The Kind Of Father I Want To be

Last week Weds or was it Thurs?? I don't remember!!! Anyway my dad calls me. I answer the phone " Yes sir" Pops " Where are you? " I pulled the phone away from my ear. Why is this man questioning my whereabouts I'M 36 YRS OLD!!!!! I answer " On my way to my parttime job father. " Pops responds in his accent " Oh thats good son. You need that money. Hope your saving it. " I respond " Please pops. You think making extra money makes me happy. I mean it comes in handy but it doesn't bring me any happiness" Pops responds " What would make you happy then son" I say " You have to ask " Pops " I know son. You want a family" I say " Yes siiir " then Pops says " I don't understand. You can find all your buddies women to date but you can't find yourself one. Maybe yuh to handsome. Women must think your going to cheat on them because yuh too good looking." This man is delusional I start laughing and respond " Pops I'm glad you think that. Gotta go. I love you " Pops responds "I love you too son" He hangs up.

When I was a kid baseball was the number one sport in my neighborhood. Every kid on my block played for Hillside Little League. If you didn't play you were subject to ridicule. So I begged my pops to let me join. Since he was a big baseball fan back then he quickly obliged.

One day I came home from little league practice looking kind of sad. My Pops says" Bwoooy whats the matter with you " I pout and say " I don't want to play baseball anymore " Pops " Wha yuh mean you don't want to play baseball anymore. Its paid for already" I say " The coach won't let me play. He says i'm too small and that I can't catch the baseball when its hit to me in the outfield. It keeps going over my head" Pops responds " Wha yuh mean yuh can't catch the ball. I watch yuh catch the ball when yuh play with your friends outside. When since yuh can't catch" I raise up both of my shoulders and say " Thats what the coach said daddy."

The following weekend my dad comes down to the park to watch me play. When he got there he was not happy. I was sitting on th bench with a brand new glove he had bought and my uniform was not dirty. Pops says to the coach" Mr Shipman why is my son sitting on the bench as a matter of fact why are the rest of these boys not getting a chance to play. " MR Shipman looks at my dad and doesn't respond. Pops says" I paid my money PLAY MY BWOY!!!! Mr Shipman was SHOOK!!!! He says " Slishy go to left field"

I'm in left field with my brand new glove and READY FOR ACTION!!!! Gonna make pops proud. WHACK!!!! Its a pop fly ball headed my way. I'm like FINALLY !!!! A chance to prove myself. Let me tell you. Young Slishy watched that ball go right over his head. Next batter up WHACK!!! This time its a line drive STRAIGHT TO ME!!!! The baseball hits my glove and falls to the ground error number two for young Slish. This was not looking good. I manage to get through the inning. Now I'm up to bat. I'm confident cause I know young slish can hit!!! First pitch STRIIIIIKE ONE!!!! thats aiight next pitch is STRIIIIIKE TWO!!!!! Hold up !!!! I grab the baseball bat real tight, tears in my eye I can't let my daddy see me strike out. STRIIIKE THREEE YOOOOUR OOOOUT!!!!!! I walk back to the bench couldn't even look at my dad, but I did notice Mr Shipman give my dad a THATS WHY YOUR SON IS ON THE BENCH LOOK!!!! My dad was pissed!! Cause he picked up on it too and says " Slishy lets go. I don't want you playing for this man. He's too Feisty!!! ( Thats Jamaican for Asshole)

We're in the car driving home. I'm pouting in the passenger side. My dad looks over at me and says " Bwooooy Slishy Yuh looked bad out there. I never see you play so bad." I didn't respond just sat there looking out the window. Pops continues " But thats okay all you need is a little practice and some confidence. I' ll help you with that" I turn around and say " But daddy you've never played basball in your life how are you gonna help me" Pops responds " Me watch it pon da T.V how hard it could it be" I shook my head and turned around and looked right back out that window.

That whole summer my dad would come home from work, change his clothes, and take my ass to the batting range. On the weekends he would take me and the neighborhood kids to the baseball field and hit balls to us. He was determined to make me a better baseball player. Although my dad couldn't play baseball he understood the dynamics of the game and quickly realized that young Slish was not an outfielder but an infielder. The following year young Slish was now Super Star Slish. I was on a different team and a starter. I followed my dads advice and convinced my new coach to let me play second base.

