Children Lost

I ran into to Mt3 today ya know the woman who's husband decided to inpregnate another woman in order to have a male child. I noticed for the past few weeks shes been putting on some weight. My clueless ass thinks its because shes at peace with her situation and started eating again. I say " Hey looking good you putting on some weight. Things must be going well for you" Mt3 gives me this sullen look and responds " You would be wrong Slish . I'm pregnant. " I say " For that cheat !!! Why ? " Mt3 " Why not he's my husband besides its Payback. Now he has to take care of this kid and the one he had for that BITCH!!! See what desperation can do to people. Make them have babies they can't afford

I'm back at my office. I tell my supervisor the situation between Mt3 and her husband. She laughs and says i'm being too harsh. I say" She should have left that asshole a year ago. Now Mt3 is going to bring a child into this world only to get back at her husband. While she's doing that who's gonna raise that kid. Haven't you people been watching the news. Children are dying due to their parents neglect. This child doesn't even have a chance" Supervisor responds " Slish thats her decision " I say " Well thats a DUMB ASS decision MT3 is going to regret it "

Bloggers i've worked with emotionally disturbed children for most of my adult life. I used to believe that an ass whuppin could solve all their problems. Then I would meet the parents and visit the homes of these children. Total chaos!!!! They acted like they were a burden to them. Couldn't wait until we picked them up and took them back to the group home.

One day I picked up a kid from his mother. As I walked to the door I could hear her cussing him out " YOUR SO F@#%KING FAT. GET YO ASS READY BEFORE THAT MAN COMES HERE TO GET YOU. MOVE YOUR ASS. I'M SO TIRED OF YOU!!!" I'm thinking to myself no wonder this boy is always misbehaving he wants the staff members to yell at him. Its the only way he could tell if someone cared. Me and this neglected 10 year old boy get into the car about 5 minutes later. I say " Put on your seat belt D" D responds okay Slish. Slish can I ask you a question? " I respond " I ain't got no money for snacks today didn't yo mama feed you " D starts laughing and responds " I'm not hungry " then D gets sad all of a sudden and says " Slish why do people have kids if they can't take care of them " I was soooo dumbfounded cause this little boy wasn't the brightest little firefly as a matter of fact he read on a 1st grade level. I respond " Maybe they think they can in the beginning D but then somehow lose their way" D responds " You think my mom has lost her way " I say " Hard to say only you can answer that question" D gets quiet looks out the window up at his apt complex and says " I think my mom lost her way but i'm hoping she'll find it soon. I look up at the rear view mirror and I see D wipe a tear from his right eye.

I pull off and start driving down the block I see a deli and decide to pull over D says " Slish why you stop here? I turn around and hand him a few bucks and say " Go on you have five minutes "

Get a Clue

My cuddle muffin became a citizen today and I'm happy to say I was there to witness it, But as you all know nothing in my life ever comes easy including this momentus event.

Last week Barneys says to me " Babe I'm going to take my citizenship test next week" I say " When and where ?" Barneys responds" I'm taking it 2 pm Weds and its all the way in Long Island " I say Baby how you gonna get out there? " Barneys"Well I know you can't take me cause your at work during those hours. Figured I would ask my cousin Los " my dumb ass says "Okay baby"

Couple of days later i'm thinking about the conversation Barneys and I had about that test. I think to myself ASSHOLE!!!! Thats an important day HER MAN should be taking her not her cousin. I call my sweetie " Hey baby i've been thinking i'll take the day off next week weds and take you out to Long Island for your citizenship test. Thats an important day for you. I should be there" Barneys responds " No babe thats okay Los agreed to take me. Besides won't you lose a days pay if you take it off ? I respond " I work for the city its the only organization where you can get paid for staying home and not get penalized for it" Now barneys is a stubborn woman she'll give a nigga one chance to do the right thing. That oppurtunity came and went 2 days ago whe my slow ass said " Okay baby" She responds " No babe thats okay don't want to put you out your way " Damn!! I never learn

