quiets my mother for all of six minutes then she says " Slishy why are you not using your blinker when you switch lanes " I respond "MOM!!!! I am using the blinkers. Cars today don't have that tic tic noise anymore. she responds " Ooooooh and looks at my side of the car to make sure I'm not lying .

So far my navigation system has us going in the right direction. My mother is very impressed. Mom " Slishy the car talks to you and tells you when to get off right? " I respond " Yes ma" She replies " Then why hasn't it told you to get in the right lane CAUSE WERE COMING UP TO OUR EXIT RIGHT NOW !!!!!" I look at my sister she's shaking her head side to side, then I look at my mother's shiny brown face and we both started to laugh. She knew what she said was stupid, but when you're with the people you love most in the world you can get away with it. Like the Ojays sang " I"LL ALWAYS LOVE MY MAMA SHE'S MY FAVORITE GIRL"....you only get one folks cherish the time you have with them.

Rumble Young Man Rumble .

1987 my last year in high school was monumental for me. I realized what kind of man I had become and what my boys really thought about me. Smoking weed and running trains on dumb big breasted ugly chicks named Buffy was a weekly pastime Young Slish did not partake in. My crew(Phantom, Fondu, Mongrilus and Que) ridiculed me daily because of it. They called me names like faggot, pussy and virgin. The first two names I could care less about , but me being a virgin !!!! HOW THE FUCK DID THEY KNOW THAT!!!! Yeah I had tried a few times to get some pussy but The Slasher laid dormant during those times and I didn't realize Danger was not a pussy tickler but a pussy CONQUERER !!!!! therefore trying to squeeze him into some virgin bush was damn near impossible.

Right before graduation. The name calling and teasing had taken its toll on me. So I started drifting away from The Crew and hung out with my cousin Bowie and Good and Plenty instead. The Crew hated that shit. Although I was the lame ass nigga that hadn' t gotten any pussy I had a nose for finding it and quality chocha at that. The crew didn't like losing their supply so they lashed out. Any house party I was invited to they would follow me, crash it and act rowdy. When asked who invited them ofcourse The Crew spit out " SLIIIIISH!!!" Bitch as niggas made everyday on my block HELLL!!!!

One night Stughetto( For new readers Stughetto is my sister) runs in the house and comes into my bedroom crying. I say " Whats the matter. Boyfriend break up with you? " Stughetto sobbing responds " N N No " I say " Then what is it? You in trouble with mommy and daddy? Then I hear some noise coming from outside. I look across the street. I see The Crew all gathered together laughing and pointing at my house yelling " Thats right nigga your sister is a Burner!!!! WTF!!!! back then burner meant an individual that had a venereal disease. I say " Stughetto is that why you're crying? " Stughetto still sobbing responds " Y Y Yeeesss " and starts crying even harder I respond " is it true? Stughetto " NNoooooo Slishy. Why would they say that? Why won't they stop!!!! " At that moment I knew this shit wasn't about Stughetto. Since I had the Serve and Protect clause in the verbal contract between me and my Dad meant only one thing. SOMEBODY WAS GETTING FUUUUCKED UP TONAUUUUIIIGHT!!!!!

I tell Stughetto to go in her room and lock the door. I look out the window and count 1 2 3 4 . SHIT!!!! I need back up. Someone with quick hands. I call Good and Plenty. His boxing skills were legendary in my neighborhood. " Yo I got beef " Good and Plenty responds " Them niggas trying to get at you" I respond " Yeah man. Meet me on my block in 15 Minutes" Good and Plenty without hesitation responds " Aight"

I put my sneakers on and walk to my parents bedroom. Knocked on the door. No answer GOOOOD they were asleep. I walked back to my bedroom, looked out my window and see Good and Plenty strolling up the block. That was my que to go outside.

