No more after work jump off. Pockets couldn't take it anymore. I was spending 65$ weekly. My share of the dj expenses which comes out to hmmmm lets see 260 A MONTH!!!!!! HELL NAW!!!. Brotha trying to buy a house next year I need every penny. Let them find another slave.


So tonight I have a date with Lady Di. We're probably going to dinner and a movie. I'm dying to see Hustle and Flow. I want to know why these white movie critics are soooo excited about a movie where a pimp wants to be rapper. Whats so artistic about that. Don't they know that 70 % of young african american males aspire to be rappers, ballers, & make believe shot callers. Why do all the hood movies get the most recogniton. Whenever there's a movie made about educated successfull african americans ex THE BEST MAN,BROWN SUGA all of a sudden "OH THIS MOVIE WAS DRY LACKS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT.WE GIVE IT A THUMBS DOWN" Haters!!! I'm gonna make a movie. We'll call it SLASH A TITTY. Its about a pimp that witnesses a trick slash up one of his best hookers. Realizing that he will be losing a great deal of money he decides to go to med school and become a plastic surgeon. Betcha that shit gets nominated.

About an hour go. I was chatting with my homegirl Dancer . She's a trip. Telling me some shit about the last guy she dated had a little wee wee. Since the relationship was over rather prematurely. She didn't have to break out the toys. I'm thinking to myself" SHE HAS TOYS? I ask her " When you say toys meaning more than one and with batteries? Dancer says " Yeah, I need to get the batteries charged cause I'm tired of these weak ass negroes". Curiosity kicking me in the ass now I ask " Sooooo Dancer how often do you use this equiptment" she says " Twice a week" I'm holding back the chuckles and say " Why only twice a week " Dancer responds "SHIT NIGGA IF I DID IT EVERYDAY I WOULDN'T LEAVE MY HOUSE!!!! BITCH GOTTA EAT!!! Thats my girl. Always keeping it real.


Be back tommorrow not much going on right now. Still at work.

True Love. How many of us search for it, find it, then lose it, then think you've found it but the other party is still looking for it so they exit with no warning. Leaving you a little older, alone, bitter, & thinking f$%k it I can be miserable by myself anyway. Unfortunately this is about 75 % of the population. Another known fact. I'm one of the 75 %. Nevertheless my search still continues

Wednesday I had lunch with Mega Body like I promised . We got together at 1pm well actually it was more like 1:15 her ass was late. Strike one in my book. One of my pet peeves is lateness. Anyway I say nothing when she arrives & off we go to my favorite cocunut hut located on 222nd street. We get there. Its closed. SHIT!!! I look to my left there is a sign on the door that says. NEW STORE HOURS WED 12Noon until. Food served after 12noon. Now we all know its way after 12noon. But my country men(Jamaicans) Like to run things on their own schedule. I can imagine the owner now " Bwoy Maxine gimme de wuk last nite. Lawd mi tired nah get up fi nuh ras store people dem can wait" Laymans terms " I got me some good pussy my ass is tired F%$K that store". Lucky for us Wendy's was down the block. We go there instead.


We're in Wendy's now. Mind you THIS CHICK been on her cell phone chatting it up with her girlfriend since we got in my car. I didn't bring her along so I could talk to myself. That was strike two. Since she was speaking so loudly and I'm naturally inquisitive I start listening to her conversation. Turns out her brother just had a baby with some side chick he was messing around with behind his girlfriend's back. Now Mega Body & her friend believe that the girlfriend deserved it Why? something about her not appreciating him. Which in my book was no excuse for him to go and stick his dick in cement. He Stuck for the rest of his life now. Slish rule number one if your not happy in a relationship you either try to figure out why and correct it or keep it moving. If you stay the 3 evil cousins come to live with you RESENTMENT, MISERY & CONTEMPT.

We get our food and sit down. Our Convo is mostly about relationships and why its so hard to maintain them. I give her my clinical response " Relationships are hard because men & women don't communicate their needs to one another. Mega Body gives me a that was so profound look. I think to myself " Oooooh this is going to be soooo easy " I ask about her man she studders and states she is in a situation. Translation " His time is up and she is looking for a replacement. " Do I want the gig? Problably not, but I wouldn't mind going for an interview. We finish our food and head back to the job. Before we part ways Mega Body says " Slish next time my treat" I think to myself might be hope for her after all.


Its thursday morning now . I'm sitting at my desk thinking " DO I HAVE TO DO THIS TILL I'M SIXTY FIVE!!!!!!! then my phone rings. Its Lady Di " Good Morning Mr.Slish" I say "Good morning emperess how may I serve you" she laughs and asks " Slish are you homophobic" What the f$%&K!!!!! where is this coming from? I say " No. I'm Homo aware" Lady Di says " Homo Aware? what does that mean? I say " It means I am aware that they are alllllll around me. She laughs. Later on in the conversation Lady Di states she thinks I like her more than I let on and starts to break down my personality . She's on point with a lot of things. That reminds me I need to check my apt for spy equiptment . After that conversaton I decide to myself I need to start spending more time with Lady Di. She might be the key to my future.

Cinnamon Cinnamon Cinnamon don't judge me too quickly you don't know the relationship between Brown Suga & Mr Slish, but I will take your comments under advisement.

Thats right Ya'll I got knocked the f#$&K out. Unanimous decision. The cut above my left eye still hasn't healed properly. Now you may be asking yourselves why did I say such terrible things to bring Brown Suga to that point of no return. Well. You guys ever hear of a disease called Potty Mouth. Ya know the disease where the words come out faster than your thoughts can catch them. Its one of my biggest personality flaws. I've gone to therapy, read self help books, literally bite my tongue & still nothing works. Think I might need medication.

Will Brown Suga ever talk to me again? Most likely, its not the first time she's given me a verbal beat down.


So Yesterday I was walking to the deli located on my hospitals campus. As I'm walking toward the entrance I see these bow legged caramel toned legs. I get closer DAMN!!!! I AM NOT SAFE IN THIS CITY!!!!!! I know this woman. Her name. Mega Body. I met Mega Body my first year at the job we used to take the bus together couldn't make any moves at the time. I was still involved with The Bugger.

Mega Body says" Whats up Slish" I say " Nothing. Hot as hell out here. You eating lunch? she responds " Yeah why don't you join me" Damn DAMN DAMN!!!!! I told my coworker I would bring her a salad. I respond" Can't gotta bring back a salad to my coworker" Mega Body says " See I can't mess with you. Yesterday you dissed me and couldn't have lunch talking about you going to the tenth floor to take care of something" I'm thinking to myself " I did have something important to do. Lady Di and I had a standing engagement to play a game of Tongue Twister . I say " Tommorrow definitely I'll take you too my little Jamaican spot on the corner. She says" Cool see you tommorrow you better not diss me" We part ways.


I get to work this morning. Still a little woozy from the Thrilla in Manilla. But I manage to get myself organized. Around 10 am I decide to take a break and call Lady Di. Our conversation is an interesting one. Seems like Lady Di has figured me out and is not afraid. Go Figure....