I played on that team for two years. My last year we managed to get to the Championship. I was still the teams starting second baseman. It was the last game in a 3 game series. Both teams were tied. My dad not only came to that game but brought all his boys to watch Super Star Slish play. I was 3 for 3 that day. No ground ball passed me. The game was close, but we WON!!! My Dad was there to see it and I knew he was the reason I had acquired those skills that help my team win. I ran outside of that baseball field and gave my dad the biggest hug.

I knew that day who my idol was and still is.


Love ya Pops. I hope I get the chance to be the kind of father you were to me back then and are to me now.

A Lovely Day

Saturday afternoon i'm done watching my netflix dvds. I look at the cable box its 12:30 pm. Time to get washed up for my date with Shawnla. Why was I getting ready so early? My buddy Chicago Brown told me 2 WEEKS AGO!!!!! that he wanted to submit a short film into the African American Film Festival. Deadline APRIL 7TH!!!!! Ya see Chicago Brown is somewhat of a con man. He has this way of getting people to do shit. So somehow he bamboozled me into being the producer for every movie he chooses to direct. This time around he tricked me into co writing the script and helping him audition actors, therfore Slish had to be in the city by 3 pm.


I shave my head, face, and pluck every noticible gray hair from my chin. My costume for the evening. Dark Blue Blazer, Black V neck tee, jeans and my " Slish might be gay shoes" I check my self out in the mirror " Shiiiiit. I should have played the lead in that movie Brown Suga. I'm out the door.

Batmobile is cruising down Mosholu parkway headed towards the Henry Hudson South. As I'm merging onto the Henry Hudson Parkway I look in my rear view mirror. No cars behind me so I can slow down a little without the fear of another car striking The Batmobile from the rear. Slish Sense starts to tingle. I look in my rearview mirror again. AWW HELLL!!!!! I hope she's gonna slow down her car coming at me kinda fast. OH SHIT!!!!! This woman is looking to the right not noticing the Batmobile. Quick Slish think!!! Shit!!! I can't speed up because the car in front of me is moving too damn slow!!! Quick Slish WHAAAAM!!!! too late . The Batmobile has been struck.

I pull The Batmobile over and look at my rearview mirror. Whoa!!! That car was f@cked up the front end looked like it hit an Suv. I start to worry cause the lady gets out of the car and she's wobbling and confused . I jump out of the car and run to her " Mam are you okay? Please sit down so I can take a look at you. " Lady" I'm sooooo sorry i'm sooo sorry " I say " Don't worry about that please sit down " Lady " My wrist its soooo painful " I say " Mam can you wiggle your fingers" She does what I ask " Goood thats a positive sign that your hand is not broken"

The police arrive about 10 minutes later . They ask both of us for our License, registration and Insurance cards. Of course I can't find my insurance cards right away. Two minutes later I find them in an envelope in my glove compartment. I jump out of The Batmobile and give it to the officer. Its cold so I walk back to my car, pull the door and its LOCKED!!! its okay car keys must be in my jeans pocket. Quickly I start digging and NOTHING!!!!! I peek into the drivers side window F@CK F@CK F@CK !!!!!!! The keys are on the passengers side seat. SHIT!!!!!! My car is hit, My keys are in the car. I need to call someone and have them come and pick me up so I can get my spare key. I reach into my pocket again AAAAAGGHHHHH!!! NO CELL PHONE!!!! WTF!!!! I start looking around for Ashtun Kutcher to jump out the bushes and say YOU'VE BEEN PUNKED!!!! cause my dumb ass left my cell phone in the CAR!!!!!!!

Tow truck comes about 20 minutes later. I ask the driver if he can jimmy my door open. Driver " Nah son we don't do that, but I can tow you off the highway " I say " Kewl " Driver " Its gonna cost you 75 dollars" I say " FOR WHAT!!!!. So you can tow me 1 mile off the parkway!!!! Hell Noo!!!" Driver " You don't have a choice, if you leave your car here it will get towed by the city and that will cost you waaay more than 75 dollars" This nigga trying to hustle my ass.!!! I walk over to the officers to verify what the tow truck driver was saying" Officer " He's right Mr Slish you can't leave your car on the parkway " I'm fuming now " Slasher says " Officer do you have a billy club or crowbar I can use? Officer " Why ? Slasher responds " SO I CAN BREAK THE WINDOW ON THE DRIVERS SIDE OF MY CAR!!!! CAUSE I AM NOT ABOUT TO PAY THIS M@#THF@KCA 75.00 to tow my car 1 mile!!!! Officer starts laughing aand actually started to look around the cop car.