This past Sunday Afternoon. Barneys and I are cuddled up on her couch watching the tele . While I'm stroking her dreads she says to me in her baby voice " Babe I want you to go with me on weds " I say " Go where? " She pouts. I continue" Oh hold on let me think for a minute if your pouting it means I forgot something important " Barney still pouting OOOOH your citizenship test !!!! Sure baby I'll take the day off. 2pm right" She hugs me tighter and says " Yes " Now I was excited not only at the fact that I would be sharing this important event with Barneys but that she was actually giving me a second chance. So what does my cocky ass say a few minutes after that milestone of a moment " Baby since you have to be there at 2pm that means I can work half the day leave at 12noon be at your apt by 12:30 and then we shoot out to LI. " Friends and Fam why is it I heard that record scratching noise in my head!!!!! Barney sighs and says " Oh forget it I'll have Los take me " I respond " But babe I said I would take you ." Barneys" No never mind your making too much of a production out of this" WTF I didn't want to argue so I put the Slasher in surveillance instead of attack mode and respond " Okay baby if you change your mind let me know"

Day before the test now. I speak with Barneys that evening. " Sweetie you change your mind yet " Barneys slightly annoyed " Did I not tell you that Los was taking me and if he can't my sisters man offered" I respond " But your man offered to take you several times " Barneys " Yeah but he also said he would take the whole day off and be with me not half the day. " WHYYYYY !!! is she doing this to me I offered to take her more than once. I get annoyed, so before I say something slick I find an excuse to get off the phone and hang up.

I get up this morning VERY ANNOYED at this whole situation. I go into the bathroom sit on the toilet and take a shit. I'm cussing my sweetie in my mind and trying to blame this whole thing on her . She's stubborn, inpatient, only wants things to go her way. All the typical thoughts some men have to avoid looking at themselves as being the source of the problem. As I wiped my ass it HITS ME!!!!! I hear this voice and it ain't the slasher it says" Slish what are you thinking . If she didn't want you to go she wouldn't have asked you. She's just nervous and wants your full support . You say you want to be in a committed relationship WELL NIGGA!! it takes sacrifice. Take a personal day, go that extra mile and take that woman to her destiny"

Half an hour and phone call to my job later. I'm ringing my sweeties doorbell. She looks out her window " I say " Morning Sunshine " She pulls her head back inside her window 30 seconds later sticks her head back out and throws me the keys. I go inside the house barneys is laying on her couch " She says " What are you doing?" I say " Getting a clue." Barneys grabs my hand and gives me the warmest smile .

Gigolos Get Lonely Too

Funny how life can play cruel jokes on you. My last girlfriend The Bugger didn't have much of a personal life outside of her family and myself. She spent most of her leisure time with me. IT DROVE MY ASS CRAZY!!! I constantly tried to get Bugger to go out with her girlfriends even bought her a car so she could go and visit her family members that lived far away. That shit didn't work. Having the car just made it easier for her to track me down. She was at my apt everyday had to squeeze in watching porn from 6pm to 7pm.

Now Barneys is the total opposite. She loves her private time. Seeing me twice a week is totally fine by her. Only thing I have grown accustomed to having a warm body sleep next to me on a nightly basis. I'm having a hard time adjusting and its getting harder and harder for me to hide it.

Most single men I know would love this arrangement and would say " NIGGA!! is you crazy. Why you complaining? Shiiiiit I wish my girlfriend only wanted to see me twice a week would give me more free time to bag other chicks" I guess thats true I could have a whole other life with the amount of free time Barneys allows me to have, but The Old Slish is gone and The Slasher only comes out when Barneys closes her room door and whispers " Papi you got my pussy sooooo " SLASHER!!!!! cut it out. Get back on track.

I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm ready and I never thought that day would come, but I'm ready for it all. Marriage, kids, The house, Pta meetings, The arguments about money and the possibility that my children might grow up to be assholes. I'm READY !!!!! Too bad the joke is still on me cause my sweetie isn't.

Once again my heart has taken another gamble just hope the odds are in my favor.