I would finish this story but its past my bedtime....

The Beatdown

I'm back. Its been a rough 5 days. Well not really just figured I would come up with an excuse for not posting anything new.

Yesterday I get an email from Brown Suga this is what it said " Hi Babe,
Got your message but was in the middle of crazy work. My brother was out again this weekend to help me with the final repairs/installation and we were on a mission to finish. I actually got to bed at 1:30am. Half asleep right now. This weather doesn't help. All that's left to be done now is some sewing (curtains), a little decorating (putting out/hanging my pictures that were never unwrapped), etc.

How was your weekend?

I respond " Hey sweet heart...I was just checking on you...repairs and installation of what....

She responds "we shopped (got my audio cabinet, triangle stand for behind the love seat, 2 lamps, chairs for the backyard); we installed curtain rods, hanging plant holders, (hammock, but returned that); replaced 2 empty spots in the bathroom wall (where I removed the cup/toothbrush ceramic holders) w/new tiles; worked on the yard (planted flowers, raked up the dead pine cones that were stopping the new grass seeds that I had planted months ago from growing, cut, reseeded & fertilized the lawn). Organized and cleaned up the basement; layed down new speaker wires; stapled telephone, cable and speaker wires down; etc. etc.

How was your weekend?

Now this is when keeping it real can go horribly wrong.

I respond with "Whoa...Now i'm glad i'm not yo man..thats a lot of work... I don't think I want a house....I'll stick with a real nice condo..dayum...my weekend was the same as always work sleep and work "

She responds "Smart azz, we know U afraid of hard work/exercise, - man position is applicable, you won't pass the physical though, lol.

Now i'm thinking that was some fasty shit so I respond " Thats right..Thats why I have to make a lot of money...hire someone to do stuff like that...lol...as for the physical I already passed that...

Brown suga responds " Yes, U better get rich or stick to building living, I think house ownership would frustrate and kill U. As for paying someone else to do it, you better be rich, rich so you can either (a) stay home days and supervise, (b) hire a foreman to watch your workmen, or (c) get yourself a wife to order them around and spend the loot on upgrades. Either way, your pockets gonna feel it, lol. As for passing the physical, you forfeited that test. You do pass the juk test with flying colors though. Too bad its only 20% of your overall grade.

Now that was a jab. I return with a combination and respond " Yuh backside..yuh fasty bad....My pockets ain't gone feel shit I'm more resourceful than you could ever imagine....and I can't forfeit a test I was never asked to take.. besides the juk test is waaaay more than 20 % of my grade and don't front...cause if the jooking wasn't good I would never have been asked to come back for a second interview or take a physical exam.... Holla back youngin we could do this allll day...lol

SCOOOORE SCORE!!!!!! NOT!!!! she responds " you wanna go there, huh? all day....

You're right, you're mad resourceful - you barter better than most, its as if U really was born and raised in the Caribbean. But no amount of bartering, exchange of favors etc. works for long for homeowners, sooner or later all dem favors will have been called in and peeps start to duck U. Plus, as a man, did U figure in the "he's a punk" whispers if U get everyone else fi carry your manual labor?

As for the forfeit, I forfeited U. U failed the verbal pop quiz miserably, so I didn't think there was any point giving U the actual test.

What, U been out of school so long you forget that testing is done on a point scale system? Grading is subjective. Summer school is short-term, only accounts for so much so a 20% grade there isn't the same as say - a 20% grade in grad school. Since you so proud of your pipe-laying ability and I'm trying to reform mi mean ways - I'll give U a grade of 90% for your performance in this interim class (summer) since you accomplished the only work required. In terms of your long-term education - grade point still stands at 20%, as your work shows U've excelled in only 1/5th of the required course load. You might need tutoring, or could it be that you've never been taught proper work/study and implementation habits? Either way....

Now that was an upper cut. She drew blood with that shit. I'm Big Daddy Slish I MUST RESPOND!!!!! here goes " First no one ever ducks Big Daddy & I don't care what people think..you should know that by now...

As for your verbal pop quiz & my work habits ...when ever I start a new job. I never know if I'm going to like it..so I under achieve until I figure out if I want to keep the position......so you'll never know what my true potential could have been

Yeah Yeah take that take that. Suga responds" Bad way to do business, start a relationship etc. Makes the consumer think the product is either defective or the value isn't worth the $ or the effort so its already depreciating and its expected to never reach its potential, essentially short-term trash or cheap goods to be used up and discarded.

I didn't understand what she said but I know she dissed me. I come back with "You're using a poor analogy all those big words stuck up in your brain you can't even stay on the same page..too smart for your own good

When I decide to leave a position or get fired whichever comes first..both parties don't feel bad cause expectations were low anyway.

Just when I thought it was over and BANG!!!! over hand right to the temple Her Response " Getting frustrated? A sure sign is the slinging of insults. I'm not gonna get down on your level, I'm not gonna get "mean". The system obviously works for U, so do keep using it. The thing is, since U never give your all, the seeker will easily peg U in a certain category and keep U there. They won't be too inclined to move you out of the pigeonhole they've already have U in because they don't think U have the potential to do/give more. Since most relationships start out all shiny, untarnished, everyone on they're best behavior, people bending over backwards to please, etc.; it slacks off with time (ever heard of "familiarity breeds contempt"? - that's when you're comfortable enough to fart/belch around them, start pissin' all over the toilet seat, women start getting plump, etc.) why would anyone assume that "its gonna get better" over the beginning's poor, average or mediocre? Expectations that are "low", might also spell "none".

BROWN SUGA HAS KNOCKED SLISH DOWN !!!!!! I stagger to get up & grab the rope and respond with " Is that how you really feel about me?

BANG!!!!! another over hand right to the other side of my head She responds with " The gloves come off right now. Forget being nice.

You're amazing U know that? I suggest you start to actually think about what U say and to whom, the impression U give... Start thinking about what you have to offer... Better yet, reverse the situation and put yourself in my shoes.

You forget I know U. I knew U when U had some things going on, the illusion of something to offer. You done gone and given your best to a "girl child" now you wanna turn around and bring me, a successful grown woman, your "dregs and left"? U must think I'm desperate. U must think I'm ugly, poor, stupid, on drugs or crazy. U must think that I NEED or WANT what you've got. Don't ever forget that ego and stupidity are the quickest way to kill desire.

I think you've been feeding your alter ego for so long, its done clouded your brain. Or maybe Big Daddy Slish has U thinking he can get anyone he's slayed cause he's just that impressive. I think you need to fire Big Daddy, obviously he's not as good a "Chief Operating Officer" as you think. He's mismanaging your "press", he's the worse mouthpiece and is definitely leading your company to the point of no return. Your company definitely needs a reorganization, you might think of replacing him with Mr. Brain or Mr. Heart.

