The Boris/Beyonce Effect

I was talking to Corporate America ummm think it was Tues. We were discussing the possibility of Clipperman getting married to his current psycho, needy, and co dependant girlfriend. I say " Yo Corporate. Lets take a close look at Clippermans history with women. What does he have to offer or ever offered ? " Corporate laughs and responds " Slish thats a fucked up thing to say." I say" True but what does he really have to offer. Clipperman is cheap, Self absorbed, A habitual cheater, manipulative, and constantly depends on a woman to dig him out of what ever financial hole he digs for himself. What woman would want to be with a man like that! " Corporate laughs some more and responds " The woman he's with right now. I hear she's already looking at reception halls." I say " Stop Playing. For real ! I know its not the sex because clipperman doesn't put his back out for chicks. Something about it being easier for him to break up with them if the sex is wack. " Corporate says " How do you know that " I respond " He told me" We both start to laugh even harder.

Corporate says " So why do you think women are so drawn to Clipperman " I respond " Its gotta be his looks. I mean Clipperman really is a good looking man " Corporate says " First! Your faggot ass better not be looking at me like that. Second Clipperman is no better looking than you or I. I respond " Believe that bullshit if you want to that Nigga is waay better looking than the both of us. " Corporate " Does Barneys know you're GAY! Get out of here with that bullshit!" I laugh and respond " Whatever man! Check this out! Some women especially insecure ones will put up with foolishness because a man is good looking. Men do it all the time. Why should it be any different for women. " Corporate laughs says " I gotta hop. Don't tell anyone else about this Faggot ass conversation "

How a person looks has a lot to do with the way they're treated by the opposite sex. Today despite being vertically challenged i'm considered handsome, chocolate and even sexy. Back in the day I was that blaaaack big nose, nappy haired kid who wore glasses. I was not the main attraction at all! The good looking guys with no lyrics got all the attention. I mean the things they would say to girls. No creativity at all.

When we were in elementary school Grantlove got all the girls because he was light skinned and had curly hair. Remember the girl Chip Tooth he stole from me. Well we spent most of our time chit chatting with one another during class. We had so many things in common. I always made her laugh, but for some reason she never really saw me. But when Grantlove's Chico Debarge ass showed her some interest. THAT WAS IT! No more chit chatting with Young Slishy. It was Booty grabbing in the school yard with Grantlove. Why . Because he was light skinned with curly hair!


I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder but DAMN!!! Does everyone have to date/marry someone that makes them look good or help their self esteem! Dude/Chick could be dumb as a door nail. Let them look like Boris Kodjoe or Beyonce! They could SHIT ALL OVER YOU and you probably wouldn't smell it.

I've been a victim of The Beyonce Effect. I remember once. I tracked my then lying, cheating ex Butterscotch down at a restaurant. When I found her inside. She was sitting with some other guy. Bitch didn't jump, explain, cry NOTHING! Just sat there and gave me a WTF you looking at stare. Later on that evening she called and gave me some bullshit explanation. The Beyonce Effect kicked me right in the ass because I didn't break up with her. Shit! Now that I look back on the relationship. She got away with a lot of Bullshit because of the way she looked. Honey complexion, long black hair, flat washboard stomach and an ass that made a brotha want to bury 2 or 3 body parts into it.


So I guess the point i'm trying to make is everyone wants to be with/marry an attractive individual and thats fine. Just be secure with yourself and show no fear. Why? because pretty/handsome people already know they're good looking and use it to their advantage. But if you show no fear the average person can FLIP IT and use the pretty folk to boost their Romantic Value Meter making themselves a CATCH!!!!!!

Slish to Slasher in 1.2 seconds

I am a moody Son of a Bitch. I think my friends and family know but they have knoooow idea that my moods can change faster than a channel surfer on steroids. I remember one morning I got up in a good mood. Birds chirping, my clothes fit just right, skin was clear no razor bumps insight and if you took a quick glimpse at my car it might have looked like a Lexus I 350. WHY IS IT !!! While walking through the hospital on my way to the office humming Aint No Woman Like The One I Got. A colleague stops me in the Hallway to talk to me about BULLSHIT and she has a piece of Egg stuck between her teeth! JUSTLIKETHAT!!! I'm in a bad mood for the rest of the day..No WOOOOSAH!!! for this muthafucka !!!

