Tagged by that chick over in Boston

Dynasty don't do this again..lol Here goes...

1. HAVE YOU GOTTEN LAID IN 2006?

What kind of dumb ass question is that. I'm The JUGGERNAUGHT!!!!

2. EVER HAD SEX IN A PUBLIC PLACE?

Dead end street in my car, behind a bowling alley in my car, in a park while in my car, in front of Barneys landlords front door. Broke the landlords chair too and heavy petting sessions in public restrooms. So to answer that question HELL YEAH !!!

3. EVER LAUGH DURING SEX? IF SO WHY?

Yes. One time while giving my ex girlfriend Butter Scotch a Back Shot while both of us were standing. Danger climaxed. I got dizzy and my legs buckled. She looked back at me and said " Nigga hold on before you fall" . We both started laughing.

4. EVER CRY DURING SEX? IF SO WHY?

Almost. The Slasher was sticking it to this chick one night in the early 90's when Danger accidentally slipped out. Slasher rushes to put Danger back into that warm wet climate but he misses and rams Danger right into her pubic bone....HURT LIKE HELL!!!! That will make a nigga cry for sho!

5. DO YOU LIKE TO CUDDLE AFTER SEX?

Truthfully I like to cuddle before sex. But thats just me.

6. EVER REGRET SEX WITH SOMEONE?

Yes.

7. EVER FAKED AN ORGASM?

Do men really do that ? WHY? Even bad pussy is good pussy.

8. DIRTY TALK, OR SHUT THE FUCK UP?

Dirty talk, Dirty slaps on the ass, hair pulling. One time during sex a chick slapped in my face while talking shit to me. I grabbed my face and said " OOOOOH yoooou biiiiitch. I LIKE IT!!!!! but don't do that shit again !


9. EVER HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX:

Who hasn't.

10. EVER MASTURBATE TO YOUR FRIENDS SIGNIFICANT OTHER?

Oh I remember Corporate was dating this chick. That woman was Fire!!!! Body was RIPE..She had Video Vixen Titties and Ass. I kept asking him how the sex was so I could fantasize about her. Don't remember if I jerked off...lol


11. EVER HAVE A ONE NIGHT STAND?

What do you mean ? One night stand as in never see or talk to the person again. Or have sex with someone only once and decide the both of you are better of remaining friends. If its the first one then my answer will have to be no. My personality will not allow me to do that.

12. HOW BOUT A 3-SOME?

Almost. One night about a year & 1/2 ago I was in a titty bar. This Dominican stripper dressed in a school girl outfit gave me a lap dance that almost made me nut in my pants. I pulled out the cash to hit her off. She saw how much money I had and whispered in my ear " Papi you can have me and my girl( as in her lesbian girlfriend) 200.00 for an hour. Wheres your car parked. Slasher wide awake now. Quickly starts counting his cash and says " LETS BOUNCE" Before I could head for the door my boy Matador pulls me to the side and says '' Sit yo ass down thats the Hennessy talking."

13. EVER WATCH PORN DURING SEX?

Yeah !!!! How else are you going to learn new positions!!!!

14. EVER THOUGHT OF SOMEONE ELSE DURING SEX?

Yeah. I thought about having sex with a fat leggo beast chick so I wouldn't cum real fast. Back in the day I used to watch televison during sex as a distraction. Started making women angry. So I had to come up with a new strategy. Today I am the master of my domain


15. HAS THE CONDOM EVER BROKE?

Of course. Any man who hasn't. All I can say is THERAPY !!!


16. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRISING SEXUAL EXPERIENCE?

That night with Hot Mama. When Danger decided to take a nap without telling me.

17. 19 Tried before but virgin pussy wasn't ready for DANGER!!! lol

18. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH RIGHT NOW?

C mon. Do I really have to answer that. Ya'll know already.

19. DO YOU THINK THAT number 18 IS POSSIBLE?

I make it possible everytime I pour peach champagne over Barney's nekked body

20. ARE YOU HORNY NOW?

I'm always horny. Have to where tighty whities just to keep Danger in check!

21. WOULD U HAVE SEX WITH THE PERSON THAT POSTED THIS?

Shes a cute girl. I'm hoping R Mack will step his game up and allow me to live vicariously through him...lol

Save A Pretty Girl For Me The Finale

Summer of 84. Here I am the man. The prettiest girl on my block was my girlfriend. Most of my crew was proud of me except for Fondu. He didn't expect my first girlfriend to be so pretty. Figured I would end up with a chick that looked like his bow legged leggo beast we nicknamed The Black Bandit. She was yuuuugly!!! I mean she was beyond dark skinned and had a wet jheri curl. Her only redeeming quality. She was cool as shit. Nothing phased her not even Fondu's obnoxious personality. Maybe thats what he saw in her.


Now I was real nervous about having a girlfriend. As you all know the only girl I ever kissed was my pillow and it didn't kiss back. What was I going to do ? Ask my boys for help ? Heeell no! I would be subjected to ridicule for months. I didn't want to kiss Casey, be horrible and she leave me for some other boy that was better. I needed to practice on another girl a willing participate who wouldn't tell. That summer Casey wasn't the only girl that liked me. Lips had been chasing me since spring, but she scared me. Everytime I saw her she would lick her lips and whisper real nasty things to me. Being inexperienced I knew if Lips ever got me behind closed doors. I would be found OUT!!! Cause she would definitely tell and make me a bigger herb than I already was, but that didn't matter to me. Would risk it. If it meant keeping Casey as my girl.

