E.G.O

This week went by so quickly . I'm trying to finish up what little work I have left, but this one case is just an enigma to me. I need some info. I call my version of Huggy Bear. Her name. Monie Love. She got her ears to streets. When Clipperman had that problem with the Barber I called Monie told her what was up. A day later she had all this dude's info. Where he lived ,where his girl worked, how many kids he had, & even how long he was locked up. I Feel sorry for any man she decides to date. THEY'RE NOT GETTING AWAY WITH SHIT !!!!!! Nigga try to go out with the next chick Monie probably jump out the bushes yelling " I GOTCHA!!!!!!!

I call her up. " Whats up Hotness " Monie repsonds in a fake jamaican accent " What a gwon Slish" then breaks into song and continues " Its Friiiiday Niiiight ain't Gettin Paiid . I Caallled My Friend Up ." I jump in and say " AND YOU AIN'T GETTIN LAAIID" we both start laughing Monie says " Slish your crazy, but for real. Why is this dude trying to play me" I respond " What do you mean?" Monie " He went out of town, came back and he hasn't called at all. The question i'm asking myself now is HOW THE HELL!!! does she know he's back in town when he hasn't called her. DAMN SHE'S GOOD!!!! she continues " He must not know who I am. I'm not the one. Thats what I get for lowering my standards. Even Fat Men play games." SO WHEN YOU HOOKING ME UP WITH SOMEBODY!!!!! I respond " I'm still looking. Haven't found anyone you would like and vice versa, but i'm still looking" cause she knows i'm full of shit Monie responds " Yeah Riiiiight" gives me the info I need. I Hang up.

I get home, take off my work clothes, sit at my computer and start to contemplate how i'm going to make Barneys go Coo Coo for Slishy Puffs tonight. She invited me over for dinner and drinks. I suggested we go out, but she insisted " Know baby i'll cook" MY KINDA GAL!!!! My cell phone starts ringing. Its Good & Plenty " Sliiishyyyy " I respond " Whats poppin bruh " Good & Plenty " Awww nothing its Friday and i'm looking for some mischief to get into. Now thats F%&*KED up why cats always calling me !!! I respond " Bullshit negro you know your ass did NOT put in the proper paper work with Mrs Gooden Plenty" Last time we planned a night of debauchery without her knowledge got Good & Plenty placed in the CORNER!!!!!! Her exact words " Slish Good & Plenty can't go out tonight!!Good & Plenty looking up at me from the corner all stupid " He is not leaving me here with these kids without permission. Next time you want him to go somewhere you ask the both us NOT HIM!!!!!" Woooooow !! From that time on. Anytime I want Gooden & Plenty to hang out I call Mrs Good & Plenty 2 weeks in advance and set up a play date. I say " Good & Plenty you hear from Grant Love? Hows he doing down there in florida after the hurricane" Plenty responds " He's okay he couldn't go to work for couple of days , but my sister in law and my boy Knuckles say shit is really F&$KED up where they are. My sister in laws roof blew off so she's staying with friends, Knuckles telling me its a 3 hour wait just to get gas and YO!!!! CHECK THIS OUT SLISH!!!! Niggas is shooting people for cutting in front of them " I respond" Word !?! Plenty " Yeeeahhhh F.E.M.A done F@#%^KED up again only reason why we didn't hear about it is cause the Govt don't want us to" I respond " Tru dat Tru dat , but check this out I can't play with ya tonight I have a dinner date so go home and pretend to be a good husband and leave me alone. Plenty responds " Aiight with yo punk ass. Later "

Back to what I should wear tonight. Since i've lost a few pounds I decide on a wife beater, jeans and one of my soccer sweat suit tops. I take a look in the mirror check myself out minus the soccer top ofcourse DAMN I LOOK GOOD FOR MY AGE!!!!


I get to Barneys apt about 10:30 pm. I ring the bell. Door opens. This is one pretty woman . Skin like milk, innocent light brown eyes and lips that say KISS ME KISS ME KISS ME !!!!!! which I quickly do. Barneys says " I grilled some chicken and made you a salad . I know you don't like to eat heavy after 9 pm, your fruit punch is in the fridge " Well Well Well a woman that pays attention I respond " Thank you " and give her another kiss.

We're on the couch watching the tele . Barneys cell phone rings. She looks at it and decides not to pick it up. My Slish sense starts to tingle . Who could that be and why didn't she answer it. Then the phone voice mail tone signals that she has a new message. Barneys picks up the phone retrieves it, listens, then says " Slish. Excuse me while I return this phone call" I respond " kewl" go into the kitchen and fix myself another drink. I come back out into the Living room and hear Barneys saying in a very agitated voice " YOU CALLED ME FOR THAT !!!!! she looks at me and signals me not to say anything . WHAT!!!! WHO THE HELL IS SHE TALKING TOO!!!!!! Barneys continues " Listen I can't talk to you now . I have company." I realize then shes talking to a guy and not just any guy someone she used to date or currently dating ya never know. I'm about to start trippin now cause my male ego is kicking me in the ass yelling " YOU JUST GOT PLAYED YOU JUST GOT PLAYED!!!!! I decide to ignore it. After all i'm the guy with her now not the dude on the phone. Barneys hangs up and apologizes and says " Thats what you get for dating someone you work with. Slish I'll be honest. When I met you I was still seeing him, but things were not that serious. I told him I was going on a date with you. He's been trippin ever since" I can't be mad at that. Its not like i've been innocent my damn self. Harlem nites been filling my chocha quota weekly and Wednesday I hung out with sexy ass Agent 99 so who am I to judge. I say " Dayum he' s trippin like that" I move in a little a closer to her on the couch and say in a low tone like whisper " What you got thats so special" barney says in a baby voice " nothing" I whisper " Nothing huh. Must be those lips." I kiss her softly and say " If you were kissing him the way you've been kissing me. I could see why he would be trippin right now" I give her a deeper kiss Barneys lets out a sigh and whispers to me " I missed your lips"

Fellas reading this story. What have we learned here today.

E. G. O. = NO PUSSY

Agent 99 part 2

Now Agent 99 has been requesting a referral from me for quite some time . She reads my blog daily and has shown a particular interest in Corporate America. I explained to 99 that Corporate is extreeeemely picky and she would have to be pre screened by me in order for that referral to take place. She agreed.