Too Much Too Late

Dough Boy calls me today. " Slishy" I say " Whats up playboy oops I take that back your a married man now" Dough boy got married(justice of the peace) 3 weeks ago to an African Princess. He found someone with good credit who was willing to put up with his ass. Dough Boy responds " Thats right and I'm loving every minute of it. Ya know your the only person that was genuinely happy for me when I told you that shit. " I respond " If the both of you are happy who cares what everyone else thinks " Dough Boy " Thanks man I needed to hear that. I haven't heard from Corporate since I told him. Think he' s avoiding me? I respond " Probably " Dough boy " Why ? I respond " I don't know. That nigga has been going on and off his period for the past 5 years. This quest for a wife and family consumes him. Dough Boy " Yeah I guess your right. Sometimes I wish that chick had never left him "

Pre 911 Corporate was dating a beautiful Latina woman her name La Bonita. Corporate loved this woman a great deal bought her a ring and everything . One night while in my apt. I get a phone call from him " Slish you got company? " I say " No, but if your thinking about coming over then Yeah " Corporate " Stop playing I need to stop by. I can't be myself right now" SHIT!!!! This must be serious I've never heard him sound so broken I respond " Alright come through "

About an hour later Corporate Rings my buzzer I let him in. I say " What happened whats the matter with you ? Corporate responds " I think La Bonita is gonna leave me " I say " Why do you think that. I thought things were going well. Didn't you just buy her a ring ? Corporate responds " yeah man but some things went down. She refuses to see me. Wanted some time to sought out her feelings" OH SHIT!!! She's gonna leave his ass. I respond " She'll come around don't worry " Corporate says " Can I sleep on your couch. I don't think I can be alone " DAMN!!!! whats a nigga to do when his boy is in distress besides he was there for me when my ex Butterscotch threw me out I respond " Kewl couch is yours i'm going to bed" Corporate " Wait can we talk some more " AWwwww Heeellll!!!!

Its 12 midnite Corporate is rambling on. I'm half asleep I don't think I heard half the shit he was saying. Then he says " What should I do? " I give him the Grantlove response " Write her a song " Corporate responds " Why do you have to make a joke out of everything" I respond " No I'm serious lets make La Bonita a tape of love songs that expresses how sorry you are and that you never want to leave her side" Corporate says " Think it'll work " I respond " Its worth a shot. You have a whole lot to gain and nothing to lose. Corporate asks " Can we do it now?. " AWWWWW HELLLL!!!!

The next day after getting about 3 hours of sleep. Coporate drives me to work and gives me instructions to purchase Flowers and a tape player for operation keep La Bonita from leaving me. Later on that evening I meet Corporate at his office with the please don't leave me goodies. We head to La Bonitas house. We get there. Corporate somehow gets her to come outside and sit in the car with me while he's sneaks into her house to set up the tape player and the flowers. La bonita" Hey Slish " I say " So whats going on between the both of you" La Bonita " you know how your boy can be" I respond " Yeah but he really loves you. I don't think he'll be the same if you left " La Bonita " You see. Why can't Corporate say that to me himself . I respond " Hasn't he ? la Bonita " He has, but it sounded so sincere when you said it "

Corporate returns and leads La Bonita back to her house to show her how much he loves her. 15 minutes later I see corporate and La Bonita at the door they hug and kiss. WELL ALRIGHT !!! He gets back into the car I say " So??? did she like it? " Corporate responds " Yeah she loved it " I respond " Well??? you guys staying together? Corporate says " She said she needs more time, by the way how do you come up with all this romantic shit? I say Well this particular stunt with the love songs and flowers I've done before" Corporate asks" Did it work for you? I respond " Nah Bruh" Corporate's face gets tight and we pull off.

LMAOF

School House Rock

I work hard. I mean really hard. Most of my adult life i've always had two jobs so I could afford the things people with college degrees could. Now its not because i'm scholastically challenged i'm far from that. As my parents and family would say " Slish yuh just DAMN LAZY!!!!

It started in the 8th grade parent teachers night. It was my dads turn to come to school. He met with my Lil sister's teachers first they all gave her praises. My sister was a little nerd in elementary school Big wide glasses, braces and read Judy Blume books all damn day. I hated that she got better grades than me.

Pops eventually made his way to my 8th grade teacher Ms Guarino's class. " Good evening Mr Slish Sr " Pops responds " Good evening Ms Guarino" Ms Guarino says " Please you and Slish have a seat" Pops " Thank you" both of us sit down. Ms Guarino " I would like to show you a couple of Slish's test scores " Pops shoots me a this better be good look as she hands him this sheet of paper. Ms Guarino says "As you can see Slish's test scores are very sporadic ranging from 70's to 90's which leads me to believe that your son is not trying hard enough its almost if he picks and chooses the subjects he wants to do well in " SHIT!!!!! thats all my dad needed to hear and responds" Slishy is not DUMB!!! Are you calling my son dumb!!!! Ms Guarino responds " No Mr Slish Sr i'm calling him lazy he needs to work harder. If he doesn't, he won't get into a good High School." I start shaking my head side to side cause my life is about to be over Pops says " We'll see about that!!! " We both leave.