One day The crew was hanging out at Fondu's house. It was me, Phantom, his girl Cherry , Fondu, and Cherry's homegirl Lips. I was in Fondu's room playing Atari. Phantom was in the next room getting busy. Fondu probably downstairs trying to get Lips to forget about me. It didn't work because about a half an hour later she was standing in front of me licking her Lips asking " Slish don't you like me?" I say " I like you , but there is someone else I like more. " Lips responds " You mean that girl at the end of the block ? I say " How do you know that! Who told you? Lips responds " Fondu. He told me coming up here woud be a waste of time", Licking her lips and rubbing on her chest " Tell me Slish am I wasting my time " It took every bone in my body not to jump her ass right there and start practicing my kissing technique. I respond " Ye yes. " I decided then I would take my chances with Casey. If she really liked me. Not being able to kiss wouldn't matter.

For a whole month I would go to Casey's house, watch televison and just hold her hand. I was still too scared to kiss her. I could sense she was getting frustrated too. Then one night while doing my usual its 9 pm time for me to go home routine. Casey blocks her front door " Slish you're not leaving here until you kiss me! I say " But Casey I have to go. You know my daddy will whup my ass if I come into the house past curfew. " Casey " Slish all you have to do is kiss me and I'll let you leave. Don't you want to ? " I looked in Casey's light brown eyes. I wanted soooo badly to kiss her , but my mind was telling me no. So I tried to push passed her but she wasn't having it. Casey grabs my head and pulls my face closer to hers. Our lips touch! She starts to suck on them. I'm thinking to myself this isn't so bad. I can do this! Then Casey opens her mouth ! Whats This ? I'm not prepared ! Do something Slish ! I open my mouth too. Casey's tongue reaches out to mine. I meet it half way. Our tongues start to dance like they've been taking tango lessons. We were so caught up in our dance session . That we didn't notice her front door opening . Coming in from behind it was Casey's Daddy!!!! I push her off me immediately !!!! Casey's Daddy says " Whats going on here!!!! I respond " N N Nothing sir I was just leaving !

For most of the summer all Casey and I did was kiss. I got real good at it too. One night I stepped it up a notch and brought Casey over to my house while my parents were asleep. When I did it I made sure The Crew saw me. Mistake Mistake Mistaaaake!!!!! Fondu was with them! He shouts out " WHOO HOOO AIIGHT SLISH GET THAT PUSSY!" Oh Shit!!!! Casey whispers " Did he just say what I think he said " DAMN DAMN DAMN Casey " Take me home Slish. I don't feel comfortable here. " SHIT SHIIIT !!! He's going to pay for that! I take Casey home, walk over to where the crew is, grab Fondu by the neck and throw him on the concrete HEAD FIRST!!!! I say " WHY! WHY! Do I do things like that to you when The Black Bandit is in your house! Fondu " GET THE FUCK OFF ME! " I let go of him . Fondu gets up off of the floor, wipes the dirt off his face. Phantom laughs and says " Slish just whupped yo ass. Bet you won't do that dumb shit again ." The Crew starts laughing . Fondu gets pissed and leaves.

Summer is over. The School year begins. I'm in my sophomore year. Casey is in her freshman year at a different High School. As the months went by I noticed Casey was becoming a little distant. I figured it was probably the stress of her being in a new school. Wasn't that at all. Casey was a very pretty girl and pretty girls get a lot of attention from other guys. The extra attention caused Casey to question her feelings for me. Looking back now I can understand, but you try telling a 15 year old boy in love that his girlfriend might want to date other guys. Casey "Slish I care about you but we're still young and i'm getting all this attention I don't know what to do" I say " You want to go out with someone else?" Casey " No, yes , no I don't know! I'm confused Slish and I don't want to hurt you." I say " Its too late for that Casey." I leave her house. Later that night Casey and I broke up over the phone. We were never a couple again.

Casey and I never lost touch. We've remained friends for the past 23 years. I can say with confidence she is my best friend, but like always all good things must come to an end because Barneys has quickly taken her place. I'm sure Casey wouldn't mind that at all.

Save A Pretty Girl For Me.

When I was a teenager I was terrified of approaching a girl I had a crush on. I would just wait around and hope she noticed . Joke was on me because some other guy would always have the courage I didn't and get the girl. So every night before I went to bed I would pray. " God? Please save a pretty girl for me."

The summer of 1983. I new family had moved onto my block. One day while coming back from the candy store. I passed the family's house. As I'm walking passed their drive way. I see an angel. I swear everything started to move in slow motion. She turns her head and looks at me. I look back. Her hazel eyes had me hypnotized. All of a sudden my heart started to beat really fast, my feet had stopped moving and my palms got all sweaty. Then my boy Chubbs peeps his head out from her door to see what she's looking at. DAMN DAMN DAMN!!! God I thought you were saving a pretty girl for me! Chubbs " Slish come in here. I want you to meet my new friend Casey" I say " New friend ! You mean as in girlfriend ? Chubbs smiles and says " No, but i'm working on it" Casey gives Chubbs an annoyed look then turns around and shakes my hand. I felt a little woozy but kept my composure. I welcomed her to the neighborhood and excused myself quickly.

