I Always Got Something To Say

Yeah yeah yeah Venom i'll be an ass. But your waaaaay to old to be playing that " I'll let her make the first move" shit. Why ???? Its a defense mechanism that Venom likes to use. If this young lady he met on Saturday should lose interest in his Dry , Plaid shirt wearing ass. All he has to say to himself is " Oh well I wasn't really trying anyway" Therefore his heart is spared and he won't feel the way I did when my Blindate a few months back ended our whirlwind romance after 3 WEEKS!!!!!! I'm still peelng the scab off.

Now I been reading my boy Grantloves comments lately. Each one more profound than the next. This cat has obviously been spending too much time in his company's Library cause WHAT THE HELL DOES ARDUOUS MEAN!!!!!!

Scary Spice talking more than ever now. Anyone that says a word in the office she finds a song to go with it and SINGS !!!!! Ugh she is so annoying. But she needs this job more than anyone in this place. Her sanity depends on it. So I will hold back the urge to take her outside and CLUB THE SHIT OUT OF HER!!!!!!

Now this Slish having a girlfriend thing is quite surreal to me. Its been a loong time almost 2 years and its not because i'm so picky cause Slish got the gas face a lot this year. If I was of feeble mind and soft heart a rubber room would have been my sanctuary. But since I have this Slasher alter ego he makes it kind of hard for Slish to sit around and feel sorry for himself. So to answer your comment Grantlove the Slasher stays. No need for him to hide. Besides Barneys told me last night that she requires daily love injections. Ain't no way SLISH gonna be able to handle that all by himself .

Now I'll save the best for last. Chez Chez Chez . You don't know me well enough to call me judgemental. I clearly stated on your blog " Women I'VE dated that came from broken homes have always been a problem for me. " It was not a personal attack on your character or women like you. Besides you are in no position to defend those women anyway YOU DIDN'T DATE THOSE WITCHES !!!!! so the comment you made was not necessary. I'm not annoyed not in the least but what you wrote shows that you are the Judge not me. Hope you find what your looking for. Remember Warm Spirits attract Warm Bodies.

I Choose You

A soon as I type it. IT HAPPENS!!!. Venom went out this weekend and caught himself a case of the " She so pretty " Blues. Boy was out and met this chick and hasn't stop thinking about her since they exchanged digits . Venom sounding like a little school boy on the phone when I spoke with him yesterday.

So I ask" When you guys going out" Venom responds " Sometime next week" ????????? I say " Why wait so long? If you like her set something up for this week like TOMMORROW!!!. Venom " Naw its cool she wants to take things slow " SLOW !!! Woman told him she knew he was the guy she was going to link up with from the first time he smiled at her in the club and he talking about taking shit slow. I say " Venom set something up for Wednesday" Venom "Nope next week Saturday is fine" I don't know about ya'll but I believe in momentum. If you meet a woman and the both of you are having great conversation GO WITH IT !!!! chew on that piece of gum too long it starts to lose its flavor. I say " Fine but be careful pretty, light skinned, big boobed women can give men brain damage."

Later on that evening I get home . Do some Laundry. Call my sweetie. Barneys says " Baby I was speaking to my homegirl today and said to her I think I have a boyfriend. I say " Oh really" Barneys says " So do I? I tease and say " Do you what. Barneys" Do I have a boyfriend? " I respond " Well lets put it this way I told someone today I had a girlfriend"

Its Official

The World Is Changing

Barneys and I did a lot of heavy breathing this weekend. Think my new name is Papi. She had me fiending so bad. My boy was visiting from Atlanta and I STOOD HIS ASS UP!!! now i'm always one to complain when cats do that shit to me. BUT NOW I UNDERSTAND!!!!! I think i'm down with the " Naw son gotta go chill with my girl" Crew.