Here are a few things that can turn Slish into Slasher in 1.2 seconds...

1. Never call me more than once for the day especially if you've left me a message. Call again!! You might not hear from me for the next 3 days. If you call 3 times. The Whole Week...

2. Radio stations that play the same fucking record 4 times in 1 hour. At the work place the only station that white bitch in my office listens to is z100. I can't stand that station. Any Black artiist I hear them play is a sure fire way for me not to buy their CD!!! WAIT A MINUTE!!! Who am I kidding. I meant download for free!!

3. Some chick wining about her no good husband/boyfriend who cheated, got some other chick pregnant, but she refuses to leave his tired ass because she's worked too hard to make him the man he is today. Bitch you should have put in overtime cause that nigga has poor dick control!

4. Brothas who complain about nagging, money grubbing, cheating girlfriends. Then marry them because they don't want any other brotha to stick their magic stick up in em. 1 year later. The only thing thats changed is she's using your car to pick that muthafucka up! So what happens next!! They start cheating as PAY BACK!! Recipe for disaster!!! DINGLEBERRY shouldn't have married that "I Ain't Saying She's A Golddigger ! "


5. When more than 2 Africans go out to dinner. The bill comes. One dumb ass says " I only had fries. Why should the bill be split evenly. Cause we all came here together!! If a muthfucka come up in here right now and rob this bitch he gone take AALLL our money he ain't gonna skip over you because you just had fries!!!! Put yo money in!!! Ya cheap bastard !!!


6. Niggas who leave doo doo stains on public toilets. YOU don't do that shit at home. Why all of a sudden you wild and free now!!!! WIPE YO ASS before you get off of the potty!!!

7. When the doorman at some trendy spot in the city tells me I can't come in with sneakers and some dirty, grungy looking white boy with bad hair,wearing sneakers walks out of the spot with two of the baddest Black Chicks!!!!

8. Grown as men(35-40) still wearing Braids. I DON'T CARE I DON'T CARE that shit is not cool. Keep it real and Grow the fuck up!!!!

9. Women who say " I want a man with a little thug in him" Translation I want a nigga that has 3 baby mamas, Tells you he' s coming over at 10pm but he don't get there till 1 am, and hits on your homegirl as soon as you leave the room. Fuck that shit !!! You might as well slap yourself repeatedly its less painful.

10. Men who beat, shoot, and stab women/children they supposedly love. Funny when the mystery of why they did it begins to unfold you find out. They had another wifey waaaay on the other side of town with two kids that also belong to them. Deranged muthafuckas!! Probably saw himself in every one of the victims he shot.


I'm in funny mood today Africans I think The Slasher wants to tell his story. Wants people to know that Slish is not always the boss of him. Sometimes we need the get in touch with the slasher in all of us. To help fight against the bullshit we experience daily.

The Boy Can Move !!!!

Mama Slish places her little bundle of joy Young Slishy in front of the record player. She needs to clean the living room and can't do it with him in her arms. The record player seemed to hypnotize him. Mama Slish being an oppurtunist put his ass right there while she cleaned. 5 minutes later she looks over to check on her baby boy "OH MY" This boy can mooove. I mean he's doing steps that she's only seen Slish Sr do. She calls out ' Slish Sr! Come here quick !!! " Slish Sr runs to the living room " Wha happen Mama Slish!! Whats so important ! " Mama Slish whispers " Look pon yuh son." Slish Sr giggles and looks at Mama Slish with PRIDE, pats is chest and responds " Thats from my side of the family " Mama Slish sucks her teeth and responds " Move from here bout im get it from your side of the family" Slish Sr giggles some more and leaves the living room.


As the years went by and Young Slishy entered adolescence. Mama Slish noticed that her son was a freak of nature. She would take him to other kiddie parties and he would clear the dance floor with his near perfect moves. He danced like he was a grown ass man. Not in the sexual sense but in a way that intrigued his viewers. She thought to herself " When and where did this little boy learn these dance steps. " Ya see. Back in the day Mama Slish and Slish Sr loved to throw house parties. What they didn't know was that Young Slish would sneak downstairs while the party was going on and watch the grown folks do what grown folks do. Once Mama Slish figured that out. She thought to herself if I can't beat him might as well show him off. Which she proudly did.