I make a tentative rendevous with Barneys for 11pm and hang up. Agent 99 gets into my car. This wave of cinnamon and strawberries fills my nose. That shit was intoxicating. Agent 99 " Heeeey Slishy " I respond " Whats up. Let me not give you a hug or a kiss on the cheek since this is not a date. " so we shake hands instead. I say" Where would you like to go." Agent 99 excitedly says " Well Cafe Wha has something going on tonight we could go there" I think to myself HELL NO!!!! that place is extremely loud won't be able to hear ourselves think much less talk. " I respond " Naw lets go to the Harlem Grill i've never eaten there" She pouts a little " and says "You sure. Cafe wha might have some dancing" this woman is not going to have me out till 3 am shaking my ass. The closer to home the better " I respond" My ass is old I can't hang like that during the week. Besides Cafe Wha plays their music extremely loud we won't be able to converse" Lets get some drinks and a bite to eat. Keep it simple" Agent 99 reluctanly gives in and says " Okay but I think your trying to hide me probably don't want one of your other chicks to catch yo ass. " I start Giggling and say " If that was the case I wouldn't be taking you to the Harlem Grill cause Harlem Nites lives right down the block and is a frequent diner up in thuuuur" She starts to laugh and off we go.

We're inside The Grill and it happens to be jazz night. Kewl good vibes, good music, and eye candy. Might not make that appt I have with Barneys. I say whats up to my boy Mums on the way to our table . We sit down. Then Agent 99 takes off her coat DAMN!!!! written across her chest is " ITS ALL ABOUT ME!!! Agent 99 now has my full attention The Slasher is AWAKE!!!! F@#$K CORPORATE AMERICA .

Now Its quite obvious that 99 craves attention and gets quite a bit of it too. Any man that decides to court her better be secure and generous. The Slasher is up for the challenge and sets things in motion.

At first we were sitting across from one another but the music was so loud Agent 99 suggests " Slishy you want to sit next to me." HELL YEAH!!!! I respond " Only if thats what you want. Remember this isn't a date " She gives me this warm smile and says " Come sit next to me" Were side by side now and looking at the drink menu. I didn't want to act up so I decided early on that I was not drinking any kind of cognac. I do that and I might end up playing connect the dots on Agent 99's sexy ass Top. I say " 99 whatcha drinking" She looks at the menu gestures to the waitress and says " 2 Rasberry mojitos " Oh SHIT!!!! thats the drink I order when i'm in Playboy mode. I think I better keep my hands where I can see them.

2 drinks later i'm feeling very whats the word FRIENDLY and cozy on up to 99 a little more . To my surprise she doesn't object but we're not on a date !?!? NOW I'M ALL CONFUSED !!!! My Slish Sense is tingling . Could something be going on here? Am I connecting with 99 on more than just on a friendship level.

I lie to myself and say Slish its the Devil Juice ignore it. Take this woman home before you start something you can't finish.

Agent 99

I should be asleep right now. I'm reeeal tipsy so bear with me.

Agent 99 suggested we link up and have some drinks. Since my boss from my parttime job told me I didn't have to come in today well yesterday. I send her an email saying we can get together earlier. She responds " 9 :30 is fine will call you later to coordinate. Twist is i've never met Agent 99. Only correspond with her via email. How did I meet her i'd rather not say. Slish has secrets he can't even tell himself.

I get home from work about 7 pm. I look at some porn on the net. Get my fix and settle in on the couch and watch the tele. My cell rings about 8:15 pm its Agent 99 " Hey you " I respond " Whats up girl" 99 says" I'm on my way home. I'll be ready at 9:30 pm ." I respond " Okay see you then" what the hell am I going to wear. I must go through my closet and find something that looks like i' m not trying to be sexy. Because this is not a date according to her, but i've heard that before and gotten lucky . I BETTER FIND SOMETHING THAT SHOWS I'M IN SHAPE!!!!

9:23 pm I'm in front of Agent 99's building. I make the call " I'm downstairs " She says " Your early and i'm not ready" oooh is she trying to get all pretty for Mr Slish. Let me find out this is a date. While i'm waiting I call Barneys. She picks up" Hey pumkin" I say " Hey baby what are you up to" Barneys " Oh nothin telling my sister a story. Baby let me call you right back " Shit!! Agent 99 will be coming out in about 5 minutes THINK SLISH!!!! I say Okay but I'm hanging with the fellas so I might not be able to pick up" She says" I don't care you better pick up when I call you back" Oh hell!!!! 5 minutes goes by Agent 99 is still getting ready and this crack head is trying to wash my car. My cell phone rings its Barneys I pick up " Heeeey" Barneys responds" Where were we. Oh yeah so how was your day" I respond " My day was uneventful. I didn' t have to go to my parttime job today" Barneys says" for real!!! I left work early too. we could have done something together" SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!! Agent 99 better be a looker cause i'm missing out on some major suck face time with my new sweetie.

I'm still on the phone and Agent 99 comes out of her building. Uh oh This gal is a looker looong hair, caramel complexion, Long legs & stylish. I smell trouble cause the Slasher is starting to stir. But this is not a date just 2 buddies having a drink. But like a said i've been there before.


To be continued....

Love Trust & Respect

A friend of mine sent me an email today asking " Slish Do you believe in love? Really believe in love? "

My response " I do, but they are conditions. I believe respect & trust should come first. What I've been noticing is that people jump into relationships without developing those two important components. 6 months later you find out your man is still talking to his ex whenever you guys have an argument and your girlfriend calls her ex man for advice about your relationship. That shit is just wrong. Grown folks need to start taking their time. If you meet someone you like and kinda think there might be a future. Chill on that whole sex thang until both of you have developed that trust and respect. Sex especially GOOD SEX can make things kind of cloudy. When the cloud clears you done smacked into a BRICK WALL. Face all F#$%KED up.... "

Agent 99 responds " Why don't you ever give THAT kind of advice in your comments..or even on your blog? I think that men need to know that. My man talks to his ex girlfriend all the time and considers her his friend...but she can't and won't be my friend...he can't even bring up my name around her.. How does that shit make any sense? "

My response " It doesn't. Meaning don't believe anything he tells you about that relationship. I don't give that kind of advice on my blog..Cause NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR THAT SHIT...lol..they like when i'm rude, crude & lude. makes things interesting.

Agent 99 " Well, I LIKE to read it. If you really feel that way about something than I would rather you tell me your real feeling than some macho bullshit that is rude and crude. DAMMIT!! lol Men are so fucking complicated AND they always want shit THEIR way...talking that macho shit about...This is me...this is how I am...You knew that coming into this...fuck that! Relationships are about compromising and if you want me to be the one to come 90% of the way everytime...you can bet your ass that the relationship won't last long. thinking about this tends to make me mad "

She got a point I think dude is trying to use that Jedi Mind Trick on her I respond " He can only make you angry if you let this continue." Now i'm about to do the unthinkable and continue with " My boy Corporate tells me all the time " Slish your time is valuable. Don't waste it on endeavors that won't help with your personal growth." I know letting go is the hardest thing to do, but its time you be honest with yourself 99. You have yet to see any growth from this man , and your not exactly being truthful with him and maybe he's picking up on it causing him to put you in a certain category. Oh yes men have categories too. Be true to yourself 99 & this whole relationship puzzle will start to piece it self together all by itself.