My nephew Jo was visiting with my brother this weekend. I caught up with him at my aunts on Thanksgiving day . He's thirteen now a little slimmer too, but I gotta do something about that hair. The men in our family's hair follicles are course and unruly. Barbers are our best friend. He needs to be introduced to some clippers

The Slasher decides to start a little trouble and asks Jo. " Hey nephew looking good got yourself a girlfriend yet" To my surprise he answers the Slasher with a YES!!!! " I respond " Yeah right. You ain't got no girlfriend" Jo says" No uncle Slish for real I have a girlfriend. Actually more than one " Oh hell Naw!!!! This little crumbsnatcha got more game than his uncle SLISH!!!!!!! I remain calm and say " Oookaay " Jo responds " I have a picture of one" He reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a wallet. THIS LITTLE NIGGA HAS A WALLET !!! AND MONEY!!!!! Jo takes out a picture and shows it to me. OOOOOH SHIIIT!!!!! This boy done gone where noooooooo male family member has ever before. The pic he showed me. WHITE GIRL!!!!!! I was a bit woozy at first and asked him in a low tone " Jo she spanish right" Jo gives me this puzzled look and says " No Uncle Slish she's white" OOoooh his auntie is going to Flip when she hears this shit!!!!! I give him a pound and say " Well alright. Be all you can be you little nappy headed boy"

Wow things have changed. Back in the day. I couldn't tell anyone I liked a white girl. My boys would have dissed me. My daddy would have told me don't say that too loud or Massa gonna whup you. But the kids today are color blind. They like who they like and thats great. So Grantlove if EJ comes home with a White Swedish Transexual named Boris. Don't judge cause the world is changing.

What Was He Thinking

Barneys and I have made nice again . I told ya'll she was a smart woman. She thought about what went down and had a little chat with her alter ego. Her alter ego was ready to cut me off, But Barneys told her alter ego " I like him. can't we give him another chance. " Alter ego " Hell no. We're better off not dating anyone" Barneys takes control " I like him so he stays BACK UP Off ME!!!!" See that fellas Sweat Equity goes aloooong way.

Last Night while on the phone Barneys asks me " Slish can I ask you a question ? Aww Damn!!!! What did I do now. I respond " Sure sweetie shoot" Barneys" Say I was coming to your apt on a weekly basis and then revealed to you in casual conversation that I felt coming to see you was like a chore. How would that make you feel. " My Slish sense starts to tingle cause I know this is a trick question and about someone I know. So I answer and say " I would be a little annoyed" Barneys responds " WELL!!!! Yo boy Venom just f@#$ked up. He said that shit to my girl Au Natural and she's pissed." I respond " Well baby how did he say it. Barneys responds " I don't know I wasn't there " Hmph !!!! This is my take Venom probably said it cause Au natural lives deep in the Brooklyn bushes. Venom lives in Westchester. Due to the neverending traffic on the fdr thats about an 1 hour 1/2 each way. THATS LIKE DRIVING TO PHILLY!!!!!! I don't agree with what he said BUT I CAN UNDERSTAND!!!!!!

This morning I get an email from Venom it states " My mouth has just betrayed me "

I respond " It was bound to happen..Yo ass hangs around me and I'm contagious. What happened "

Venom responds " Long story short, I told Au Natural that it was like a chore sleeping over at her place. "

I respond " Ya see..I'm contagious. Are you experiencing symptoms like Hearing the words coming out of your mouth and realized WTF!!!! did I just say. Its a curse I live with it daily welcome to the club. So what are you gonna do?

Venom types back " Not going to do anything. If she calls me I will apologize for the comment because it was truly out of line and she doesn't deserve it. If she chooses not to speak to me anymore then so be it. But if she is looking for me to make it up she can forget it because that will involve sleeping over during the week and watching Oprah. I'd rather vomit in my mouth.

I respond " Lmaof @ Vomit in my mouth...On the real if your truly sorry don't wait until she calls you. Call Her Today!!!! if you wait she'll have time to let that shit fester and before you know it her being mildy annoyed turns into FULL BLOWN ANGER, and no more free pussy for you. Cause we all know your transexual jumpoff found him uh I mean her OH WHATEVA!!! a new Boyfriend...lol

Venom responds about 30 minuts later " I called. She she's still pissed. She won't be speaking to me anymore"

I type back " YOU SERIOUS!!!! ..Thats what she said just like that ? well since your really not that into her no need to keep on calling...Your free to be with your true love Hector the she male....lol...

Venom" She didn't say she wasn't speaking to me anymore, it was implied. She said that I do not have to worry about ever coming through to her place again. Whatever be will be. Okay so the count is this 1 heart broken, 1 crazy, 1 pissed and 1 just too busy. So I gotta find a fifth before the New Year. I'll go to the next blog mixer with you and I'll find the fifth.

Truth is Venom has not been the same since he broke up with that crazy police officer he used to live with. She drained him of whatever Good Guy energy he once had. Its going to take a real special woman to bring that side of him out again. I hopes its soon. Cause my boy could really benefit from that. He ain't built for juggling the ladies NIGGA ALWAYs TELLING THE DAMN TRUTH!!!!!! Sleeping over your place is like a chore. What were you thinking !!!!!