As i'm walking away I feel this tingle in my belly. It was the first time it had ever happened. Come to find out it wouldn't be the last. Everytime I saw Casey come home from school, walk to the store , or play outside with her brothers. My stomach would tingle. I wanted and needed to get close to her, but whenever she was in my presence the words would never leave my lips. Then I got an idea! Befriend her brothers! They will invite me into their house and get me closer to my goal.

Six months went by and my plan was working. I was constantly at Casey's house hanging out with her brothers. We made eye contact often but I never made a move. I was hoping she would say something but she never did. But I was confident that a higher power had saved this pretty girl for me. So I waited and waited and waited and NOTHING!!!! Okay God are you playing a cruel joke on me. Why haven' t you made Casey my girlfriend! What are you waiting for!

I was getting frustrated. I started kissing my pillow at night pretending it was Casey. My older brother CJ caught me once " Slish what are doing" I say " Practicing" CJ laughing " For what ? I respond " I'm practicing for when I get the chance to finally kiss a girl." CJ still laughing " What girl ? I say " The new girl who lives across the street" CJ" Slishy its not your time. If it was. You would know what to do and say" I'm even more frustrated now and respond " When CJ! When will it be my time! " CJ " When you're able to tell that girl how you feel without any hesitation" I put the pillow over my head because I knew that was not going to happen any time soon. Some other guy was going to come and steal my potential girlfriend away from me.


Summer of 84 came around. I was still admiring Casey from a far. I watched guy after guy vie for her affection, but she never gave them the time of day. It was like she was waiting for something better to come along. Deep down I hoped that something better was me. Then one day I was walking to the candy store and I see Casey sitting on her porch with her sister Jugs . Jugs " Slish come over here Casey wants to talk to you." OH HELL!!!! I slowly walk across the street. Casey walks down her steps and meets me in front of her drive way " I sheepishly say " Hi" Casey smiles and says" Hi Slish. I want you to sign my graduation book. WHAT!!!! Back then if a girl wanted you to sign her graduation book and you didn't go to her school meant SHE LIKED YOU!!! WAIT!!! SHE LIKES ME!!!! SHE LIKES ME!!!! Okay breath Slish, take the book from her hand and act real keeewwl " It would be my honor, but I have to run to the store can I write in it when I come back" Casey says " Take the book with you. I'll wait here. "

I calmly walk around the block and out of Casey's sight. YEEEEEES!!!!!! I run to the candy store. When I get there I see Phantom and Fondu playing video games. " Fellas guess who gave me their graduation book to sign" Fondu looks up at me then back at the video game and responds " Who." I say " CASEY!" Fondu stops playing " You mean Casey with the pretty brown eyes and nice ass CASEY! " I respond " YEAH!!!! Fondu" Your lying ! Gimme that book ! " he looks at it and his eyes light up! I grab the book back and say " I don't know what to write! Fondu" Give me that ! Your soft ass is going to write something corny and mess up your chances. I'll take care of this. I say " What are going to write " Fondu's usual response " Don't you worry about that. "

When Fondu was done. I was so excited didn't even read what he wrote . I ran back to the block and Casey was waiting for me on her porch. I gave the graduation book back to her and quickly excused myself. Didn't want to be there when she read it. No telling what that AFRICAN wrote .

Later that evening the phone in my house is ringing. My mother gets to it before I do. "SLIIIIIISHY telephone. " I pick up '"Hello" Voice says" Hi Slish " I say " Who's this? Voice responds " Its me Casey" YES YES YEEEES! Wait a minute! How did she get my number I never gave her my number! I respond " H How did you get my number? Casey " You wrote it in my book along with that beautiful poem asking me to be your girlfriend" WHOA!!!!! I'm Shook now! What the hell did Fondu write!!! Never mind that! Who cares !Slish its your time! I say " Weeeell will you. Be my girlfriend " Casey responds " Slish do you know how long i've been waiting for you to ask me that. Ofcourse I'll be your girl" I must have blacked out cause I don't remember the rest of that conversation.

That summer I was the man! Casey was my girl. Fondu hated me for it and God had finally answered my prayers.

Has Anyone Seen This Man !

That stunt Dough Boy pulled last week Saturday bugged the shit out of me. I didn't know how much until he called me at work on Weds.

Dough Boy " Whats good Slish" I respond " Before this convo goes any further I want to let you know. What you did last week Saturday to Corporate and me was not cool." Dough Boy " You and Corporate need to grow up. Its not like Harlem Nites is wifey, that shit between him and Supa Dad happened years ago and Corporate was wrong for doing it. " I'm annoyed at the fact this African is so fucking dense! I respond " DOUGH BOY! Harlem Nites is still a person and my friend. Supa Dad and Corporate have already resolved that issue. Don't bring that shit up in public again! Dough Boy " You and Corporate are acting like a bunch of bitches. " Slasher responds " CHECK THIS OUT!!! Mention those two topics in public again YOU and I will have a problem!!! Dough Boy calmly responds " Slish you're not scaring me " Slasher " Aiight AFRICAN!!! You heard me!!!! Click!!!!!


5:00 am Saturday Morning. I'm caressing a specific part of my sweeties anatomy. My cell phone starts ringing. Barney moans, looks at the clock and says " Sweetheart who's calling you at 5:00 am " I continue caressing that body part and respond " Hell if I know" I reach for my phone and look at the screen . Its Dough Boy. Fuck him! I put the phone back on the dresser and get back to the business at hand.