Agent 99 responds " I like this insightful side of Slishy...makes me think he has a heart..

There you have it Slish has a heart. It comes out in spurts or when i'm tipsy. Either way I have one SO THERE!!!!!


On my way to work I stopped by my parents house for dinner. Mom prepared some Lasagna and how Tasty it was. My wife has to know how to cook. I don't care I don't care if its the new millenium ya'll cooking.

I've finished eating and my parents and I are discussing various topics. I ask my Dad " Pops when you look at me now and then think back to your youth were we similiar? Pops responds " No Bwoy I was hotta than you " my mother looks up from her book and starts to laugh. Pops says " Whats so funny. I WAS HOT!!! gets up from the table walks over to the dish washer and says " I never dated a woman longer than six months. I would leave them right before christmas" I'm laughing hysterically and say " Why Christmas?" Pops responds "So I wouldn't have to buy them a gift " Mom says " This is the first time i'm hearing about this" Pops walks back over and sits down and responds " Woman I don't tell you all my business" then he cracks a smile and looks at my mom and says " I was the best thing that happened to you. My mother smiles and says " Correction we were the best thing that happened to one another " My dad looks at me then looks at her and says " Your right sweet heart and holds her hand"

That right there people is 37 years of Trust , Respect and most of All Love.

Liar Liar

Lately I haven't been able to sleep. I'm up to all hours of the night. Think i'm afraid if I go to bed to early I might miss something. What that could possibly be. Hell if I know. Maybe I need to get that new drug everyone is always talking about. SEX EVERY NIGHT !!!!!! The only side effect. Pain in my right leg after a 3 hour session.

On my way too my third hustle . I call Venom. Haven' t gotten into his business in a while. Figured he needed a Slasher tongue lashing to get him through the week. I make the call " Whats up" Venom responds " Nothing whats going on with you" I respond " Just checking up in ya. Thanks for sending me that info about the Ipod connection for my car.Think i'm going to pick that up soon" Venom " No problem" NOW i've been dying to ask Venom about Au Natural. I have a sneaking suspicion that he's gotten a whole lot further than I have with Barneys considering we met both gals on the same NIGHT!!!! I ask " What you do this weekend? Venom responds " Nothing went to my nephews B-day party Saturday, Hung out with Au Natural on Sunday. " I say "Wooooord. Soooo What happened" Venom responds " Nothing went down we chilled" LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR!!!!! Venom is the only dude I know that will lie and say he never got the pussy but really did. He's nothing like me. I KISS, LICK , STICK and TELL. Probably the reason why I like having him around he keeps me honest.


I'm on my way home from work. I get a call from my friend the Dancer. She's back in town and depressed again that she's 36 and still can't find a man. Isn't that like half the black women in Nyc. She ain't special!!!! I swear this is the only time she calls me. But its never to ask for advice she kinda just wants me to listen. If I try to respond she cuts me off and continues on with her belly aching " I'm pretty, I look good for my age, I'm intelligent, I can f@#&K Slish Did I mention I look good for my age. Well this Christmas i'm buying her a tape recorder and will record my voice on a blank tape in 10 minute intervals saying Uh HUH....I know what you mean.... Really .... Ya don't say.... You did the right thing.....Yeah I think you deserve better than that..... CAUSE I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT SHIT!!!!!

10 am i'm in Harlem sitting in Jimbo's restaurant ordering breakfast. I'm rubbing my forehead. That last drink I had has given me a slight headache. I send Corporate America a text message. " That chick ain't for you. Too much lip. Hit it and Hiiiiide."


That brings me to this story. Corporate America is on the hunt. He instructed me to find a spot for the both of us to hang out where his potential queen might be. The date he went on Friday went well, but Corporate likes to increase his odds of success. So he decides he needs 2 more in his stable. Once he finds 3 worthy candidates. He will date them until one out shines the other two. I know its f&*$ked up but its fun to watch these women throw them selves at a 5'7 Tiki Barber look a like, just because he has a little money. If he were blue collar like myself half these women would not give him the time of day.

I'm sitting in Harlem Nites living room. She's putting away the groceries I just bought for her and giving me the gooogly eyes . Probably thinking " I got this nigga buying me groceries. Its only a matter of time" Huh riiight. I decide to call Corporate and ask him what time he wants to link up Corporate says " Change in plans. I'm meeting this chick for a drink. Where should I take her? I yell to Harlem " Where should Corporate take his lady friend for a drink" Harlem responds" Take her to the Harlem Grill no distractions there" I say "Take her to the G-bar" Harlem interrupts . " G-bar is wack" I say" How would you know you only been there once" She says "Yeah and it was wack then" I say" You know what go back in the kitchen" Harlem ignores my statement and jumps on top of me planting kisses all over my face & neck. My cell was on speaker so Corporate hears us and says " Slish!!! You with your jump off???" Oh Helll !!!!!! I push harlem off me hoping she didn't hear what he said and grab my phone. I say really loud " Yeah I'm with my sweeeeetie Harlem" Idiot he'll pay for that later.

1 hour later i'm back at my place. Harlem Nites has made sure I won't be thinking about any other chocha tonight. I call Corporate to check on his status " Yo where are you?" Corporate says " I'm at the den waiting on my blind date" I say " Blind date? I thought you knew this chick" He responds" Naaaw Brah a friend of mine set me up. I don't know what she looks like, bring yo ass down here just in case. I respond " in case of what?" Corporate says " In case she's not my type" You guys thought I was picky. HUH!!! Lets put it this way any woman he finds unattractive I would probably drink their bath water.

I get to the Den at 10:35 pm. I spot Corporate in the corner with a caramel sista with hair down to her shoulder. I walk over and sit at the table across from them and wait for the signal that he wants out. If he waves me off i'll go over to the bar have a drink, flirt with the pretty waitress who caught my eye when I walked in and go home. Corporate notices me and calls me over. Poor girl probably thought she had a chance. I walk over, grab a chair & sit down. The sista looks up at me and says to Corporate " Is this your boy. The one you were on the phone with" Corporate says " Yeah he was in the area and decided to stop by. He has a little sumthin sumthin around these parts" Corporate says " Slish Angel. Angel Slish " We shake hands. Corporate calls the waitress over " Excuse me can you get my friend whatever he wants" I order a Foxy Brown & some ghetto sushi called the last dragon. The pretty waitress I was checking out brings me my drink. Angel looks at my drink and says " What do you call that? I say with confidence " A Foxy Brown" She starts to giggle and says " A Foxy Brown what kind of sissy drink is that" NO SHE DIDN'T!!!!! The Slasher starts to stir but I manage to keep him under control and respond politely " I like this drink its tasty besides i'm driving." Can you believe this shit women are actually judgeing a mans character by what kind of drink he orders. No wonder you guys can't find a good man. Too busy falling in love with alcoholics.