10 Minutes later Slish gains control of the Slasher and agrees to have the batmobile towed off the parkway.

Okay so

75.00 for the tow actually 80.00 cause the Jackass driver doesn't have change

20 dollars for the cab ride home and

Shawnla giving me the warmest smile as we walked arm in arm down 44 th street later that evening

PRICELESS!!!!!!

Don't Do It Alone

In my late twenties I was a ruthless negro. If a woman told me she had a boyfriend or husband it was like telling me she was single. I could care less. Those years I was mostly the in between guy. Chick think her boyfriend might be cheating she confides in me. I tell her " I'm a dude and I know these things that nigga is playing you." Chick wants revenge and decides that the guy who just said her boyfriend or husband doesn't really have a parttime job but a parttime chick!!! is the perfect individual to carry out that mission.


Today Ms Claxy is causing me to fight those urges. Yesterday she calls me at my office and says " So we're having Japanese today? " I respond " I left you that message over an hour ago and distinctly said call me before 12 noon to confirm. It is now 12:20 pm the food has already been ordered" Claxy " C mooooon Slish I was only 20 minutes late. Can't you call them and add what I want to your order." I respond " Nope " Now I could have ordered the food, but I didn't want her thinking she got it like that" Ms Claxy responds in this sexy tone causing Danger to stir in my slacks " Why are you treating me like that Slish. I thought you liked me" I respond " I do like you but I have rules" Claxy ignores that statement and asks " So what time you coming up here to see me. " I respond " Excuse me. Who said I was coming to see you." Claxy responds " So you'll be here at 1pm right." before Slish could answer the Slasher responds " Yes maaaam!!!!

1pm I arrive at Ms Claxy's office. I knock. She opens the door and lets me in, turns around and walks back towards her desk. I looooove watching Claxy walk away from me her ass is poetry in motion reminds me of Shawnla's ass which I haven't seen much of lately. I sit down at the desk positioned behind Ms Claxy's desk. As i'm preparing to eat my food Claxy walks over to me and starts to rub my bald head and says " You shave your head clean" I respond " Uuum yeah doesn't your fiancee shave his head? From the pic you showed me looks like he does " Claxy still caressing my head responds " No. He leaves a little bit on top" I look up at her and say " Why are you feeling me up" Claxy suddenly realizing what she's doing responds " Oh am I " stops and sits down on the couch next to me.

Claxy " So hows your friend doing " I respond " Which friend? I have a whooole lot of friends" Claxy " The friend with the son you were baby sitting the other day " I respond " Oooh Shawnla. She's fine . We're going to a play this Saturday. Figured I would do something nice since this has been a rough month for her." Claxy says" You like Shawnla a lot don't you. Why don't you try and make something happen with her? " I respond " Shawnla has been through sooo many bad relationships that right now she doesn't have any love to give to poor Slish. So I have decided to lay low and be there for her in whatever capacity she needs me in. Just because she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me doesn't mean I should abandon the friendship. That would be selfish. " Claxy responds " I've been through some hurt myself and even took the same position on men Shawnla has taken. All I wanted from a guy was a good NUT!!!! and that was it!!!, but it took me to a real low point in my life. Started to do things that were outside of my character things I wouldn't even want done to me. If I had a good guy like you in my life back then No question I would have jumped at the oppurtunity " I smile and respond " Too bad I didn't know you back then and too bad Shawnla doesn't know me now "

Life is a struggle all by itself sweetheart. Don 't do it alone.

Eye Contact

Sunday Morning

Bzzzz Bzzzzz Bzzzzz WTF!!! Is that noise !!!! I'm dizzy as f%ck and I can't figure out where that Buzzzz Buzzzz is coming from. I turn over in the couch and fall off. Buzz Buzzz Buzzz WTF IS THAT!!!!!! My cell phone falls to the floor in front of me. Buzzz Buzzzz Bzzzzz I must have accidentally put it on vibrate. I look at the screen its my homegirl Agent 99 I pick up and mumble something to her She says" Slishy Slishy YOU THERE!!! Wake up!!!! I groan " Uhhhhh stop yelling. " Agent 99 " Slishy you might have to go to Venoms Kappa Brunch By your blah blah blah blah blah " I was too dizzy to even comprehend what she was saying I respond " Call me back when you figure out what you doin "