Few more years go by. Young Slishy is now a teenager. He's already known for his quick steps and innovative moves. As a matter of fact his Michael Jackson impersonation was FIIIIIIRE!!!!! His boys The Crew loved that Young Slish could dance. Since they couldn't and girls back then were drawn to guys who could. Everytime they went to a house party and some cat was in the middle of the dance floor getting all the attention meant for them. They would say to Young Slish " Shut that down" Young Slish would do his Stunna moves and the honies eyes would light up! Once that happened The Crew would break into a smooth dance routine called The Norton( Taught to them by Young Slish) When done in unison it would cause the crowd to gather in a circle and stare in awe. It was a good hustle any teenage girl having a party in our neighborhood made sure The Crew attended.

Time passed. Young Slish is now Slish. His moves are still tight. So tight that he was asked by a one hit wonder music producer to dance for an artist he was developing. When Slish heard the song he liked it immediately, but there was a snag. Slish's boy White Chocolate was the one who connected him to the producer therefore making his non dancing ass his partner.

We had a week to practice and come up with a routine. That was the longest week of Slish's life. White Chocolate couldn't pick up the moves fast enough and had a tendency while dancing to look over at Slish in order to see what the next move was going to be.. THATS A NO NO!!!! You do that and you're always a step behind.

Judgement day. Friday 1 day before their first performance at the Palladium in NYC. Slish has already told all his friends and female admirers that he' s going to be a star and that they should come and see him perform. But before that could happen The producer had to make sure their dance routine was tight. Which it was. White Chocolate somehow found his rhythm somewhere between Weds and Thursday. They were ready !!! Mr producer says " Alright fellas lemme see what you got. " He pushes the play button on the tape deck. That infectious beat hit Slish's ear drum and he starts to move. White chocolate is moving right along with him step for step then his DUMB ASS looks over at Slish to see what the next move is going to be. Ya'll know what happened next !!!! Producer stops the tape deck and says " What is this ! You guys promised you would have this down by tonight for tommorrow!..This isn 't going to work. You guys are OUT!!!! Artist you will be performing without these knuckleheads "

Slish looks over at White Chocolate he quickly blurts out " Its not my fault you were moving too fast" he didn't respond he just took his stuff and went home. That summer the song hit the clubs hard!!! I mean it was hit!! Still is till this very day. If that song comes on in any club the crowd goes wild. Would you guys like to know what that song is? CLICK THE BAR BELOW, because my fingers refuse to type it.

The Grass Ain't Always Greener

Women fail to realize when a man gets into a relationship that he's decided to put in 110 % He wants to see the fruits of his labor immediately. Unfortunately women do not use the same score card so somewhere in the middle of it all Men become disgruntled and start to think his significant other is not putting in the same amount of work that he is. Naturally our immediate response would be " Fuck this shit. I can go find another chick that appreciates me." So we leave thinking the grass is greener. BUT and there is a BIIIG But!!! The next woman in line not only has the same issues as the previous one but a suitcase full of skeletons.


Last night on my way home. I call Corporate America to remind him the Season premiere of The Wire and Def Jam are on. Corporate " Yo on your way home stop by " I respond " Why? I'm not doing any manual labor and i'm not driving you anywhere" Corporate " Nah Bruh nothing like that. Just wanted to smoke a cigar with ya" Immediately I know something is wrong. African knows I don't smoke. I respond " I'll be there in 15 minutes."

20 minutes later we're on Corporates deck drinking Heineken lites. Corporate " So Slish hows the family " I respond " Uummm fiiine" Corporate " Your lady good? " I respond " Cut the bullshit man! This ain't about me! You been in a funk since the beginning of this month. Is your family okay!?? Is everything alright with your lady! CMON!!! " At that moment Corporate's cell phone rings he answers " Hey" pause "I'm on the deck chit chatting with Slish" pause " Slish Legal Eagle says hello" pause " I just wanted to see you. Spend some time " pause Corporates face gets reeeal tight " Call me when you're done " He hangs up. I say " That your lady." Corporate looks up at me with this tight grin sighs and says " Yeah. I just don't know Slish. I'm thinking about being single again " I say " Why!! I thought things were going well with you and Legal Eagle " He shakes his head from side to side and responds " They were! Then the bullshit starts .The demands, The nit picking , The constant having things her way Allll the time. When is it going to end Slish. I work haaaard bend over backwards for this woman and all she does is complain ! I can't take it! I feel like i'm doing all the work! I start laughing " You think the grass is greener on my side of town. Check again! Things ain't always peachy in Slish and Barney land. We fight! She nit picks and wants things to go her way too! Corporate says " So what do you do" I respond " Its not what I do. Its what we do. COMPROMISE. Sometimes I bite the bullet and take it on the chin and then they are days Barneys has to suck it up and just deal. "