I'm down again. DIZZY AS F&$%K NOW!!!!!!! HOW DO I RESPOND TO THAT!!!! Brown suga has obviously been harboring these feelings for quite some time. I'm about to call Spike Lee for copy write infringment "CAUSE SHE HATE ME"

I get up. Brush my shoulders off fix my jaw and throw in the towel and respond with "That was mean I mean really mean...felt like a slap...I'm sorry and I won't be bothering you anymore.

I'm humming Michael Jackson's "She's out of my life " now.

Today I seemed to be obsessed with Breasts. Everywhere I turned I saw some perky titties. We had a fire drill at the office and all I could think about as i'm walking down the steps is allllll the titties I'm about to see. I'm sick, I know it , & i'm not ashamed.

After the fire drill was over I went back into my office and noticed my cell phone had 3 missed calls Soulmate, Lady Di, & Dough boy. I call Soulmate first she picks up I say " "What a gwan sexy " Thats Jamaican for "Watcha doin hot mama" Soulmate giggles & says " Nothing what are you up to. " I Say " Ooooh nothing really just trying to figure out a way to steal you away from Dr Dolittle" She laughs even harder. I think to myself "That shit wasn't that funny". She replies in this sweet warm voice " What am I gonna do with you." I reply "Thats what my mama keeps telling me " anyway we spend about a 1/2 hour trying to figure out who broke up with whom. I tell her she broke up with me she says no thats not true. Oh so if thats not true technically we're still together and your CHEATING ON ME WITH THAT MEDIC!!!!!! I tell her Dolittle's days are numbered & we say our goodbyes.

I call Lady Di. She picks up " Hello Mr Slish" I say "thats Big Daddy to you" . Lady Di responds " How many times do I have to tell you I am not calling you Big Daddy. I say " They all resist at first" She laughs and tells me how terrible her trip to mexico was & that the tallest person she saw was 5'6. I think to myself "That means all the players on the mexican olympic basketball team are either ringers or on steroids". We make plans for this weekend and say our good byes.

I leave work and head to Stamford Connecticut. I have a meeting with my new boss YES MAN!!!! I have picked up a fourth part time job. Why do I do this? 1. I never finished college(my mother just forgave me) 2. My full time job pays just a little more than Mcdonalds & 3. My jet set lifestyle requires fuel. The deal is made. She agrees to pay me a small fortune I agree to spend every penny. I leave and head to White Plains for some important business.


I'm in front of the thirsty turtle now. My cell phone rings. Its Fondu one of my childhood buddies . I pick up and say "I can't believe it" He disregards my comment and says " Slish whats up with Phantoms bachelor party." I say " Funny you should ask me that i'm in front of the bar right now about to go inside and book their private lounge" He says" Cool make sure when you book the scrippers at least two of them have to eat each other out" I pull the phone away from my ear " This nigga watches more porn than I do" I respond " Aight I'll see what I can do" I hang up go inside and book the lounge.

I'm on my way to my parents house now. My cell phone rings again its MT3. Please whatever higher power is out there PLEASE TAKE THIS TEMPTATION AWAY FROM ME!!!!! I pick up. "Hey Slish where you at" I respond " White Plains " She says " White Plains road ?" I say " No didn't you get the memo? I'm bougie White Plains New York. She laughs " So what can I do for you" She says " Nothing just calling to see whats poppin tonight. " I tell her a few places. She asks if I want to cum I tell her stop teasing OH ! you mean come with you. I decline. But the beast in me me says " Maybe we can play tomorrow . " She declines her hubby is coming back from the bahamas tomorrow. I say let me call you back

I get to my parents. I see my sister's car veeerrry unusual. Some thoughts go through my head but good common sense and a fear of the unknown urge me to mind my own business. I say hello to Pops and go into my Mama's room shes watching a dvd " Hi ma " This woman can't turn her head away from the television and says " Shhhh I don't want to miss anything. YOU CRAZY JAMAICAN COCONUT PRESS THE PAUSE BUTTON!!!. She gives me that boooooy if you touch that remote control its on look. Good common sense and the fear of the unknown urges me to keep quiet and let the movie finish.


Dvd is over now. I have her attention. I ask what my sister is doing here. "Oh she's just visiting" My mother is a terrible liar. I change the subject. We chit chat a bit then she takes a look at me and says " You look You look " I say "Sexy? she says "Yeeeah. Now why is it you don't have a girlfriend" Here we go thats my cue to leave. I go upstairs little sis's door is closed I get ready to knock, chicken out and decide to go and play with my nephew. I walk over to the den. My nephew doesn't hear me coming then I notice he's talking to the t.v. and to himself . Ya know what. I'll take my chances with little sis. I knock on the door " Come in" I open the door " Hey watcha doin " she's resting in bed and says " Nothing just watching t.v." My Slish sense starts to tingle but my commen sense says " MIND YO BUSINESS SLISH!!! She'll talk when she's ready and you'll listen with both ears "


Love ya sis.

So I'm feeling kinda self destructive today and decide to send CNN( My Blind date) my blog info. My email says "Hey how ya been, everything is everything over here. I came across this guys blog. He's hilarious been sending it to all my friends you should check it out slishslash.blogspot.com" I get her response " Hey how ya been. Glad to see all is well with you . I'm doing well I'll check out the blog" Sometime after 3pm I get another email from CNN this it what it says " wow, don't really know what to say except, never meant to cause no hurt...good luck with your pursuits. " Brrrrrrrrrr Ya'll feel that cold chill in the air. Glad I missed that bullet we probably would have had devil children.


Now I tell you guys these stories cause its a release for me. I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me. Its just that I can't sit down and tell my boys about half the shit that goes on with me. They would have jokes for days . Lucky for me most of them don't read.

Tonight I was at my second job and my white female co worker says to me " Hey Slish you better not be leaving here early so that you can go hook up with one of your Fly Bys. " I say "What the hell is a Fly By " she says " Isn't that what you call your little rendevous " Then it hits me and I start laughing " You mean Jump off"
Why do white people always try and act hip by attempting to learn our slang JUST STAY WHITE DAMMIT !!!!! Eminem is enough.


Not much happened to me today. So I figured I would come up with 5 things People think about but never do or say out loud

1. You see your supervisor come out the bathroom. You go in after them. Its smells like they just shit out a dead rat. Don't you feel like yelling " You Nasty Mutherf%&#$ker couldn't you have waited till you got home."

2. Yo boy or homegirl call you at home and says " Your Home ?" No Nigga I'm waiting outside your door step so I can smack you for saying some dumb shit like that.


3. A woman tells you "Your not my type" Thats okay cause i'm yo mama's type. Says so on her right butt cheek.


4. Fat girl ask you to dance in the club. Don't you feel like saying "Why you asking me? I saw a brotha bout your size sit down and break a stool at the bar. Why not ask him "


5. Your boy tells you "Slish You need to stop pushing things ahead and focus on becoming the best person YOU can be. When the time is right, you will find that special L.A.D.Y. (Love, Admiration, Devotion, and the YIN to your YANG)Put GOD first bruh, everything else is his planning. NIGGA DON'T YOU HAVE FOUR BABY MAMAS...LOL... and when did you start going to church.