The Day Before

5 pm Saturday My cell phone is ringing its Corporate I pick up " Yooo" Corporate shouts " AM I MY BROTHERS KEEPER!!!! I respond " Excuse me??!! Corporate yells again " SAY IT WITH ME SLISH AM I MY BROTHERS KEEPER!!!!! I respond " What the f%ck are you talking about " Corporate responds " Who have you been checking out for the past few weeks" I respond " Ummm yo mama? " Corporates tone changes " You about to get f&%cked up. Play too damn much. Remember the bartender from our new hang out spot Earl Monroes" I respond " You mean Kimistry ? "Corporate says " Yeah her girlfriend is digging me so she called today asking if I wanted to hang out . I told her I was hanging out with the fellas. She asked if she could bring a friend and GUESS WHO THAT FRIEND IS!!!! This nigga must be playing with me he never hooks me up with a chick especially someone that looks like Kimistry. Light skinned, Pouty Lips , Exotic hair and a Tight body that screams Slish LICK ME LICK ME LICK ME!!. I respond " What time we leaving. " Corporate responds " Be at my apt at 8pm " he hangs up.

3 1/2 hrs later I arrive at Corporate's apt. He's still getting his bitch ass ready and Dough boy is in Corporate's office watching porn , playing solitaire and eating chinese food all at the same time. Dough Boy is so engrossed in his smorgasbord of goodies he doesn't notice me walk into the room. I creep up behind him " WATCHA DOIN!!!! Dough boy JUMPS!!!! " YO WHERE THE F&CK DID YOU JUST COME FROM!!! I start laughing and walk out the office.

1 hr later Corporate comes out ready for action and says " Slish change in plans Kimistry's girlfriend called while I was getting dressed and cancelled" I say " Aiight so whats plan B" Corporate gives this devilish grin and responds " Its Snow Bunny Time " I say " Oh so you were serious about that shit. " Corporate responds " Yes Siiiiiiir meat packing district is full of white meat this time of night. " Dough Boy starts giggling we put on our coats and head out the door.

We're at the elevator now. Corporate is telling me about the venues where the Snowflakes are plentiful. I notice two red blemishes on his chin I interrupt him and say " Bruh WTF is that shit on your chin" before Corporate could even answer Dough Boy blurts out " Thats herpes nigga!!!! " I look at Corporates face. He's looking at Dough Boy like he's about to jump up and punch his ass. I start laughing and say " Corporate there's no come back for that. Leave it alone he got you good."

45 minutes later we're sitting in a Lounge FULL of SNOWFLAKES. Corporate is saying " Eye contact Slish all we need is eye contact. Can't just walk up on Snowflakes all willie nillie" I say " F^&k THAT!!!! there are some white girls in here with some fat asses thats all the eye contact I need. " The Bunnies in that spot weren't nibbling so we decided to leave and go to the next hole.

We get to this place called ONE. Line out side full of Snowflakes and their counterparts. Corporate decides he's going to flex his financial muscle and get us in without standing on that long ass line. He walks over to the door man they talk for about 2 minutes. Corporate walks back over to me and Dough Boy and says " Aiight we have to get a vip table if we're going to skip this line" I say " How much is that gonna cost " Corporate responds " 270.00" I respond " HEEEELLLL NO for what ! " Corporate says " A table and a bottle of champagne don't worry Slish I'll cover it. You and Dough Boy just buy drinks" Dough Boy cuts in and says" F$%ck that. Why don't you just give me and Slish 100.00 a piece and we go home right now." I start laughing and say " C mon Dough Boy lets go in. Yo boy not gonna be happy until he meets a Jennifer Aniston clone"

ONE is on and POPPIN!!! We're in vip and loving it. Dumb ass white people looking at us like we're celebrities. I have a glass of champagne in my right hand and a glass of Henny in my left. I notice this brunette checking out my dancing skills probably having Mandingo Fantasies. I walk over to her. We start to chat. Then she asks me what I do for a living. Shiit this must be the universal question for all women. So I lie and tell her I write screenplays. Which is universal for all men(The Lying Part). Corporate is in the corner with this Blond Buxom Snowflake. They exchange numbers, she kisses him on the lips, and leaves. WHOA!!! I walk over to him and say " You know her right!?? "

Corporate smiles and responds " Eye contact baby eye contact. "

Who's Car Is This

Just when you thought The Fondu story had ended not a chance!!! Unfortunately he got even more desperate and pitiful. Now you may be thinking to your selves " Why would Slish put his boy out on front street like this."