Corporate " The game is all fucked up man. Look at us. Doing things we normally wouldn't do. The sacrifices." I say " What!!! You think this love thing is Like Great Adventures !!! FUN FUN FUN!! Nigga you got to put in the work. Six months ago. Barneys wouldn't ask for my approval in regards to any outfit she wore. Now she not only asks but if i don't like it she'll change. WHY!!! cause I put in the work. I've earned her trust. You've been dating this woman for about hmmm Six Months. C mon. Corporate you and I been running from this love thing for years. We get into a relationship first sign of trouble WE BOLT!!!! For once! Let the women tell us its not working. For Once ! Let them be the ones to walk away. I don't know about you but i'm tired of running. Time for us to be smarter and love harder "


Corporate looks up at me, smiles and says " Be smarter huh" I say " Yup" Corporate continues "Love harder Huh " I respond " Yup Yup" Corporate laughs and says " This game is soooo fucked up. "

Why Can't I Cry

I just read Royce's most recent post. Barneys called me after she read it and told me she had tears in her eyes. Royce you cannot imagine how much that story moved me and how it has caused me to re-evaluate the emotions I would encounter if I lost a family member, a dear friend or the woman I call my future.

Don't get me wrong I have lost friends and family members close to me and some not so close. I'm going to be honest. I've never grieved the way a person that loves someone should. Somehow my psyche will not allow me to show that kind of emotion.

A Childhood friend of mine I grew up with from I was a weee bitty lad. Both he and his brother are the reason I am addicted to porn till this very day was killed in a horrible auto accident. I didn't cry when my mom called me at work, or at the funeral or when I went to his parents house to give my condolences. I was the rock of Gibralter. No tears. No tears at all.

Think I've conditioned myself to be this way and I don't like it. I know I feel the pain of losing someone dear to me, but somehow I can't express it the way other people do. When my Dads mother and father died I never went to the funeral. Both were in Jamaica but thats no excuse I should have gone and paid my respects to the two individuals responsible for my existence. Instead I made up bullshit excuses about not wanting take time away from my job. That hurt my dad deeply. He has never spoken to me about it but I know how he felt.

Lately i've been thinking about "what if my parents died" already i've started to desensitize myself from it. Only thinking about "If My dad goes first I will have to move in with my mom because without him she would be lost. If my mom goes Stughetto and I would probably have to sell the house because Pops would never live there without her. Those are the thoughts going through my mind.


My problem I think ? Is that I don' respect death the way I should. I have desensitized myself because of the fear that I won't be able to get over the pain. Fear that I am never going to see this person again. Fear that whatever goals I have set forth for myself will come to a screeching halt because of my loss. I wish to the core of my SOUL!!! I wasn't built like this. But those are the cards I have been dealt. My sweetie says its because i've never lost anyone dear to me. I pray to the powers that be that she's right. Because if I lost her I want my first thought to be " What am I going to do now ? "

Thank You Royce

Let The Dollars Circulate

15 minutes later Grantlove calls me back. " Slish its on." I say " How did you get Good & Plenty to agree so fast ! " Grantlove " Oh Slish that was easy. I mentioned ass and free admission in the same sentence. He was sold after that! " I say " What time we heading out" Grantlove " Well. Why don't you and Shaft come to Good & Plenty' s apt and have a drink before we go." I scratch my head for a second and answer" Heeeelll Noooo ya'll probably up there smoking trees. Making me and Shaft come up there just gives ya'll an excuse to smoke some more. Think you slick!!! Meet us at Sues 11pm sharp! " Grantlove laughs " Aiight Nucca"

1 hour and 4 porn sites later(Can't go into the shake shake club all open and shit) Shaft Calls me " Slish I'm in front of your house" DAMN!!! He's early! I'm still in my draws sitting in front of the computer checking out that last porn site. I respond" I'll be out in ten minutes"

I jump into Shafts truck and give him a pound " Whats up man . Haven't seen you since the BBq" Shaft " I know its been hectic. Ready to roll ? I respond " Yes Siiiir " We pull off.