An hour later Barneys has just finished whispering " Cojelo Papi Slish, eso es tuyo " My cell phone rings again. I reach for it, look at the screen ITS DOUGH BOY AGAIN!!! Wtf could this cat want this early in the morning! I answer " Hello " A female voice responds " Slish this is Dough Boys wife. I'm sorry to wake you so early in the morning, but Dough Boy didn't come home last night. Was he with you? I respond " No. Haven't heard from him in a couple of days" Mrs Dough Boy " Well this isn't like him not to call. I'm worried." I respond " I'll make a few calls and see if I can track him down. " Mrs Dough Boy " Okay Slish thank you" I hang up

Barneys " Baby who was that? " I respond " Dough Boys wife. He didn't come home last night" Barneys " Where do you think he might be?" I rub my head and respond " I don't know. Just hope he's not doing what I think he's doing" Barneys " Hmph" Then lays her head on my chest.

Where the fuck could this man be aallll night. I mean he just got married and he's hitting the streets like that!!! This is some disrespectful shit. I wonder ? Did Dough Boy marry this woman for some underhanded reason and his dissapearing act is a manifestation of his true feelings for her. If thats the case. Mrs Dough Boy has been bamboozled into marrying a man who does not respect her.


10:30 am Corporate calls me " Slish I just called Dough Boys home phone and his wife told me she hasn't heard from him all night" I respond " Yeah man. You know where he might be ?" Corporate " I have no idea but I hope this isn't serious" I say " I'll keep calling around to see if I find him" Corporate " Aiight talk to you later"

I call Mrs Dough Boy back " Mrs Dough Boy. When last did you speak to Dough Boy" She responds " Yesterday morning " I say " Did the both of you have an argument" Mrs Dough Boy " No. I'm worried Slish this isn't like him " I respond " Maybe he's at work I'll call him there" Mrs Dough Boy " I already called. His voice mail picked up" I'm scratching my head cause now i'm worried. All of a sudden this wave of guilt overcomes me because the last time Dough Boy and I spoke it wasn't pleasant.

I dial Clipperman's number. He picks up " Whats up Slishy" I say " Yo I think Dough Boy is missing. His wife called me this morning and said he didn' t come home last night" Clipperman " He'll turn up" I say " How do you know that?" Clipperman " I just know" I say " You know where he might be ? " Clipperman " Weelll I know he had a jump off in White Plains" I respond " Think he might be there? Clipperman " Who knows. Slish Didn't I tell you this would happen. Dough Boy's marriage is a joke " I respond " It might be, but his wife doesn't know that. So until that time comes we will respect their union " Clipperman " If you say so . I gotta go. Call me when you find him"

1 pm my cell phone rings. I look at the screen and see that its Dough Boys number. I pick up. Dough Boy " Whats up Slish " I sigh with relief and respond " AFRICAN!!! Where you been ? " Dough Boy " I was at the Harlem Apt" Dough Boy and his wife still have the apts they lived in before they got married. Why they haven't given up one of them up. Remains a mystery to me. I respond " You okay. Why didn't you tell your wife where you were? " Dough Boy " I called her but something must be wrong with her cell phone because I wasn't able to get through" I start to smell something OH WAIT WAIT!! must be the BULLSHIT coming out of Dough Boys mouth. I respond " Well at least your okay" Dough Boy" Thanks for the concern. I respond " No problem I'll talk to you later "

Why do I get the feeling Dough Boys situation is about to get really complicated.

I need a Jump start

Disclaimer Please READ!!!

This Story Happened waaay before I met my Sweetie Barneys

One Friday afternoon last year I got a phone call from Hot Mama. Brief history. I met Hot Mama about 2 weeks after I broke up with my girlfriend The Bugger sooooo that would be Feb of 2004 . Physical description age 33, 5'5, brown complexion, perky upper body and a whole lot of energy. I had been chasing that woman on and off for about a year. Why was it taking me so long? Well. Hot Mama had two kids!!! Making it very hard to plan any kind of romantic outing. But despite those obstacles we managed to maintain somewhat of a platonic relationship.


We made plans to get together on a Saturday. Hot Mama lives in Peekskill. Since that is quite a hike for me we usually meet at the Cross County Mall in Yonkers. She parks her car there and I drive to whatever spot I think might get me closer to my goal. Tonight I decide to go back to where it all began The G-bar. Our first date was there.


We walk in. The Slasher is in full effect and knows exactly where to sit. Lounge area couch by the door side by side. I think to myself "this will get me closer to my goal" Hot Mama's usual drink of choice is white wine, but white wine is not going to get me closer to my goal. I decide to take control because tonight DAMMIT is MY NIGHT!!!!!. I suggest the Mojito. Sweet but lethal. Two of those and everything coming out of my mouth will sound like poetry. I'm evil I know. But desperate times calls for desperate measures.

An hour goes by and my plan seems to be working. I'm flowin , my jokes are on point, and i'm gently caressing parts of her anatomy. Letting her know that tonight is MY NIGHT!!!! I go to the bartender to settle up my tab. Walk back over to Hot Mama and ask " What would you like to do next " not to be transparent I suggest we go to a comedy show. She says " No. We can go to your place" Oh shit!!! Did she say what I think she said! Mind you I have tried this formula on hot mama many many times before and she would just BRUSH HER SHOULDERS OFF !!!.

We leave. On the drive to my place. I remember that my place is not really my place. My aunt owns the house and I reside in her basement apt rent free. The conditions were that I could not have any overnight guests. My aunt thinks i'm a manwhore therefore this little rule was set into place to curtail my activities. But tonight was MY NIGHT!!! Fuck the rules.