Angel and I are going back and forth with witty one liners. This chick thinks she's tough. Got an answer for everything. Not realizing thats a sure fire way for Corporate to lose interest. So I ask angel " What kind of guy do you like" She looks me up and down and responds " Chocolate, bald, in shape , a brother who knows how to order wine from any wine list and then be able to go uptown & munch down on some fried Chicken from the neighborhood spot" No wonder she's manless guys like that don't exist how many times I have to tell you ladies there are no in betweens. You can either date a Thug( Chicken spot and 3 am booty calls without question) Blue collar( Biweekly visits to a 2 star restuarant. why?? Cause thats how often he gets paid. Vacations only once a year) White Collar dude( Expensive dinners, gifts, out of the blue getaways to islands that have coconuts. Only problem most of you so called independant sistas are not their type. )


Corporate and I have made other plans so we decide to take Angel along. On our way to the east village. She's talking maaad shit about how she can handle the both us. Then she does the unthinkable and touches Corporate's Cd changer and changes the music that was playing. I looked at Corporate. He gave me a IS THIS BITCH CRAZY LOOK!!!! then looked at her, tightened his lips, let her continue & kept driving. I wanted to start a little trouble and say " So you guys going on a second date" Angel turns around and says " What second date we haven't even had our first date. He brought you along as back up. So this date doesnt count. "


Folks. I think she done f&%ked up now.

I took the day off today per my aunties request. Some painting had to be done and she trusts no one with her house. Since my job is the least important not to mention I live here rent free. I was given the job of MAKE SURE THE PAINTER DON'T BREAK, TAKE, OR RUIN SHIT!!!! To tell the truth I really don't have to be here. My boy, who is doing the job is a professional and the most reliable brotha I know. He has too much pride and not enough steady income to go and f#$%^k this up.


My cousin Bowie has been calling me all day. He's on his way to Hampton's home coming. Topic of conversation. His wife is reluctant to let him drive their new lexus to VA something about the car being a lease. Driving that far will definitely increase the car's mileage thus causing them to pay a hefty fee upon its return to the dealer. 4 YEARS FROM NOW!!!!! I say " Bowie what type of F%&*kry business is that. He says" Thats her argument and she's sticking to it" The Slasher responds " Puhlease she's HATIN!!! MAN UP !!! she expect you to drive a MINIVAN to Hamptons home coming. SHE BLOCKING!!!! if she was going on that trip with her girls you couldn't tell her SHIT!!!!. Hang up this phone and go deal with that. I don't have time for your sissy ass. Call me back when your balls grow back" Bowie starts laughing and says " Aiight later."

An hour goes by. I haven't heard anything from Bowie and decide to call him back. He picks up " What a gwon" I say" You handle your business" Bowie responds " Every ting Crisp" I say" Oooooh so you took the lex " He says " Yeah Mon on my way to VA right now". I start to giggle to myself . He's gonna pay for his insolence. His wife probably got some shit cooking. Wait till he comes back home. I say " Who in the car with you " Bowie responds " Caramel Shady. So are you going to stay home this entire weekend and play with your self." I start laughing and respond " You know the reason your so happy right now , and its not because you got the lex for the weekend. Bowie takes the bait and asks " Why? I respond. " Cause Caramel Shady has been playing with your balls since you left Maryland. Enjoy your trip Batty Bwoy." I hang up.


I'm horrible ,I know it, and i'm not ashamed.

I was called a meddler today by a very close friend of mine. At first it pissed me off when she said it. Then I put myself in her shoes. Hmmmm. I DON'T THINK SO!!!!! This country was built by people who meddle. Where would we be without the meddling of Malcolm X, Martin Luther King & Jesse Jackson. I meddle, but with good reason. No one person is an island its okay to ask for help especially when your in any kind of distress. Going through pain by yourself is not a badge of honor. Its like a ton of bricks on your back, and if your back is not strong enough, it will collapse breaking your spine. Causing you never to be the same again.

Corporate America is inviting a woman over to his apt for a home cooked meal and chilled champagne. This is his first date since he broke up with The Consultant. He called me earlier in the week asking if he was being to foward by having her come to his crib. Since they've only corresponded via email. I told him " Naaaw just send a car for her so she doesn't have to worry about getting lost. Besides your apt looks like it should be in Architectuals Digest. Get that fire place burning on your penthouse deck. Shiiiit thats better than any lounge in the city." he responds " Slish you know I hate opening up to you , but I'm glad I did , thats the best idea you've had since I've known your dumb ass. " We both start laughing. I say " Your going to need some good music & dessert . Corporate responds "What do you suggest " I respond " Red Velvet cake & a Slish Mix at Six" Corporate says " DAMN!! you on a roll today. Another great idea. Set that shit up for me. AAWWW HELLL NO!!!!! This cat picks my brain and is gonna get some pussy because of it. I'll make sure to write on his Cd's. THEEEEESE NUTS!!!!! Volume 1 & 2

Twisted thats a word Grantlove knows very well. I admit I like Barneys more than I should and would not mind if she got me twisted. Hopefully I won't get distracted by Shawnla's fat booty & Harlem Nites big titties. The Slasher has a weakness for these two components. Be strong Slish. Be strong


I ran into MT3 today while on the psyche ward interviewing pt's. She looked soo broken I think she's had enough and wants out of her situation. I say " Heeeey what you doin on this side of town. She normally works in another unit and responds " They were short in here so I came and helped out. How are you doing" I respond " The question is how are you doing. Has your situation improved." MT3 says " Naaaaw he's leaving the end of the month. I coudn't take it anymore. For all my new readers out there. MT3 has been married for about 15 years. Last year she found out her husband got another woman pregnant purposely. Something about him wanting a male child since MT3 has only given him girls. What a selfish asshole. Why couldn't he have just said i'm not happy and asked for a divorce. Got this woman losing weight and crying daily.