It Was Only A Matter Of Time

What a frustrating weekend. Sometimes I think women were placed on this planet to test a mans sanity. They are such difficult complex creatures. If it wasn't for that juicy hole. Ya know the one that makes my teeth grind and toes curl. I WOULD LEAVE ALL OF YOU THE HELL ALONE!!!!!!!

This past Saturday I made plans to pick up Barneys from her job. We hadn't seen each other since wednesday and missed one another. I arrive a little early since the last 2 times I picked her up traffic caused me to be about 5-7 minutes late. While I'm waiting in the Batmobile I see this beautiful woman step out of the car in front of me. Mocha skin, hair in ponytail, stylish, coke bottle figure. So ofcourse being the mongrel that am I stare. My cell phone starts ringing its Corporate America I hit the speaker phone & pick up " Yo whats up" Corporate says " Where you at" I respond" I'm in front of Barneys job waiting for her to come out and YO!!! there is this banging chick right in front of The Batmobile if you were here you would be all over her ass. " Corporates dumb ass says " Slish get out of your car and talk to her for me" I respond " Nigga is you crazy Barney's about to come out of her job in five minutes and i'm not feeling the least bit suicidal today" Corporate responds" Cmon man hook me up" I respond " Aiight Aiight if she's still standing out front when Barneys comes out i'll ask her if she knows the girl" Corporate says" Fair enough"

The woman leaves and Barneys gets in the car about 2 minutes later. Corporate and I are still chatting I say . " Corporate hold on my sweetie just got in the car" I lean over and give Barneys a kiss . Corporate immediately starts asking Barneys about that chick . Barneys looking at me all puzzled and says " What is he talking about?" I respond " I saw this good looking woman when he called me and told him about it. I stated to him I would ask if you knew her but she's gone now so never mind" Barneys still looking a bit puzzled responds " Oh " Corporate running of at the mouth now I decide to hang up quickly before he says anything stupid.

We get to Barneys apt about 20 minutes later. We walk in. Her sister laying on the couch as usual meaning no sucking face while watching the tele. I SWEAR THIS CHICK NEEDS A LIFE!!!!! or a television in her bedroom WHICHEVER COMES FIRST!!!!!

About 1/2 hour goes by I notice Barneys is acting a little strange. She hasn't touched me or kissed me since we got into the house. She's downright ingnoring MY ASS!!!!!. Since she was on the cell phone with her agent I figured she's handling some business be done shortly and sitting in my lap in no time. WRONG!!!!! My little tamale was on the phone for TWO HOURS!!!!!! I'm pissed now I would have left 1 hour into my torture if I wasn't so damn hungry. I ate my food, called Corporate right after and made plans to meet up with him at some party later that evening. I walk over to Barneys and say "I'm out. Gonna go home, change, and meet Corporate later" Barneys responds " Wait let me walk you down" We're at the bottom of her stairs in front of the door. I lean down and give her another kiss and say " I need to get you away from here" Barneys responds " Away from where??" I say " Your apt. Too many distractions here " Barneys " This is my space and in my space I handle my business and business had to be handled today" referring to her 2 hour convo with her agent The Slasher wiiiide awake now and responds " Understood but if I wanted to be ignored I could have stayed home. I'm out " Barneys doesn't respond I walk out the door she closes it behind me. As i'm walking to the batmobile I feel my stomach knot up. I know that feeling all too well and I DON'T LIKE IT!!!!!!!

I'm home sitting on my couch stomach in knots I already decide i'm not hanging out with Corporate. Two hours goes by . I decide to call Barneys becauese I wasn't happy with the way I left things. Call is made Barneys picks up " Hello" I say " Hey I didn't like the way I left things a couple of hours ago." She says" Well Slish you set the tone" I'm confused now and say " HUH?? what do you mean I set the tone?" Barneys says " I haven't seen you since wednesday I get into your car tonight and you and yo boy are talking about some other chick and how pretty she is" OH HELL NAW !!!! SHE'S MAD ABOUT THAT!!!! thats what all this shit was about? she continues " Didn't you notice how quiet I was in the car and why I was stand offish at my apt. I respond" I did notice but I would have never thought you would get annoyed over something like that I mean the chick wasn't even around when you got into the car." This is some bullshit but I didnt want to argue so I apologized for my behavior. Barneys last words to me that evening were " Slish we'll touch base later" WHAT!!!!! Did she just dismiss me after all the sucking, licking and grinding we been doin. WE'LL TOUCH BASE LATER!!!!! she can touch something alright THEEEEESE NUUUTS!!!! oops sorry That was the Slasher.