We're in my humble space now. I keep the lights out cause I know its a messy world I live in. I go to the bathroom. Come back out. Her sandals are off and she is on my couch looking like okay nigga whatcha gonna do now!!! I think to myself " Its time to make the donuts! " The heavy petting and breathing begins. We tussle for a while . I do somethings to her she doesn't do anything to me. We get down to injection time and my needle decides to have a malfunction. Not once but twice. I think to myself " Why is this happening!!!!! This must be a sign, Can't get lucky two nights in a row Slish, remember Harlem Nites had her legs wrapped around your back the night before. Typical R kelly moment but in reverse. My Mind was tellling Yes!! but my Body was telling me NO!!!

Hot Mama gets dressed but she doesn't seem upset. I apologize for not rising to the occasion. She responds with that typical female response "Its okay sometimes those things happen" SOMEBODY JUST KNOCK ME THE FUCK OUT RIGHT NOW!!!! is what I was thinking.

I drive her back to her ride. We kiss each other good bye. As soon as she gets into her car I call my boy Corporate America. I tell him what happened. He says "Well look at the bright side" then he pauses and says " There is none!!! " and starts laughing.

What lesson did I learn people? Never call your boys for emotional support they'll let you down everytime.

Young Jedi

Hey Bloggers. Its been a year since I've been doing this tell my business to the Cyber Space community. I must admit I'm glad I did it. I have learned, laughed, and empathized with so many of you. So this week I'm going to give you the best of Slish. There are some folks out there that have already read these stories. All I can say is READ EM AGAIN!!!


I take pride in my understanding of the opposite sex. I've always been able to anticipate their wants, needs, & desires. Why I am still single then ? Well. I never said I understood myself. Without knowledge of self its hard to maintain relationships.

Now my knowledge of the opposite sex was not some innate ability I developed over the years. It was taught to me by my best friend. The Phantom. His super power. The ability to see you without you seeing him.

My training began in the summer of 1993. We both shared an apt in the Bronx. His rule was " Slish while your living here with me your going to have to check that nice guy shit at the door. I don't need you fucking up my flow. So my training began. It started with simple stuff like

1. Never call a woman the day after you get her number shows desperation.

2. Don't do too much extra shit early ex Flowers, candy, plays. WHY? When you f#$%K up you would have already run out of tricks to make up for it .

3. Always tell the truth. Why ? So when shit hits the fan she can't call you a liar. Women seem to loooove that word.


4. Leave all incriminating evidence out in the open. Women never look for the obvious.


5. Never ever ever ever ever Lie on your dick. Its bad Karma. Can cause impotence.


6. If you're going to cheat. Your side chick should never come before your Girlfriend. ex You have a date with yo side chick and wifey calls you. Go see WIFEY!!! Brothas get caught when they get greedy.

7. Never introduce your girlfriend to your boys girl. WORLDS COLLIDE!!! They will conspire against the both of you or compare notes. Ex "Slish took you to a play and SHOPPING!!! " Yo Boys girl " WHY YOU NEVER TAKE ME TO A PLAY OR BUY ME NICE JEWELRY LIKE SLISH!!!!

8. If your stepping out to do some dirt. Call Wifey first. Make sure you tell her all the things she needs to hear. Most likely she'll be too caught up in " MY MAN LOVES ME thoughts to bother calling you back to check up on ya. ( You ladies might be looking at me sideways right now but believe me that shit used to work.)


With this new found knowledge Mr Slish was born. Now there were a few hit & misses at first but I was a quick study . I made my teacher proud. Before you knew it we became legends amongst our peers . Our Motto " Nuh Bwoy Test Me Nuh Pussy Brush Gainst Mi" Lay man's terms " We don't take no shit and a strangers lady is not safe in our company".

Over the years this system was modified and I took it upon myself to take on a few pupils. One of them I am very proud of is Boogie Baby. I met Boogie Baby in 98 he was a local Dj in need of some business cards. I referred him to one of my boys. Thats how our friendship began. During our interaction I thought to myself this is one cool brotha. Dependable, Loyal, always in a good mood. I must know at least one sista he could get with. So I started bringing him to my usual haunts. To my surprise the fish weren't biting. Consensus. " Yo Boy has no flavor " Thats when I heard The Phantoms voice " You must train him Slish. The force is strong in this one " Boogie Baby's training began shortly after.

It was tough at first. Since he was a dj he had this strong hip hop personality. Nikey's top ten, Phat Farm & Sean John. Nothing wrong with those labels but if you want to stand out from the rest. You can't wear someone elses name on your chest. A couple of trips to Banana Republic, Armani Exchange & Kenneth Cole. Boogie baby was a new man and the ladies noticed ( Well just the ones that didn't know him before the make over).

A few years go by Boogie Baby is no longer a Dj. He traded his turntables in for a laptop. Thats right he evolved into a computer engineer.( Microsoft certified). Making good money and living in a condo in money earnin Mt. Vernon. Around 2004 at my movie shoot. ( Don't ask thats another story) Boogie baby is introduced to this vanilla sista. A show stopper at that. Truth be told. I didn't think he had a chance. But with my training and guidance. He pulled off the biggest upset of 2004 . Clipperman didn't even see it coming. He was also in heavy pursuit of this prize.