I'm out...

I've been checking out some other blogs. White people are straaaaange. One guy has a blog where all he does is show video's of himself dancing to New Kids On The Block songs. He's terrible , He knows it, & has no shame. Maybe I should show video's of my hairy ass. It looks terrible, I know it & I have no shame.


I take pride in my understanding of the opposite sex. I've always been able to anticipate their wants, needs, & desires. Why I am still single then ? Well. I never said I understood myself. Without knowledge of self its hard to maintain relationships.

Now my knowledge of the opposite sex was not some innate ability I developed over the years. It was taught to me by my best friend. The Phantom. His super power. The ability to see you without you seeing him.

My training began in the summer of 1993. We both shared an apt in the Bronx. His rule was " Slish while your living here with me your going to have to check that nice guy shit at the door" " I'm not used to finishing last " So my training began. It started with simple stuff like

1. Never call a woman the day after you get her number shows desperation.

2. Don't do too much extra shit to early ex Flowers, candy, plays. WHY? When you f#$%K up you would have already run out of tricks to make up for it .

3. Always tell the truth Why ? So when shit hits the fan she can't call you a liar.

4. Leave all incriminating evidence out in the open. Women never look for the obvious.

5. Never ever ever ever ever Lie on your dick. Its bad Karma. Can cause impotence.


With this new found knowledge Mr Slish was born. Now there were a few hit & misses at first but I was a quick study . I made my teacher proud. Before you knew it we became legends amongst our peers . Our Motto " Nuh Bwoy Test Me Nuh Pussy Brush Gainst Mi" Lay man's terms " We don't take no shit and a strangers lady is not safe in our company".


Over the years this system was modified and I took it upon myself to take on a few pupils. One of them I am very proud of is Boogie Baby. I met Boogie Baby in 98 he was a local Dj in need of some business cards. I referred him to one of my boys. Thats how our friendship began. During our interaction I thought to myself this is one cool brotha. Dependable, Loyal, always in a good mood. I must know at least one sista he could get with. So I started bringing him to my usual haunts. To my surprise the fishy's were not biting. Consensus. " Yo Boy has no flavor " Thats when I heard The Phantoms voice " You must train him Slish. The force is strong in this one " Boogie Baby's training began shortly after.


It was tough at first. Since he was a dj he had this strong hip hop personality. Nikey's top ten, Phat Farm & Sean John. Nothing wrong with those labels but if you want to stand out from the rest. You can't wear someone elses name on your chest. A couple of trips to Banana Republic, Armani Exchange & Kenneth Cole. Boogie baby was a new man and the ladies noticed ( Well just the ones that didn't know him before the make over).


A few years go by Boogie baby is no longer a Dj. He traded his turntables in for a laptop. Thats right he evolved into a computer engineer.( Microsoft certified). Making good money and living in a condo in money earnin Mt. Vernon. Around 2004 at my movie shoot. ( Don't ask thats another story) Boogie baby is introduced to this Vanilla sista. A show stopper at that. Personally I didn't think he had a chance. But with my training and guidance. He pulled off the biggest upset of 2004 . Clipperman didn't even see it coming. He was also in heavy pursuit of this prize.

The relationship started out hot and heavy. Already Boogie Baby broke rule number two of the Phantom Commandments. Why? Pretty face, nice body can cause brain damage. 6 Months in he's in love & Show Stopper loved him back. But when an average guy dates a pretty woman. His mind can play tricks on him. All of a sudden every guy she knows is a threat, A night out with her girls is unacceptable, & your boys become a distant memory cause you spend most of your time with her making sure no one else can steal your prize. Big Mistake . Recipe for Disaster.


To make a long story short. They broke up about 3 months ago. I haven't heard from my boy since. Probably blames me for it. I've reached out to him several times he doesn't return my calls. If your reading this brah.. Call me . Don't want to lose you as a friend. Lifes too short.

I'm at the third hustle now. Listening to some smooth vibes courtesy of honeysoul.com. Check this site out . Its an alternative to the crap they play on the radio.

Now lets get down to business. Yesterday I get an email from my childhood friend. We'll call him The Banker. This is what the email says " Hey slacker. You still hosting your after work party". I respond " Yes Sir. But we don't allow losers in till midnite and I know thats past your bedtime". He doesn't respond. So I give him a call "eh rude bwoy" , Banker is Laughing and says " I'll call you right back" I hang up. Ten minutes goes by my office phone rings. I pick up. Voice says " Can I speak to Mr. Bean" thats what they called me when I was a kid. Don't ask why. I respond with a laugh cause nobody has called me that in a minute. We trade insults for a while(more of that so called male bonding.) and get on the topic of marriage & why the both of us can't seem to take that eternal plunge. Banker says he's waiting on me but was informed by my lil cuzin that I am a whore and will probably never sit still long enough to find a wife and that he better come up with a new plan. Lil cuz if your reading this. I'm going to make the Dj play salsa & reggaeton at your wedding.

So throughout the day I've been getting various phone calls and emails about my after work jump off. Mostly from women. I think to myself I better have some dudes there just in case. But my only single friend right about now is Mr.Venom and he's going out of town. I dig deep into my cell phone. Ahhh! A NAME!!!! I call. He picks up . I say " Yo Mongrilus what you doin tonight" He says" I was just about to call you about that very thing. But I'm broke ain't got no drink money. You gonna sponsor me". I say " I guess you can be my bitch for the night. I'll pick you up at six"

I leave work, get the batmobile washed, pick up water for my auntie and change into my costume for the evening. I pick up Mongrilus about 6:30 pm he happens to be hanging out with my cousin Black Kid. We bring him along for the comedy. On the way down I get a phone call from my boy Good&Plenty. He starts telling me how one of our boys(no longer mine) has detroyed another frienship over his philandering ways. I'm not surprised and I think to myself this finally validates me saving Churchmouse from him 3 years ago.

We get to the my afterwork jumpoff around 7:15 pm. Mongy, Black Kid, & myself walk in like the quasi celebrities that we are. I say whats up to the bouncer and we head upstairs to where the action is. " Bwoy Slish nuff gyal inna da place here tonight " Black Kid says. Mongrilus says " Nice spot Slish I can bring my ladies here on the low ". Ds3 greets all three of us. He gives Mongy the warmest greeting since he hasn't seen him in a while. Then this dude bumps me. I'm like "what the f$%$k. Niggas is drunk already". I look its the Banker. He already has two chocolate sista's engaged in converation. Introductions are made. They're not really my type so I ask the fellas what their drinking & head over to my friendly neighborhood bartender. " Let me get a Raspberry Stoli Kamikaze(me), Apple Martini( The Banker) & two Guiness Stouts on tap(Mongy & Black Kid).