Truth is i'm not really sweating it. Barneys is a smart woman

Welcome To The Doo Doo Zone

Scary Spice called out sick today. Not gooood. That is all the ammo my supervisor needs to get rid of her. You don't call out sick the first month of employment unless you have a death in the family. She's in trouble. Think I'm going to buy a bullet proof dress shirt. Someones about to go postal.


Now throughout the years i've seen, heard and even participated in a Doo Doo story. Everyone I know has one. Back in the day Grantlove & Good & Plenty noticed something very unusual about young Slishy. One morning me and the asshole twins were walking to school. Grantlove and Good & Plenty see a pile of dog shit before I do. They decide to take up most of the side walk so that the shit is directly in my path. Why I didn't notice ? Grantlove & Good & Plenty were very good at keeping me preoccupied. As we get closer. The asshole twins start bumping into me. I'm like what THE HELL!!!! is wrong with these two. We pass the target. Both Grantlove & Good & Plenty's mouths are wiiiide open now . Good & Plenty says " Yo Grant did you see that. Slish stepped right over that pile of shit without even looking down." Grantllove responds " That was luck bet he can't do it again" FOR TWO YEARS!!!! These so called best friends of mine tried to trick me into stepping into some shit. It became a part of their daily routine. But everyday they tried everyday I would step right over it. It was a GIFT!!! like a mutant ability. I was SHIT BOY!!!!!


Doo Doo stories part 2

My early twenties I took my first job working with Deranged , Crazy, Confused rejects. I was a unit clerk. I had no direct contact with patients. About a two weeks on the job one of the Mental Health workers befriends me. One day i'm talking shit and I tell him " Yo Wes you got the easiest job all you have to do is make sure your cousins don't escape out into the wilderness and inpregnate the wildlife" Wes responds in his Jamaican accent " Yuh tink this job easy" I respond " Hell yeah everytime I walk by your either sleep or reading people magazine oh correction looking at the pictures CAUSE YO ASS CAN"T READ!!!!! Wes responds " Yuh is ah Joka"

Couple of days goes by. I'm in the office filing some progress notes Wes comes to the door " Yo Slish come sit down with dis youth here while mi go tek one piss" I respond " Kewl I need a break from this paperwork anyway." I leave the office and go into the pt's room "Wes says just watch Zingaro I'll be right back ." I respond " Aiight!!!! go before yo coconut ass wets itself ." Wes responds " Bwoooooy yuh is a Joooka" and leaves . I sit down on the chair in front of Zingaro's bed and say " High my name is Slish whats your name" Zingaro responds in his rain man voice " My Name is Zingaro . I like you. Will you take me to the bathroom. I respond " Suuuure what do you have to do number one or number two ." Zingaro says " Nuuuumber Twoooo" Aww helll !!!! I get up look outside the door for Wes's return NO SITE OF HIM!!!! I say " Okay lets go " Zingaro responds " Thaaaank Yoooouuu!!!!!!" He goes into the bathroom takes off his pants and sits on the toilet I stand by the bathroom door my head turned in the opposite direction. Everything is fine so far ya know the typical doo doo smell and noises of whatever Zingaro had for lunch hitting water. Then all of a sudden The Doo Doo smell got reeeeeaaally strong like I was actually closer in proximity to Zingaro than
I really was. I turn my head to see what the F@$%K was going on HOOOOOLY SHIIIIT!!!!! Zingaro was not only standing up but had reached into the toilet bowl and smeared Feces alllll ooooveer His Boooody!!! I mean his face, arms, legs & the inside of his mouth was covered in shit!!! I try to run but my legs would not move must have been a combination of shock and disgust. I yell " ZINGARO WHAT ARE DOING!!!! WHY??? " Zingaro responds " I like my shit . I like it so much that I eat it " I get brave and yell " YOU PUT THAT NEXT PIECE OF SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH AND ITS ON!!!! Zingaro yells " ITS MINE!!!! I'll EAT MY SHIT IF I WANT TO. I"LL EAT IT I' LL EAT IT I'LL EAT IT !!!!! I'm clinging to the wall now. WHERE THE HELL IS WES!!!!!! Zingaro calms down about a minute or two later still covered in doo doo and says " Okay Slish I'll stop . I can't help myself sometimes. I just like eating shit. " He gets into to the shower and starts to rinse himself off. A few seconds later Wes comes strolling into the room with this Devilish grin and says " Eh Joka. Yuh still tink dis job easy. "


I never learn.....