The relationship started out hot and heavy. Already Boogie Baby broke rule number two of the Phantom Commandments. Why? Pretty face, nice body can cause brain damage. 6 Months in he's in love & Show Stopper loved him back. But when an average guy dates a pretty woman. His mind can play tricks on him. All of a sudden every guy she knows is a threat, A night out with her girls is unacceptable, & your boys become a distant memory cause you spend most of your time with her making sure no one else can steal your prize. Big Mistake . Recipe for Disaster.

To make a long story short. They broke up about a year ago. I haven't heard from my boy since. Probably blames me for it. I've reached out to him several times. He doesn't return my calls. If your reading this bruh. Call me . Don't want to lose you as a friend. Lifes too short.

Fight Night

Saturday fellas got together at Supa Dads house for the Antonio Tarver and Bernard Hopkins showdown. In attendance was Clipperman, Lexus, Dough boy, Clark Kent, Corporate and yours truly Grand Master Slish.


The fight was fantastic! Bernard Hopkins not only whupped Tarvers ass but he showed him what real boxing is all about. You see Tarver's whole career was defined by him beating Roy Jones Jr so critics figured he would fight Hopkins the same way. Only thing Roy Jones is an offensive fighter not a defensive one making it easy for Tarver to hit him with his awkward Jab. Hopkins is a defensive fighter and he can take a punch. Every punch Tarver connected with Hopkins made him pay for it . Connecting with 2-3 power shots of his own. By the end of the fight Tarver's left eye was swollen and his ego deflated. Bernard Hopkins gets to retire as a legend and Tarver gets to go home and figure out who his next pay day is going to be.

After the fight we all stuck around and chilled for a bit. Corporate is telling Clipperman about the time me and my ex Butterscotch had I big fight. Corporate " So Clipperman. Slish calls and tells me to come to his apt. I get there and this cat meets me at the the door with a plastic bag full of his clothes. As we're walking out the apt building Butterscotch yells out the window to Slish " I hope you die muthafucka!!!!" Now mind you Clipperman I'm holding this africans shit and trying not to laugh then Slish yells back " I HOPE I DIE TOO BIIIIITCH! SO I CAN COME BACK AS A GHOST AND TORMENT YOU WHILE YOU'RE FUCKING THE NEXT NIGGA!!! Yo Cipperman! I almost pissed my pants " Clipperman says " Slish that really happen? I respond " Don't listen to that fool. Corporate has had brain damage since La Bonita broke up with him five years ago"

Corporate goes into Supa Dads living room. Clipperman and I stay behind. Clipperman says " You know you're next " I respond " Next for what? " Clipperman responds" Next to get married. Your light is on Kid" I say " There you go with that bullshit again." Clipperman " I can see it. The way you talk about ole girl. You next son. " I changed the topic cause I don't want to jinx my future.

I say " Clipperman where you headed after this? " He rolls is eyes and responds" Gotta go out to Staten Island " I respond " I thought you broke up with her. Clipperman" I did. Then I didn't. Then I did again. Slish its just a horrible cycle. She beefing about me being her with you guys right now! I look at him strangely and say " Why? Clipperman " I originally invited her to come, but when I found out no women would be here I called and told her she couldn't come " I respond " You don't get it do you. You're not supposed to invite a woman out then tell her she can't come. What you should have done was inform her that no ladies would be present giving her the choice to decline on her own. Instead you took the choice away from her. Thats why she's mad. Clipperman you need to learn how to translate what women are saying or else you are going to continue to have problems. Women never say what they really mean. If they did. They would get along with one another" Clipperman man rubbing his head like I dropped a dictionary in his lap.

We're all in The living room now. I say to Dough Boy " Yo its almost time for us to go" Dough Boy " Why. You in a rush to go see our ho Harlem Nights." Then he elbows Corporate in the side " You know me and this nigga slept with the same chick" On the inside i'm heated cause there was no reason for him to bring that up. I respond " For the record I tapped it first and from what Harlem Nights told me YO DICK WAS NEVER IN THE PUSSY!!! But since you hadn't had any ass in so long you couldn't tell the difference. Dough Boy " Thats bullshit. I got the ass Son" I say " Yeah you got the ass alright ASS CHEEKS!!! Dumb muthafucka couldn't even tell if his dick was in the pussy. " The whole room starts laughing. Dough Boy tries to divert the attention away from himself and pulls a bitch move and says " What about when Corporate made one of Supa Dad's exgirlfriends his lady" The whole room got quiet. Corporate looks at dough boy like he's going to DROP KICK HIS JUGULAR ! Then Corporate looks around the room to see if Supa Dad heard. Although Supa Dad knows. Its a very sensitive topic we try not to discuss.

I say "Dough Boy WTF is the matter with you. Why you bringing that up now. What does that have to do with anything we've discussed here tonight" Dough Boy shrugging " I'm just saying its the truth. Why be ashamed of it. I say " You're an ass and you're DEFINETLY not ashamed of that!! I look at Corporate and see in his eyes that Dough Boy is going to pay for that shit.

Supa Dad's wife comes home shortly after . We take that as our cue to leave. On the ride Home i'm thinking to myself. Imagine if it had been women having that conversation.

My day started out like this.