MT3 says " Slish I need to meet someone. It would help me get my mind off him. I just need someone to make me feel good and wanted" I'm kneeling next to her. She looks down at me teary eyed. I think to myself if I didn't have so much going on. I would volunteer my services. Be her break the glass playmate for a couple of months. I respond "Thats not what you need sweetie. You need time to heal. Your too vulnerable . A crack head with all his teeth could kick it to you right now and you would fall for it. Your not ready. You need some alone time" MT3 responds" SLISH!!!!!! Stop saying that to me. You don't know what i've been through. This shit hurts toooo much. I just need something, anything. " I respond " What are you doing on Friday" MT3 says " Nothing why." I say " Maybe we can link up and talk some more. You can use my shoulder. Call me before the week is out. She says " Ok I'll do that "

I get back to my desk check my cell and retrieve my messages. I hear Shawnla's sweet voice and she's speaking french something she picked up from that Frenchman. I don't have to understand french to know what she's saying and call her right back. Shawnla answers " Hello" I say" Before you respond I just want to say I miss you . Shawnla says " Then why haven't you called " I respond " When you told me that the Frenchman was coming to visit you in November. I figured I would lay low. Didn't want to get caught up. It would cause me great pain thinking about what the both of you would be doing when he arrives. Where are you anyway ?" Shawnla responds " I'm in a store looking for chocolate" her phone started to break up so i didn't get the last word I respond " CHOCOLATE!!! She says" Chocolate curtains silly" I say " oh I thought you said chocolate syrup or some shit like that. Shawnla giggles and says " If I want chocolate I know just where to get it. I respond " Oh really. Where!!??. She responds " The Bronx. What are you doing tonight come see me. " I respond" Ssssst... I dunno I have to work tonight. The Slasher persona has awakened and says " NIGGA IS YOU CRAZY. GET IT WHILE YOU STILL CAN!!!!!. I respond " I should be done by 9 pm. I should get out to you by 10 10:30. Shawnla says " Okay Slish let me know"


You guys have seen the Color Purple. Remember that character Shug Avery. Well Shawnla is my Shug Avery.

Everytime she comes to town everything just gets shut down.

Why can't we just erase Mondays from the Calender. I yell out to my coworker and ask " When are we going to get a break" She says " We're black we don't get any breaks." She got a point . I shut up and went right back to my cell uh I mean desk.


Well the good thing about busy days is that it goes quickly. I left work to go pick up my aunt about 5pm. As i'm walking to my car I see Mega Body standing at the bus stop. She says" Slish can I get spoiled today" I've been giving her a ride to the train station whenever possible I say " Sure cmon" I let her walk in front of me and try and catch a peak at her mega booty. But her coat covered it up. SHIT!!!!

We're in my car now. I ask " Hows your love slave doing" Megabody" I guess he's alright we've been having some problems. Almost broke up this weekend" I respond " What happened " She says" Niggas and their mood swings. All of a sudden everything I do annoys him. I HATE THAT SHIT SLISH !!!! why niggas always doing that. If you don't like something the first time just say so. Don't wait until your in a bad mood to flip shit" I start laughing and say" Shit I guess it doesn't matter when you say something. I speak up as soon as something annoys me and i'm still not in a relationship. Bottom line if your not happy bounce. " She responds " I can't. Not yet. I don't have anything to offer anyone I don't even have my own crib. He's stays for now or until I meet someone worth cutting him off for" Megabody looks at me and starts to smile. I could say a whole lot of things right then and there but The Slasher persona lay dormant. All I could think about was Barneys and the salsa lesson her tongue gave mine


I can't wait to see her again.

Whats up readers. Couldn't write any stories last week. Too many of my friends having nervous breakdowns. Clipperman is still a bit shaken up over the barber shop incident. Its gotten so bad that he was cutting hair from his home. Customers were taking the bus to this niggas house. I had to give him one of my eye of the tiger, malcolm X, Free at last Free at last speeches. It seemed to work he went back to his shop.

My cousin Screwface was admitted to the psyche ward. He's totally delusional . I've been going to see him everday so far. I didn't believe it at first but he's a sick man. His doctor told me his psychosis is manageable with medication and his non consumption of alcohol. Well that might be a problem since Screwface refuses to take the medication and won't stop drinking. Since he is one of my cases I made sure he can't get out unless he agrees to go to rehab. OOh he cussed me something horrible when I dropped that bomb on him. Thats okay because nothing good comes easy.


Now on to some lighter news. About six months ago I started a referral system for my single friends. If I have a friend who's single and know someone who might be their type I make the call and set up a meeting. Last night was one of those occasions. My homegirl Mocha's friend Honey is a beautiful woman. I tried to pass her on to Corporate America but his arrogance f#$%ked that up in less than a month. So I decide to introduce her to one of my other boys Mr. M. I owed M another referral since the young lady I hooked him up with a few months back had a secret he just couldn't deal with.

We pick up Mocha and Honey at 7:30 pm. They come out. I watch them walk to the car looking so diva sexy. I have to remind myself " Slish you are here for M. Your personal goal to remove Mocha from those tight ass pants is not an option. The SLASHER must remain dormant.

The Den was my choice for the evening. The food is good & the ambience is perfect for mingling. The ladies were very impressed. I order four shots of the house special. Figured. "Get Honey tipsy so that M's romantic value meter could rise." After those were polished off we decide to try out some of the specialty drinks The Den is famous for. I order The Foxy Brown , Mocha orders some fruity drink, M gets a heineken & Honey orders a Charlie Murphy. I get my drink, taste it, "WHEW !!! This is some good shit" Mocha looks at me and says " Let me taste" I pass my drink to her" Then Honey decides she wants a taste Mocha passes it to her. I start to giggle to myself while thinking "Glad I used a straw. My lips were in a naughty place the night before. "

Its 10:30 pm. Our stomachs our full and we're all feeling veeeeerrry irie( Jamaican for Cool) I'm worried about what the bill is going to look like. M ordered a lot of shit. I can hear my financial counselor now STOP SPENDING YOUR MONEY IN THESE PLACES!!! The bill comes its not that bad 174.00 gratuity included for 4 people WELL ALRIIIGHT. Mr M and I can split that bad boy right down the middle.

M and I dropped Mocha off first. Then I came up with some excuse that I had to get right home. Wanted M to take Honey home without me being in the car. Moves had to be made. No distractions allowed.

As we're driving to my house my cell phone rings . Its Harlem Nites I pick up " Hello" Harlem says " What are you up to? I respond "Excuse me?!? " Harlem says " You heard me negro don't act new" I respond " I'm on my way home I was hanging out with some friends." Harlem says" Friends huh" I say " Why are you tracking my movements woman" She responds" Oh no reason you ran across my mind. Decided I would see what you are up to" Ya see that shit . Thats what I get for giving the jump off quality time. Since Barney's and I are moving kind of slow( NO SEX!!!!). I've been spending more time with Harlem Nites. I say " Let me call you when I get in the house" I hang up.