Deranged, Crazy, Confused

I'm sitting at my desk watching my coworker. She's new and hating every minute of it. Woman just doesn't get it. Can't walk into a new job and fit it in right away especially when you have a "This bitch is crazy aura surrounding yo ass. " We all knew she was a bit touched from the first week she started. Too eager, asking too many questions, jumping into conversations that she was never asked to be a part of. Noisy outburst at her desk while working. SHE CAN' T BE QUIET FOR LESS THAN TWO MINUTES. !!!! Scary Spice is driving me crazy.

Scary Spice's first week I had to take her with me while I interviewed our city's rejects. While on the psyche ward I run into Mt3. Introductions are made " Scary Spice Mt3 . Mt3 this is Scary Spice" Mt3 gives Scary Spice some intense eye contact. Now most of the new employees I bring to the psyche ward never leave my side because they are afraid of the unknown. Scary Spice didn't even flinch it was like she was at home. Anyone who's seen any of the Alien movies once a Human being is infected The Alien creatures don't attack them. This was the case with Scary Spice. These deranged muthaf%^&kas gave her the nod. Like she was an OG.

When I got back to my desk the message light on my phone was on. I retrieve the message. Its Mt3 " Yo Slish . I knew your co worker looked familiar. She was a patient about 3 years ago. Call me later so I can give you more info about why she was here. " OH HEEELLL NO!!!!! SCARY SPICE ON MEDICATION!!!!!! That explains her need to fit in quickly she doesn't want anyone to figure out her secret. The Slasher kicking me now. Tell somebody Slish you gots to tell somebody. I looked around my office. SHIT!!!! No one to tell besides Scary Spice looking directly at me.

About two weeks later my supervisor attempts to tell me Scary Spices secret. I tell her don't bother I already know. Supervisor " How" I respond " How could you not know?!? Look at her!!!! My supervisor gives me this worried look and says " Slish How am I supposed to train her now " I say " From afaaaaaar"

New Sheriff In Town

Friday was veterans day meaning no work for Slish. I'm at the tire shop getting a nail removed from the Batmobile. My cell phone rings its Corporate America. I pick up " Yo " Corporate says" Bitch!! Where's my money" OH SHIT!!!! I forgot all about this cats money I respond " F$%K YOU have I ever not paid you back when you've loaned me money in the past" Corporate responds " Hey don't get slick. Wouldn't you like to know where I am right now. " I'm puzzled this nigga playing games. I respond " Where are you." Corporate chuckling " I'm in Barneys dept store doesn't your new lady friend work in the make up dept . I bet she'll like to know where those Cala Lillies really came from. So I'll ask you again. BITCH wheres my money!!, " This beech ass negro got jokes " I respond " Kiss my ass. I know Wharton business school didn't have a class for dummies. So go right on a head. Oh by the way she light skinned sandy brown locks, slim build. Tell Barneys I miss her. CAUSE I AINT SCURRED!!! punk bitch" Corporate responds " We'll see" and hangs up.

Curiosity starts to pinch me on my booty. I call Corporate back. A female voice answers his cell and says " Hi Pumpkin" OH SHIT !!!! this asshole really is at Barneys " I calmly respond "Hey baby" Barneys responds " You sent your boy down to the make up dept to check me out . Thats cute" I respond " Baby I already know your nice looking he just had to see for himself. I'll pick you up from work later. Put his dumb ass back on the phone." Barneys respond " Okay baby see you later" Corporate gets on the phone I say " You'll have your money the end of business TODAY!!!!!

Fast forward to Saturday evening. I pick up barneys from work. She gets in the car with some purple Cala Lillies like the ones I bought for her the week before. I say " Okay who do I have to beat up. Didn't they get the memo. Slish is the new Sheriff in town" Barneys responds " Baby I know but they seem to be coming out of the woodwork" My ego is slapping me now " I respond " Those from that guy you work with. " Barneys gives me a its not my fault look and says " Yes " I respond " Why would he send you Cala Lillies when I already sent you some the week before no wonder his ass is in last place. Well call him and tell him I said thank you " Barneys laughing and says " Why baby" I respond " Cause his desperate, lonely ass is making me look good" Barney reaches over, caresses my face and plants a wet one on me.