I'm taking inventory now. Black Kid is right they are a lot of sistas here tonight. Then I spot a light skinned beauty by the bar sitting with her girlfriend. I walk over and say hello. " She says "High". I ask"How did you here about this place" she says " The internet " I say"Oh really what site". she says " Citysearch" . Turns out she's 22 just moved to nyc from Tennesee. Her boyfriend is a rookie for the Dallas Cowboys. I say to myself DAMMIT!!! I should have been more serious about sports back in high school. She leaves and I spot my next target coming out of the ladies room. I open with " Damn girl you get stuck on the toilet?. You were in there for a while " she laughs and says " You know I had to get my lipstick right" I say "Is that so. Let me inspect those lips .Pucker up " To my surprise she does just that. The game is a foot now. I bring Black Kid over so he can keep her girlfriend busy while I get my mac on. Convo starts. Half way through I discover she just got engaged. Man!!!!! I order another Rasberry Stoli Kamikaze eat my burger and decide let me quit while i'm behind.

Black Kid is still chatting up the engaged chick and her girlfriend. I ask them if they want a table since they've been standing up for a while. They say "yeah". I head over to the lounge section and spot an empty table next to 2 Sista's. I ask them " Is anyone sitting here " One of them says " yeah you are, by the way don't I know you" I'm like is she trying to use one of my own lines on me. Then she says " You went to high school in New rochelle , but your from the bronx " twilight zone moment " Your name is Slish " I AM NOT SAFE IN THIS CITY!!!!!!! " I say How you doing. What high school did you go to?" she says " Ursuline. We rode the bus to the bronx together. It comes back to me she used to where glasses and had really long hair. That explains why I didn't recognize her. I look over to my right to see who she's with. GODDAMN !!!! I don't recognize her but I notice that she's beautiful. Caramel complexion, stylish, perfect face. I say to myself "this gal has to be involved" I look down at her fingers . No ball & chain ornaments. I decide "Let me chill since my luck hasn't been that great with women that are my type"

I'm back at the bar now. I tell the Banker what I just saw. He decides he wants to see for himself and walks over to the lounge area. I follow. We start chatting up the ladies. The banker takes a liking to the sista who recognizes me and takes her to the dance floor to get his groove on. That leaves me with Phat.(Pretty Hot And Tempting) . I sit down and start with the interrogation. She's from the north east section of the bronx, owns a home in jersey and is looking to purchase another. "Cha ching" Is what i'm thinking. We get on the topic of my hobbies. I tell her about my blog and me possibly writing a book, " "So your a writer" she says I say " Uh Yeah. Would you like to read what i've written so far" " she says yes and I give her my blog web address.

The banker brings her friend back to the table. She tells me the Banker asked for her W2 and phone number. That is one silly negro. I say " Why? What the hell do you do for a living "? "I'm a doctor" she says. Correction that is one silly gold digging negro. So I ask the Doc if her friend Nurse Betty has a boyfriend. She says no. I look at Nurse Betty and ask " You ever been to a Tapas restaurant"


Stay tuned its not over....

I'm feeling kind of sleepy as i'm driving home. My cell phone rings its Grantlove.
" Whaddup nigga you check my blog . I attached a hot old school playlist on it. " I'm like " he started his blog after mine and already he has music, pics, all kinds of nifty shit. I can't even figure out how to put titles on my entries. Anyway. We start with the insults first. Then gradually work our way to his family life. I've never seen or heard him this happy . I guess being married to a good woman and a new baby on the way can make a brotha coo coo for cocoa puffs. Now this isn't Grants first kid . You would think it was the way he's been acting. But I can understand his excitement . He's finally going to get the chance to raise his baby boy with the woman who found the missing pieces to his puzzle and finally put them in the right places.


I say my good byes to GrantLove and decide to call my cousin Philly Live. Phone is ringing "Yoooooo". says Philly Live, I say " Whats cracking. You still pretending to be a loser" he says "Naw shit is okay this week. I say " How the ladies treating you. Philly says "I got whoole bunch of numbers but no potentials. I say " You sure we don't live in the same city " He starts to laugh .


Now Philly Live and myself are a lot a like we're both single men living in a big city but fail to realize the dating game has changed & refuse to except it. So once a month we call each and compare stories. The latest one is how he got rid of his 2001 or 2002 acura TL and replaced it with an early 90's maxima. Why ? To save money . What Philly didn't realize was having a hoopty and living with yo mama does not raise your romantic value meter. You know the rules Fellas. If you live with your mama you have to have a nice whip. If you don't have a nice car you better have your own place. I tell him " Good Luck trying to get grade A cho cha now". He claims this is all part of the plan. Apparently Philly has given up on the first round picks and has decided to pick from the bench. Why? There always eager to play and appreciate the game a whole lot more. I think to myself that little metaphor makes a whole lot of sense. "Find me a woman thats compatible with me first. Looks. Not important. Then I think to myself again. "Slish can she at least have a fat ass."

The saga continues....

You ever get the feeling that time is running out. Everyone around you seems to be moving ahead with their lives and you feel like your still in the slow lane. Now I try not to let it get to me . But Dammit !!!! I'm human. Shit still affects me.

Just last week an ex girlfriend told me she was engaged after a year of us not being together. Another ex girlfriend moved to Paris to be with her boyfriend mind you while she was here in the States and involved with him we still had relations (I feel soo used). Now here is the one that nearly drove me to my friendly neighborhood bartender. I have this friend School Teacher who up and decides to move to Barbados in January o5. Before leaving she expressed her feelings for me & thought they should be explored. Caught off guard by this. I reacted with the typical " We're friends if it doesn't work out we'll lose the friendship. Well. I got an email last week announcing her engagment to some cat she just met while in Paradise. Her wedding Day. July 10th 2005 this past Sunday.


This info causes some self doubt "Am I that easy to replace ?", Then my mind starts playing tricks on me " Naw Slish those guys are there by default if you had stepped up they wouldn't be in the picture" then I laugh to myself " You know that shit isn't true be happy for them and keep it movin. Its just not your time."


Now Two lessons have been learned here today . One of them is to stop treating women like pitstops. The second. Learn to get out of my own way and let love find me.


Nite..

Bashment Gyal and Mr Venom sure have a lot to say about my love life. Funny thing they can't seem to figure out their own. Ya see Bashy and Venom started to date about 2 months ago. Since Venom is not really Bashy's type( Tall, Dark Skinned, Athletic , Preferably Bald Headed.) She had some adjusting to do.

Things were going pretty well in the beginning. They would go out every other night. Ice cream, movies, Wendy's etc etc etc. Then the inevitable happens. No need for me to say what that is cause we're all grown.

All of sudden Mr Venom is skipping and Bashy starts backsliding. Why ? Could be a number of things. Or just one thing. Fear. Fear of being happy, fear that Mr Venom might let her down, or fear of being alone if things don't work out. So tell me people what eventually happens when fear consumes you? You run, and find a comfortable place to hide. Which is exactly what Bashy did.

Now my beef with Mr Venom is that he gave up on Bashy a little to easy. She wanted out & he opened the door without getting in the way just a little. Now Venom I know you like bashy more than you say you do. Cause when she called ya this weekend yo ass went running. Now all i'm saying Venom if ya like the girl fight for her. Bashy if ya like the bwoy. Open the Cracker Jack Box again and see if there is another kind of surprise.