I'm outside now. Good and Plenty gives me a pound and says " What you need me to do. " I respond " Just make sure these muthfuckas don' t gang up on me" Good and Plenty punches his fist into his hand and responds " I can do that " I walk across the street towards the crew yelling " WHICH ONE OF YOU NIGGAS CALLED MY SISTER A BURNER!!! The Crew starts laughing, but no one gives me an answer so I say it again " WHICH ONE OF YOU MUTHAFUCKAS CALLED STUGHETTO A BURNER!!! " Fondu shouts back " I DID!!!! I SAID IT!!!! PUSSY!!!! I respond " COME FIGHT THIS PUSSY NIGGA!!! CAUSE YOU AIN"T GETTING AWAY WITH THAT SHIT!!!! You niggas been stalking me for the past couple of weeks . THAT SHIT ENDS TONIGHT!!!! "

Both Fondu and I have our hands up. Ready to rock and roll. I throw the first punch and Miss!!! Second punch also thrown by me MISS!!!! I think to myself WHO BEEN TEACHING THIS NAPPY HEADED MOFO HOW TO BOX!!!! FUCK IT!!!! I was on the wrestling team Fondu was going down. So I rushed him!!. Biiiiig mistake. All I saw were a flurry of punches coming at my forehead and felt them connecting. I'm not gonna lie HE LIT MY ASS UP!!!!! I backed away from him. Then I start to hear that Incredible Hulk Music from the t.v series. Voice in my head saying " Get angry Slish this nigga is too quick for you. GET ANGRRRRRY !!!!!! " I rubbed my head, looked at FONDU like I was a crazy crackhead on steroids and rushed that nigga again!! This time Fondu doesn't throw any punches he gets scared and tries to RUN!!! Back then Fondu never tied the laces on his sneakers, causing him to trip and hit the side walk. I ran and stood over his ass and said " This is what you get for trying to run!! PUSSY!!!! Head shot, Body shot, Head shot and Hyyyyuuuuuken!!!!! KICK TO FONDU's mid section.

I was out of breath so I stopped the massive attack, backed up and felt someone behind me. I turn around to look. ITS STUGHETTO!!! with a BUTCHER KNIFE !!! She had a look on her that screamed "Come into the beat down zone and get cut NIGGAS!!! " She turns to me and says " Slishy kick his ass some more " I look down at Fondu and just when I lift my leg of the ground for another Hyuken kick!!!! I hear " Slishy STOP!!! You're going to kill him!!! Stop!!! I turn around and see my pops running down the stairs of my house. " Slishy stop. No son of mind is going to jail. I'm not going to lose you to these streets" Pops grabs me away from the ruckus and orders me and Stughetto inside the house.

That was the first and last time my Pops ever saw me in a fight. He decided that night to move our entire family out of the Bronx and to the suburbs. We moved six months later. As for The Crew we became even better friends after the Rumble in the Jungle.

The Kid In You

Saturday afternoon. You think I would be out enjoying this beautiful weather, or calling some random Slish Playmate for a midday rendevous. Naaaaw i'm home watching Dvds . If I tell you what dvds ive been watching you guys might take away my platinum playa card.

Why am I in. Its safer that way. I hit the streets especially in this kind of weather. No telling what kind of trouble the Slasher will get me into. Once he spots women in tank tops, Sundresses , and cocoa buttered legs. The beast comes out. Now technically this shouldn't be a problem. I am still single, my cuddle muffin and I are still getting reacquainted. So why not enjoy myself. Well i'm trying not to complicate my life and start some shit I can't finish. Why go out and meet someone new when I still have strong feelings for Barneys. So i've decided to keep The Slasher in check until Barneys and I decide what the future holds for us.

Now I can't speak for Barneys. She might be out doing the damn thing. I mean I can't be naive to think that for the past two months Barneys has been sitting home twiddling her thumbs. There has to be at least one dude who's had Barneys thinking Slish WHO??? Hmmmmm. Scratching my head . What do I do ? Do I call her 24/7 to make sure she's not with the next man, Show up unannounced at her door step, tell her those three little words I know she's not ready to hear. I just don't know.

