I haven't been writing I knooow...Mr Slish is tiiired. I HAVE FOUR JOBS!!!! Brotha needs a break. So I have decided to take a break from this blog. I'm going on vacation. Headed to JA for the Phantoms wedding. I will resume writing August 29th. I should have some Juicy stories to tell when I get back.

I'll give you a preview of whats ahead.

1. Soulmate's boyfriend is acting up. She wants me to take her to the beach so she can lay out in her bikini. I told her she might get felt up. She still wants to go. I smell trouble..I LIKE IT!!!!!

2.Lady Di is starting to trust me a little more. Wonder what will happen when she leaves this thurs. She resigned from her position at my Hospital. That means no more smooch sessions in her office. That reminds me I need to go up there tommorrow. Get last Licks...GET IT!! last licks hahaa i'm so corny....

3. Harlem nites hmmm well lets just say. I'm weaning myself off slooowly.

4. Shawnla might be smitten. Told me today that she'll miss me while i'm away. I asked what she wanted from Jamaica. She said" Just for Slish to come back safely." aawwww.


I'll be back friends and fam. With more adventures of MR SLIIIIIIIIISH!!!!!!!!!

Continuation of SMACK THAT BOOTY SLISH!!!!!!


We're in the car now. I say to Shawnla " Want me to take you home?" She says, " I'm not ready to go home " I respond, " So what do you want to get into?" Shawnla, " Drive and see where the night takes us . We pull off.


I'm headed towards White Plains. My parents are out of town and the house is practically empty. Lil sis is there but she'll sleep through gunfire. Won't here a thing. We go inside, I start to show Shawnla around since this is her first time in my parents home. 5 years of body bumping and this woman has never met my family go figure. I usher Shawnla to where the magic usually happens , no not my old bedroom , but the den attached to it. She heads straight for the throw pillow on the floor. I sit on the couch and watch her. Shawnla sprawls out over the pillow and slips off her sandals...Fellas ya'll know what that means when a woman takes off her shoes. I'm checking her ass out and I mean that literally " I'M CHECKING OUT HER ASS AND HAVING VISIONS OF BACK SHOTS !!!!! but neither one of us makes a move. Why? Could be the egos cause the person that makes the first move would have to admit that they missed the other person terribly and was fiending for a reunion. SO YOU KNOW MY DUMB ASS MADE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!!

The slap and tickle begins. Shawnla giggles and says, " Slish what are you doin" I say, " Oh nothing just trying to find out what Strawberries and Vanilla taste like when combined with chocolate" and continue probing her neck and lips. Then she flips me over and gets on top, gives me this dreamy look, then takes off her blouse, I reach for them. Shawnla pulls back and says " Did I say you could touch those " OOOhh she wanna play tease Slish and make him beg. The water in France must have given her amnesia cause she must have forgotten THAT I'M EASY!!!!!!!! but I play along anyway. She starts whispering in my ear " You want me " I play along and say " No " Shawnla unbuttons my pants and starts to play with DANGER!!! she whispers in my ear once again, " You want me now" I respond like a little bitch " Nu Nuh NO " she decides to take it up a notch by taking off her jeans skirt and pulling my pants and underwear completely off. I'm thinking "I WISH I HAD A CAMERA RIGHT NOW!!!! Cause she about to go Vanessa Del Rio on me.

Time for injection now so I slip off her panties, put on the disease & rugrat protector, and check the kitty for moisture . 20 seconds later we're making f@&k faces & noises. The whole time i'm nervous that Lil Sis will wake up and go into the kitchen and hear us, so I decide to play it safe and take it into the bedroom.


I wake up the next morning. DAMN!!! I'm a pitiful excuse of a man, but then I look underneath the covers and take a look at Shawnla's round naked booty and think to myself

I'LL BE THAT I'LL BE THAT

You guys remember when I told you about one of my exes moving to France to be with the man she fell in love with and possible marry. Well guess what!!! She's Baaaaack & who does she call. Big Daddy Slish(Sing along now) and the story goes a little sumthin like thiiiiis.. Hit it!!!!!!