On the way home my pops is Yelling " Yuh and dem damn bwoy dem pon di street" then flips out of his accent and says sternly " You are not dumb that teacher is wrong you WILL get into to a good high school. You better do well on that coop exam and YOU WILL!!! apply to those schools Ms Guarino said you would not get into " I say " But dad??!! " Pops says " BUT WHAT!!!! YUH HEARD ME!!!

About a month later I take the coop exam. The High Schools I applied to were Spellman, Iona Prep, and Fordham Prep. 3 of the top schools in NYC. Now back then you didn't get the test results for that exam. High Schools contacted each student individually letting them know if they got in or were to dumb to attend. Getting into those schools I mentioned earlier Let everyone know you had BIG BRAINS!!!! Getting into a school like Scanlan or Blessed Sacrament told everyone you were a slacker or scholastically challenged. Cause they took anyone who could read.

The letters came in the mail a few weeks later. The 1st one came from Iona Prep " CONGRATULATIONS Mr Slish you have been accepted ( Or something like that) . This is great I thought to my self Good and Plenty and my cousin Bowie were also accepted by Iona and they planned on attending . I told my pops "Dad I got into Iona Prep. I want to go there." Pops responds " Thats good Slishy but I think I know whats best for you we'll wait and see what the other schools say." Shit!!!! My father had a lot of pride back then NO teacher knew his kid better than him. He was holding out for a response from Fordham Prep. If I got into that school it would prove that Ms Guarino was wrong. 2nd letter came in the mail CONGRATULATIONS BLAH BLAH BLAH you have been accepted to Spellman. Dad didn't flinch he still wasn't happy until he heard from Fordham. 3rd letter came it was from Fordham Prep BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH CONGRATULATIONS you have been accepted. ???????????? HOW THE HELL COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED!!!!! My dad was grinning from ear to ear " Slish take this letter to Ms Guarino tommorrow and show it to her. Your Going to Fordham. " DAMN DAMN DAMN!!!!

The following year I entered Fordham Preporatory School. I struggled a bit my 1st year. Only went to summer school for two weeks. Second year proved to be more difficult I was having a hard time asked my pops if I could transfer to another school. His answer " YOUR NOT COPPING OUT!!! A tear trickled down my eye as my dad walked out of my bedroom that day. Then I heard a whisper in my head " Slish fail every subject. If you do that Fordham Prep will have to kick you out " Heeeey thats not a bad idea. People let me tell ya my brain shut down for the rest of the school year. I had succeeded in failing 5 out of 7 classes . My plan was working now it was time for part B . Plead with my mother to get me out of the school. That would be easy since she had already seen my Horrible report card. She reluctantly agreed but under one condition my next school would be chosen by her. Shit I jumped at that deal anything was better than this Academic Hell I was in...

11th grade I found myself attending New Rochelle High School( Public School). Technically I should have gone to a High School in my neighborhood but my parents would not let any child of theirs attend a public school in the bronx. I was in heaven. No Uniform I could wear jeans and sneakers everyday of the week. Finally GIRLS!!!!! Fordham was an all boys school. Having girls in my class caused me to study harder. I wasn't an athlete so my claim to High School fame would be my intellect and style of dress.

I finished my last two years of High School at New Ro and became quite popular. Even developed a love for art. When I graduated I attended one of the Top art colleges in NYC The School Of Visual Arts. But then I discovered I didn't have the attention span to attend college. It was too easy not to go to class it wasn't like the school would call your house and tell on you. I dropped out in 1 semester. I made lackluster attempts to go back a few times , but my heart just wasn't in it.

Now I have no one to blame but myself. I had every opportunity to finish school, but I chose this path and must live with my decision. Although it gets a little rough at times i've managed to keep my head above water and accomplish some of the things my college counterparts have. Even though it took me having 2 or 3 jobs.