We're in front of my house now. I get out of the car. Honey gets in the front seat. My cell phone rings again its Barneys. I say my goodbyes to the future couple and pick up " Hey baby whats good" Barneys " Heeeey I was just checking on you" I respond " Oh really think we could do that in person?" Barneys" Its soo late and I look like shit" I was not trying to hear the word no and respond " Come out and play. You're not sleepy I'm still tipsy, and the rain drops have stopped falling on everyones head. Lets Play" Barneys" Weeeelll you could come over" oooh DID SHE SAY COME OVER!!!!! I respond " What did you just say? " she responds " Come over silly we can have a night cap" The Slasher is awake now. I get in my car and head for Queens.

I get to Barney's house at 12 Mid. She opens the door and escorts me to her safe haven Damn!!! her sister is still awake and sitting at the computer located behind the couch. Can't make any moves until she goes to bed. Shit!!! I need a drink.

Barneys shows me around. We end up in the kitchen. She hands me a bottle of Dominican rum. I'm thinking "I drink this. No telling what personailty is going to pop out of my ass. F#$%K it I can always apologize later." I gets to sipping.

We're on the couch now. Well i'm on the couch and she's on the floor. Not part of the plan but since her sister is still awake no need to rush anything. Ten minutes later lil sis goes to bed. Hoooorah. Time for the Slasher to make a move. I feel my body remove it self from the couch and onto the floor next to Barneys. Barneys is just chatting away. The only thing i'm thinking about is how do I get my lips on hers. I decide let me play with her locks , stroke my fingers up and down her neck & rub my hands gently across her back. After about 30 minutes of that my ass started to hurt Barneys notices and gets up and sits on the couch. I do the same and resume the foreplay. The Slasher decided that this plan needed an upgrade. Before I knew it i'm kissing Barney's neck and nibbling on her ear lobes. She responds by moving closer to me, grabs my arms and puts them around her, turns her head around slowly until our lips meet. Soft kisses at first. Her lips felt soooo good. Soft and moist. Then she slips her tongue in my mouth. Tango Time!!!!. I start to get a little dizzy cause THIS WOMAN CAN KISS!!! I'm in trouble and I know it. I try to come up for air but Barney's lips are like electricity its hard to break away and I don't think I wanted to. My hands start to probe other places but Barneys is a good girl and gently removes my hand from her c cup. Thats cool cause sex too soon can ruin a budding relationship.

We tussled on the couch for about an hour barely coming up for air. My hand found its way to her c cup again and then to her ass. This time she didn't remove them just kissed me harder. I decide to leave before I go where no man has gone with Barneys in about six months.

Once again The Slasher has proven to be a productive alter ego.

I just got in. Was visiting with Harlem Nites. All have to say is this. In the words of the all mighty Big Daddy Kane. Women of the good pussy breed YOU GOT YOU GOT YOU GOT WHAT I NEEEEED !!!!!!!!

Every Sunday I visit my mom and dad. We have dinner together while they ask me a lot of questions. During this time I do a lot of lying. As i'm walking to the door, my mother opens it before I get a chance to put my key in and says " Hi soooooon, and gives me this kiss on my cheek. Hmph what does this shady woman want from me. She looks back at my dad and whispers to me " You think you can drive me to Barnes & Nobles after dinner" I look at my dad and yell " SURE MOM I'LL TAKE YOU TO BARNES & NOBLES !!!! my mom responds " Your so mean. I walk in, say whats up my to my dad, and sit down next to him.

While i'm waiting for dinner to be served. I call Corporate America and make sure our plans are good for tonight. He called me earlier in the day requesting my presence while he searches for his next queen. Since the break up with The Consultant he's been hanging out quite often. Probably trying to get his stock up. Anyway I agree to go because watching him in action is puuuure comedy.

After waxing off a plate of fried chicken, string beans, and rice and peas. My mom slips and says "You hear what happened to Screwface". Screwface is my cousin by marriage my Uncle Slim is married to his mother. I respond " No. What happened now" Mom says" He threatened to kill your uncle when he wouldn't let him change his clothes at their house. Someone called the police, they came and took him to the hospital you work at " DAMN DAMN DAMN!!!!. This has now become my problem. Most of the psyche patients admitted to my hospital are screened for medical insurance by GUESS WHOOO!!! ME!!!. I say " Mom why didn't anyone call me we could have avoided all of that? " Mom says " What could you have done. That boy is crazy you can't control him. He needs to be locked away for a looong time. I say " Bullshit. I refuse to accept that Screwface is crazy. He's depressed and needs his family. His mother is too dumb to see it. He' s reaching out to her and all she does is shit on him" Pops says " Bwoy watch your mouth, besides you can't do anything for him anyway . I respond " So you say. I'm out. Mom says " Slishy where are you going? I say " I'm going to check on Screwface, see if I can get him out before they admit him to one of the pscyhe wards."

I think i'm the only family member that doesn't want to see Screwface locked in some rubber house . That type of shit can change a person and make them crazier than they already are. He needs his family right now not medication that makes him drool and slur his speech.

He doesn't deserve that. No one with family deserves that.... The saga continues...

Dreams. We all have them. But how many of us actually get to live them.

About 10 years ago Clipperman had a dream. It was to own his own business. I remember the day he told me. I was sitting in his barber's chair at the shop he was working at " Slish i'm going to open my own shop" I responded " Your crazy. You don't have the dough to pull that off" he didn't respond to my statement he just kept cutting my hair. A month later he asked me to take a drive with him about a few blocks away from the shop he was working at. We get to this store front. He takes me into this space, it had chairs, couches to sit on, & televisions "THIS DUDE WENT AND GOT HIS OWN SHOP!!!!! I was impressed a little jealous but mostly impressed. Clipperman had went and done what nobody thought he could. And he' s been doing it now for ten years.


Recently well actually yesterday. Clippermans business was put into jeopardy by a an employee who has no dreams of his own , just contempt for the man who has given him a chance to make a living and feed his family. This was the scenario . All employees in Clippermans shop pay him rent on a weekly basis. This cat was waaaaaaay behind. Clipperman tried to reason with him. But you know how NIGGAS!!! can be his response" F@#^&k you F@#$K this shop". Clipperman decides right then and there this guy has got to go and tells him to pack his shit and leave. The employee leaves but comes back a couple of hours later and has the nerve to start cutting hair. Clipperman calls me since I was too lazy to go to work yesterday and says " Slish i'm about to fire this cat but i'm not sure whats gonna go down. Can you come through." I'm thinking shit I don't know what i'll be able to do that employee is like 6 '1 or 6'2 if a fight breaks out all I can hit are his knee caps. I say " I'll be there in 5 minutes" To make a long story short cause this is a very long story we ended up calling the police and having this unruly barber removed from the premises. Last thing he said to Clipperman in HOOD terminology was " Your gonna get touched. I'll see to it and i'll get away with it." I say" My man don't do anything stupid" Barber says" "Too late for that now" and drives off I looked at Clipperman & I mean really looked . For the first time his spirit had been broken. To him his dream had come to an end right then and there. Clipperman says to me " Slish I ain't built for this shit. I have to die in order to make a living its not worth it. F&%K IT !!!! I'm DONE!!!!!! They can have it." He gets in his van and drives off.