On our way there. I call Barneys " Hey sweetie. I'm on my way to the titty bar " Barneys says calmly " Okay baby. Btw SLISH!!!!! If you touch an ass, titty or chocha i'm fucking you up !!!! I laugh look over at Shaft and respond " Sweetheart whats the sense in me going then " Barneys responds " C0ño!!!! Ya te dije- Te Rompo el Culo! Translation I will Fuck you up!! I respond " Yes Dear " I hang up. Shaft looks over at me laughs and says " Why you call your lady and tell her you were going to a strip club." I respond " Because she's psychic and i'm not suicidal. " Shaft laughs and says " I didn't tell my wife shit. She thinks i'm going to a club " I respond " Thats how niggas get fucked up, but to each is own. I rather tell the truth now and get cussed out.Than her find out the truth on her own. I will not only get cussed out but I won't get any pussy either. Shaft laughs even harder and says " True indeed. Istillainttellingmywife!"

We're inside Sue's Rendevous. Grantlove and Good & Plenty are no where in sight. I say to Shaft " Lets sit at the front of the bar. " Shaft asks " Why ? " I respond " All the strippers enter at this section of the bar. They do their best work when they first come out. " Shaft laughs and we both sit down. This fine ass Bartender with dirty blond hair walks over to us " How you guys doing tonight . What would you like?" I say " Hennessy straight " Shaft " Rasberry Stoli on the rocks " Booty girl 1 is shaking her fine ass in front of me and Shaft. A few booty drops later she starts giving us the googly eyes. She comes down from the stage and greets us with her money maker. She bends over and gently pats her beaver section. She then strokes it with her fingers. Both our eyes light the fuck up. I say " BARTENDER!!! Can we get some singles dammit!! I'm about to pay somebodies light bill up in huuuure!!! "

1/2 an hour goes by. Good & Plenty and Grantlove show up. I'm still sitting at the bar trying to give Booty girl 2 my hard earned cash. Grantlove yells out " Sliiiiish" I get distracted and end up giving Booty girl 2 more singles than I had anticipated. Grantlove " What up my nucca" He gives me a hug since he hasn't seen me since last year. Good & Plenty sits down next to me looks around, nods his head in approval and says " Slish this is the best fucking idea you've had all year. " Whew this Afican must have licked the weed before he smoked it! I caught contact from his breath alone! I respond " Yeah Yeah enough with the chit chat. Help some chick with her bills and spend some money! " Good & Plenty laughs, calls the Bartender over and gets himself some singles. A few minutes later Grantlove does the same.

12:30 am We're all having a good time. I'm already 3 drinks deep and making eye contact with every stripper that gets on stage. Grantlove says " Slish the facial expressions you're giving these hoes is priceless " I respond " Grantlove look around. All these dudes up in here mean mugging the pussy. FOR WHAT!! Takes a lot for these women to come in here and get up on that stage. My many facial expressions lets them know I appreciate their efforts! Let me show you" I call Booty Girl 3 off the stage and over to me. I say " Hey guuurl. Ya know I appreciate ya " Booty Girl 3 responds " How Much " I slip a few dollars between her D-cup pillows and say " Thaaaat Muuuch" She then squeezes her sweet melons between my hand while licking her lips " Grantlove says " You know that Chick!! I say " Nope, but I do appreciate her services " We both start laughing

10-15 strippers have graced us with their presence and its already 1:30 am. The working girls are starting to notice my boys and I aren't shy or stingy. They start to gravitate towards our section of the bar. We take notice and decide to call it a night. Another hour of pussy stroking and perfect asses jiggling in my face would have caused me to BLACKOUT!!!! Had the Slasher taken over. My bank acct would have been depleted and some stripper would have had her rent money for the month. Not to mention Barneys sent me a text message that stated " You betta not be touching no asses.If so bring your ass HOME!!!! "

So like the trained dog that I am I head home to my master for a Scooby Snack !