1. Men like him need to be put out on front street.

2. He's no longer my boy.

3. He's gives Good Black Men a bad name

4. He once told me and I quote" Who wants to f&*ck the same pussy for the rest of their lives." I responded " So your wife or significant other can have that same option. " Fondu " Hell no!!!! Women can't do that. We're men its our Right to f&%ck around. "


2 months later Fondu calls me wanting to hang out. I agreed and told him to meet me in front of my building in an hour. An hour goes by I go downstairs . Fondu pulls up in this fairly new car I have never seen him in. He parks I get in and say " When did you buy this?" Fondu responds " Picked it up today" I say " So your going to give the other car to your wife." Fondu responds " Hell no " I say" Why not ? She needs to get around on her own anyway bout time " Fondu pulls his head back a little and says " Eh Eh" I'm thinking" This nigga must think i'm stupid he give his wife a car she'll be able to track his movements. No car = more free time Fondu has to run the streets without having to look over his shoulder.

I say " What are you going to do with two cars" Fondu responds" Oh this car is not for me" Oh hell no!!!! I put my hand over my forhead and say " Fondu who did you buy this car for. "
Fondu says quickly " don'tworryboutthat. So you like it? " I ask " Where did you get the money to do this cause theres no way in hell !!!! You could have withdrawn that kind of money without your wife knowing about it" Fondu responds" Don'tworryboutthat" I say " You have lost your f&*cking mind. Take this car back tommorrow. What you're doing is wrong on so many levels, besides You know Who has a boyfriend remember!!! That Biig Blaaack Muthf%&ka!!!. Whats gonna happen when she shows up in this new car. How is she going to explain how she got it. I'm sure by now he knows what her finances are like. " Fondu responds " So " I say " SO!!!! So your not going to mind when that nigga is whipping her around in the brand new car YOU JUST BOUGHT !!!! Fondu looking at me now. Mouth wiiiide open because he didn't think about that. I say " Save yourself the embarrassment and take this car back" I get out of the car and walk back into my apt building.

Only one can win....

Whats In The Plastic Bag

All of us have at least one friend thats married and cheats on their spouse. My take on that. DON'T EVER TRUST THAT PERSON!!!!. If they can cheat on the one individual they stood in CHURCH with, and vowed to honor, love and obey ( well we can forget about the obey part) they will conspire against yo ass if the oppurtunity presented itself.

3 years ago my ex buddie Fondu decided it was time for him to get married. So he popped the question to his lady love of 8 years. Their relationship was extremely rocky. One week he's in. Next week " F#%K THAT BITCH!!!! " As a matter of fact he didn't have the nerve to tell me he was getting married. Somehow he got the idea I would tell him marrying Lady Love would be a biiiiig mistake. In retrospect I could understand his hesitation.

1 year into his marriage i'm chillin in my nicely furnished Coochie palace ( I Miss That Place soooo much) Fondu calls me and asks if he could stop by. He sounded stressed so I told him come through and bring some brew ( hey that rhymes, some one call def poets PLEASE!!!)
An hr later I buzz my boy in, open the door . Fondu walks into my apt DAMN!!! this nigga looks like shit!!! . I say " Whats the matter with you? Why your eyes look so glassy and nigga when was the last time you washed your Clothes??!! " Fondu says nothing and hands me the case of beer. I walk into the kitchen to get the bottle opener . Fondu walks into my living room, sits on my nice clean couch with his raggedy ass clothes, and puts his hand over his eyes.

I walk into the living room with the beer, turn on the television and sit down on the couch next to him and say " Talk to me playboy. Whats going on" Fondu responds " Slish i'm losing her" I respond " What are you talking about " Fondu says a little louder " I'm LOSING HER!!!!!! I say " Nigga you only been a married a year. Lady Love been putting up with yo bullshit for the past eight years and still had the courage to marry you. What makes you think your losing her now" Fondu " Who says I'm talking about Lady Love. I respond" Uuuuuh Who else could you be talking about? Fondu " My mistress ASSHOLE!!!!! I'M LOSING MY MISTRESS!!!!! I respond " WHAT!!!!! you got me out my bed for that shit!!! leave my house ." Fondu " Please Please I have no one else to talk to. Just be a friend man and don't judge me."