Now both of you go and feel each other up....


Back to me . I'm sitting at my desk today and I get a text message on my cell phone. This is what it said " A Good Friend is Like a Condom. They Protect U When Things Get Hard. U R My Condom ! " I'm like who the hell is this & why am I turned on right now". I scroll down to see who sent it . I look and its MT3!!!!!! Maaan!!!! I am not safe in this city !!!!!

I'm going to bed.

My weekend was full of losses. Lost money on Friday, lost the softball game on Saturday & nearly lost my mind on Sunday trying to figure out WHY THE HELL DO I KEEP ENDING UP AT HARLEM NITES APT!!!

Most of my life i've struggled with the flesh. I smell it or even see it & i'm stuck in a bad relationship for at least six months. Break up with a gal. Start missing the flesh. Go back for a quick fix. Stuck for another six months. I'm a weak, shallow, pitiful excuse of a man . Fortunately for me I'm not the only brotha that suffers from this illness. Thats right. They are more of us out there . FEA(Flesh Eaters Anonymous)

Now I bet you guys are wondering if i've spoken to Hot Mama after that nose dive of a night. The answer is. Yeah. She actually called me . Wanted to know if I was feeling okay. Awwwww wasn't that tweet NOT!!!!!! Why couldn't she have said " I know your packing Big Daddy Slish. I could have paid more attention to your needs instead of my own. Lets say we get together this Saturday and try this all over again." But reality bites me in the ass as usual." She says " Maybe its for the best and we just stick to public displays of affection. Lay man's terms FRIENDS THAT DON'T F@#%K !!!!!

So I called that woman I met on Friday night. Conversation was kinda cool. I proposed a meeting of the minds amongst other things. She somewhat accepted. Since her situation is very very complicated. I put the ball in her court. SIKE!!!!! if I did that we'd never go out. I will be calling her tommorrow. Cause thats what stalkers do.


Took Church Mouse to a BBQ and then to the movies yesterday. It was nice to hang out with a woman without the pressure. Should I kiss her, does she like me, do I like her, should I call her tommorrow. With Church Mouse its always been so cool. I've taken her to weddings & social gatherings. She's like the perfect date . She can mingle with the best of em. Why doesn't she have a man ? I dunno. But if I had the power. That would change.

Gotta Go Def Poets is on

Saturday morning. Sun is shining, birds chirping and once again i'm laying next to Harlem Nites. This is becoming a problem. The more visits I make. The harder it will be to distance myself when I finally meet Mrs Slish. How did I end up here. I don't know Ya'll. All I can say is the worst kind of crack is the one between a woman's legs. You'll do and say just about anything to get it.


Friday afternoon I go to the pysche unit of my hospital. Why? CAUSE THATS WHAT I DO!!! Talk to crazy people all day and ask them all kinds of stupid questions they couldn't possible answer. Like where do you live ? They don't know THEY CRAZY!!!! and whom ever they were living with previously. Put them out and moved faaaar away. Why ? CAUSE THEY CRAZY!!!.

I'm walking through the ward trying to avoid any eye contact. You let that happen and its over for you. These deranged mutha f@#%&kas start asking you all kinds of silly shit. "Are you my daddy" "The devil speaks to me does he speak to you" "Can you get me out " The answer to all these questions. HELL NO!!!! HELLLLLL NO!!!!

I see my friend. The married woman from last week Friday. No she's not a patient. She works there. " Hey sexy " I say " Whats poppin" Maaaaan why do I open my mouth sometimes. MT3(mother of 3) thats what we'll call her for now. Goes into this whole Jerry Springer moment. Her husband is trying to justify getting another woman pregnant. Both daughters are physically fighting one another on a daily basis. The husband is saying everything is her fault. Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah. Being the nice guy that I am. I nod and pretend i'm listening. Then I hear her say. " I wish I could find someone to be with. Might help me cope with things better" She looks at me as the tears start to well up in the corners of her eyes. Thats my cue GOTTA GO!!!! "Slish call me" she says I say "What for" "To talk" she says. "Hmmmmm i'll think about it " and kept it moving.

I leave work around 5pm . Drop off my coworker Oldschool, Go home, change into some sporty Slish wear and head downtown to my afterwork jump off.

Crowd seems light tonight. I think to myself. "I'll be drinking hennessy to keep my ass from getting depressed that this place is practically empty. Bartender hands me my drink Whew!! this shit is strong. I LIKE IT!!! Then I see this woman sitting by herself writing in a notebook & drinking a glass of straight hennessy no ice. That peaked my interest. I watch her for a while. Ya know the way most stalkers do. I make my move. " Are you a reporter?" I know that shit was corny but I was tipsy. She answers "No" . " food critic" she starts to smile and says "no". "You depressed. Writing in your little notebook before you kill yourself" The ice is broken she starts to laugh and I buy her another glass of hennessy.

The interregation starts. I find out she's an employed part time student living with a man she no longer wants to be with. Turns out she's waiting for someone. I ask "Your Man " she squinches up her face and says "no" "Who then." I ask "Some guy i've been seeing on and off behind my mans back". I think to myself this gal sounds like trouble but i'm a glutton for punishment and push on with the convo anyway. Backstabber starts to interrogate me now. When I tell her what my stats are 36, no kids, don't live with my mama & gainfully ermployed . The body language changes. I sense and opening and ask for her number. She gives me that are you hitting on me look . I say " Thats right i'm hitting on you now me give your number before your second boyfriend shows up" she laughs and gives me the digits. Mr Slish strikes again.

10:30 pm I leave my spot and head uptown to meet Harlem Nites at Mocha's. I get there about 11pm.

I'm inside now. I look around for my fix and spot her in the corner doing the Beyonce Booty Dance. I call Harlem Nites over to me & whisper in her ear " You are no longer allowed to watch MTV or Bet" she laughs. I ask " What time we leaving " She says why you horny and plants a wet one on me. Guess we're not leaving now. I sit down and continue to watch her shake her money maker. Then I notice " Harlem ain't got no ass". She turns around and I see her claim to my fame those ta's ta's . That last thought. Forgotten. We bounce and head to her place.

It just keeps calling me and calling me.

I leave my second parttime job. Get in the car. I'm fiending for some 80's rb . So I start going through my mini cd collection in my ride. Come across a cd I mixed called Disco Heaven. Its time to go back waaaayyy back.

I'm driving now. Cd is bumping I think to myself "damn I'm good". Then I here this song "I've got my eyes on you and I'm checking you out" sing along now "I've got my eyes on you and i'm checking you out" YA 'll REMEMBER THAT SONG!!!!! probably not. Anyway first time I heard that song I was at Skate Key standing by the area where roller skates got returned. Saw a girl from my block standing on the wall looking at this guy as he was walking by. Then that song comes on. She mouths the words to that song " I've got my eyes on you and i'm checking you out ". Now I'm peeping this and my 15 year old ok maybe 16 year old ass is thinking to myself " That was some sexy shit " dude walks over and they start kicking it. Since then i've always liked that song.