Everybody say it together

Nuh bwoy test me nuh pussy brush gainst me.

NUFF SAID!!!!!

She Must Think I'm Slow

I know you guys were probably wondering what that last post was about. Weeelllll I'M NOT TELLING !!!!! Like I said before Slish has secrets he can't even tell himself.

For the past couple of weeks Harlem Nites has been very distant. Less phone calls, no late night booty sessions. Its like she's trying to fade away and thinks I won't notice. WELL I DID!!!! This could mean one or two things

1.She knows about this blog and has read its contents .

2. SHE MET SOMEONE AND IS ABOUT TO OR HAS ALREADY GIVEN HIM THE ASS!!!

Today my suspicions were confirmed . Harlem calls me out the blue. Harlem " Hey Slish whats poppin" ooooh its like that. No hey sweetie, baby NOTHING!!! I respond " Oh nothing just chillin relaxing watching some television. Haven't heard from you in a while what you been up to " Harlem giggles a little " Who me. I've been busy . Ya know just hanging out." Looks like i'm going to have to resort to some Jedi master mind tricks CAUSE SHE AIN"T ABOUT TO GIVE ME NO INFO!!!!! I ask "What you getting into tonight" Harlem bites and says " I'm going to the gym and later on i'm going to see The Color Purple. I GOTCHA!!!!! Harlem Nites too damn broke to pay for that play. I ask " Whats his name " Harlem responds " Excuse me whats who's name. What are you talking about? I respond " Aaaww cmon you must think my mama dropped me on my head repeatedly as a child. You calling me less. Last time I came over you didn't drag me into your bedroom and whup me with yo pussy. You've met someone. Harlem is laughing and responds " I meet a lot of someones " I respond" Yeah I bet you do but this someone you like" Harlem " Okay Okay yeah I like him so what. Its not like you were going to step up." I respond " Actually its cool bout time you met somebody" now being the selfish asshole my mama raised me to be. Ain't no way in HELL!!!!! I'm fessing up about Barneys. This is my way out. If I tell her. She'll get competive and want to put it on me. I'll let her feel like she's got the upper hand. My EGO is not gonna get me caught up.

My FEA sponser would be proud.

What do you do ???

What do you do when someone tells you something your not prepared to hear. What do you do when with the info you've heard causes you fear. Do you run, judge, set blame or do you show empathy by putting yourself in that persons shoes. Life is hard enough without all these EXTRAS meaning ADDICTION, STD's , VIOLENCE, and last but not least SELFISHNESS. I believe Selfishness is the cause of most of the EXTRAS we experience throughout our lifetime.

Once again what do you do when your in too deep. What do you do with the info that causes you not to sleep. Do you lie to yourself and say its okay hoping the problem magically goes away. Do You tell yourself" I can deal" knowing good and well the relationship will end if you don't keep it real. This person has shown you nothing but kindness your emotions in full swing causing temporary Blindness " I CAN DEAL I say to myself !!!! but Can I ?

Am I as brave as she is ? Probably not, but my heart tells me otherwise.

Tell Tale Signs

Tell tale signs Slish is falling for someone.

1. Ask him for money. You just might get it.

2. All of a sudden the movie Monster in law is the best thing he's ever seen.

3. A woman is sticking her tongue in his ear, down his throat, and rubbing his dick underneath the table. All Slish is thinking about is the person he's falling for.

4. He listens to all the words to every song he hears.

5. He gets up in the morning. Walks into his cuddle muffin's kitchen and had the sudden urge to do her dishes.

Last night was the first time I slept over Barneys apt. It was haaard. I had a made a verbal agreement to stay above the waist. Did I try to breech that contract? HELL YEAH!!!!! Barneys is a good girl and BLOCKED ME!! by putting on a leotard covering up access to parts the Slasher will lick, stick, or caress. Funny thing I didn't mind. This is the first time in years i'm totally alright with not having sex. I mean the chemistry between me and Barneys is off the chart. Our love making would probablty make me drool and call my mama, But i've become more patient due to gray hairs and lack of follicles in the middle of my scalp.