Fondu begins to tell me his situation. I say " So your telling me you're still having a relationship with the same woman you were screwing behind Lady love's back before you guys got married" Fondu responds " Slish i'm in love with her , I can't stop thinking about her. When I walked down that isle with Lady Love I was thinking about my mistress the whole time" I say " NIGGA!!! THEN WHY DIDN"T YOU MARRY YOUR MISTRESS!!???? There was no one in your way. " Fondu " I don't know why. All I know is I still miss rubbing my whole face in her pussy" Fondu's eyes rolling to the back of his head. I start laughing and say " " "Your a mess. "

"What makes you think your losing your mistress anyway" Fondu goes into his coat pocket and pulls out a pair of binoculars and a plastic bag and says " I've been spying on her. She's been hanging out with this Biiig Black MuthaF@#ka I mean this nigga is blaaaaack!!!!! I say " What that got to do with anything" Fondu responds " You know what they say Blacker the Berry sweeter the juice and that cat is spreading his dark juices aaaaall ooooover my pussy!!!! " I say " Unless you've suddenly developed the mutant ability to levitate yo ass of the ground. How could you possibly know that. HER BEDROOM WINDOW IS ON THE SIXTH FLOOR!!!!! Fondu responds " Take a look inside the plastic bag I put on your coffee table" I say " Yeah I was wondering whats in there" Fondu " Go ahead look" I take a closer look at the bag then I pick it up and look inside. OOOOOOH SHIT THIS M@#%TH F@#%CKA gone and lost his mind !!!!!!! I say " Fondu is that is that what I think it is!!! " Fondu responds " I was at her apt the other night giving her money to pay her car insurance and I went into her bathroom and looked through her garbage and found THAT!!!!! I say " NIGGA YOU TELLING ME YOU WENT INTO THIS WOMANS GARBAGE AND PULLED OUT A USED CONDOM!!!! how do you know its not yours " Fondu responds " No waaaaay that condom is mine YOU SEE HOW BIG THAT SHIT IS. THATS A MAGNUM CONDOM!!!!! that blaaaaack muthaf@#ka is tearing up my pussy!!!! I'm gonna lose her for good SLish she ain't coming back to my little dick ass." I'm holding back the laughter cause I notice Fondu getting teary eyed.

" So Fondu while your out running the streets spying on your mistress. Where does your wife think you are? " Fondu responds " She doesn't suspect a thing she thinks i'm working. " I start scratching the back of my head and respond " Hmmmm" Fondu " What you Hmmm about " I respond " Just curious " Fondu says " Curious about what?!" I respond " Curious about WHO'S FUCKING YOUR WIFE!!!!!


Fondu up and leaves my apt.

White Side Of Town

I'm getting dressed for work. My cell phone is ringing . I look. Its Corporate America. He never calls me this early in the morning wtf could be this important . I answer " Yo " Corporate says " I don't know if i'm more dissapointed at the fact that my recent love interest hasn't called me all week or that Clipperman tried to hook me up with a chick even he wouldn't f#@k " I say " Ooooh Clipperman's referral came over last night after I bounced huh." Corporate responds with a sigh " Yeah but I was a gentlemen. I sat there and watched that bullshit Flavor of Love( side note I knew Hoopz would win. ) until it was over just to be polite" I respond "She wasn't your type huh" Corporate " No where close. What the hell was Clipperman thinking " I say " Well I know how picky you are. Did she at least look like someone I would date ?" Corporate " Nah bruh I wouldn't do it to ya". I respond " That bad !!!!! Whew " We both start laughing


Corporate met this nice woman a few months back. I thought she was a good match for him . Pretty, slim, nice style & great personality. After meeting her at his superbowl party. I told him it might be worthwhile spending more time with her. Which he quickly started to do.

The first month for him was gravy. The second month was when the problems started. She put the brakes on him. Something about them moving too fast. Then two days after telling Corporate that bullshit she up an changes her mind and says to him " I was being a bit hasty in my decision" meaning she spoke to one of her girlfriends and they told her she was being an ass. Corporate already had a bad taste in his mouth, but decided to have dinner with her anyway. The end of the evening he pulls up in front of her apt. She makes a move to give him a kiss and a hug. Corporates feelings already hurt , decides thats not the best thing and says to her " Maybe we should hold off on the PDA since it makes you uncomfortable and we don't want that now do we" She gives Corporate a you gotta be kidding me glance and says " Whatever " gets out out of the car and walks into her apt. He hasn't heard from her since.

Last wednesday Shawnla asked me to watch her 8 year old son so she could take her mother to see the Color Purple. Whoa!!??? Well I knew how it hard was for her to ask , but I was touched at the same time so I said yes. Do you know!!!!! I have sent that woman at least 2 text messages and one phone message just to check on her well being and she hasn't responded to them at all !!!! What ever happened to common courtesy its not like I was asking to come over her house to bone.