Skate Key was like a coming of age for me. I learned how to skate, dance & ask the girls to dance. Ya'll remember. Tap the girls on the back and start moving. That was how the fellas did it back then. If you got seven girls to dance with you it was like getting some pussy. YOU WERE THE MAN!!!!! If you got a number or should I say digits. YOU WERE A GOD !!!!! The first pick up line I ever heard was at The Key. Funny thing was that it was used on my girlfriend (soulmate) at the time. I'm putting on my sneakers to leave and she's standing alone by the lockers about a few feet away . I notice this guy walking up to her. He hands her a penny . I'm thinking " What kind of dumb shit was that " Then he says " A Penny For Your Thoughts " Shit that was kinda smooth. Couldn't be mad at that. Lucky for me he was ugly. So I took out a piece of paper and wrote it down. Ya neva know.

Enough of me reminiscing. Today I went to see Lady Di. Thats right i've given my new lady friend her official blog name. We're in her office watching the new R. Kelly video in the closet. By the way video is HOT!!! Then I get that urge again. Must be some Hatian Voodoo.. why do I keep wanting to feel this woman up in her office. Its like I have to sit on my hands. Anyway we chat some, flirt some , & smooch some then I leave.


Back at the office now. I check my email. Brown Suga sends me some sick email she claims only I would enjoy. She was right as usual. I give her a call. Say some slick shit. BooyaaaH !! I get in invitation for dinner on Sunday. Catch is. Brotha Slish promises to cook . Hope she has some Tums.


Stay tuned.....


By the way I appreciate all the positive energy I've been recieving. I'll try and keep the stories coming as they pop into my head... latuh

I took the day off today. Car needed to be serviced. My trip to Jamaica had to be paid in full. Ez pass was replenished. I'd say my day was not wasted sitting in front of the tele.

Heard Little Kim got a year in jail for keeping her mouth shut. White folks don't understand. Black people are conditioned to keep their mouths shut. When slaves ran away and one would get caught. He or she didn't rat on the ones that got away. What difference would it make they're asses got whupped anyway. Why tell. Its the new millenium now and shit is a little different. Rat someone out now get yo ass killed. In my eyes she did nothing wrong.

Called my soulmate today. Part of my " I'm not jealous that you got back with your man phone calls. I tell her whats been going on with me and ask whats new with her. She tells me since she got back with Doctor Do Little and I mean that literally. He's been too busy to spend time with her. Do Little strikes me as one of those guys who wants the title but not the responsibility. Probably suffers from penis envy. No other penis is gonna make my woman happier than me...lol Foolish man. He must not have read the second entry of my blog. Hee hee.

Today was slow not much happened. Oh this just in!!!!! Bashment gyal & Mr.Venom are no longer hanging out. Reason unknown. Well i'm sure Thomas Edison didn't create the light bulb in one day. We'll try again Venom.


I'm sleepy nite yall

Just when you think your life can't get any more complicated. My ex girlfriend The Bugger calls me about 11:45 pm last night. She needs a ride home from the airport. Her dad was scheduled to pick her up but got into car accident leaving her stranded. Since our break up the interaction between us has not been very positive. I do the right thing anyway and head to Laguardia.


I arrive in a timely fashion and explain to her before we pull off that she would no longer refer to me as a selfish, insensitive & uncaring bastard. You should have seen the last email she sent to me it was brutal. She agrees to the selfish part but wouldn't give me the other two.

Conversation is pleasant on the way home. She just bought a house in Dallas & her boyfriend proposed marriage to her over the weekend. Now I know what your thinking. WHERE THE HELL IS HER BOYFRIEND? and why didn't her pick her up ? Well its not because she finds me so irresistable. Her boyfriend is at their new home in Dallas. So I ask her if she's in a better place now and does she still think I was wrong for ending our relationship. Even with her new found happiness she still finds a way to stick it to me. Calls me a coward for leaving her and the only way i'll be able to keep a woman is if learn to listen better. I hear just fine people. We had such a toxic relationship I just got used to tuning her ass out. Now after all of this I manage to keep my cool and look at the bigger picture. The Bugger is his problem now . I smile to myself and continue to drive .


This morning when I wake up. I realized the Bugger still has my name on her vehicle. I think to myself she's engaged now let her fiance be her cosigner. The call is made. " Bugger Ya think you can find a way to get my name off that car" She breaks into tears over the phone babbling about she can't handle this right now and hangs up on me. This chick is cwazy !!!!. She leaves me a voicemail an hour later. She apologizes for her outburst and wants me to call her. My curiosity gets the best of me and I do just that. The Bugger tells me she went to her doctor today. Her heart has grown larger and is not able to function properly she may require a new one. She now has to come to grips with the fact that her life may be shortened with our without the transplant.

Do you see how things can change just like that. Nothing else matters now. The car her animosity towards me. Doesn't matter. I'll be there for her if she wants. Not cause I feel guilty its just the right thing to do. Its clear to me now that our differences have been worked out its just sad it took something this drastic to make that happen.

So anyone you've had a little or big argument with . If its in your heart to forgive then do so. Life is to short to hold on to bullshit. You don't want your last memories of that person to be negative.

NOW EVERYBODY GROUP HUG!!!!!!!!!

Fourth of July is just not the same. I remember back in the day. I would be on my 3rd BBQ for the day or hosting my own event. This year something was planned but my buddy Corporate America suggested we scale it out down. Have a little get together at his penthouse. Thats right I said penthouse. Corporate America is very successful. Engineering degree from Drexel & an MBA from Wharton school of business. Funny when we first met I didn't take him as the egg head type. I thought school was an after thought to him. Back in the day he could party. When the hell did he have time to study?

I get to Corporate America's place about 10pm . I would have been there earlier but Entourage was on and I had to pick up our buddy Dough Boy. As Dough Boy and I are walking through the parking lot we see a Benz followed by a 84 or 85 bmw driven by two attractive sista's. They drove by like they were looking for someplace to park. Something inside told me I would see them again.

I'm in the Shangrai La now. I greet Corporate America's new love interest The Consultant. Didn't expect to see her. Thought she was away on business. Anyhow i'm glad she's here. Corporate America will be too busy entertaining her and won't have anytime to heckle me about my Saturday night meltdown with Hot Mama.

15 minutes later guess who comes strolling into the living room with Corporate America. The sista's from the parking lot. Introductions are made. I take a closer look at one of them and my slish sense starts to tingle. Where do I know this sista from. Its got to be from television. The spots I frequent never have women of this calibur just sitting around all willie nillie. Then it hits me. In 2002 I kinda got hooked on this metro t.v reality series called Living Single In The City. She was one of the women featured on the program. I pull Corporate America to the side and tell him what my slish sense has just discovered. He say's ask her. I'm like its not that deep brah. Fuggetaboutit.