A Few Kind Words

Sometimes no matter how hard you work it seems like the only reward you get is more work. It seems like people who do the least amount of it get rewarded . What do I mean . Well for example if an employee's job performance is waay below average and they KNOW IT!!! Somehow the corporation/company they work for gives their hard working coworker the projects the slacker hasn't had time to finish. Since most companies encourage team work the phrase " Fuck off " is a no no. So hard workers pick up the slack and the Slackers get to surf the net, chit chat on the phone about bullshit, and collect the same pay!!!!

So yesterday I visit the psyche ward. When I get there I say a few kind words to the deranged, crazy and confused " Damn you still here! " Eeeew You took a shower today! Did you really stab yourself and your MAMA in the ass! " When I'm done. I walk into the nurses station to read a chart. One of the Nurses asks " Mr Slish can I speak with you." I respond " That depends. I owe you money . Nurse " Mr Slish please. This is a serious matter. I respond " So I don't owe you any money? Kewl. How may I help you " Nurse " There is a patient thats been here for at least 3 weeks and NO ONE from your dept has been here to see her. Right away I know its not my patient. Got to be that Slitch(Slacker Bitch) in my office. I ask " Whats the patients name " Nurse responds " Bi Polar " I say " Where is she. Nurse responds "Right outside. Will you please speak to her. She's worried about the enormous hospital bill she will have once she gets discharged. " I respond " As soon as I'm done reading this chart I'll go talk to her."

Few minutes later " Hi Ms Bi Polar i'm Mr Slish from the pt accts dept. I hear you need some assistance " Bi Polar responds " Oooooh Mr Slish i'm sooo worried. I don't have any insurance I don't have no job I told these people I didn't have any when they admitted me" I calmly say " Ms Bi Polar. Calm down. When was the last time you worked on the books" Ms Bi Polar responds " I was working part time in July, but since my mind started playing tricks on me I had to quit" I ask " How much were you earning' Ms Bi Polar responds " About 400 dollars every two weeks" My lips get tight and I take a deep breath. How am I going to tell this manic depressed woman that she hasn't been out of work long enough to be eligible for medicaid. If my slacker co worker had done her job and interviewed this pt 3 weeks ago. We could have persuaded the psyche staff to release her earlier. They assume a pt is medicaid worthy if they're unemployed therefore keeping them in the hospital longer than its necessary in order to generate more revenue. What the pysche dept fails to realize is Medicaid assumes anyone who's been working has also been saving. They believe an individual needs at least two months to deplete all of their resources once they become unemployed if Ms Bi Polar was admitted to our hospital 2 months after she quit her job. I would have been able to help her. I Look at up at Ms Bi Polar before I decide to give her the bad news. Her lips are quivering and the tears start rolling down her cheeks. " Mr Slish can you help me. I can't afford no hospital bill ? " I respond " Ms Bi Polar. Don't cry. I'm going to take care of this for you. Ms Bi Polar say " How ? " I smile and respond " Ms Bi Polar when someone is doing you a favor never ask how or why. Just say thank you " Ms Bi Polar gives me a warm smile and sticks out her hand and says " Thank you Mr Slish "


A few hours later. I'm sitting in my living room. I'm so tired that the television is watching my ass. My cell phone rings. I look at the screen. Its my boy Shaft. I pick up " What up playboy. " Shaft responds "What up Slish. We hanging tonight" I respond " Grantlove didn't call you and give you the 411 ? " Shaft " Yeah but he said call you" I shake my head and laugh " Aiight this is whats poppin. Good and Plenty wants to the go to the China Club. If we can't get in then we'll head down to Negril" Shaft responds " Hold up. What happened to the Titty Bar idea. I was looking forward to that " I say " I knooow me tooooo. You know what Shaft! Let me call Grantlove and have him put the Chocha bug in Plenty's ear." Shaft " Aiight Slish call me back " I hang up and call Grantlove " WHAT YOU WANT NIGGA!!! " I say " Yo is Good and Plenty next to you right now. Grantlove responds " Yeah he right here" I say " He know who you're talking to right now" Grantlove " Nah" I respond " GOOD! Tell that nigga you ain't really feeling that china club shit and say you would rather go to SUE'S Rendevous" Grantlove " WE GOING TO SUES!!! I'll call you back in 5 minutes!!!!

I'll tell the rest of this story later. I'm still in a henny state of mind... lol