After I tell Corporate that war story I say " I swear the lack of respect Black Women have for Black Men is increasing at alarming rate. " Corporate laughing " The older they get the worse it gets" I say " Yeah. I think i'm done with this bullshit. Its time to see if the grass is really greener on the white side of town" Corporate responds " Bruh you ain't saying nothing I ain't been thinking about my damn self. I say we explore all our options" I say " What you got in mind playboy" Corporate responds " I know at least 5 spots where the Snow Bunnies are in abundance. I say this Friday we let go of our inhibitions and broaden our search" I say " We ain't got nothing to lose"


Don't worry my Nubian Queens I haven't given up on ya just giving you time TO GET YO SHIT TOGETHER!!!!! till then i'll be on the white side of town.

Stughetto

My work is never done. My Lil sis who I now refer to as Stughetto( which means stuck up and ghetto) has decided she wants to have a B-day party. SHIT!!!!!! My plan was to surprise her. So I tried to dissuade her from this idea. Stughetto wasn't having it. She kept beating me in the head until I JUST COULDN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE!!!!! not to mention she scares the living shit out of me. A mutant ability she inherited from my mother.

Stughetto calls me at work " Slish I haven't had a b-day party since since Aw HELL!! ITS BEEN AWHILE!!!! I'm gonna be 35, this past year was kinda rough, I deserve a party. I say " Well when I spoke to you a few weeks ago. You cleary stated you did not want to be reminded about how old you were going to be. So I decided to suprise you anyway. Stughetto " Huh SURPRISE ME!!!! With what !?! You know I don't like surprises !!! "Bloggers Did I mention my sister is a control freak. Since the cat was already out the bag I respond " I planned on throwing you a brunch" Stughetto " BRUNCH!!!! What the f#$ck kind of boring shit is that!!! HELL NO!!!!! besides how would you have pulled that off you don't know all of my friends." I respond " Oh please how hard could that be. You still hang out with the same chicks you went to elementary school with " Stughetto " Uh negro!!! You would be wrong I have acquired more friends since then" I say " Whatever. What do you have in mind for your b-day" Stughetto responds " Well I'm not having it at DEWEYS so don't even mention that place to me, Oh and you can forget about the Bronx " I say "BEAAATCH your from the BRONX!!!!! " Stughetto " I don't care its my birthday I can have it wherever I want. "

A few days later I somehow convince Stughetto to take a look at the G-bar in the Bronx. We go there I introduce her to the management, She takes a look around and is very impressed that a venue like this one actually exists in the Bx. Only one drawback G-bar closes at 12 mid. Stughetto " Forget it ain't nobody coming to a party that ends at 12 mid " I say " What do you mean most of your friends have kids. They'll be grateful. " Stughetto " We'll keep looking" I cower and say " Yes emperess "

Stughetto does some research on other venues and discovers that The G-bar is actually the most logical choice. Its near All the major bridges, has valet parking, we can control the music and her Big Brother Slish has major pull with the management and was able to extend party time till 1am . Once Stughetto spoke with one of her girlfriends about what time the party would start and end her Girlfriend says " Giiirl those are my kind of hours you know I got Kids!!!!! she asked a few more and they said the same thing. Stughetto was sold PARTY AT THE G BAR!!!!!


Now Stughetto is a lawyer so you would think she would be a sophisticated, jazz listening , rb chick Hell To the Naw.. Let me give you a preview of the songs she wants played that evening

In Da Club - 50 Cent
Hot Sex- A Tribe Called Quest
Buck'em Down (Remix) - Black Moon
Punks Jump Up To Get Beat Down - Brand Nubian
Nothin But a G Thang- Dr. Dre ft. Snoop Dogg
Drop- Fatman Scoop
Get money- Junior Mafia/ which is a must have for Stughetto

Thats just the beginning. The list gets worse. Big Brotha Slish will have to find edited versions of those songs cause the only time the G-bar Plays rap music is when I have a party and they only play it if I edit out the cuss words. Which is no big deal.

So I have taken the pepsi Challenge and will make this the best B-day Party Stughetto has ever had. Why!!! Cause she deserves it.

She's sexy , She's Smart, Moody & Got Style for days .... Guess what people she's turning 35. I remember the last b-day party you had. Wasn't that like ?????? years ago and we had it together !!!!! Guess mom thought it was cheaper since both our b-days are in the same month. Well your grown ass is on your own now. You been flying solo for years and making me proud for every one of them.