Friday afternoon I get this call on my cell from a 609 area code. At first I wasn't going to answer it but curiosity got the best of me so I picked up. "Hello can I speak to Slish" I respond "Who's this" voice says " Its Shawnla." I pull the phone away from ear cause I'm shocked now. I know they don't have 609 area codes in France. I respond "Shawnla who" Shawnla says " its me Slish" I say " Why are you calling me from France? Whats the matter you in trouble, they lock you up, found out your frenchman was a little too french. She laughs and says " No I'm back in the states & I left the Frenchman. I say " I'm sorry to hear that " She laughs again and says " No your not " That gal knows me a little too well. I respond " So what happened " Shawnla responds " I don't want to talk about it " I respond " Fine cause I didn't want have to tell you I TOLD YA SO!!!!! We change the topic, talk some more and make tentative plans for Saturday.

I got home around 7pm Saturday. 8pm Shawnla calls me " Slish watcha doin " I respond " Why." Shawnla " Thought we could hang out in the city " My Slish sense starts to tingle, this chick must think i'm stupid I know exactly what she wants she's not gonna get it I respond " I'll pick you up between 10 & 10:30 pm.

I arrive in Engelwood around 10:15pm call Shawnla on the celly and tell her that I'm out front. 10 minutes later she's walking to the car. All of a sudden things start moving in slow motion and I can't seem to keep my tongue in my mouth. She gets in the car. Her cocoa brown skin is flawless and she smells like strawberries laced with vanilla flavoring. My ass is in trouble, cause I forgot my flesh eaters anonymous handbook at home. LOOK AWAY SLISH LOOK AWAAAAAY!!!!!!! Shawnla " I don't get a hug? and why won't you look at me " I respond " First of you left me hanging for about six months then send me an email that your In France with that Frenchman. You could have told me you were still in love with him. I would have understood." Shawnla responds " No you wouldn't have . You would have tried to talk me out of it " Damn!!!! this woman sure knows Mr Slish . Cause thats exactly what I would have done .


We arrive at The G-Bar around 11pm. I greet my friendly neighborhood Bartender, introduce Shawnla to him and right on cue he says " Its nice to finally see Slish come here with someone other than himself. OOhh he's going to get a big tip for that shit. Bartender has seen me with a different chick every two weeks for the past several months. We sit down. I order two Mojito's. Shawnla takes a sip. Then asks " So Slish who ya been f@&%king" now if my memory serves me correctly the last time she asked me that question I gave her the politically correct response which was "no one sweetie". Causing me to have a cheekless evening. So I respond " I have few shawties" Shawnla likes competition she gets a kick out it . I decide to tell her about my meltdown with Hot Mama Shawnla " so your telling me you couldn't get it up. It was probably her fault you never have that problem with me. Did you lick her pussy ? " I respond " excuse me " Shawnla " I know you licked her pussy" DAMN THIS WOMAN!!!! I say " Yeah I licked it, but not the way I lick yours" Shawnla smiles and leans in closer I say " Bartender CHECK PLEASE!!!!!!


To be continued

Lady Di and I have hit a bump in the road. For weeks now shes been trying to get me to give her the address to this blog. My common sense has been telling me "Don't do it Slish she won't understand" but the Phantom commandments tell me '' Show her Nucca see if she can handle the truth. I decide to follow the devil and give her the blog address.