I wake up, look over at my sweetie and give her a warm kiss on her angelic face. The Slasher isn't satisfied so he inches his way down to her left ass cheek and kisses it gently. Barneys whispers " Sweetie quit it. Don't be starting nothing . You're going to be late for work." Now I'm caressing both ass cheeks. Slasher whispers " Let me stick my tongue where it belongs " Barneys giggles and pushes my head away and responds " You're going to be late, besides I still haven't recovered from last night " I mentally pat my self on the back. CAUSE I PUT IN WORK!!!! I think Papi is my new name. Might change it legally. Slish Papi ? Papi Slish ?

8:37 am I get to work early and stop in Mcdonalds. I order my food from this nasty Jamaican cashier. I swear Jamaicans should never work in customer service. Cashier " Wha yuh want" I respond " 2 hash browns" she walks away " Excuse me i'm not done " Cashier sucks her teeth and turns around " I would also like a medium orange juice" Cashier " Why yuh neva seh dat when mi ask yu wha yuh want" Since i'm in a good place this morning I ignore her and think about how good Papi Slish is going to sound once I legally change it. Cashier hands me my food I smile and say " Have a wonderful day" Cashier rolls her eyes


I get to my office, say good morning to my coworkers and sit down at my desk. Radio station is playing that stupid Ne-Yo song When You're Mad. DAMN I hate that song! Who the fuck wants to make a black woman angry on purpose!

My desk Is full of cases. I don't know where to start. So I pick up my new cases first and head upstairs to the 5th floor so I can check if they have any medical insurance. I'm standing in front of the computer running social security numbers while doing that dance Roger From Whats Happening used to do. My Coworker Big Momma " Booooy that little white girl you got over there in queens must have put it on you last night!!! Over there dancing like you gone and lost yo mind" I laugh and respond " Why you always in my business old woman and she's not white she's Dominican. Big Momma " White, Spanish, Asian they all the same to me ! " BOTTOMLINE SHE AIN' T BLACK! I say " You going to hell for that comment" Big Momma " Gladly. Yo ass need to find your self a nice black woman like me! I respond " You mean like you used to be" I start laughing and run out of the room before Big Momma got the chance to slap the shit out of me.

Back in my office now. I start chit chatting with my coworker Gabby about infidelity. " I say cheating on your boyfriend/girlfriend is bad karma " Gabby responds " Slish thats bullshit" I say " No it isn't. A Month ago you traveled to west bubbafuck Ohio to get with some dude you met while you were on vacation with your boyfriend" Gabby " Yeeeeeah.Your point? " I continue " Did he or did he not. Allow you to suck his dick and other areas I rather not mention " Gabby " Yeeeah" I continue " Did he or did he not! Abandon you in the the middle of nowhere! When you refused to give him the pussy! Her head drops " My point exactly! BAD KARMA! I'm done here. Time for lunch.

Bloggers I got into all of that before 1pm. LOL....

The Black Man's Survival Guide

1988 The drug game in the Bronx had taken a wicked turn. Jamaican drug dealers hit the scene and were unruly. NYPD was not used to getting shot at when they announced " FREEZE!!!!PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR AND DON'T MOVE!!!! You see in Jamaica. The police don't do that. They shoot first and ask questions later. So NYPD announcing themselves to a YARD MAN! was a joke. Their response to that ! " Im just seh put mi hands dem inna di air? Dis man is a rasss idioooot !!! I gone shoot im rass " Not only was NYPD jumpy but they were running scared. The Jamaicans had The Bronx under siege.

One night Clipperman and I traveled to the Bronx to get the New Edition concert tickets my buddy O North had purchased for us. He lived right across the street from Edenwald Projects. A place no one wanted to be late at night. Especially since The Jamaicans not only shot at police, but their american counterparts as well.

We arrive at O North's house at 8pm. My car radio was blasting at the time so when I got out the gunfire coming from the projects caught me off guard. I knock on the passenger side window and say to Clipperman " You hear that!!! Clipperman responds " Hear what. The firecrackers coming from the projects? I respond " You see. This is why you should NEVER travel around the Bronx without me! THATS GUNFIRE YOU IDIOT!!! O North comes running out of the house " Slish lets make this quick . You hear that shit going on across the street! As I'm reaching into my back pocket I see this dude run from inside the projects. He crosses the street to where O North, Clipperman and myself are. He runs by us, tosses a gun into the bushes next to O North's house and takes off running TOP SPEED!! O North says " OH SHIT!!! Slish did you see that! I respond " Take this money so Clipperman and I can get the hell out of this warzone" I hand O North the money I owed him for the tickets. He then gives me an envelope. Before I could turn around and get into my car I hear FREEZE! EVERYONE PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR AND DON'T MOVE !!!

I turn around to see 8 police officers had surrounded us. "EVERYONE KEEP YOUR HANDS WHERE WE CAN SEE THEM" These officers looked real jumpy. They're hands shook as they pointed shot guns and various automatic weaponry. O North quickly obliged, Clipperman has this OH LAAAAWD look on his face, and me " WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT!!!! WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! THE MUTHAFUCKA YOU'RE LOOKING FOR JUST RAN THAT WAY!!!! Officer" PUT YOUR HANDS WHERE WE CAN SEE THEM!!! I respond " THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT YOU PUNK MUTHAFUCKAS TO AFRAID TO GO BACK INTO THE PROJECTS BECAUSE THATS WHERE THE REAL GUNFIRE IS COMING FROM!!! O North " Slish! Shut up! You trying to get us killed. Those are real guns they have pointed at us! This ain't the time to be a civil rights activist!