I sat in front of his shop and started to think to myself " Clipperman may be many things but he's no quitter he proved that to me 10 years ago when he opened his barber shop. As his friend I can't let him quit. Every year his shop stays open gives me the hope that one day i'll be able to do the same thing & own my own business. I realize then Clipperman is a pioneer and has given jobs to men that would probably be locked up or making minimum wage. I've always admired him for that. I may not tell him. But I do .


I won't let him quit. I just can't.

I leave my second part time job. Check my cell phone as usual & see a missed call from Corporate America. I return the call " Hey Bruh you called " Corporate responds" Yeeeah Doooog , just checking to see if you had a good time at the fight party on Saturday. I respond " Yeah it was cool " Good food, good company, free alcohol you can't beat that" Corporate says " Whats up with Dough Boy giving my friends his phone number" I respond " I don't know maybe we don't give him enough attention and he' s lonely" We both laugh then all of a sudden the convo gets twisted somehow and we get into this whole discussion about why he broke up with The Consultant.

Corporate says " I spoke with a few professional sistas and they said they found relationship bliss when they finally accepted their role. Meaning the man leads and the woman Follows. I respond " I agree but as men we should not verbalize it. Todays woman is not having it. They're not always open for that kind of relationship " Corporate responds" SLISH!!! Some things went down. I told her how I had my life set up and what I expected. She chose not to be a part of it. I tried to reconcile she declined" I respond "Besides her not being spiritually inclined what else went down." Corporate avoids my question and responds " At the end of the day her lack of spirituality was the deciding factor" The Slasher is awake now and responds " Spirituality?!? Question. You fornicate & get drunk do you not." Corporate responds" I struggle with that but it doesn't make me a bad christian. I'm generous and do good deeds " I respond " But that statement alone proves your not perfect either. If you wanted The Consultant to come into the fold. You first would have to lead her there by example" By fornicating with her regularly only proves that your only a Christian when its convenient" Oooooh he was mildly annoyed when I said that and said " Slish you have taken this whole conversation out of context " This mans head is so far up his ass I respond " You know what bruh maybe we just have to agree to disagree" Corporate responds " Theres nothing to disagree about your not making any sense" I respond " No bruh it just doesn't make sense to you" Corporate says" Good night Slish!!! I respond " Wha you mad" Corporate " No just don't feel like wasting my time with this conversation" he hangs up

I'm pissed now. Did this nigga just dismiss me. Then it comes to me. He and The Consultant must have had this saaaaame conversation.

GOOD FOR HER!!!!!!! lol....

My morning started out with placing a call to Good and Plenty. I needed him to mail Cd's to Lady Di. His job allows him to mail things out for free. Besides I hate going to the post office its the only place where the customer is always wrong. I dial his number. Good & Plenty picks up and says teasingly " Heeeey Slishy. What do you want. I respond " You leave for work yet?" Good & Plenty says " Yeah i'm almost there. Why? I say" I Needed you to mail something but never mind. Yo!!! What happened to you Saturday Night." Plenty responds " What are you talking about?" I say THE ROY JONES FIGHT!!!!! Plenty says " Oooooh thaaat. I respond " I think we need to change your name from Good & Plenty to I.D.K.I.G.Y . He responds " What the hell does that mean ? I respond " I DON'T KNOW IF I"M GOING YET!!!!! cause married life sucks for you. We both start laughing . He hangs up shortly after. I finish getting dressed and leave for work.


I'm at work now its about 10:00 am my cell phone is ringing. I look its Clipperman. What the hell could he want this early in the morning. I let it go to voicemail. Ten minutes later guilt slaps me in the face. I call him back. " Whats poppin" Clipperman responds " How young is too young " I say " What!?!" He responds " You don't like em young do you? I'm mildly annoyed now because I really don't have time for his kind of craziness today and say " Where are you!!!?? Clipperman " I'm at the Sprint store. There is this chick in here thats perfect for you, but she's too young." Curiosity gets the best of me " How young" Clipperman says " 22 or 23" I say" Naaaaw son thats too young, besides I have my hands full with Harlem nites and my new recruit Barneys, but she sounds perfect for you. Young dumb, won't ask alot of questions." Clipperman starts to laugh and responds " Naw i'm straight. You still messing with Harlem Nites?" I respond " Its like crack maaaaan it keeps calling me and calling me. I put that back out last night though" Clipperman says" NIGGA !! what I tell you about putting your back out on these chicks" I respond " There you go with that bullshit" He responds " Naw for real its harder to get rid of them when you make the sex too good. Shiiiit when I tell a chick its over. She's happy cause the sex was wack to her anyway. I'm saving all that good shit for my wife." I respond " You don't really do that do you? What about the women you want to keep around for a while. What do you do then ?" Clipperman gives me his usually response" I keep them on the phone Slish. I keep them on the phone. This is dude is demented, but he's my boy. I don't have a choice.

After being released from my 9 to 5 prison. I go home take a dump, put my clothes in the washing machine, change into comfortable Slish wear , and head to my third parttime job. On my way there I call my Big Brother. Today is his birthday. He picks up " Hey " I say Heeeey old man. 3 more years you'll be a half century old. Big Brother responds" Awww shut up you'll be there soon. I respond " But your already there, by the way I got you a gift it should be in the mail already. He responds sarcastically " Oh really what could that be" I yell into my cell phone " VIAGRA!!!!!!! and hang up before he could respond.

I get to work in about a 1/2 hour later. NO WORK!!! what do you mean NO WORK!!! had to make it look good. I really didn't care my ass wanted to go home anyway. I leave come back home put my wet clothes in the dryer and watch television until its time for pillow talk with some unsuspecting female. Barneys is my choice for the evening. Our conversations are getting better and better. Every other word out of her mouth is baby or sweetie. I find out later. The move I pulled on Friday night may have gotten me a coochie coupon.


Thank goodness for chapstick and breath mints

I woke up Saturday morning. T.V. blasting, glasses still on my face & drool on the side of my mouth. Its a miracle I got home safely just wish I could remember how that happened. I must be getting old, didn't know 3 drinks could send me into THE TWILIGHT ZONE.