The call is made " Hey Lady Di guess what I've decided to let you read my blog" Lady Di responds " Why now? HERE WE GO!!!! Once again this is when keeping it real can go horribly wrong. Lady Di continues with " For weeks now i've been asking you for that blog address all of a sudden just like that you want me to read it" I respond " Yeah I think its time. If things are going to progress between us you should know everything. She responds " Whats everything. Whats in the blog that you didn't want me to read about before. I channel Jack Nicholson YOU CAN' T HANDLE THE TRUTH !! and say "Oh nothing really just that your not the only woman I go out on dates with. " I hear the crickets now . Lady Di responds " Oh so two weeks ago when we had plans to go out and you called and cancelled , you were out with another CHICK!!!!! I'm getting a Brown Suga flash back now. I respond " No that day I was tired and decided to go home and take a nap" Lady Di " Hmph Like I'm supposed to believe you. " HOLD UP!!!!!!!!! Why am I having this coversation with this woman. We only went out like twice. This a bad sign. I respond " Listen you and I are still getting to know one another and have yet to establish anything concrete. All I know is that I enjoy your company and want it to continue so that I won't need to keep going out on dates with different women. Do you enjoy my company when Lady Di ? she responds " Yes" " Then everything else is irrelevant". Lady Di responds " Oh no its not. Your going to have to work a little bit harder now" Shit I guess nothing good comes easy


Today is Soulmates birthday. She's depressed and wondering how life could be so cruel. Turned 35, has no kids, living with her mama, no husband in site and her ex boyfriend from high school(ME!!!!) is still chasing her. Thats a saaad story. Think after work I'll buy her a thong . Should make her boyfriend Dr Dolittle verrry angry..


I get a call from Mr Venom " Yo Slish you at work" I say " Yeah Why" Venom responds "I'm taking back the car I need you to drive my car back". The car Venom is talking about is his exgirlfriends The Officer. Apparently she let the car insurance lapse by not making the payments in a timely fashion. The car and the insurance are still in his name and he's pissed. I say " Calm down remember she's a cop and has a liscense to shoot a nigga in the ass. You go and take that car without her knowledge she might go Die Hard on you. Call her first and tell her your taking it. " Venom responds " I did that . She's not responding. F%^&k her I don't care if she's packing a nigga just gonna have to get shot." There's no talking to Venom when he's mad so I tell him to be careful, wear a vest and make sure he's on the phone with 911 while he's taking the car. Venom calls me back an hour later. Mission accomplished car is in his possesion. I wonder if he knows the number to the witness protection program cause The Officer is one crazy Bitch!!!!!!

My cell is ringing off the hook today. One of the many calls I recieve is from my Sensei/Best friend Phantom. He tells me his fiance Mcgyver has read my blog and discovered where the Bachelor party is . Mcgyver if your reading this did you not read my story about the Phantom commandments. Rule # 4 . Leave all incriminating evidence out in the open. Women never look for the obvious. You think you know but you have nooooooo Idea.

My old supervisor comes into my office today and asks me to take a look at one of my coworkers cases. Apparently she is having problems contacting a family member and the pt is very uncooperative. I'm thinking " Why is she coming to me with this?" So I ask "Why are you coming to me with this" Boss Lady responds " Well Slish this case needs your special talents" I respond " Oh pray tell what might that be" I know what it is but I'M VAIN I NEED TO HEAR IT!!!! Boss Lady gives me that I'm not gonna sweat you look. Then realizes I'm losing interest and decides to stroke my ego and says " You know Slish. The way your able to cut through the residue . The ladies just looooove Mr Slish" I say "ENOUGH"!!! ego has been stroked . I take the case. I look inside. DAMN !!!!!! I"VE BEEN BAMBOOZLED !!!! written on the bottom right hand corner of the case is a note stating the pt is blind and suffering from some form of dementia. Boss lady got me .