Why does this shit have to be so hard. Remember when we were kids. Boy sees girl. She smiles back. Boy walks over and says " I like you" Girl says "You're cute" Boy says " lets go steady " Girl says " Okay you're my boyfriend" and off the both of you went holding hands in front of the Mr softee truck so you could buy her an ice cream cone. Life was simple back then.

Why as adults do we let all this extra shit keep us from being happy. Why do we challenge Love. Its the most wonderful feeling in the Universe and all we do is challenge it. Lets get in touch with the kid in us again. Fuck it!!! I'm going to get in touch with the kid in me and say Barneys I like you !!! No!!! I take that back!!! I more than just like you!!! I want to hold your hand and walk up to a MR Softee Truck and buy you an ice cream cone.

Lets get in touch with the kids in us

Since You Wanted To Know

Saturday evening. I get my first cancellation from the The Action Pack. Good and Plenty leaves me a message stating " Hey old man as much as I'd love to attend the festivities later this evening. I won't be able to make it. You know I just moved and still have a lot of unpacking to do." Now bloggers if you listen to that message reeeeal closely. This is what it really says
" Hey old man. I won't be able to make the gathering of The Action Pack. I ain't got no money and my wife didn't sign my release form. "

I'm starting to get a little nervous so I call Philly Live shortly after hearing that message. "Yoooo" Philly Live " What up loser" I say " You still coming to Nyc to chill with me and my boys later. Philly Live " I don't know depends on how I feel after I attend the Penn Relays. What time you guys gonna link up" I say "About 9pm " Philly Live " Oh Really!!! I can do that !!!! Shiiiit I'll come to nyc and kill 2 birds with one stone." I say " What you talking bout WILLIS!!!!! Philly Live responds " Hang out with you and see my new love interest Light Weight. Light Weight Told me she and Phoenix were crashing The Action Pack " I say " Ya'll still kicking it on the phone since Stughettos B-day Party ?" Philly Live " Yeah man " I say " On the real. Don't come at her with that Philly Live macho bullshit. Her girlfriend Phoenix is a Hound!!!! She will smell it and cause you to have a cheekless evening. " Philly Live " I ain't no ROOKIE!!! I got it covered. See you later " he hangs up . I call the rest of The Action Pack and get confirmation that everyone will be at the The Den Between 9 and 9:30 pm.


8:00 pm I call my B-day twin Spankinazz " What up son" I say " You Ready " Spankinazz " Ready for what? " I respond " Dog did I not tell you we had to be in Harlem by 9pm " Spankinazz " Yo son I could have sworn you said you were picking me up at 9pm. I haven't even taken a shower " I respond " You have 15 minutes( I really mean 30 minutes) " Spankinazz says sarcastically " 15 minutes. Riiiiight. " I say " Thats right nigga so get it poppin"

9:05 pm Spankinazz and myself get to the den. The Bouncer tries to charge us a 5.00 dollar cover. HELL NAW!!!! I say " Get the Manager!!! " Manager comes outside two minutes later I say " Hi my name is Mr Slish I have a reservation for 10 people. I was told I would not be charged a 5.00 dollar cover before 10pm it is now 9:10 pm . Manager responds " Thats fine come right on in " I give the Bouncer a WHAT NOW NIGGA LOOK!!! Spankinazz and myself walk in and occupy the section reserved for The Action Pack.

9:30 pm The Action pack is running late. Spankinazz and I are chit chatting away. Then we see 3 chicks walk in. They look around trying to find seating. There is none. Party in the back of the Restaurant and I had the front section reserved so they were assed out in the seating dept. The ladies head towards the bar and sit down. All of a sudden Spankinazz loses his train of thought, stops talking and stares straight ahead. One of the women was still standing and she was in a Wonder Woman pose. Her ass was glowing and I mean that literally her ass cheeks wanted to eat through her jeans. Spankinazz's mouth wiiide open and says " She's a suuuuperhero " I say " I concur" I call the manager over to me and say " Hey bruh . I see its getting kind of crowded in here. Those young ladies at the bar can have one of my tables. " Spankinazz looks at me and says " Slish you're my hero" I say " Hey its your b-day too "


10pm Everyone starts to roll in. Shaft, Supa Dad, Faceman, Phoenix, Light Weight, Dough Boy, Philly Live, and last but not least Corporate America.