One of the Officers walks over and orders me to open the trunk of my car. I respond " Nope. For what ? O North " Slish! Open the trunk ! I comply. The Officer looks around and finds nothing. I say " NO GUNS OR DRUGS!!!! You're wasting your time here! Then the Officers get a call on their radios that they should be where the gunfire is coming from. THE PROJECTS !!!! They get in their Police van and leave.

O North and Clipperman verbally assault me for about 5 minutes. O North goes inside his house, Clipperman and I get into my car and head back to where gunfire is damn near non existent.


11 years later Feb 4th 1999 another brotha was faced with the same situation. He wasn't as lucky as I was. What caused him to die and not me. Well. Although I was talking all that shit. My hands never left the air. They were positioned where the Police could see them. The black man's survival manual says so on page one. Too bad no one showed Amadou that book.

Can't Stop Won't Stop

I was reading Phoenix's latest blog entry about her High School Crush" She mentioned in the blog that they reconnected at a party. Well folks that party was organized by yours truly. What Pheonix didn 't know was that party was history in the making.

1997 my boy Matador, Monie Luv and myself started a little side hustle promoting parties once a month. It was going really well until we had an event at one of our regular venues. The capacity of the club was 350. Our dumb asses sold about 200 hundred tickets. The night of the party we were also taking money at the door. Word on the street was that U.S.C(Uptown Saga Continues) was on the come up and this particular party was going to be FYAAAAAAAH!!!!! Therefore people without tickets showed up early. Biiig mistake. We ended up filling the club to full capacity causing ticket holders who arrived late a nice cozy spot standing outside of the club. Friends and Fam can I tell you ! ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE!!!! I got cussed out, threatened, pussy promised to me was taken away and my close friends vowed never to come to another event hosted by SLISH. I couldn't show my face in the hood for months! Especially at Clippermans Barber shop. Rumor was The Local Thugs who bought tickets wanted their money back. What was I going to do! Give them the new leather jacket I was wearing !!!!

Few months later. Matador calls me " Yo Slish. You get an invite to our ten year High School reunion? I respond " Yeah but i'm not going to that Cracker Party" Matador laughing " I know what you mean cousin. I know what you mean. So you come up with any ideas on how we're going to redeem ourselves from that last party . People are still salty." I respond " The only idea I could come up with is to find a bigger venue and give the people who lost their money complimentery tickets. " Matador starts laughing " Slish thats a lot of people. Monie luv is not gonna endorse that. You know how money hungry she is. Come up with a new plan" I respond " How about we go by that spot your always talking about and see if they'll let us have our next party there" Matador " You mean The Carib ? " I say " yeah " Matador responds " I'm on it "

A week later Matador sets up a meeting with the Club Owner. We're looking around the place and discover its waaay bigger than we thought. Matador whispers to me as the owner is showing us around " Slish this place is too big. We can't possibly fill it up by ourselves" I say " Your right and we won't have to" Matador gives me this puzzled look. Then the Owner turns to us and says " Fellas what do you think . Want to book the club or not. " I respond " Hell yeah!" Matador looks at me like I just put my lips on his girlfriends titty. Owner responds " What night do you want " Before Matador can respond I say "Thanksgiving " Matador looks at me like I stabbed his mama, pulls me to the side and says " Nigga are you crazy!!! First of all we can't fill this place up by ourselves. Second!!! The last time someone had a party on Thanksgiving ( That would be Puff Daddy now known as Diddy) there was a stabbing, shooting and multiple fights. You know New Rochelle and Mt Vernon don't get along! I respond " What do we have that Puffy didn't" Matador responds " What. " I say " Working class people just looking to have a good time. Besides we'll have a strict dress code. That will deter our friendly neighborhood trouble makers. Matador responds " Okay. You've solved that problem. The owner said the capacity of the club is 800 we've never had a party with those numbers before" I respond " We'll get Kuh Teeth involved he's been wanting to throw parties with us for the past few months. His crew is good for about 400 people" Matador starts laughing to himself and says " You had this all planned out before we even got here. " I respond " Yes siiiir. Now go ask the owner how much the rental fee is. "

Week before the Party. Word on the street! U.S.C was throwing the party of the year! Matador came up with the idea to promote the event as our very own Ten Year High School Reunion. That shit worked! Cause no African wanted to go to that snow flake reunion Our High School comittee was organizing. We sold advance tickets at 15 dollars a pop. Printing only 400 this time around we didn't want to make the same mistake twice. Anyone who sold tickets for us got 5 dollars from each sale. Those tickets went quickly !!! U.S.C was about to do what no other Promoter could since The Carib has been open. Have a party and invite The Bronx, New Rochelle and Mt Vernon. Usually that would be a recipe for disaster.

Night of the party. We hired 12 Sumo type body guards. Monie luv is at the door making sure our money is coming in right. Matador and myself are walking around the party making sure no mini fights break out. Of course yours truly is collecting coochie coupons at the same time.

1 am Dj Billy Busch has that Place jumping!!!! We not only filled the club to its capacity WE EXCEEDED IT!!! Bar ran out of hennessy at 12 midnite. But most important thing of all NO FIGHTS!!!! We made history. U.S.C set the precedent for future events held at that venue.

End of the night Matador hands me my dough. I look in the envelope, smile and say " Luck + Preparation = SUCCESS!!! Never accept defeat. Even when the odds are not in your favor. We could have walked away. Instead ten years from now we'll look back on this night and say DAMN!!! That was a Slamming Party !!!! "