I woke up this morning looked over, pinched myself, and gently caressed Barneys forehead. I didn't want to leave , but I gotta go cause my dirty draws are calling me. About 3 hours later I decide to make an exit, but I got the sense Barneys did not want me to. To make a long story short as i'm typing this entry I wish I was with her right now. SHIT!! its still early

I'm out!!!!!

My Time

I see the comments. ASK ME IF I CARE!!!!!!!. Those flowers were just what the doctor ordered. Barneys has been Coo Coo for Slishy Puffs since Monday leaving me text messages like " Babe I kind of miss you! This is not a good look. What have you done to me " Problem is HOW THE HELL AM I GOING TO PAY CORPORATE BACK!!!!! I'm broke my ass is living on fumes.

Last night Barneys offered to cook me dinner. Why cause she's Coo Coo for Slishy Puffs. We couldn't keep our hands and lips off of each other. Her sister was disgusted. HATER!!!! note to self find Barneys sister a playmate.

Dinner was great she prepared steak, steamed veggies, salad & spanish rice. Now I know why Grant Love married a Mami. As matter of fact the majority of my boys are married to Latinas. Hmmm. One to grow on cause before they got married they dated sistas. Could explain the man shortage amongst African American women. Black men have too many choices and have figured out there is no need for drama if another race is willing to put up with their bullshit. Which is not the case here . I thought Barneys was african american when we met, well actually biracial because of her complexion and sandy brown locks. So I ended up with a latina by default and loving every minute of it.

Corporate is still on the hunt. He has 3 hopefuls and one of them is already starting to out shine the other two. He's hoping to close on someone relatively quickly, according to Corporate time waits for no man. I explain to him that he should be patient. His response " Slish i'm on a mission. Halloween night as i'm driving through Pelham, Ny I see allll these cats with their children trick or treating and enjoying themselves. Thats the life I want for myself. pussy, money, material things don't matter. I just want a family. " I respond " I feel your pain bruh everytime I go to Good and Plenty's house and see him getting his daughters dressed, putting them to bed or just taking them to dance class. Right then and there I wish I could trade places."

Shit I wanna be respectable. Its my time Dammit!!!

SWEAT EQUITY

This past saturday. I was supposed to take Barneys on a haunted hay ride. I went outside about 10am it was BRICK!!!! Thoughts of teeth chattering and the smell of horse shit was not appealing. There would be a change in plans.

I get a phone call from my sweetie about 2pm. Barneys "Hey baby" I say " Hey brown eyes. Barneys '' I'm looking forward to the hay ride" Damn!! How am I going to break this to her she sounds so excited I respond " You know its cold outside. I mean really cold." That should do it Barneys apt is like an oven she hates the cold she responds " Thats okay baby just bring me a sweater i'll be fine " SHIT!!!!! she's not buying it she really wants to go I start the whining " But its really really cold " Barneys " Okay fine!!! Be a whuss we won't go " Uh oh think I f#$%ked up now. I plead " We can do something else. Dinner , Movies or Sporting activity ??? Barneys responds " No. I don't want to go anywhere now. I'm going home after work " How I am going to fix this SHIT!!! I say " I'll call come by tonight buy you dinner " Barneys " Okay whatever" She hangs up.


I went to Barneys apt and realized that she was more dissapointed than I thought. She stated the word forgiveness was not going to be in her vocabulary for quite some time. Drastic times calls for Drastic measures time for some Sweat Equity.

Sunday night I send an email to Corporate America " Hey Buddy. I need to put in some Sweat Equity. If you could kindly order some flowers from the flower service you use. And send it to my new lady friend Barneys for me...Send Cala Lillies those are her favorite. She works at Barneys Located on 60th on madison..She works on the basement level. The make up dept. I'm only asking you to do this because your are in the city. Its too expensive for me to send from the bronx... " Monday morning Corporate responds" You owe me 150.00 dollars if you don't pay... I have recourse.... (a couple of flowers to Barneys from Corporate) " Beeeeech Ass negro but DAMN!!!! 150 Dollars!!!!! I should have gone on the stupid hay ride it was cheaper.

Later on that day I get a text message from Barneys " You are good !!!!! I can't stop smiling. Thank you. I am still Pondering the thought of forgiveness. I may have to give in. Will I see you later ? "

Fellas when looking for forgiveness from a woman never offer to do something to make up for what ever bullshit you did.. Just surprise her it works everytime.

Later on that evening. Click the bar below..This song says it all.....