Before Corporate got there I made a bet with our mutual buddy Supa Dad that he would not sit with us, but gravitate towards the ladies I gave one of my tables to. Supa Dad" Your wrong Slish those chicks are not his type" I say " They may not be his type, but they're the best looking women in our vicinity and Corporate never wastes an oppurtunity to get his numbers up. " Supa Dad " Aiight Slish we'll see " When Corporate arrives he sits next to me and asks " Slish who's that sitting next to Phoenix " I say " Thats her girl Light Weight and she's off limits to you " Corporate gives me a WTF look. I point my head in Philly Lives direction and Corporate quickly gets the picture and heads on over to the table with those 3 little birds. DRUM ROOOOOLLL PLEEEASE!!!!!! Supa Dad looks at me, the rest of table starts laughing and the whole time Corporate is clueless to whats going on.

11 pm I Notice Phoenix has found her prey for the evening. My boy Faceman. I start laughing on the inside and say to myself " Wait till I tell her old ass that faceman was still in 1st grade while we were doing the WOP!!!!!. On second thought. Phoenix might like that!!!!!

12 midnite I get a phone call from my cuddle muffin Barneys wishing me a Happy B-day. I don't remember what my tipsy ass said to her. Probably something duuurty. Cause Everyone knows Slish is not a mean drunk , but a horny one.

We leave the Den and head to New Rochelle. Phoenix calls me on my cell " Slish you and Spankinazz need to follow me and Lightweight to my apt. I say " Why!!??? " Phoenix " Cause I need to change my blouse and dont we need you to get us into that club in New Rochelle? I say " Noooo you don't need me to get in. Its open to the public" Phoenix says " Well wait for us anyway " I look at Spankinazz and start to laugh and the Slasher responds" On one condition" Phoenix responds " Whats that Slish" Slasher " We get to watch you change" We both start laughing Phoenix hangs up.


12:45 am Me, Spankinazz, Corporate, Doughboy, Supa Dad, Philly Live, Phoenix and Light Weight get to to the Radisson Hotel. Place is crowded. I meet and greet a few people I haven't seen in a while. The Music in this club hmmmm lets just say Straight men don't don't dance to this shit. Although I did see Dough Boy doing the two step at the bar. Since the music was wack. We all just started people watching. Corporate and myself spot this 60 ish black dude dancing. Apparently we weren't the only ones who saw him, cause Supa Dad stuck his head between Corporate and myself and says " Slish thats going to be be you and Corporate in 25 years. My sons are gonna say " Pops I saw yo boys Corporate and Slish at the club again" I say " F@ck You. Then I hear this cackling next to me. I look. Its Phoenix laughing her ass off at what Supa Dad said I say " What you laughing at!!!! Who you think our dance partner is going to be CRADLE SNATCHA!!! I saw you making googly eyes at my boy Faceman. "

1:30 am The Hennessy starts to kick me in the ass. I signal to everyone that I am about to bounce. They all agree to do the same. Corporate and Supa Dad both leave. Dough Boy and Spankinazz ride with me, and Philly Live takes off with Phoenix's homegirl Light Weight.

2 am I pull up in front of Spankinazz's house he says " THATS IT!!!! We done for the night!!! I respond " Yup. Our Old asses don't need to be out past 2 am" Spankinazz says " C Mon lets go downtown. " I say " Nope gotta get some sleep. Need all my energy for later" Spankinazz responds " What for!!!!! I respond " I have a date with an Angel. Now get the f@ck out, go into your house and make your fiancee howl at the moon. "


The Next day I had my date with My Angel and you know what!!! It was one of the best birthdays I've ever had.