On my way to the wards now. I figure I'll deal with the crazy's first so I go to pysche. While i'm there I bump into MT3 " Whats up slish " I say " Nada " I take a look at her this chick looking like Little Kim with a 9 to 5 capri jeans, sandals, toes and fingernails done . Please take this temptation away from me. So MT3 asks " Slish I need somewhere to go tonight my husband is not gonna be home . Now the psychology behind this is He's goes to see his soon to be baby mama & MT3 strikes back by hanging out to the wee hours of the morning making him jealous. Dumb game to play. She needs to leave his ass and stop the pain. I decide to give her no info and say " Yo ass needs to stay home tonight with your kids instead of playing this tit for tat shit. She doesn't agree I change the topic and kept it moving. CAUSE I'M ABOUT TO SHAKE THE COMMEN SENSE BACK INTO HER!!!!!

I leave the crazy's and head to the medical floors. On my way to the blind lady now. I get there her son is with her. Lucky for me he's friendly and agrees to everything I tell him. I find out a little more info too. Her blindness is caused by a large tumor in her brain . Imagine seeing everything one minute and not being able to see anything the next. Because of this my pt had to stop working shortly after, becoming homeless due to lack of funds . Now don't go blaming the son. He lives in the Jamaica and had no idea this was going on.

Whats the point of this story? Why even tell it ? Well

1. Just because you don't here from someone doesn't mean everyhting is hunky dory

2. No one is an island everyone needs a little help. Blind lady was too stubborn and proud to ask for help. Thats why it took so long for her son to get involved.

3. If yo mama says to you while in the perfume section of a dept store " YOU SMELL LIKE SHIT!!! Then licks your face. Don't laugh it off it might be time for a cat scan ...


Latuh....

Whoop that trick, GET IT!!! Whoop That trick, GET IT !!!! Yooooo....I take everything I said on my previous post back. Hustle and Flow was great. Drama, comedy, & good crunk music all wrapped up into 2 hours of visual & audio pleasure. Terrence Howard is about to BLOW UUUUP!!!!! . Anyone who's seen it please leave a comment and tell me what your favorite part in that movie was. Mine was when the pregnant hooker/love interest SHUG was singing that catchy hook and she couldn't quite get it right. D Jay/Terrence Howard rolls up to her and slaps her right on the ass and says " Push that shit out" she gives him this look of fear and pleasure, closes her eyes and seductively sings "Its hard out here for a piiiiimp" ha ha CLASSIC!!!!!!!

I'm back at work today. Mondays are usually busy and today was no different. I give in 5 cases. Get 10 back. Its like running up a hill with oil on it. Can never get to the top. Sorta like my life.

Couple of hours into my day my supervisor and myself get on the topic of robbery/muggings . She tells me a story about her husband being held up by a mugger. Then asks if I've ever been mugged. I start thinking and recall a time back in the early 80's I was ten or eleven. My cousin Marly Marl & myself were walking home from little league practice when an older boy rode up to me on his bike and says in this calm voice " I'm gonna have to take that glove from you" I look around Marly Marl was OUT!!!!! I'm shook now but I try not to show it "NO TEARS SLISH, NO TEARS!!!! I say " I can't do that my daddy gave me this glove he'll beat me if I don't come home with it." which was a big fat lie figured he would show me some sympathy since he looked like he got a lot of ass whuppins. The pre teen mugger says " Give it up and grabs the glove " I don't know what happened after that cause my punk ass closed my eyes. When I opened them I had dragged this boy off his bike and onto the floor with my baseball glove still in my hand. By that time most of the pre teen muggers friends had rolled up on their bikes and started to laugh. " That little nigga pulled you off yo bike !!!! He gets up and I brace myself for a beat down. Mugger puts me in a head lock and still I would not let go of that glove. All I kept thinking was "WHERE THE HELL IS MARLY MARL WHY DIDN'T HE COME BACK WITH HELP!!!!! Then I hear this voice " Yo let him go" I look its not Marly Marl but another boy I knew from hanging out at the park " Let him go I said" The mugger does just that. Apparently my savior was known in the hood and well connected. He saved my ass . Till this day I thank him everytime I see him Why? Cause that glove help me and my team win the Little League championship that year.

As for my good samaritan he's a Yonkers Policeman now....