SHAWTY THIS ONES FOR YOU!!!!!!

Don't Be Afraid Be Happy

What is going on with you ladies in the new millenium. That a brotha can't spend time with a woman without her thinking he's moving too fast. You MUTHF@#$KAS should be happy things are moving at all. The amount of bullshit some of my male counterparts have put you through you should be on cloud nine when you meet a guy who is genuine, kind, and constistent.

When Mr charming finally comes knocking on your door why is it the first thing that comes out of your mouth is " I Think we see each other too much ," Im not ready to be in a relationship. Why do you call me everyday . Well !!!! Cause WE LIKE YOU, WANT TO GET TO KNOW YOU!!!! I know I Know brothas have been doing this to women for the past decade , but do I or any brotha have to pay for the sins of others. Every man should be judged on his own merit not placed in a category because of what some jerk did to you.

Ladies let me let you in on a little secret. Men are not the insensitive uncaring creatures that the world makes us out to be. WE FEEL SHIT!!!. So if you to say to a man " I think we're spending too much time together and you've already given him the pussy " Thats like a slap right across his cheek. The only reason your saying it is because whats happening between you and that dude may be feeling too good. Causing you to lose control and weeee alll knoooow any woman that has been screwed over by some dude who pretended to love her and probably showed her his true self early on in the relationship , but she chose to ignore it. Vowed never to let a man have that kind of control over her again.


Get over it sista's. They are still good Black Men left on this planet. We come in all shapes, sizes and tax brackets. We're looking for the same things you are. Love, Family and Commitment.

They Call Me Slick

We all walk around thinking we're full of flaws. My lips are too big, My ass is too fat, Breast too small and Magnums don't come in my size. All kinds of shit run through our minds when it comes to how imperfect we are. But when someone else is looking at you. They don't see what you see. To them your almost perfect. To them you can do no wrong.

Back in the day when I was a teenager there was this one dude in my neighborhood that cats wanted to be like. Now he wasn't tall or well built, but he had style and an english accent. I hated and wanted to be him all at the same time.

I studied the English Man for years. Watched how he walked, talked , and dressed. Even bought roller skates cause he made it look soooo damn cool.

My senior year in high school my hard work paid off. I was that dude. Ya know!!! The guy with all the fly shit. When I walked through the hallways students would whisper " are those Red Filas he's wearing I didn't know they made that color" Four different girls asked me to the prom that year and it wasn't because of my good looks. Slish had style for days but It wasn't easy being greezy . Worked everyday afterschool just to afford half the shit I was wearing.

Today I am still that dude. My coworker Zulu is in awe of my style. When it comes to the ladies he thinks I have all the answers. If he only knew i'm just as clueless. The only thing I have over him is confidence and nice clothes. Zulu asks me " Mr Slish how many girlfriends have you had in 2005. " I say " Girlfriends or women i've slept with" Zulu laughs and responds " Girlfriends " I say " Only one in 2005 before her I just slept with any woman that was kind enough to whisper nasty curse words in my ear" He laughs even harder I say " Zulu since your wife died( many many years ago) how many girlfriends have you had." Zulu responds " None " I say" NONE!!!!!! what about that woman I saw you talking to at the elevator a month ago " Zulu studders " How How did you know I liked her " I say " Wasn't hard to tell. Soon as I walked up the both of you parted ways. Like you were trying to hide the obvious " Zulu " You are good Mr Slish you are good "

" So whats up with that situation" Zulu responds " Well Mr Slish she has 2 children , works all the time and lives waaaay upstate. My lady friend doesn't have time to date. I ask " Zulu have you even asked her out on a date" Zulu " Oh yes several times " I respond " You sure she likes you? Zulu responds" Oh yes yes she likes me. " I looked at Zulu's innocent face and didn't have the heart to tell him that his lady friend was giving him the runaround. Instead I say " Zulu next time you see your lady friend you tell her this. " Sweet heart when you get off work one day this week . I would like for you to let me have two hours of your time." She'll say " 2 hours?? For what Zulu" You'll say " Good Food, Good Company, and the oppurtunity to get to know a man that has nothing but good intentions" Zulu's face lights up like a 4 year old boy who's just discovered that playing with his wee wee is not such a bad thing and says " Yeeeeeeah I Liiike that. Your the best Mr Slish. I'll try that approach asap "

Thats right ya'll they call me SLICK