Friday night I left my third hustle and headed towards Manhattan. On my way down I picked up Dough Boy & Bashment Gyal. We get to the Bar at 10:15 pm. I tell Bashy & Dough Boy to go on ahead . I needed to find a parking spot. 10:25pm I'm up in th spot I say whats up to the bouncer " Whats up Slish looong time no see where ya been?" I respond " Work, work & more work thats why I haven't been around. I work on Fridays now. How is the spot looking tonight" Bouncer responds" Niice crowd" I respond " Kewl" and walk upstairs to where the action is.

I'm looking around for familiar faces. I'll most likely have to wait until someone notices me. Why? I'm too vain to wear my glasses in a lounge, bar, or club. So I always walk around squinting until I bump into someone I know. Its stupid I know & through the years it has given people the impression that i'm stuck up. Which isn't the case at all the reason I don't say hello first is because I CAN'T SEE YOU!!!! My boy Hershey is the 1st person to greet me and says " Aiiiiight the party has just begun Slish is here. I respond " Stop that noise" Hershey says " Look at you " then pops my blazer collar
" Looking clean " I respond " Just trying to keep up with you. How you feeling anyway" Ds3 totaled his 2004 Envoy 3 months ago. The truck flipped on the FDR/ Hershey was in the car with him. He responds " I'm good . Just happy to be alive " I respond " I HEAR THAT!!!! then this little voice in my head interrupts our convo and says " Slish your thirsty you need to go the bar and find someone that will sponsor you. The thirty dollars in your pocket is for food and gas for the weekend " I excuse myself and slide on over to the bar.

My sofball buddies are gathered around the bar. What a stroke of luck. I'm sure one of these guys will hook me up with some devil juice. I say " Money Chuck hook me up" He responds " What ya drinking Slish" hmmm I start to think I can't ask for hennessy thats too expensive, won't ask for an Apple Martini he'll think i'm a sissy, & I can't drink beer because of this diet i'm on AAAGH I respond " I don't know. What ever you're drinking." Money Chuck says " Jack and Coke it is" AWWW HELL NO!!!! Last time I drank Jack Daniels I saw little white angels circling my head chanting " YOU BEEN KNOCKED THE F@#$%K OUT!!!! I respond " Chiiillllll never mind" I look to my left and see Bashy at the bar. She sees me. I give her a nod. 3 minutes later I'm sipping on an Apple Martini. Its always good to have a plan B

I'm nursing my Apple Martini and notice a slim honey complexion sister looking oh soo sexy. I squint my eyes a little. SHIT!!!! She's off limits. I hooked Coporate America up with her 7 months ago. It lasted about 3 weeks. Corporate's ego chased her away. What a waste . I would have taken a shot my damn self if it wasn't for the fact I dated her best friend Mocha a few years back. I gently tap her elbow . Honey says " Heeey Slish how ya doin" I respond " I'm good. Where's your friend" Honey responds " Where's yours" she's talking about Corporate . I respond " I don't know he said he was stopping by here. " Honey responds" Oh really he bringing his new girlfriend" I respond " No he f&#$@ked that up. He's flying solo again." She asks " What happened? I respond " You should be able to answer that question" Honey nods " I guess I was a bit too much for him. He seems to like obedient women. I respond " You see that , answered your own question"

I see Mocha's locks through the crowd. I reach & caress her arm. Mocha looks and says " Heeeeyy Sunshine" and gives me a warm hug and multiple kisses on my cheek. Damn she feels good. Had to remind myself that I am in public and need to keep my hands above her waist. I respond " Your're looking lovely as always. Hows that six pack coming along ? Mocha " I'm still working on it got a 2 pack now." since i'm an oppurtunist I say " Let me see" Mocha " Noooooo not heeeeere" judging from her response & the empty glass in her left hand i'd say SHE'S HAD A FEW!!!! I respond " Let me touch it" She agrees. I rub her flat stomach and start having flashes of porn star fantasies. I let go quickly. I sensed the The Slasher persona awakening. When he's up there's no stopping the madness. I give her another hug she gives me more soft kisses on my cheek and leaves the bar shortly after. I make a mental note. " Slish put Mocha on your to do list"

Its 1am. Time for me and Bashy to get going AND WHERE THE HELL IS DOUGH BOY!!!!! I haven't seen him all night. I go outside, check the bathrom, look in every dark corner of the bar. No sign of him. F@#$K it . He gets left. Bashy and I get to my car. I check my cell for missed calls . I see Dough Boys name. Okay this means he left a message stating that he bounced and went to Harlem to see his girl. That reminds me I need to head uptown quickly and catch Barneys before she heads back to queens. Off I go.

While i'm driving I notice i'm feeling reeeal woozy. The last drink I had just kicked in. Voice in my head is saying " Slish your not gonna make it give Bashy the steering wheel" What the voice doesn't know is that bashy can't drive. Well legally that is . When this happens to me which isn't often. My mind and body usually go into auto pilot. Meaning I'll get home but probably won't remember anything in between. Now Bashy is insisting I take her to Mcdonalds. DAMN!!! If she only knew how much i'm struggling right now. We go to at least 3. All of them CLOSED!!!!. Bashy is determined to stuff her face & will not be denied so she settles for KFC. My cell phone starts to ring while on the drive thru line. Bashy says " Bwoooy yuh hot. Cell phone just ringin off the hook" Its Barneys. I pick up " Hey" Barneys responds " Papi where are you? I have a plate of food ready for you" I respond " I'ma coming give me 20 minutes"


Bashy gets her food and I drop her off at her apt. Zoom Zoom Zoom the batmobile is off to see Barneys. She's in the bronx hanging out with her girls. One of those no men allowed get drunk pow wows. I get there in 5 minutes Flat. I call Barneys and tell her i'm down stairs. I pull up to the building. She's already outside waiting for me. Then something comes over me. All of sudden my swagger is different. Uh Oh!!!!! The Slasher has AWAKENED!!!! and taken over. I'm experiencing some out of body shit right now. I feel myself get out of the car . Papi Chulo mode is in full effect now. I walk up to Barneys, hug her, lift her off the curb so that she's directly in front of me, bend down and give her this " If you were not with your friends right now and I had my own place. I'd tear your little ass up" kind of kiss. She doesn' t resist and responds with opening her mouth even wider so that our tongues can salsa. When i'm done Barneys lets out this sigh and says " Oh my " I say " you been drinking" Barneys " Just a little" I say " Whats in the bag" Barneys starts rambling on about whats in the bag. I really didn't care. I just wanted to watch her lips move. About 30 seconds into the rambling The Slasher decided that he had heard enough. Takes his finger and places it on Barneys lips and says " Hush " and gives her another deep kiss " when its over I say my good byes, take the food, get in my car and drive off.

While i'm driving home I realize what had happened. The Slasher has just stepped my game up a notch.