We all go out to the deck. Dough Boy is about to get his burn on with the steaks we bought. I hand Coporate America a mixed cd to lighten up the mood. Cd starts to play . Ms. sex in the city is grooving to my beats. Then Corporate asks her about all the things I whispered to him earlier. Turns out my Slish sense is sharp as ever. I ask a few questions about the show. She answers everything politely and thanks me for watching. Now I didn't forget about her girlfriend the Author. Turns out she co wrote a book called The Bap Handbook(random House). So far i'm spending my evening with two quasi celebrities. This might turn out to be an interesting evening.

Hour or so later the Sangria has everybody bubbling. Corporate America is attempting to embarass me in public as usual. But I cut him off at the knees he can't make fun of me If I'm already ragging on myself. Takes the bite out of it.

So far Sex in the city and The Author find my stories quite entertaining. They were probably laughing with me or at me the whole time. I was too tipsy to tell the difference. But I did enjoy their company . Now your probably wondering if got a phone number. The answer is HELL NO!!!!! Should have tried though. Would have added more comedy to my weekend if I had been shot down.

I'm at my 3rd job today. Don't do much while I'm here. No supervisor, no coworkers, just me, cd 101 and my thoughts. This is the perfect weekend gig. Can't believe I get paid to do this shit. Kinda feel guilty when I get my pay stub.

So Friday afternoon I got a phone call from Hot Mama. Brief history. I met Hot Mama about 2 weeks after I broke up with my girlfriend sooooo that would be Feb of 2004 . Physical description age 33, 5'5, brown complexion, Perky upper body whole lot of energy. Been chasing this woman on and off for about a year now. Why has it taken me so long? Well. Hot mama has two kids!!! Making it very hard to plan any kind of romantic outing. But despite those obstacles we've managed to maintain somewhat of a platonic relationship.

We made plans to get together on Saturday. Which was last night. Hot Mama lives in Peekskill. Since that is quite a hike for me we usually meet at the Cross County Mall. She parks her car there and I drive to whatever spot I think might get me closer to my goal. Tonight I decide to go back to where it all began The G-bar. Our first date was there. We walk in. My devious ass knows exactly where to sit. Lounge area couch by the door side by side. I think to myself "this will get me closer to my goal" Hot Mama's usual drink of choice is white wine but white wine is not going to get me closer to my goal. I decide to take control because tonight DAMNMIT is MY NIGHT!!!!!. I suggest the Mojito. Sweet but lethal. Two of those and everything coming out of my mouth will sound like poetry. I'm evil I know. But desperate times calls for desperate measures.

An hour goes by and my plan seems to be working. I'm flowin , my jokes are on point and i'm gently caressing parts of her anatomy to let her know that tonight is MY NIGHT!!!! I go to the bartender to settle up my tab. Walk back over to Hot Mama and ask " what would you like to do next " not to be transparent I suggest we go to a comedy show. She says " No we can go to your place" Oh shit did she say what I think she said. Mind you I have tried this formula on hot mama many many times before and she would just BRUSH HER SHOULDERS OFF !!!.

We leave. On the drive to my place. I remember that my place is not really my place. My aunt owns the house and I reside in her basemant apt rent free. The conditions were that I could not have any overnight guests. My aunt thinks i'm a manwhore therefore this little rule was set into place to curtail my activities. But tonight was MY NIGHT!!! F$%&K the rules.

We're in my humble space now. I keep the lights out cause I know its a messy world I live in. I go to the bathroom. Come back out. Her sandals are off and she is on my couch looking like okay nigga whatcha gonna do now. I think to myself " Its time to make the donuts " The heavy petting and breathing begins. We tussle for a while . I do somethings to her she doesn't do anything to me. We get down to injection time and my needle decides to have a malfunction. Not once but twice. I think to myself " Why is this happening!!!!! This must be a sign, Can't get lucky two nights in a row Slish, remember Harlem Nites. Typical R kelly moment but in reverse. My Body was telling me yes but my mind was telling me no.

Hot Mama gets dressed but she doesn't seem upset. I apoligize for not rising to the occasion. She responds with that typical female response "Its okay sometimes those things happen" Somebody just knock me the f&$%K out right now. Please!!!!!

I drive her back to her ride. We kiss each other good bye. As soon as she gets into her car I call my boy Corporate America. I tell him what happened. He says "Well look at the bright side" then he pauses and says " There is none" and starts laughing. What lesson did I just learn people? Never call your boys for emotional support they'll let you down everytime.

Last night was a bust. No money made just money spent. This after work party I host weekly will have to come to an end. I'm losing money and thats not cool. Only consolation is that i'm not losing it alone . I have partners. Told Partner # 1 DS3 if things don't improve by the end of August I'm out. To my surprise he didn't protest. I guess having light pockets is getting to his ass too.

Tell you the truth. The night wasn't a total bust. My homegirl Churchmouse came through. She was looking very tasty. Dat booty was looking miiiighty fiiine. She used to have a little pop booty. Now she has this round I want you to sit on my lap type ass. Oops did I just say that. Now Churchmouse has always been cute even thought about dating her once maybe twice, but it wouldn't work known her too long and she's saved. If I stepped into a church now the roof might cave in. So for the sake of mankind. I have decided to let God find her a suitable mate. I hope its soon cause if I see that booty again I might... I might... I might...Have to touch it(whisper).


I headed out the door of my afterwork spot about 11pm. Bashment Gyal who stopped by needed a lift uptown so she came with me. Once I got into my car I called Harlem Nites to see if we were still on for tonight. She answered and told me to pick her up at Mocha's thats a nice little lounge in Harlem. I'm hyped now cause this means my night won't be a total waste after all. I dropped bashy off and headed towards Mocha's. As i'm waiting outside the bar for Harlem Nites to come out. I see this niiiice looking caramel sister in a short jeans mini skirt crossing the street. I take a closer look. DAMN!!!! Its someone I know & she's married . I tell ya I am not safe in this city. Does her husband know she stepped out of the house looking so whats the word SINGLE ???!!!!! Anyway I called out to her and she came to the car. She asked what I was doin out here. I responded "creepin" She laughs , introduces me to her friend and asks if i'm coming inside I tell her no . We say our goodbyes & she walks towards Mocha's. Then the strangest thing happened as she's walking away. This married woman turns around, gives me this knowing smile like she knows what I'm thinking. Now I would have been offended if what I was thinking wasn't true...lol

Harlem nites comes out. As she's walking towards the car. I start to think to my self why am I here? Then thoughts about the last time we were together pop into my mind. I get a chill and remember why i'm here. Harlem nites has become like crack to me. I know its bad but can't seem to stop myself. Now every brotha at one time or another has had a woman like Harlem Nites. The only way the madness stops is when both parties fall in love with each other or other people..lol We get to her apt. Watch a little T.V , talk about how great Luther was, wonder who the next baby maker is going to be and fondle each other until the wee hours of the morning.

Daylight. I look over. Harlem Nites is knocked the f&*%$k out. I pat myself on the back. Get up take a shower with some organic mint soap she had. Shit smelled like pinesol. Then I start to think to myself again. Why am I here. There is no future with this woman. Then it hits me. I need to fall in love.