Despite all this my mother and father are quite proud of me. Quoting my mom " Slish your a hustla. I wouldn't be suprised if you became the 1st millionnaire in this family. Just make sure our mortgage gets paid in full when that happens "

No problem Mum.....

Short Film

I leave my parents house and head to Good and Plenty's crib for my usual Sunday visit with his kids. On my way down I get a phone call from my boy Mr M. I say " When did you get back" Mr M responds " Got back on Weds " I say " How was Jamaica? Hang out with the natives ? He responds " Yeah Mon thats how I do. Jamaaaica Niiiice. What did you get into new year's eve?." I respond" Chill with my lady." M says " So you guys got back together. I say " Yeah man. Took her home to meet the family and everything" M says" Thats great glad to hear that " I say " YO!!! I heard you had a run in with the Dragon Lady " M says " Who??? what are?? OOOOOOH you mean your sister( brief history Mr M is my sisters ex man) I say " Heard you got cussed out horribly by telling her she needs to get out of the house and have some fun. Now what on earth possesed you to do that !!!" Mr M responds " I was just trying to be a friend, she sounded a little sad so I suggested she get out of the house" I say " Bwoy you are a glutton for punishment. Never ever ever ever !!!! Try and give my sister advice unless she has cleary asked you to do so. I had to learn that shit the hard way one day i'll show you the scars. Mr M starts to laugh I say " Listen I gotta go i'll chat with you later "

I get to Good and Plenty's house at 7: 20 pm. I walk inside and his daughters are in the dining room playing. Good and Plenty is in the kitchen preparing their dinner. Left over egg foo young with white rice . I say " Your wife must be out of town" Good and Plenty responds " Why you say that ? she is, but why you say that ?" I giggle and respond " Never mind dog so whats poppin" Plenty says " Oh nothing wifey in Miami just me and the kids for the weekend" I say " Poor girls lucky the bitch in you knows how to braid hair. " Plenty responds sarcastically " HA HA!!!! Yo Slish let me ask you a question, well its not really a question more like a scenario" Say you go pick up your boy from his house. He's not quite ready yet so he tells you to come inside. You go in and he's in the bedroom getting dressed you walk into his living room, notice the tv is on and he was watching a Dvd you nonchalantly hit the play button. " I say " Yeeeah and?" Plenty starts to giggle and says " And you see a dude sucking another dudes dick!!!! I say Aww HELL NAW !!!! you went to the Wookie's house and caught him watching GAY PORN!!!!! Plenty responds" Nope, but wouldn't that be a great short film. You and and your director friend should consider filming some shit like that it would be Hilarious. I say " YOUR AN ASS!!! had me thinking that shit really happened. Plenty responds " What if it did happen what would you do?

So tell me fellow Male Bloggers what would you do? How would you react, what would you say ?

Three letter word

I'm home today. Called in sick due to the chills. Barneys put a slow grind on my ass last night I think a little tear trickled down my right eye. She did the same shit to me Christmas day thought it was a fluke, apparently not. Barneys has hidden talents I have not yet discovered. How do I know? My dick senses it and moves in any direction Barneys is located.


Now through out the years I have discovered ways to tell if a woman is compatible with me sexually. My early years I used something called the freak test. Something I picked up from watching porn. During foreplay I gently slide my fingers down and into the forbidden zone. Gently massaging the targets clit until her pussy becomes moist. I then take two fingers slide them inside take them out and slowly place them on the Lips located on her face.

Response 1 : she flinches in disgust. Clearly not a freak. I'll hit it, but only that one time.

Response 2 : She opens her mouth sucks both my fingers and moans while doing it. Clearly a freak. Will do tricks for FREE!!!!!

Nowadays I can tell if a woman has skillz just by kissing.

1. Hard dry kisses , your tongues never seem to find each other . Horrible Horrible sex mostly she'll just lay there legs half open.

2. Warm kisses no tongue. She'll probably let you do more than one position. Won't make much noise afraid the neighbors might hear her.

3 Moist deep kisses. Tongues find each other everytime. Sex in any room in the house, Suck your dick while driving, Lick your anus while massaging your balls, & WILL rub the cum juice on her ass or stomach depending on where you decide to place it.

As you can see sex is on my brain. Thats what lack of porn will do to a Nigga. Oops Its lunch time time for a fix..